#lemons blogs

Oh my god. I am SO SICK of seeing YouTube videos CLEARLY scripted by AI. At first, my first exposure was when someone called out a sims lore YouTuber for getting AI to assist them, which I didn’t pick up on. Was kinda a bummer but I moved on, because it’s just sims content- y’know? But then, I discovered this channel by an older woman (50’s, yes, am young adult) who was giving life lessons and the such, and it felt heartwarming at first, kinda comforting, like I was getting a chance to learn things and prepare for them (the plague of the 20’s overpreppers; join the club. I’m forming one. We will definitely ace this totally real test.) but then I began getting suspicious.

In one video, she straight up made allusions to people who use AI to generate YT videos and how that was bad. Okay. A bit suspicious. Then, she did it again. Was she chatting with chatGPT and then got her own ethical qualms? Lol. It’s really disheartening to see someone be self-aware of the dishonesty they’re showing, but continue on with it. I mean, sure, no one’s fully honest, and formerly, it was just a sims channel- but when you’re giving coaching and ‘life lessons’ to people you should at least be transparent on if you’re using AI assistance.

Anyway, I dropped that channel from my playlists and moved on. Then, I got recommended a few videos. I quickly realised so many of them were AI. Tell-tale signs, the beloved emdash and bullet point lists telling you exactly what is in it (why would I watch the video if I can just read the description? Lol), etc. My breaking point was today, when I got a “why most writers quit” video in my rec, about how it’s due to a lack of belief in the value of their writing (…not relatable at all /j), clicked it,

IT WAS FUCKING AI AGAIN.

Yeah, what a way to make writers feel valued- telling us we’re worthy through chatGPT. Tip? You know if people wanted chatGPT to glaze them, they’d just use chatGPT, right? These people seem incapable of understanding ART, that it’s PEOPLE we want to hear. Maybe even little Fido if he learns to speak and become a… idk, gourmet YouTuber…

Like, okay, running video ideas past chatGPT is one thing, but using it to make entire videos?? I don’t get people who BECOME artists SOLELY for money. Like, not just monetising it, but as a primary, starting force. There has to be easier ways. Like, I don’t get it. Ironically, I’m asking chatGPT “Why do people get into art just for money?” Okay, some understandable reasons but then there’s “perceived ease of making money.” Again, good luck with that. It’s not that easy. Less than 1% make enough money to thrive on on YT, it’s estimated that 90% of self-published books sell less than 100 copies, and many sell less than 10. While I haven’t done digital art in quite a few years, (even despite a random commenter commenting on my old art from 2018 and asking if I still did art giving me some fleeting motivation), google says what I suspect: it’s not easy to make money from commissions at all. And I know from experience art takes a LONG time.

Anyway, my point is that if you’re using chatGPT for your video scripts, books or (ai in general) for art pieces, why? I’ve heard many arguments at this point, all the classics and more, but one I find absurd is “I just use it to assist me! Why do you draw the line at ChatGPT but not Grammarly?” Because Grammarly (which, iirc, has a pro-AI book stance now. Hence why I don’t use it anymore.) is for checking typos and strange wording. We could do the whole Ship Of Theseus at-what-point-is-it-AI-or-you thing, but, look, the point is that writing isn’t easy. I don’t think anyone expects it to be easy, but that’s part of the joy in it. If writing is so debilitating to the point where you don’t even want to do it yourself… don’t do it. Or, if you do, at least fucking be HONEST. “Hey, I made this book with AI.” My problem with so many AI books/art/YouTube videos is the DISHONESTY. If someone said they used AI, I’d be like, “oh, okay, not for me, thanks, bye,” and click off or stop reading/following that artist. And these people KNOW that, so that’s why they lie. But that’s the thing!! People click off BECAUSE we want YOUR perspective, not ChatGPT’s. YOUR writing, YOUR art, YOUR YouTube videos. We want YOU.

