#less toxic

the way you write him makes me wanna be some1's stu so bad

Hey that's really cool to hear my writing has brought on some self discovery, means a lot to hear that!

I will say there are healthy and unhealthy ways to be someones Stu. There's a difference between being playfully mean and being actually mean, and Billy is often actually mean at this point in their relationship (on my timeline). Billy legitimately wants to hurt Stu emotionally at times because he's not dealing with his own shit, and I hope you find someone more emotionally mature than that. His hot and cold, off and on shit isn't cool either.

Find someone who's only mean to you about the stuff you want them to be mean about, someone who's always going to listen if you tell them they went too far. Billy refuses to communicate, and everyone deserves a partner that's willing to communicate (about their own needs and boundaries as well as your own).

What I expected when I first realized I might be genderfluid:

me: Finally! Shape-shifting abilities!

me, later: Shit. I look to femme. Should I start actually learning how to do make-up? Find masculine clothes? I mean, I would love suits, but I also want to look presentable and for my body type, even with binder... Fuck, I might as well try looking for binders-

Me after few months living with the idea that I’m genderfluid:

1) me: hey, me. What pronouns am I using now? me: Am I talking to anyone? No? Then.... shit, Idk, spin the wheel or something

2) me, before entering supermarket: *using male pronouns when thinking to myself* me, leaving supermarket: *going back to previous thought* me: *using male pronouns again* me: wait no, that doesn’t sound grammatically correct *changes to other/female pronouns* me: *sudden realization* me: fuck, I lost my masculinity in supermarket.

3) When thinking in Polish (a gendered language), if I use the wrong pronouns for myself, it just feels grammatically incorrect in my head. It’s like using “ta stół”, instead of “ten stół”. This just sounds weird.

4) me to myself: we are using ‘they/them’, but bc right now we are thinking in Polish, so the 1st person for plural, ‘we’ me: Ah, so we are using “Royal ‘We’“ now, huh? me to me: You wish, You poor bastard. You wish.

5) my inner demons: ......you realize, you can’t wear that and look good bc of your tiddies? me: *genuinely confused* what tiddies?

6) morning me: okey! wake up! do you have everything? half-asleep me: *grabs my chest* I have my tiddies morning me: good, what else: half-asleep me: *looks under the waist* someone stole my third leg morning me: *dissapointed* nooo? half-asleep me: *suddenly understands* I lost it before going to sleep! morning me: NO!