#ee73

luke hughes had been your best friend since the first grade. he was a quiet kid, smaller than most of the other boys in your grade, and he generally had trouble making friends. that was until you, as rambunctious and loud as a seven-year-old could be, found him crying under the playground slide, nursing a scraped knee. you had walked him to the nurse's office, hushing his fears with solemn swears to never leave his side, your pinky wrapped around his in oath. of course, you held true to your promise, arguing with the nurse as she attempted to send you back to class because you were nothing if not a pinky promise keeper.

after that day, luke remained glued to your side. he followed wherever you'd lead.

middle school was no different. you'd spend your evenings and weekends at the hughes' house, teaming up against jack and quinn for a game of mini sticks in the basement, or at the rink, tucked under a blanket with ellen hughes as you watched the boys play.

things didn't change. even now, enrolled at umich, you spent your evenings and weekends at the hockey house, teaming up against adam and mark for a game of beer pong, or at the rink, tucked under a blanket with some of your girls as you watched the guys on the ice.

of course, luke was a bit different now. he'd hit a growth spurt in high school, sending him heads above you. he was a bit thicker now, gaining muscle from all his time spent prepping for hockey season. he was still quiet, but he didn't struggle to make friends. people seemed to flock to him, whether it be for his nhl star brothers or that quiet charm he seemed to possess.

the lake house is alive with energy as everyone scatters about. so many friends had tagged along this year that you were starting to lose track. quinn had opted to bring some of his buddies from vancouver, jack, as always, invited trevor, cole, and alex along, and you and luke invited some of the umich boys, as well as your good friend, emma.

you're snapped out of your thoughts as the backdoor slams and ethan edwards dramatically drops the cooler he'd been carrying onto the deck. he wipes a bead of sweat from his face, panting.

ethan was one of your closest friends. you'd met through luke, of course, and hit it off almost immediately. if you weren't with luke, there was a good chance you'd be with ethan.

"man, if only i had someone to help me carry this down to the dock," he gives an exaggerated sigh, glancing over at you. you bite back a grin, staying quiet. he continues, "you know, someone really kind and helpful, and lowkey kinda hot-"

you laugh, cutting him off, "alright, alright. i get it. you get that side, i'll get this one."

as you grab the handle, ethan lets out a dramatic sigh of relief, "god, you're the best. i could kiss you on the mouth."

you snort, huffing as you pick up the cooler, "don't."

ethan grins and nods, "yes ma'am."

you make it halfway to the docks before a hand lands on your back, snatching your side of the cooler. you let out a breath, wringing out your hand from the ache of the heavy cooler.

"i got it," luke grins down at you, an easy smile that has you matching it immediately, your stomach turning in unfamiliar knots.

you huff in faux exasperation, but the grin on your face gives you away, "i had that."

luke nods, "i know, but now i've got it."

he eyes your hoodie and shorts, a soft frown pulling at his lips. "you know quinn said if we weren't ready by ten, he was leaving us on the dock."

you shoot him a look, "no, he said if you weren't ready. quinn wouldn't leave me, i'm his favorite." luke huffs, hip bumping you. ethan sighs, struggling to keep hold of the cooler.

"yeah, yeah. we get it. you're the golden child. now, if we don't get this cooler down to the dock, my arm is gonna fall off."

﹌

the boat is crowded. even with a few of the boys staying back at the house, you can't find anywhere to sit that doesn't make you feel smushed between two hockey players. finally, getting tired of watching you roam, jack pulls you down between him and luke right as quinn starts up the engine. you huff, your thighs sticky as they're trapped between the brothers'. jack's cologne floods your senses, and you make a mental note to buy him something more tolerable for christmas this year.

eventually, the boat lulls at mid-lake and the boys filter out, doing flips and tricks off the sides and into the cool water. you strip your shirt off, moving to the back of the boat to lay out across the seats for a bit.

you're half-conscious, the sun beating down on your back as you listen to the boys mess around in the water. you jump at the feeling of water droplets hitting your back and huff as you're casted in shadow.

as you glance up, you're greeting by ethan's wide grin. his hair, soaked with lake water, drips onto your back. "you're blocking my sun."

ethan just laughs, "why aren't you in the water? we're gonna play chicken."

you hum, letting your eyes flutter shut. "just wanna lay here."

ethan's quiet. he nods, moving to cram in next to you. you huff, scooting over, "what're you doing?"

he waves off some of the guys who are asking if he's playing before turning back to you. "laying with you," he says it as if it's the most casual thing in the world, as if your ass isn't pressed right up against him in the tight squeeze of the boat seats.

you give him a look, "i thought you were playing chicken?" ethan shrugs and the movement of his shoulders causes your arms to move as well. "i don't have a partner."

you laugh, nodding over to the boy perched on the side of the boat, "trevor could've been your partner."

ethan laughs, "zegras is cool, but i don't think i want his legs around my head."

you bark out a laugh and ethan does too. "around your head? i don't think you're playing chicken right."