It’s sad that people can’t believe in themselves. I mean, even I struggle to, but every writer, artist or YouTuber struggles, even the successful ones! That’s what you HAVE to remember. There are so many writers, artists and YouTubers who have disabilities or mental illnesses and push through. Heck, maybe they don’t. Maybe they have a strong support network or are just lucky and more inclined towards independence/not needing to prove themselves (both usually go together). And if you don’t have those things, of course it’ll be difficult, but that’s why it’s important to HAVE a strong support network. And if writing/art/being a YouTuber is genuinely, again, so debilitating for you that you don’t even want to do it yourself, why are you doing it? To make something ‘pretty’ or aesthetic? I mean, sure, but at least be transparent. Personally, I’m still inclined to cringe at AI writing or art when I spot it- as a lot of people are- but we can appreciate honesty. Sure, some people take it too far with harassment, and that’s not okay, but I’d like to think most people wouldn’t take it that far. Art isn’t just about beauty or aesthetics. That’s one reason, a surface reason why people enjoy it, but did my deep love of Higurashi growing up, and deep love of Umineko in my teens come from “oh, cool, crazy (/pos) girls!” and “no way, cool witch woman!” Well, yes, partially. But I STAYED because of the deeper themes that resonated with me. Being a lonely kid, Higurashi, and, ironically, My Little Pony, were things I loved because of the themes of friendship & community and trust- things I lacked. And, Umineko is an interesting case because when I finished it in 2022, it was around the time my dog got a cancer diagnosis. In fact, I think I finished it the day after she died.

At the time, when I finished Umineko, I teared up. No piece of media had made me feel that way in years. I didn’t understand quite why. I didn’t even understand the message, but I knew I would. Erika was my favourite character, and she still is, but I also understood the bad ending, in my mind, to be the good one, even when I knew I wasn’t supposed to feel that way. ‘Why?’ I thought. ‘Why do I not get the point?’ And it’s because I lacked love and trust- in myself, others, in the characters. Of course, the characters of Umineko are fictional, and it’s a mystery story- one that plays homage to the genre and the works of Agatha Christie specifically- but Ryukishi07 plays with the genre conventions in interesting ways, including dissecting the genre itself & even the nature of truth. I didn’t understand this until, due to medication mix-ups and high restriction, I had a deep existential spiral that lasted weeks.

It was not pretty. I experienced “ego death,” or at least came close, at some point. I was anxious, afraid, going in circles asking myself what the meaning of anything was, what truth meant, if I was good or worthy, and by what basis? Can I prevent all suffering, especially to animals? Can I not? Does that mean I simply… shouldn’t be? Would the world be better off- you can see where this went. I won’t speak further on this. It was not a good place to be. Remember: philosophy isn’t rumination, philosophy is dialogue. Art is dialogue. Mystery is a question.

The story of Umineko is the dialogue, a meta-analysis of mystery stories. The answer we get is not the typical one you’d expect- and some may say it’s not even an answer at all. Until you read the manga. But, well, that’s the thing. Ange’s truth about what happened on the island is her truth, even if we, as the reader, ‘know’ the truth, no one really ‘knows’ what happened on Rokkenjima. I won’t get into specifics for spoiler reasons, but I highly recommend Umineko. I’ve seen one negative critique of it recently, and I think it’s the type of story where you either resonate with it, or you don’t. At the time, there was a part of me that wanted to believe in people, but I couldn’t. Don’t get me wrong, Umineko did, arguably, take this message quite far. Whether it was justified is up to personal interpretation, and I do understand why Ryukishi07 did it, but, uh… Kinzo’s characterisation in ch8 (or was it 7?) still feels… off to me. Maybe it’s the lack of precedent lol, or the extent of his crimes, or a personal thing. Probably all three.

Anyway, I went on about fifty tangents & ended on Umineko. In fact, I’m pretty sure I never shut up about this series despite only reading it once in its entirety. God, I would love a friend to force-read this story to, but, surprisingly, people aren’t really interested when I tell them “it’s 100 hours, yes, but trust me, it’s totally worth it, man.” I guess, if you want to get into Higurashi or Umineko, start with the manga versions of either. There are also anime and other media- even novelisations? I didn’t know Higurashi had a novelisation until recently, but I think it’s in Japanese and idk about translations.

Personally, I got into Higurashi way back in the day through the anime clips I saw and then the anime. I had to watch YouTube reactors and ignore their commentary though as it was so hard to find the anime, and I wasn’t going to buy a DVD (…though, I do sometimes yearn for those days… am I getting old?), so. Then, for Umineko, I saw the ch2(?) table scene with Rosa & Beatrice (you know the one lol), and looked up more. I learned the anime was frowned upon, so I just skipped to reading the VN. I actually ended up finishing Umineko’s VN before Higurashi, due to the Higurashi anime having a better rep, so despite being a Higurashi fan since 2018, I only finished the original arcs in 2023? And, I’ve been going through the bonus arcs since.

