So this is my first post and I don’t really know what to say. This is excactly how it is. It started a long time ago. I‘ve been catching feelings for someone I already knew I couldn’t have. It’s a beautiful woman. I trust her a lot and I always enjoy being around her. We talk a lot, she‘s my therapist. I can’t really explain how that happened tbh, it just happened slowly and I noticed it too late. I can’t stop thinking about her since over 1 1/2 years now. I see her almost everyday. I even told her because I couldn’t deal with that at all at the beginning. Now it’s just an up and down. One day I’m okay with it and the other I’m not. Sometimes I can’t even tell if I just love her as a really really good and close friend or if I really LOVE her as in a relationship. I‘m getting confused about this a lot. The fact that she has a boyfriend kinda breaks my heart and at the other hand I’m really happy for her and I hope he‘s the right for her. I feel lost without her but I also don’t know how to deal with her being around me sometimes. It’s really messed up and complicated. I still don’t understand how that could happen. I know that there are many people that think like they‘re attached to their therapist but I‘m never sure if I really can relate to that or if it’s really more. But maybe I should stop trying to figure out what kind of feeling I’m experiencing. I should start making a plan for myself how to let go, in a healthy way. I‘ll slowly start saying „goodbye“ with my posts. Letting go my feelings, letting them out, and go through the pain so I can focus back on real life. On what is possible and not to waste my time waiting for something that isn’t going to happen because it’s not supposed to be like that. Maybe in another life we‘ll meet us in a different way and things will be less complicated. If it’s meant to be it will be. I can do that, even though it will be so so freaking hard and painful and exhausting. I‘ll go through it. If you want to you can go through this journey with me, maybe you can relate. 💗