"hey, do you wanna-" luke stops, his eyes flickering between you and ethan. his eyebrows draw together as he analyzes the way you're pressed together in tight boat seats. "oh, uh, nevermind. you look...busy."

you sit up a bit, straightening your top, "what's up, lukey?"

he grimaces a bit. "i was gonna ask you to be my partner, but it's all good. i'll ask emma." you ignore the way your chest grows tight at the thought of your friend perched on luke's shoulders, his strong hands wrapped around her thighs and her hands tangled into his curls as she fights for balance. you swallow thickly, nodding. "oh, yeah, okay."

he heads off, a bit quicker than needed, and you lay back down with ethan. he frowns, noting your odd expression, "you good?"

you nod, turning to face ethan as you attempt to drown out emma's squeals and luke's loud laughter.

﹌

the rest of your time at the lake house seems to be spent similarly. it seems that every time you go looking for luke, he's wrapped up in emma. he saves her a seat on the boat, your seat. he helps her practice her swing at the golf course. hell, he even helps her to bed one night after she's had too much to drink.

to make matters worse, emma comes to you, giggling and gossiping about how nice luke is, how much she likes him.

to soothe the ache in your heart that comes with missing your best friend, you latch onto ethan, spending most of your days in his company. it's not like he minds, the contrary, in fact. he eats up the attention. just like luke, he's saving you a seat on the boat, helping you practice your swing, and refilling your drink when it's empty.

the summer comes to an end all too soon. quinn and his friends return to vancouver, jack returns to jersey, and you and your friends return to umich for a brand new semester.

it's a welcome return, and you're optimistic that being back in ann arbour will heal whatever awkwardness is festering between you and luke.

the hockey house is different than the lake house. it's loud and rowdy, whereas the lake house aways emits a sense of peace and comfort. it's a mess and frat-like. you don't dare slip your shoes off until you're in the comfort of someone's bedroom.

nevertheless, it's become a second home, an escape from the cramped dorm-life you've grown to resent. you've never felt unwelcome there, often heading over to hang out whether luke was home or not.

this time, rather than being perched in luke's bed, watching him study plays or notes, you find yourself tucked away in ethan's. there's a respectful amount of distance between you as ethan scrolls through movies on the tv. despite being attached at the hip, you'd kept everything relatively platonic. ethan didn't make any moves, which you couldn't tell if you were grateful for or not.

ethan speaks up, breaking the quiet, "you're coming to the party on friday, yeah?"

"i didn't know you guys were throwing this weekend."

ethan finally glances over at you, bewildered. "luke didn't tell you?"

you wince.

"we haven't really..." you trail off, avoiding his gaze. ethan nods slowly, letting out a soft "oh." he doesn't push the subject, which you mentally thank him for.

"well, yeah. you should come. won't be much of a party without you."

you snort. "what? so i can keep the corner company?"

ethan sends you a light glare, "hey, you're our best mixologist. don't make me put mark on drinks duty." you giggle, cringing at the thought of whatever concoction mark would come up with.

"seriously. you should come. for the good of the community. "

you sigh, hesitating. the pleading look in his eyes makes the decision for you. "yeah, okay. i'll get here early and help set up."

ethan grins, slinging an arm over your shoulder and tugging you into his side, pressing play on the cheesy romcom he's picked, "you're a dream."

he doesn't let you go, pressing a quick kiss to the top of your head as you engross yourselves in the movie.

﹌

you push your way through the crowd of bodies, letting out a breath of relief as you make it to the kitchen. the music booms and blares from the large speakers dylan had rented earlier that day. you pour yourself another drink, lighting up as ethan wanders into the kitchen.

"eddy!" you cheer, slinging your arms around him. your drink sloshes and spills a little down his back. he grimaces, but doesn't say anything, grinning down at you.

"oh, you're drunk."

you nod, handing him a drink, "and you need to catch up."

it's not long before you're both plastered, grinding to the music that's blaring through the living room. ethan's hands are snug on your waist as your ass pushes back against him. across the room, luke watches, an ache in his chest. his arm is wrapped tight around emma's shoulders. the rest of the guys around him laugh and jest. "eddy finally got her, huh?" mark grins, watching the two of you dance. luke stiffens, his expression unreadable as he gives a jerky nod.

luke knew of ethan's crush on you. it'd been obvious since the day he introduced you, and ethan had never made any move to deny it. but watching you reciprocate his wander touches made his stomach churn.

ethan's voice is low as he mumbles in your ear, "upstairs?"

you eagerly nod, letting him pull you through the crowds of people and up to his room. ethan tugs you inside, shutting the door and locking it. you quickly push him to sit at the edge of his bed, straddling his lap.

ethan's head tilts back as you straddle him and he lets out a breathy groan. "god," he mumbles, "wanted this for so long."

you giggle, your hands tangling in his brown hair as you tug his lips down to meet yours in a messy, drunk kiss. ethan groans into your lips, his hands finding your hips. his tongue slips into your mouth, fighting with yours.

you shift, accidentally grinding against his lap. ethan freezes, letting out a strained moan. "fuck, you can't just-" his words are cut off by another groan as you rock your hips again, testing the waters.

you both pull back, eyeing each other as you pant. you lightly tug the hem of his shirt, a questioning look in your eyes. ethan nods, pulling his t-shirt over his head and tossing it away. it's your turn to groan, your nails raking down his defined chest. it's not an unfamiliar sight, but it's one you've never seen in this sort of context.

