#lf63

Luca stared at his reflection in the mirror, fumbling with his tie. The fabric felt like a noose around his neck, tightening with every twist. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. The cologne he had picked up off Mark’s dresser smelled faintly of his own grandfather's pipe tobacco, and he hoped it would be a good omen for the evening ahead. His date was a woman named Elena, someone he had met through an app. They had talked for a few weeks now, sharing laughs and stories, but now that the day to go out was here, he felt like he was about to step into a minefield blindfolded with extra phalanges attached to him.

He checked his phone one last time. No messages from Y/N, his best friend. Her absence today was a bitter reminder of how every time he goes out with someone he thinks of her. His mind floods with what could bes if he would just tell her. If he would just let their relationship move over their line of friendship. Y/n and Luca already have many memories of shared jokes, quiet moments, and the way she looked at him when she thought he wasn't watching. Luca had been on numerous failed dates over the semester, all in an attempt to fill the gaping hole that was meant for her. All dates ending early because Luca couldn’t find the heart to stay when his heart wasn’t in it.

It was all so infuriating, but tonight he was determined to put the thoughts aside. If Y/n could put him to the side the whole day, he could put her to side.

The doorbell rang, and Luca took one last deep breath before opening the door to greet Elena. She was beautiful, with a smile that could light up the room.

‘Sure, it could lighten up the room, but could it lighten the darkest of rooms?’ Luca’s thoughts pierced through the barricades he tried so desperately to place for the evening.

Luca discreetly swallowed and tried to ignore the pang of guilt in his chest as he led her to the car.

‘You can’t do this again. Don’t do this again.’

Those words echoed through Luca’s mind as he reached the car. Before Elena could even get her hand on the door handle, he turned to face her with a heavy heart. The streetlights cast an orange glow on her puzzled expression, and he felt the weight of his confession pressing down on him like a boulder. “Elena, wait please.” Luca’s voice wasn’t as strong as it usually was and he mentally cursed himself.

Elena paused, looking at him with genuine concern. “Is everything okay, Luca?”

For a moment, Luca wavered, unsure of how to explain the tornado of emotions swirling inside him. But then, the words spilled out like water from a broken dam. “I’m sorry, Elena. I know we were looking forward to this, but I can’t do this. I can’t go out with you, knowing that all I’ll do is compare you to someone else. It’s not fair to you, and it’s definitely not fair to me.” His eyes searched hers, hoping she’d understand.

Elena studied him, her smile fading into a look of quiet contemplation. Then, she sighed and took his hand, leading him back towards the apartment. “Come on, let’s talk,” she said gently. The warmth of her touch was surprisingly comforting, but it only served to amplify the ache in his chest.

Inside the air was thick with unspoken truths and the scent of Elena’s perfume seemed to cling to the walls, a testament to their failed attempt at a normal evening. After turning on lamps and grabbing them both bottles of water, Luca took a seat on the recliner, feeling the leather conform to his tense body. Elena took a seat opposite him on the couch, her eyes never leaving his.

“Who is she?” Elena asked, her voice soft. It was the question Luca had been dreading, but now that it was out there, why keep it in anymore?

“Her name’s Y/N,” Luca began, his throat dry. He could chug his water and his throat would remain dry.

He watched as Elena nodded, she had her ideas about this. The way he spoke about y/n when they talked prior to tonight gave indications.

He took a deep breath, his heart thumping in his chest like a drum. Beating so intensely all he could hear was the sound of the lub and dub of his heart. “Y/N is... she’s the person who knows me better than anyone else. She’s seen me at my worst and still sticks around. She laughs at all my jokes, even the terrible ones. She’s the first person I call when something amazing happens, or when I need to rant about my day. And every time I go out with someone else, it’s like I’m cheating on her, because all I can think about is her. Whenever the food is ordered I’m still ordering food I know she’s going to eat because she always orders something new and ends up hating it, so I have to eat her’s and I give her what she really wanted. I think about the way she’d laugh at the same story, or how she’d look at me in that perfect moment when I know she’s listening, really listening, to every word I say. How I always seem to catch her looking at me and she’ll turn a little bit red, then try to deny that she was looking. It’s like I’m constantly holding onto this hope that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way too. And I know that’s not fair to you, or to any of the other girls I’ve gone out with, but it’s just... she’s different, Elena. She’s the air I breathe and the reason I wake up every morning. I can’t help it. She has become so much more than just my best friend. She’s... she’s like a piece of me that I didn’t know was missing until I found her… A piece that’s actually been missing from today and my whole day feels empty. I feel empty.”

