#lgbtissue

There has never been a better time to explore who you are. Never in my almost 50 years has the world been so accepting. Yes. There is still an awful lot of work to be done, yes homophobia is alive and well and poisoning society in some areas, but in comparison to when I grew up? This is a freer time.

When I went to school no one was gay. Well that’s an obvious lie because of course they were, but no one was out and gay. I cannot think of one single person from my school days who was out. I remember finding out after we left someone was gay and it wasn’t a supportive rumour, it was mocking yet looking back it was obvious she was in turmoil. Being gay was something to be ashamed of, it wasn’t spoken about and it wasn’t acceptable in a lot of homes. For me it meant denying part of denying who I was. It meant marriage and babies and doing the ‘normal’ things that were expected of me by society and by my parents. When my first marriage ended and I had a chance to explore who I was, I still didn’t. My mum was still alive and she expressed nothing but bigotry towards the gay community. The HIV epidemic didn’t help matters. I don’t think it was her fault, she was just born in a different time. She was ill informed. She wasn’t openly homophobic - as long as it wasn’t me lol. So again I lurched in to another heterosexual relationship because that’s what was expected. Zoom forward 20 years, and a prolific 20 years for the gay movement, two decades where the lgbtqi community have fought and won SO many battles, where drag queens are worshipped and crowned and not hidden away in seedy bars like something shameful, where regular tv shows have a rainbow of sexualities and genders and the movies embrace all, more importantly where two PEOPLE who love each other can marry regardless of who those two people are, the same tax allowances as ‘traditional’ married couples, the freedom to walk hand in hand and kiss in public and to just BE.

Zoom me forward 20 years and I have a son (well I have 3 sons but the lessons I’ve learned from the other two are very different!) A son who has taught me more about self acceptance, gender dysmorphia, gay rights, the struggle that is still ever present in the trans community (because it’s ok to be gay now but still so very difficult to be trans) and everything else in between.

At 47 I think I’ve realised I have no attraction to men. Well that’s not strictly true, I can see beauty in men, but that spark? Not any more. I question if I ever did at all and was I just following some predetermined road that I felt I had no control over, or has 17 years of slow systematic psychological abuse that has stripped me to my core played its part. I haven’t labelled myself with anything because I don’t know who I am, I’m too afraid to say I’m gay, too damaged to attempt a relationship, too old to not know who I really am.

This is why it’s SO important for you all to find yourselves when you’re younger, so you grow knowing what’s important to you and what challenges you face, so you don’t miss your chance and true happiness, so you can educate the people in your lives who may not understand, so you can keep pushing for equality.

So for any/all of you that have questions about LGBT issues that you may want to ask anonymously or would like to know more about, post them here! I will answer them either here on my blog, or on ask.fm, or both! I want to know what you are curious about and I want to makes sure we all have our facts straight!