his hands guide your hips again and you let out a soft moan as the fabric of his jeans catches just right beneath your skirt. you hold your arms up, letting ethan slide your top off. he swears under his breath, his eyes glued to mounds peaking out of your black, lacy bra.

he mumbles, sliding you along his lap, "fuck, you're so gorgeous."

you whine, your hands finding the button of his jeans, "ethan, please."

he nods shakily, unbuttoning his pants and lifting his hips as you tug them down his legs. his boxers are tight, and you can see a damp spot forming right at the front. you groan, sliding your skirt off and tossing it to join the rest of your outfit on the floor.

your hands find ethan's shoulders, pushing him to lay back. he complies, laying on his back against the mattress. you align yourself over his clothed bulge, moving back and forth. ethan groans, his hands so tight on your hips, you're sure to have bruises tomorrow.

you gasp sharply as he bucks up, rutting against your clit. your voice is whiny and breathless, "fuck, eddy, like that."

his hands snake around to your bra clasp. he looks up at you with pleading eyes. "can i?" you nod, and he undoes the clasp, freeing your tits.

you continue rocking on him as he leans up, capturing your nipple in his mouth. he groans, sucking and swirling his tongue as his eyes flutter shut. your head tilts back, hands tugging in his dark hair. you can feel the familiar knot forming in your belly.

"eddy, 'm close."

he pulls away from your tit to kiss and nip at your neck, leaving behind blotchy marks. "me too," he groans, guiding your hips. it doesn't take much for your orgasm to wash over you. your hands clutch into ethan's hair, crying his name as your legs tremble. he follows suit, releasing thick ropes into his boxers with a strained whine.

you both pant, coming down. ethan grimaces at the sticky feeling beneath his boxers. he gently pulls away, kissing your head. "stay right here." you nod, laying back into his pillows, too exhausted to move much.

a few minutes later, ethan returns in a pair of fresh boxers. he hands you a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a warm washcloth. you snort out a laugh as ethan rubs the back of his neck sheepishly.

"sorry, i would do it, i just didn't know if that was like, a line that you didn't wanna-" you hush his rambles with a warm kiss.

"relax, eddy. it's fine."

he nods, letting his shoulders relax a bit as you head to the bathroom to clean up.

when you return, he's curled up in bed, another cheesy romcom playing low on his tv. he holds his arms out, inviting you in. he looks so warm, so cozy, that you couldn't possibly say no.

Your cousin Nora opened the screen door and joined you outside.

"Oh god, you look like a mess." She chuckles. "Missing the boyfriend?"

"Missing the boyfriend." You confirmed with a sigh. "I thought I would be fine with it, but here we are."

Nora nodded to your words. "Yeah, long distance is a bitch but you'll live. You two been through this sort of stuff before."

"I hope so." You mutter under your breath.

"Dinners about to start, think you'll be able to suck it up for an hour." Nora looked at you.

You rolled your eyes. "Yeah yeah I'll be fine."

Suddenly your phone starts to ring, seemly ending the conversation there. You looked at your phone, it was Ethan.

"You guys go on without me, gotta take this." You placed your soda down and answered the phone, Nora going back in the house.

"Hey baby." Ethan's voice rang through the winter air.

"Hey. What are you doing?" You asked, fiddling with your sweater.

Ethan hums. "Oh, nothing. Just watching some Christmas movie."

You nod. "We're about to have dinner."

Ethan stayed silent for a moment. "Oh damn I called you at the wrong time then."

"No, you didn't." You laugh. "I'll always make time for you, you know that."

Ethan's heart swells at your words, a smile breaking out on his face. "Where are you again? Your moms?"

"No, I'm at my grandma's house. She keeps asking me about you and... grandkids." You explained. "Wish you were here to suffer with me."

Ethan laughed. "Yeah, I'm sure that'll be fun, watching you get all flushed."

You laughed at his words. "If anything, it's embarrassing. I mean, we aren't even out of college yet."

Ethan lets out a sigh. "Yeah, just a couple more months. Then we can finally move in together just like we always wanted."

"Yeah, in jersey." You groaned. "I love you and all, but I didn't know there were even cities in New Jersey. And the apartments... they... actually look nice."

Ethan laughed loudly over the phone. "You did not just say that."

"Well I've never been to New Jersey before!" You argued.

I'm so telling Luke about this." Ethan mutters.

"You aren't telling him anything." You hiss.

"Texting him as we speak." His voice was stern.

You looked back to the kitchen to see your family sitting happily and chatting. You start to imagine Ethan sitting next to your dad, laughing at whatever joke he said or him talking to your niece, agreeing with her on anything and everything. It made your heart break slightly.

There was shuffling on Ethan's end as he heard your sniffle.

"Hey babe you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, yeah, just the cold." You answered.

"You should get inside then, get warmed up." Ethan noted.

"Yeah, I should." There was more shuffling on Ethan's end. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting in the car, quick stop to the store." He answered like it was obvious.

"Is it freezing there in Canada?" You asked.

"Uh, not really, which is surprising." Ethan joked.

You went back inside and sat on the couch, suddenly there was a doorbell at the door.

"Maybe you should get that." Ethan said.

"Right cause I'm the only one that isn't occupied with food in their mouth." You chuckled. "Be right back."

