#queersupport

Hello friends,

I'm a queer, regenerative farmer, running a diversified, collaborative farm. We've been in business for 25 years; I've been manager for 3. One year ago, my mother, who ran the greenhouse and plant side of things, passed away from complications with her Myasthenia Gravis. Since then, I've had to scale down, step back, and give myself and my father, who works alongside me, some time to grieve and reorient ourselves. I am transitioning the farm to one that works within the gift economy, sharing food, labor and building community.

All of this has taken time, and taken funds that we haven't had the capacity to replenish. And so now, after years of giving away food and creating a sanctuary here, we need your help.

This isn't a farm fundraiser - I just need some money to purchase heating oil, firewood and pay for the repairs to my furnaces. It's 5F as I type this, and we're running out of fuel. Our county has no more emergency heating funds left.

I know everyone says this, but every bit does help. All we need is a hand up, to help us hold on as we adjust to our new reality and new farm.

Thank you, and much love,

Milkweed

P.S. If you'd like to explore our work, and see that we truly are committed to our community-building mission, you can check out our blog at The Bittersweet-Milkweed Collaborative Substack.

I've been asked to add a Venmo or Paypal account to this, so here's my Venmo: we're @MilkweedTussockTubers, www.venmo.com/u/MilkweedTussockTubers

And Paypal is: @milkweedtussocktuber

Hey! I'm Riven. I'm a trans + disabled artist and I'm trying like hell to get my family out of the U.S.

Even if all you can do is reblog, PLEASE REBLOG!

The U.S. is quickly becoming terrifying. It's been put on a human rights watchlist for how quickly our rights are being decimated. They're already making it difficult to get OUT of -- not into -- the U.S. I'm terrified that, if we don't get out ASAP, we won't be able to because the government won't let people leave. I have a 10-year-old daughter whose future is quickly becoming terrifying in this country, with abortion bans, a governmental push against birth control (with a dumb ass president who thinks 'the rhythm method' is a remotely viable method of birth control!), etc.

I qualify for a DAFT visa to the Netherlands, which would sponsor both my kids and my spouse.

The problem?

We, like MANY people in the U.S., live paycheck to paycheck. We barely scrape by. We have minimal support (literally just my mother-in-law and her husband, who are also far from well-off; she's a gas station manager and he works in a factory), as well, so saving up the amount we need is just not going to happen. We need help.

So, I started up a GoFundMe in the hopes that people can help us get a leg up so we can GET OUT of here!

It would take only 4000 people donating the minimum of $5 to hit our goal. My Tumblr is small, but I'm posting this across multiple platforms (including my TikTok which has 25k followers, though admittedly is being massively shadowbanned lately), so I believe it's doable if it just gets in front of enough eyes!

My GoFundMe

Cash App/Venmo: $RivenWren + @/RivenWren

My Patreon (just $1/mo. min.! pay-what-you-want style)

Moving Wishlist

My Carrd with ALL My Other Links

Seeing “Gender Identity Disorder” on my chart. 

Since coming out and living my true life I’m 10x healthier than I was. I exercise daily. I hydrate. I adhere to a sleep schedule. I socialize. And that’s an illness?

Like, no, I get it, I’m taking a medication (testosterone) to change something that is wrong with my body (estrogen), it just feels surreal to be diagnosed with an identity disorder.

My identity isn’t a disorder. I know damn well who I am. I’m Michael. I’m a guy. My identity isn’t the issue. In fact I’m so confident in my identity that I shaped up and started getting physically and emotionally fit.

I feel “Gender Identity Disorder” is more appropriate for someone currently questioning their identity, someone uncertain about the medical or emotional steps they want to take in order to reach their undetermined goal. I think that at one point in time, it would have been fair to say I had Gender Identity Disorder because I was a teenager, and wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be a girl or a boy or both or neither. Now that I know, it really doesn’t apply, at least not practically.

12/22/17

This post is for allies of transgender friends and family.