Elena’s expression softened as she listened, her eyes filling then spilling over with a few tears. She herself knowing all too well how he was feeling. Elena experiencing the same feelings, only her best friend is already in a relationship. She’s pining for someone completely unattainable.

The room was so quiet, it was as if the air itself was holding its breath, waiting for her response. She leaned all the way back into the couch, her hand playing with the hem of her dress. “Luca, she said, her voice a gentle caress. “You need to tell her how you feel. You can’t keep going on like this, hoping she’ll just figure it out by some miracle or waiting for some grand romantic moment to happen. Life isn’t a movie, and she may have no idea that you have the slightest bit of romantic interest in her. And if she doesn’t feel the same way, then at least you’ll know, and then you can move on. But if you don’t speak up and you keep going out like you are, you’re going to keep hurting yourself and the people you take out. It’s not fair to either of parties involved.”

Luca dropped his head into his hands and tugged at his hair, the words echoing in his mind like a caged bird desperate to escape. What if he did tell Y/N and she didn’t feel the same way? Would she look at him differently? Would their friendship survive? The thought of losing her in any capacity was too much to bear, but the heaviness of his secret was slowly suffocating him.

Elena reached over and placed a comforting hand on his knee. “I know it’s scary, Luca, but you can’t keep living like this. You’re my friend now, too, and I want to see you happy. You need to talk to her. Maybe she does feel the same, or maybe she doesn’t. But at least you’ll have the answer and you can move on from there. Whether it’s together or apart, you’ll be able to breathe again.”

Her words were like a jolt of electricity, shocking him into action. “You’re right, Elena. I can’t do this anymore. I’ll go over now. If I wait, I won’t do it. I’ve waited too long already,” Luca said, the decision made with a suddenness that surprised even himself. He stood up abruptly, the recliner rocking back and forth with the force of his retreat.

Elena nodded, her smile understanding and encouraging. “I know it’s scary, but you’ll be okay. Just go from the heart and tell her what you told me. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to start something beautiful, or to find the closure you need. Either way, you’re taking a step in the right direction.”

Luca took a deep breath, his chest tightening at the thought of what lay ahead. “Thank you, Elena. You’re a great listener, and... well, I’m sorry tonight didn’t work out the way we planned.” He offered a small, sheepish smile.

She laughed a bit and rolled her eyes reaching the front door. As she was stepping out it she waved, “Good luck Fantilli. Not that you’ll need it.”

The door shut with a gentle click, and Luca stood in the quiet embrace of the living room. His hand hovered over the screen of his phone, fingers trembling slightly. With a deep breath, he typed out a simple message: “Hey, I’m coming over.” He hit send before he could talk himself out of it, and the weight of his decision settled in his stomach like a rock.

In the hallway, he grabbed his jacket and keys, feeling the cool metal against his palm. The urgency in his step as he dashed to the car was almost palpable. His heart was racing like it was trying to escape his chest, the beat echoing in his ears. The headlights cut through the night, illuminating the path to Y/N’s apartment.

As he pulled up outside her building, Luca’s hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. The tie that had felt like a noose earlier was now a comforting reminder of his resolve. He took one long deep breath, willing the words to form in his mouth. He had rehearsed this moment in his head many times, probably each time he ended up here after each failed date. But now that it was real, his thoughts were a tangled mess.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he pulled it out with trembling hands. He had hoped for an enthusiastic response, a sign that she felt the same way. But what he saw on the screen was a single, desolate word: "Don't." His heart plummeted to his stomach, the weight of it feeling like it might drag him into the abyss. He read it over and over again, willing it to change, for it to be a typo, a misunderstanding. But the more he read it, the more real it became.

He sat in the car, his eyes glued to the door of her apartment building. The red neon sign of the pizzeria across the street flickered, casting an eerie glow over the sidewalk. The rain had started to fall, and it pattered rhythmically against the car's windshield. Luca always respected and never ignored what Y/n asked of him. But this was something that he couldn't ignore. This was about them. He had to talk to her, no matter what she said.

Pulling a shaky a deep breath in, he shoved his phone back into his pocket and stepped out into the night. The cold rain hit him like a wall, soaking through his clothes in seconds. He sprinted to the building, feeling the water seep into his shoes with every step. His heart hammered in his chest like a drummer in a rock band, setting the tempo for his chaotic thoughts.