You got up and headed towards the door, expecting trade marketers. You unlocked the door, and your jaw dropped.

"Ethan? Ethan! What-what are you doing here? I thought you were with your family."

"You needed me more." He looked down at you as he kissed your forehead.

"Y/N, who's at the door?" Your grandmother, Sara appeared in the doorway. "And who is this fine young man?"

Your face flushed as you cleared your throat as you came up with a reply, Ethan coming up with one before you did.

"Oh, my name's Ethan." He introduced himself. "I'm Y/N's boyfriend."

"Ethan?" Your dad, Ray appeared. "Oh come on over here."

Ethan chuckled as he gave your dad a hug.

"Looks like you won't be grumpy this holiday after all." Nora joked, to which you scoffed at.

Ethan made his way back to you. "I forget something." His hands resting on your waist.

Ethan grinned at your confused face and leaned in and kissed you passionately, ignoring the cheers from your grandmother. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead against yours for a moment.

"I love you." He mumbles seemly lost in your eyes.

You and Ethan arrived together, and immediately, the jokes about you two being whipped set in. You wanted to be frustrated with the guys, but you just couldn’t. You couldn’t wait to make some good memories here to balance out the bad birthday memories. That night, Quinn ordered a few pizzas, and everyone sat outside around a fire, catching up. It was refreshing, to say the least; you’d nearly forgotten just how much you enjoy the company at the lakehouse. You and Ethan were cozied up in the chair next to Luke, and you decided that this is how you wanna spend the rest of your summer, with the people you care about most, who care about you the most. 

The mood changed, however, just a few moments later, when the patio door swung open. You had forgotten that he’d be here. He was still friends with the guys after all, no matter how stupid they thought he was or how mad they were at him. That didn’t mean that you didn’t wanna crawl into a hole and die when his eyes locked onto you and Ethan, though. 

“Trev, what’s up, man? Thought you weren’t getting here ‘til tomorrow.” Jack is the first to speak, standing up to greet his friend.

“Yeah, well, just thought I’d surprise everyone.” Trevor’s eyes never strayed from you, and you didn’t like how it made you feel. Just a few months ago, you would’ve done almost anything to have his attention, and now, you were willing him to look at anyone else. 

“Right. Well, come grab a seat, then. We’re just catching up.” Cole invites Trevor to sit down.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” He moves to sit in the empty chair directly across from you and Ethan, even though there are plenty of open seats still. “So, what did I miss?”

“Oh, um, Quinn was just telling us this crazy story about Petey.”

“Right, but I mean in the group. What’s going on with you guys? Not teammates. C’mon, gimme some juicy stuff.”

“Not much has happened since the last time we all saw each other, Trev.”

“Oh! You mean when my girlfriend dumped me? And then blocked me right after, so I couldn’t even defend myself.” “Trevor-” Luke started in warning, only to be cut off.

“No, I mean, obviously I’ve missed a lot with her. Ethan, huh? You know he wanted you the whole time we were together, right?”

“Trevor, now is not the time, okay. Just be civil, please.” Ethan stepped, always ready to help you.

“Yeah, sure, man. Hope my sloppy seconds are good.” In that moment, you’re exceedingly thankful that you’re sitting on Ethan’s lap because otherwise, he’d have at least three punches in on Trevor by now. Luke, on the other hand, you couldn’t stop.

“I’m gonna kill him.” He stands, quickly moving toward Trevor’s chair until Quinn and Alex step up to hold him back. Trevor barely reacts, just sitting there with a smug smile on his face. 

“How about we all go to bed for the night, yeah?” Quinn says, shooting you a look to silently tell you to drag your boys upstairs. You nod, grabbing Ethan’s hand as you stand, and you both guide Luke inside, heading up to cool off in your room. The other boys shared a tense look, most of them heading inside as well. Trevor remains seated, and Jack makes sure to hang back until it’s just the two of them.

“Trevor, I swear, if you don’t chill out, I’m personally sending you back to Anaheim.”

“Jack-”

“No! You’re on thin ice with everyone here after that stunt you pulled on her birthday. You’re lucky you got an invite at all. If it were up to Luke and Quinn alone, you wouldn’t have.”

“What am I supposed to do? Just act all fine while he’s snuggled up to my girl?”

“No. She’s not your girl anymore. You caused that when you decided to make out with another girl on her birthday.”

“Right, like she wasn’t dancing all over Ethan in that story Luke posted.”

“Trevor, be real with me. That was completely innocent, and you know it. If that were me, or Luke, or even Cole, would you have reacted like that? Or was it just because you knew Ethan was interested?”

“I’m not doing this right now.”

“Because you know I’m right?”

“Jack, just stop.”

“Fine. If you wanna let something you caused come between all of us, then so be it. I’m done here. Do whatever, Trev, but don’t expect me to come to your rescue. I’m on her side.” Jack leaves Trevor with his thoughts, deciding he was going to do what he wanted regardless of what Jack told him. 