One thing I’ve learned since transitioning is that sometimes, even our friends, family, or other allies are afraid to ask us questions because you don’t want to offend us. I just want to say that I understand that sentiment, allies. On one hand, for folks to learn about transgender lifestyle, questions must be asked; I firmly believe that the best educational tool in any culture, not just trans folk, is to talk to someone from that culture directly and get to know them. But within the LGBTQ+ community there is also the stance that it is no one person’s job to educate others, which is also true. Think of it this way:

What stands out about you most? Do you have a unique name, and if so, how many times every day do people say “Wow, your name is really Crystal Ball?!” Do you have green hair? “So, is your hair natural? Ha ha ha!” Do you work in customer service? “There was no price tag on this, does that mean it’s free?” These questions, comments, or jokes aren’t innately bad, but they are tedious. They’re questions that people get asked day in and day out. That’s what the last year of my life has been like for me. “So when did you know you were trans? Why did you pick the name Michael? How’s testosterone treating you?” 

Again, these aren’t bad questions. In fact it’s nice when folks check up on me. But you have to understand that when people constantly ask me questions about transitioning, I feel like one of my defining qualities is that I’m transgender. My goal isn’t to be “transgender,” it’s to be Michael, a normal guy who’s into writing and cats, who works at an office, who enjoys volunteering in the community, whose favorite video game is Fallout, who likes upbeat music, exercise, and travel. 

So the question is: when is it okay to ask a trans person about being trans? #1. First, just say “Hey, is it alright if I ask you some questions about transitioning?” 

#2. If they say “no,” then leave it at that. But how should you cope if they say no? We are a culture who has been conditioned to feel a nasty twinge in our stomachs whenever we’re bluntly told no. It doesn’t feel good. This is one of those moments where you need to realize that this isn’t a personal affront to you; it’s about someone preserving their mental health. That person may have been asked the same question by three other people that day. They may be having an awful day because people keep commenting on their being trans instead of their kind heart or their diligence at work, things that really matter. You are not an asshole for asking. Just say “okay!” and move on. If they do say yes...

#3. Don’t ask them in public. Any personal questions, trans or not, should be asked privately. They may also not be “out” yet, and the knowledge you have about them may not be intended for the public. Just keep it on the downlow and ask them privately.

#4. Don’t ask them something you wouldn’t ask your coworker, neighbor, teacher, or pastor! Trans people are just people. Would you go up to your coworker and suddenly ask her if she plans on having kids? If she’s going to get her tubes tied? How big her breasts are? Would you go up to your pastor and ask him about his genitals? Trans people are not an exception to this because they are trans. The bottom line is that they’re people, and personal questions are just that, personal. #5. What topics are typically considered “too personal”? Anything involving genitals, like top or bottom surgery. Anything involving breasts like chest-binding, mastectomies, etc. Anything involving fertility, like “What about having kids? Don’t you want to give birth?” That is their business, not yours. Also, I advise against asking them what their “birth name” is. In trans culture, that’s called a “dead name” for good reason; it’s been laid to rest. Our birth names are a shackle that we’ve broken through endurance, and the name has been buried. It needs to stay dead. No room for zombie names here.

#6. What is generally appropriate to ask? Pronouns. It’s always good to know someone’s pronouns. Ask “what are your pronouns” instead of “what are your preferred pronouns” because it’s not a preference, they’re just our pronouns. It’s good to ask if they’re out publicly, or if they’d rather keep it on the downlow for now. For example, if you’re talking to a 17 year old girl and she tells you she’s trans but says she isn’t out to her parents yet, it’s VERY important to keep that between the two of you. Her parents could be abusive, throw her out of the house, cut her off financially, any number of things. If you out her, you may potentially be putting her at risk. Another good thing to ask is “How can I be supportive to you?” or anything with that sentiment. Trans folk need love and support. Ask how you can be available. Keep communication open. Tell them when you don’t understand something, like vocabulary they use. 