The lobby was a welcome respite from the downpour, the warmth wrapping around him like a blanket. The scent of old carpet and faint whispers of rain-soaked earth filled the small space. He took the stairs two at a time to the third floor, his feet echoing off the walls. Each step felt like it was taking an eternity. The door to Y/N’s apartment was like a gateway to the unknown, and Luca’s hand hovered over the knocker, his heart threatening to break through his ribcage. The anticipation was a tangible force, pressing against him like the very air itself was holding its breath.

With a tremble, he brought his fist down and the sound reverberated through the corridor. The seconds that followed felt like hours, each one a silent scream in his ears. Finally, the door creaked open, and there she was, her eyes wide with surprise and a hint of annoyance. “I told you don’t come over,” she said, her voice carrying the weight of a thousand unspoken words.

Luca shivered, not just from the cold rainwater that clung to him like a second skin but from the sudden realization that this might be the moment that changes everything. He stepped closer, the droplets of water falling from his clothes creating a small puddle around his feet. “I know, I know you did, but I had to see you, to tell you something. Something I can’t keep inside anymore.”

Y/N and Luca lock eyes for only a moment. A moment is all Luca needs to notice the red discoloration and puffiness that circles her eyes. “Y/n, why have you been crying?” The words slipped out before he could stop them. The look of shock on her face was quickly replaced by one of irritation.

“That’s none of your business, Luca. What do you want?” Her voice was tight, and she held the door open only a crack. The apartment behind her was dark, save for the flicker of a TV screen.

“I know I shouldn’t have come up after you said no, but I couldn’t ignore your message. Y/N, is everything okay?” He asked again, his voice softer this time, filled with genuine concern. “Well no, clearly no everything isn’t okay.” Luca corrected running the back of his neck. “We’ve not talked all day, you didn’t respond to my texts or answer my calls. What’s going on?”

Y/N took a deep breath, the kind that fills the chest but doesn’t seem to reach the lungs. She stepped aside and opened the door wider, gesturing for him to come in. The apartment was a mess of used tissues and half-eaten takeout. It was a drastic difference to the usual pristine state she maintained. “I don’t know what to say, Luca. I’ve had a rough day, and I don’t really feel like company right now.” She said, her voice a sad whisper.

He stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room, taking in the sadness that seemed to have painted the walls a darker shade. The TV played some old sitcom, the laugh track echoing through the emptiness like a mockery of her current state. He followed her into the living room, his eyes never leaving hers. The rain had left a trail of water droplets from the door to where they now stood, a sad metaphor displayed through him for her feelings.

“You said you needed to tell me something? Something about you can’t keep it inside anymore? Must be important to come here after another date. So go on, do tell.” Y/n words barely passed over the knot in her throat, the tears in her eyes miraculously held back. Her arms were crossed over the center of her body and she was standing more to one leg than the other. She was giving Luca a look that screamed, “why are you here when you have someone else”

Luca felt his heart drop into his stomach, his earlier resolve now a distant memory. He took a step back, his hand running through his hair.

“I... I didn’t go on the date. I called it off. Because I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t pretend to be interested in someone else when all I can think about is you.” Luca gasped for air he was talking so fast. “Every laugh, every smile, every moment of connection that they claim to feel with me is a joke. Because all I want is to be with you, to be experiencing it with you, not them. You’re the one I want to share my life with, Y/N. You’re the one who gets me, who understands me, who makes me feel alive. I don’t want to live in a world where I can’t hold your hand, kiss your forehead, tell you how much you mean to me every single day. I don’t want to be just your best friend anymore. I want to be your everything, like you’re my everything. That is if you’ll let me.”

The words hung in the air like a question mark, heavy and pregnant with hope and fear. Y/N’s eyes searched his, looking for any sign of deceit, but all she found was raw honesty and pure love. And in that moment, she knew she had to tell him the truth. The tears began to flow, a river of emotions that had been damned up for so long. But she was smiling, a smile that was a battleground of happiness and sadness.

“Luca, I didn’t talk to you today because I was hoping if I didn’t and the date went bad you wouldn’t come here and get my hopes up again. I’ve been feeling the same way for a while now, but I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t want to risk losing you as a friend. You’re everything to me, Luca, but I was scared of what would happen if we tried to be more. What if we ruined what we have?” Her voice was shaky, but the words tumbled out like they had been waiting for this moment for an eternity.