Trevor stayed outside for hours after that, sitting in his anger. Of course, you had run off to Edwards. He was easy; he was right there. What Trevor couldn’t understand, though, was what Ethan had that he didn’t. Sure, he was a little distant when you two were doing long distance, but he was just missing you. Yeah, maybe he overreacted to that video from your party, but what else was he supposed to do? Ethwan was obviously making a move on his girl. He did miss the party for no reason other than that he never bought the plane ticket, but come on, have a little grace. There’s no way Ethan Edwards was treating you better than Trevor did.

~~

In the days to follow, you noticed that Trevor had been tamer, more reserved, almost like he was waiting for the ice to break. You kept an eye on him as he simply observed, taking mental notes of everyone around him. It was creepy in a way. The man had never known silence a day in his life, but suddenly, he didn’t have a single word to say. 

You, Ethan, and Luke ignored him to the best of your abilities, trying to enjoy your summer like you had originally planned. For the most part, it was working out well. Luke and Ethan had quickly calmed down after that first night, and now the three of you were enjoying time together without school and hockey looming over your heads. This would be your last summer before Luke left for New Jersey, so you wanted to soak up the time you had left with him while still spending time with your boyfriend. 

Today, everyone had decided to load up on the boat and spend a day out on the lake. It had been fun so far, honestly. The sun was shining, the water was cool, and there hadn’t been a single emotional outburst all day. That is, until Ethan got a little too close for Trevor’s liking. 

Most of you were swimming in the water around the boat, enjoying how the cold water felt on your hot skin. Ethan was able to sneak up behind you, pulling you away to have a quiet moment to yourselves, at least you thought. He slowly spun you around in his arms once you two were far enough away from everyone, and when you could finally see his face again, you were met with the softest smile you’d ever seen. 

“Hello, beautiful.”

“Hey, handsome.” His smile brightened before he leaned in, stealing a soft, slow kiss, one that reminded you of the first time he kissed you. It was sweet and nothing too vulgar; he even kept his hands in semi-respectful places, even though they couldn’t be seen under the water. The kiss was broken up, however, when you felt something bonk the back of your head. You pulled back, placing your hand where you felt the impact. Ethan was confused for a moment before he noticed a football floating behind you and Trevor laughing from a few feet away. 

“Are you serious? What if that actually hurt her?”

“Oh, she’s fine. It was an accident anyway. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

You catch Ethan’s eye again, silently willing him to calm down. “I’m gonna go sit on the boat for a bit, okay? My head hurts a little.”

“I’ll come with-”

“No, that’s okay. Spend some time with Luke. No matter what you say, I know you’ll miss him when he leaves for Jersey again.” He sends you a smile before dropping a kiss to your forehead and swimming toward Luke and the other boys. You swim back to the boat, climbing back on and deciding to tan for a bit while the boys do whatever.

Maybe ten minutes later, you feel the boat rock, signaling someone is joining you. You don’t even bat an eye at first, but when they sit down, you know from the sigh they let out that it’s Trevor. You tense for a moment, but you decide to try to ignore him. It works until he opens his big mouth.

“You seriously like him?” You chance a look at the other boys, still in the water, hoping to catch someone’s eye, but they’ve drifted a bit further away. You’d have to shout to get their attention. You let out a long sigh before sitting up, praying that this won’t be too painful.

“Yes, Trevor. I seriously like him.”

“Okay, but like… why?”

“Well, for starters, he doesn’t cheat on me when he gets jealous.”

“Okay, deserved, I guess. Look, I just don’t get it, you know? How do you go from me to him?” If this was his way of trying to win you back, he was doing a horrible job.

“He was there, Trevor, and I don’t mean easily accessible rebound. I mean, he stayed when I was at my lowest. He’s proven to me time and time again, even before he and I got together, before I even knew he liked me, that he genuinely cares about me. You never did that, not once. Half the time, I wasn’t even sure if we were still together or not.”

“Look-”

“No, you look. You don’t get to come here and be this upset over this, okay? I might’ve said the words, but you ended us, Trevor. You caused the breakup. You’re not allowed to be mad that I’ve moved on. I mean, honestly, if you were this concerned about me when we were together, we probably would never have broken up in the first place. All I ever wanted from you was effort, to know that you loved me, or at least cared about me. You could never deliver on that, though. But Ethan? I don’t have to ask him to love me. I don’t have to beg him to show up for me. I don’t have to be afraid to ask him something because it might start a fight. He loves me, and he’s never been scared to show me that.”

“Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Do you love him? Do you love him the way you loved me?”

“No. I don’t think what I felt for you was love, Trevor. I think it was infatuation, a deep desire for your approval. I don’t think either of us ever really loved the other, but I know I love Ethan. I know because I don’t have to wonder whether or not I’m wearing the right shade of lipstick for him or if he’ll like the way I curled my hair. I know he’ll think I’m beautiful no matter what. I know I’m in love with him because it’s never felt like the relationship was over when we fought. He leaves no room for me to wonder, and I’ve never felt more secure than when I’m with him. I couldn’t imagine life without him.”

“Okay,” he says with finality.

“Okay?”

“Yeah. I’ll slack off. You’re right, I caused the relationship to end. I can’t be mad that you’ve moved on. Just, uh, promise me one thing, alright?”

“Um, sure, Trev?”

“If he starts treating you like I did, don’t wait so long to leave him.”

“Okay, I can do that.” You stand moving to sit on the other side of the boat, hoping to finally move passed all of this, but you stop when you hear Trevor’s voice again.