I’ve officially been on T for a year! I’m not sure what to say besides I’m so relieved I went in for my initial consult. The me who, a little over a year ago, made that post saying man I really need to schedule that appointment feels almost like another person. Maybe not another person. Just a more confused, insecure person. If I could sit down with one-year-ago-me I would tell him that I’m proud he made the appointment because it was completely worth it :) If you’re reading this because you’re FtM, nonbinary, or a friend or family member of someone trans, here’s what a year’s progression of taking testosterone is like.

First, keep in mind that results are different for everyone. For example, if you’re nonbinary and microdosing on testosterone, results will be different than someone on a standard dose. And even the results of a standard dose vary from person to person because of genetics.

1 DAY - About 24 hours after my first dose, I had a sex drive for the first time in years. My sex drive skyrocketed for about the first 6 months and then evened out a little. It’s very healthy now.

1 MONTH - My energy level was a lot better. I have a chronic illness and I found that I was able to exercise, sleep and eat better. I’m not sure how much of that was just because of the hormones or because I was starting to feel more confident. I think it was a little of both. Looking forward to “passing” has definitely motivated me to try to stay fit. Also, my clitoris enlarged about half the size of what it is now which is about an inch.

1-2 MONTHS - My voice started cracking. I stopped being able to sing. Throat was sore sometimes. It took about 6-8 months for my voice to reach its current pitch. It hasn’t deepened in a few months so it might be done. Appetite started changing; wanted less carbs, more veggies and protein. About 50% of people called me ma’am on the phone, and almost every stranger called me “ma’am/she/her” in public.

3-6 MONTHS - Lots and lots of ass and leg hair. Increased pubic hair. Fat started redistributing. Slimmed out a little, became less hourglass shaped and more rectangular. Fat in my face redistributed and I started to have a more noticeable jaw. Processing my feelings and expressing them became more difficult in part due to hormones and in part because I wasn’t sure how I wanted to present myself. Had to deeply reflect on positive masculinity and what that meant to me. A few strangers at drive-thrus and in stores would call me “he/him.” Nobody “ma’amed” me over the phone anymore. Calves became pretty defined.

6ish MONTHS - Started getting compliments on my forearms which I gratefully took lol. Started noticing that things like my forearms and hands looked more masculine and had more defined veins. About half of strangers would call me “he/him.” Started to get belly hair.

10 MONTHS - Started really noticing my sideburns coming in. Strangers stopped “ma’aming” me, exclusively called sir in public. All acquired fat started going to my gut...hooray. My hips and ass drastically squared out. Started to get my first few light blond chin hairs. Cried for the first time since starting testosterone, not for lack of wanting to, just the way the hormones worked with me.

1 YEAR, current! - I have a very, very light blond 5 o’clock shadow, moustache and chin hair. It is visible in photographs. My sideburns are still coming in and they’re thick. Starting to get chest hairs. Face is much more masculine compared to older photos. 

Oooobbbbbviously my testosterone is working. That’s what guys do right, dig holes? 

But seriously I’m proud of myself. Manual labor has always freaked me out, not because of the strength it takes or anything but because I don’t know much about handyman work. I told my boss I was hard up for cash right now so he hired me to come lay some pipe in his yard.

He’s installing an irrigation system and he already has a bunch of pipe laid across his yard in trenches but he has this bit of sidewalk coming off of his back porch with a need for some piping underneath. My job was to dig a hole under the sidewalk, which meant having a serrated PVC pipe and twisting that sonofabitch deeper and deeper until it popped out the other side. Attached a hose to the PVC pipe so it was basically a water drill. TONS of rock under the sidewalk so it took some real doing. But I did it :) 

I finished the job, laid the pipe and installed wiring. He tipped me in more money and fresh oranges and beer. I haven’t had a beer since March. Took a shower and drank a beer, and it was the best damned shower beer I’ve ever had.