Luca’s heart raced with something other than anxiety for the first time the whole day, hope. He stepped closer, taking her hand in his, feeling the warmth of her skin against his cold palm. “We won’t mess this up, I promise you. We have something real, something strong. And if, by chance, we do, we’ll fix it together, just like we do with everything else. I can’t keep pretending that I don’t want to be with you. I want to be there for you, not just as your best friend, but as your boyfriend. To hold you when you’re sad, to cuddle with you while you watch tv, to annoy you when you’re stressed, to be the first person you see when you wake up. I want you to wear my jersey to my games and make yourself a jacket for playoffs. I want all of that, Y/N. With you. And I know we can do it. We just have to trust each other and take this chance.”

She knew he was right, they had to take this risk. They had been dancing around each other for too long, afraid of what might happen if they stepped too close. But here they were, their hearts laid bare in the middle of a stormy night. “So…does this make me your girlfriend?” Y/n asked with a sly smile across her face.

“Damn right it does.” Luca beamed.

Without another word, Luca stepped forward, wrapping his arms around her in a fierce embrace. The cold, wet fabric of his shirt and tie seeped through her clothes, and she let out a squeal of surprise. “You’re going to get me soaked!” she giggled, but she didn’t pull away. Instead, she leaned into him, her hands coming up to rest on his shoulders.

The tension in the room dissipated like the storm outside, replaced by a warmth that filled every corner of the apartment. They stood there for a moment, just holding each other, feeling the beat of their hearts sync up like they had always been meant to. Then, Luca leaned down and kissed her, his lips pressing gently against hers. The kiss was soft and tentative at first, as if they were both afraid that this was another one of those fleeting moments that they’d wake up from. But as she responded, kissing him back with the same passion that had been reflected in her eyes, he knew that this was real.

They broke apart, both breathing heavily, and Y/N spoke again, her voice still shaky with emotion. “You have clothes here if you want to stay,” she said shyly, gesturing towards her bedroom door at the end of the hallway. Her offer was filled with unspoken promises of lazy mornings and shared secrets whispered in the dark.

Luca’s smile grew even wider, the corners of his eyes crinkling with happiness. “Only if you want me to stay,” he said, his voice low and earnest. He didn’t want to assume anything, not now that the walls had finally come down. His right hand moved to cup her cheek, “if I do stay, I can sleep out here like before. I want you comfortable.”

Y/N looked up at him, the sadness in her eyes slowly fading away. She nodded, her voice a soft whisper. “But I want you to stay with me. I want to wake up next to you, not just in the same apartment. I want to fall asleep listening to your breathing, knowing you’re right there beside me.” She took his hand and led him to her room, the TV faded out into the background as they disappeared down the hallway.

Luca’s smile felt like it could split his face in two. He followed her, his heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks. The room was a mess of blankets and pillows, a testament to her emotional turmoil from earlier. He took off his soaked jacket and laid it over the chair, the tie joining it like a snake shedding its skin. She handed him one of his old hockey t-shirts and a pair of shorts.

As he changed, his eyes kept darting back to her, watching her in the mirror. She was so beautiful, even in her sadness. He didn’t know how he’d ever thought he could keep his feelings hidden.

The shirt that was once too big for him, was now too small. “Uh, I don’t think this is going to work.” Luca laughed. He took it back off and tossed it over to y/n. When she put it on, the shirt went down just above midthigh. “I sleep shirtless most of the time anyways” Luca shrugged, still admiring her.

They both climbed into the bed, the mattress dipping slightly under their weight. Y/N laid her head over Luca’s heart, listening to the steady rhythm that matched her own. The rain outside had turned into a gentle pitter-patter, almost a lullaby for the two of them. “Thank you for coming over, even when I said not to,” she murmured, her voice muffled by his chest.

Luca tightened his arms around her, the warmth of her body seeping into his cold skin. “I couldn’t stay away, not when I finally grew a pair and was ready to go for what I wanted.”

They lay there, their hearts beating in a duet that filled the quiet room. The rain outside had turned into a soothing lullaby, lulling them into a peaceful silence. Y/N’s eyes grew heavy, and she nuzzled closer to Luca’s chest, feeling the comforting rise and fall of his breathing.

“Good night, Luca,” she whispered, her breath a soft caress against his skin.

He kissed the top of her head, feeling her cheek grow warmer against his chest. “Good night, pretty girl,” he murmured back, his voice thick with emotion and grogginess.