“For what it’s worth, I did care about you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know how to show it.”

“Me too, Trev.” You send him a tight smile, and you feel the boat rock again with the weight of the others climbing back aboard. Luke sends you a curious glance, wanting to be sure you were good after seeing you talking with Trevor. You send him a smile in return, cuddling up between him and Ethan when they both take their seats. 

It felt like a weight was off your shoulders, like the dark, gloomy clouds had parted to reveal bright sunshine. Suddenly, the air was lighter, the tension that once filled it dissipating. The rest of the summer would be perfectly fine. After all, you had your boys.

taglist: @heartsforjh @fofiquierellorar @devilinpradaheels @alexxavicry @dancerbailey3 @nic0-hischier @huggyyy43 @pucks-goals-penalties @azure-dawn81

"SHES FUCKING GONE DUDE - SHE'S GONE AND I CAN'T BRING HER BACK." Ethan screams out as he clutches the #73 jersey he had got you for your senior prom gift, the summer before you would both start at UMICH.

6 months, 26 weeks, 182 days, 4,380 hours, 26,280 minutes, 15,768,000 seconds ;

that's how long Ethan has been hurting ; how long his world has been flipped upside-down for ; how long he hasn't been able to properly function as a human being, including basic tasks. Who could blame him though... most importantly it had been 6 months to the day that you had left this world. You and Ethan had met your junior year of high school, you had transferred that year to Bellerose Composite High School, Ethan being the first person you met as he was in most of your classes. He was also the one out of his friend group to suggest you sit with them at lunch, and by the time junior prom rolled around it had been 6 months with Ethan and you knew then he was the one.

Unfortunately that was also the year that things took a HUGE turn, as that would be the same year that you had been diagnosed with stage 2 ovarian cancer. That was also the first time in your entire time knowing Ethan that you decided to shut him out. To text him and tell him unfortunately you had some stuff come up and wouldn't be around much for a little while. To say Ethan was confused and hurt when he tried to call you minutes after reading that text and you sent him straight to voicemail, he decided he would give you time. Meanwhile your brother and him texted all the time and you could see what toll it was taking on him to have to keep your condition from Ethan.

"Sweetie, you're going to have to face him sooner or later." your mom says from the other side of your room door. Since getting the news you had began to isolate yourself more and more, there was no point in trying anymore when you weren't sure how long you had to try. "Well I choose later thanks, now if I can get back to planning what flowers I want on my headstone that would be great." you respond back. "Sweetie, I had to tell Tara and Lee. I-" You swung the door open "YOU WHAT? What the FUCK MOM???? I told you not to say anything before I was ready." you half screamed half sobbed. "Sweetie, they are worried about you, you haven't been over there in a week, Ethan is barley eating or sleeping, I didn't know what to do when they asked the other evening at dinner." she responds. "Wait what do you mean Ethan isn't sleeping or eating?" you ask "Sweetie, Ethan hasn't eaten a meal since you stopped responding to him, Tara says she's lucky to get him to even have a granola bar." she says. "I can't deal with this right now." you say closing the door in your moms face.

It was later that week you decided to break the news to Ethan.

It was during lunch on that Thursday you walked up to his usual table, your heart pounding in your chest. He looked at you, he wanted to be mad, to tell you to fuck off, that you had broken him by ghosting him. Yet after school there he found himself with you in your room. "E, I wanted to tell you, but I don't want to be a burden, and you have hockey and I don't want-" With tears streaming down both of your cheeks Ethan pulls you in for a kiss, one that leaves you breathless and wanting more, but you know it's not the time. "Baby, we are going to fight this, together, you are never a burden my angel, you have got this 100%." he says. “This will be just another obstacle we face, one that we will get to tell our grandchildren about.” he continues. “Because my love you are so strong, you will beat it. Promise.” he finishes as he interlocks pinkies with you, his way of showing you he’s truly here for the long run.

When it came down to discussing potential college opportunities for the both of you it was no question University of Michigan was where you two wanted to call home for the next 4 years. You being a gymnast received an offer to come on a scholarship and well to say they had been eyeing your boyfriend for as long as you had been attending his high school games is an understatement. Ethan could remember the day you both got your acceptance letters as if it was yesterday.

"E, did you check the mail????" you asked as you both walked toward Ethans' Alberta house. "How in the world would I have checked the mail if I have been at school with you all day?" he responded playfully. "Well you big bully, I got my acceptance/rejection letter yesterday and I want to open them together." you say pulling the sealed envelope out of your bag, prompting Ethan to grab your hand and pull you to move faster. "YOU GOT IT AND YOU DIDN'T THINK TO CALL ME???? YOU DORK" he says playfully. As soon as you both get to the Edwards mailbox Ethan finds exactly what he is looking for. You and Ethan walk into the house, dropping your stuff by the front door and make a beeline toward Ethans room. Sitting down on his bed you count together and open the letters.

Your sophomore year at UMICH is when things started to go downhill. You ended up getting a small 3 bedroom place with Rutger and Marks girlfriends, Farrah and Kayleigh. For you it was a matter of declining health and the girls hated their roommates at the time. The girls had also been a big help at the games, specifically away games, helping you navigate stairs and such as you became weaker and weaker. So when Kay suggested maybe you would be more comfortable going through the chemotherapy process in a more private setting, you jumped at the opportunity. Ethan was basically living with the three of you by the time you were fully settled having him set up his very own drawers in the bathroom and your bedroom.

So here he was now, in that same bedroom almost a year since you two had shared it, surrounded by his hockey team and select significant others, with your jersey in hand. It had not started like that for him that day however, Ethan actually had no intention of going to your place, not that day and not any time in the near future. How was he supposed to dig through his soulmates personal items, items that held countless and priceless memories of how much her and Ethan truly loved each other. He couldn't, and he wouldn't, however when he received a text from Rutger and Luca saying everyone had a free day and the girls needed to start clearing space to sell the condo, he would be dammed if he let anyone else into your shared world. 2 hours later as the girls let them in saying their hellos he noticed a few of the other guys were already there. T.J, Dylan, Tyler, Mark, and Seamus all sitting on the couch.

"E, I- we know this is still really fresh and hard for you, but we are all going to be here for you ok?" Kayleigh says trying her best to be sympathetic but strong for her boyfriends best friend. Ethan looked up realizing he was being spoken to as Mark rests his hand on his shoulder. "Hey, we can take as much time as you need dude. Do what you have to do man." Ethan leads the way into your room, a room that has been untouched by any human presence since your last day there. When you made the decision to leave UMICH, you had just gotten the news that it was now in stage 4 and there wasn't much to be done anymore. You decided to spend your last few weeks at home with your family without telling anyone, not Ethan, not the team, not the girls. You didn't want goodbyes, you didn't want to leave the world knowing how much it would truly hurt those you cared about. You also knew that if you told Ethan he would INSIST on being there by your side till the day you stopped fighting and you refused to be the reason he put his life on hold. You knew he would insist on trying to fight this more, to just try one more round of treatment, to try one more pill, at this point if someone told Ethan dancing the Macarena could cure you he would be doing it on repeat all day every day.

You were tired though, tired of all the chemotherapy, the physical toll it was taking on you, breaking you down into nothing, taking everything you love from you slowly. First gymnastics, then the promise of a life with your soulmate, and now the will to fight, you couldn't take this anymore. Needing help from the guys and girls as you got weaker and needed assistance of a wheelchair, you felt you had become a burden. So when Ethan went looking for you after not hearing from you the previous day, Farrah telling him you had gone to your 6pm class but never come back, his heart stopped. Where did you go? Were you ok? Had his worst fear come true?

He called you, 164 times that week, not knowing you were finally slipping away, not knowing that you had finally found your peace. Calling your parents, who couldn't bring themselves to answer, knowing why he was calling, it wasn't until he got the call from his mom that it was confirmed. You were gone. You had been gone 3 days after you left. The next few weeks were a blur between your funeral and all the condolences he was getting, he took a few weeks off of school to go home and be with your family and his.

"Yeah, uh thanks guys." he says making his way into your room. "We don't want to overwhelm you bro so we are gonna be out here. Let us know if you need anything." Luca says. With that Ethans head snaps up as he drops the stuffed animal he had picked up off the bed. "What- no you- wait I can't do this by myself." he starts feeling his chest get heavy and his lungs reduce in size. "I don't even know where to start or what to do you can't leave me." he begs. The boys look at each other and after silently letting the girls know they would be out in a little Rutger and Luca sit on your bed. Ethan begins by opening your closet, the overwhelming scent of your perfume, and just of you hits him like a brick. Noticing his lack of movement Luca and Rutger get up and walk towards him, "Take your time E, we are here for you." he says. Ethan begins to start taking your shirts off hangers and thats when he sees it, right under his team issued raincoat he had lent you once. The yellow and blue that could be seen from miles away catching his eye as if to almost taunt him, your jersey.

When you and Ethan had been accepted to UMICH you both received some goodie bags of gear from your respective sports programs. Ethan being the guy he is knew he needed to get you in his name and number ASAP so once he found out what number he was assigned, he jumped at the opportunity to plan with some of the guys to customize a blank jersey from the book store for you. Your senior prom Ethan had come over early, while you were still getting ready actually, his plan was to gift you the jersey before prom. Your parents being the way they are, they denied Ethan a peek before you were ready and he ended up having to give it to you in the limo. You had worn it to every single home and away game you attended which was all but maybe 2 games and Ethan couldn't feel prouder to see his name claim you in a subtle way.

Ethan presses the piece of clothing to his chest and silently begins to let the tears flow. "You know I told my parents I don’t think I am going to accept the offer from the Devils." he begins. "What are you saying dude??? Why would you tell them that?” Luca says. "Well without yn I’m nothing, I don't deserve to be happy or live out my dream when she's supposed to be by my side." "Dude, you loved her and we get that but you can't throw away your future just because yn isn't here. You know she would want you to continue and make a life for yourself." Rutger responds. "I went to development camp, is that not enough for everyone? If she's not with me I don't want to do this anymore, I should have done more, tried harder to get her to fight." he says breaking down more and more. "You can't blame-" T.J, who had now come into the room with the other guys stared, "THEN WHO THE FUCK DO I BLAME? WHO DO I GET ANGRY WITH WHEN I REACH FOR HER AND SHES NOT THERE?" Ethan looses it and screams out. "I DO BLAME MYSELF, I PROMISED HER SHE WOULD BEAT THIS FUCKING THING. NOTHING YOU SAY WILL MAKE ME FEEL DIFFERENT. I DON'T DESERVE HOCKEY, I DON'T WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH OUT HER." "Ethan, bro, where is this coming from? We had a blast at development camp what's gotten into you? Talk to me." Seamus says. "SHE'S FUCKING GONE DUDE - SHE'S GONE AND I CAN'T BRING HER BACK." he screams clutching the jersey closer to his chest and takes a deep breath. "I love her, we were supposed to grow old and be together for the rest of our lives. Why should I move on when she doesn't get to?" he continues slightly less aggressive.

Luca walks over to him where he's now collapsed onto the floor. "I was waiting for the right time to give you this." he starts holding out a sealed envelope with the word Ethan written in your handwriting on the front. "What- what is that?" Ethan asks taking the envelope from his friend. "Look dude, the day before y.n left she asked me to hold on to this, to let you take your time to grieve, but she knew you would be a stubborn asshole. She asked me to give you this when you lost all hope." Luca explains, "She didn't tell me the content of the letter but I'm hoping it might help." he says. All the guys made eye contact with each other and Seamus spoke up, "We will give you a moment dude." and a moment later Ethan sits on your bed and opens the envelope:

Ethan, I'm afraid, won't you stay a little while and keep me safe cause there's monsters right outside. They keep telling me to be hopeful, to have faith, to be honest baby I don't know how much more 'faith' I can have anymore. I want to be honest with you my love, because that is what we have always prided ourself on being, I'm writing you because it's not looking good. Every day is another battle to fight and I know they don't think I do but I hear it in the doctors and nurses voice, I'm not getting any better my love. Please know one thing that I hope can bring you comfort and that is that I have accepted my journey and I am at peace with whatever happens. As much as I don't want to leave you and the guys and my family, I am tired, so very tired of fighting, we have been fighting for years now and I need you to know I couldn't ask for a better partner to have fought this battle with. With that being said baby I need to leave you with my last hope for you when I am gone.

I know you won't listen to any of the guys, and that is why I have asked Luca to give you this incase I don't get to say this to your face. You CANNOT and I WILL NOT let you self-sabotage your future Eth, I know that you are going to feel like there's no hope, no point in experiencing these AMAZING milestones without me. I know you will tell everyone you no longer care for the sport of hockey, that you don't and won't allow yourself to experience playing for the Devils because you feel you no longer have anyone to share your incredible journey with. Ethan babe, that's SO far from the truth, because as long as you live I will be with you my love, where ever you go and what ever you do I will ALWAYS be in your heart and in your soul. You should know that even in death you won't get rid of me that easy Edwards.

Just 'cause I'm leaving doesn't mean that I won't be right by your side. When you need me and you can't see me in the middle of the night here's what I want you to do baby : Close your eyes and say a prayer and know that I know you're scared when I'm not here but I'll always be right there even though I'm leaving, baby I promise I ain't goin' nowhere. I know I act tough, but there's a churnin' in my gut cause I just can't call you up when things get rough anymore. I won't be able to wrap my arms around you and comfort you when you need me most, but know that I continue to route for you wether I'm physically here or not. Baby boy you have so much potential, so much love, so much light, so much joy, and so much passion please don't throw it all away after all of the hard work you and I have both put in to get you here.

I will love you with all of my heart and soul for the rest of time my New Jersey Devil. Make sure you allow the guys in during your hard times. As much as I know it's not me, they care about you and love you just as much, (though they will claim they love you more than I did, to which I say LUCA EVEN FROM THE GRAVE I'LL KILL YOU) and they want the best for you babe. I can't wait to hear all of the stories of your first season in the NHL, know that though I physically won't be in the stands, I will be at every game as long as you are thinking of me. Most importantly my love, you deserve to have a family, before you protest (I know you are) I mean it , you deserve to experience everything we have ever dreamed of, and I know you don't feel like it will ever happen but I'll be here to say I told you so when it does. Don't think of it as I'm not with you anymore, just loving you from afar my dear.

I love you so much, take your time to get yourself together, but then remember baby, it's game time.

your forever angel, Y.N

And with that Ethan knew he had some very big choices to make. If only you were here to make them with you.

**PLEASE READ**

A.N:

IM SORRY IVE BEEN MIA... I am going to be absent for the next week, I put in my notice at work so next week I start school up again and work almost every day lol.

First and foremost thank you to @quinnylouhughesx43 for helping me structure an idea. Second, I would like to say that before ANYONE accuses me of stealing other blogs works let me be CRYSTAL CLEAR: I am fully aware that there are stories like this floating around already, I actually reblogged one about jack the other day (highly recommend if you haven't read it yet to read it its on @lukehughes43 blog). At the same time this was a completely original idea I had and wanted to put out. I apologize if there is any similarities as I was partially inspired by said jack fic.

I hope you enjoy as this is one of the only written works I have put out. Feedback and Suggestions are welcomed.

also thank you to my baby girl @quinnylouhughesx43 for the banner <3

xoxox, M