I want to re-read Kuradashi (again, please help.) & then I need to finish Outbreak, Kamikashimashi & Mehagashi, and then I think I’m done. I couldn’t find Niesagashi/Kokorokuzushi, Hashiwatashi/Nashikuzushi, Higurashi Radio (there are translations but they’re hard to navigate/incomplete), Matsuri Ura (only Omote), the drama CD’s (Murakuzushi, Kotoushi, Yumekawashi), and I don’t remember if I’ve read Kokoroiyashi-hen. Don’t think I could find it. Also didn’t play Jan or read the manga (Tsubamegaeshi, Kokorokuzushi), Teiryuujou (the manga. I LOVED the VN version though and recommend it to those who don’t want to invest in Higurashi entirely but want to dip their toes in… except, I think around the last 30 minutes is when it gets REALLY spoilery so maybe not?? Unless you’re totally fine with being spoiled on literally everything in the plot.), and, uh… Mawarimusubushi… yeah, couldn’t find that captivating story /j. I want to eventually read all the manga versions of every arc… even the daybreak one and the dreaded… batsukoishi. I’m a completionist (autistic). Yeah… reading the VN of Batsukoishi was the worst 30 minutes of my life. Btw, I know a lot of people dislike Meguri, but personally, I loved it over Sotsu until the ending. Don’t remember why. Anyway, most people aren’t reading this, and I’m rambling, but if there’s any else I hope I don’t forget them. Thank god for the Higurashi fandom wiki, just in case I need to consult it. I used Bess & Jedharend’s guides previously. Oh, also, I forgot I was watching a retrospective by someone called SnicketySlice 7 months ago? Whoops. Thanks for reminding me YouTube search bar. AND THANKS FOR REMINDING ME I SPENT 9 HOURS ON AVERAGE ON MY PHONE LAST WEEK, PHONE. Personally, I recommend the latter guide as I found it more comprehensive and wished I had used it sooner, but Bess’ guide is still pretty good and less overwhelming for beginners. So, take your pick lol. The wiki is also good.

As for Umineko, until consulting the wiki I honestly had no idea there was bonus content beyond Our Confession & Last Note Of The Golden Witch… and I don’t even remember if I read Our Confession.

Anyway, to get to the point, what drew me in, ultimately, was A) the aesthetics & surface-level “wtf” factors, yes. But also: the mystery, fleshed-out characters, themes, and, you know, the fact it’s a Ryukishi07 work. In fact, I find that some of the arcs I liked least were when they were by a different writer. Not that it’s inherently a bad thing to bring different writers onto a project, and not that Ryukishi’s writing is, you know, perfect, but there’s a certain style to every writer on Earth, informed by previous styles. Same for any art.

Art, YouTube, writing- all artists take inspiration. In a way, art is humanness (…unless, again, Fido learns how to paint and express himself) That’s why sometimes we look at art and think it’s hideous, but why we also look at art and think it’s beautiful. We have a love-hate relationship with ourselves, our humanity, us. Art is confusion, but not without purpose. ChatGPT does not have intent with its art. ChatGPT does not have a story to tell. It takes your story and adjusts it based on the criteria you give, but if you tell chatGPT to “improve” your story, you know what it’s going to do? Rely on cliches, overused tropes, popularity. And popularity isn’t inherently bad, but are you trying to be ‘just like every other writer,’ or are you trying to stand out?

It won’t make you stand out, but you won’t blend in, unless you go out of your way to disguise your writing, remove your style and leave only what chatGPT has to say, with fragments of your work in with it. Ask yourself, do you want chatGPT, or do you want your writing? Whatever you decide, ultimately, I hope you at least choose honesty. I also don’t think it’s fair to charge money for work made with chatGPT. People pay for a book because they believe you spent your time writing a story worthy of being told. But… you didn’t. Again, we can get into the nitty gritty, but I’m talking about getting AI to do the majority of the story. Even using it for ‘editing’ isn’t a great idea, because a major part of editing is developmental, where you go back and adjust the story to figure out if the story being conveyed is what best fits, and that’s something so subjective that I think… people just lose a bit of themselves, the more AI is involved. ChatGPT doesn’t know what story you want to tell. It knows what’s considered “objectively” good writing, AKA, what’s popular with people.

The discussion of “good” writing and “le popular = le bad” is a pretentious one, but ultimately, good writing is subjective and so is bad writing. And same with storytelling. You have to decide for yourself and your audience what scenes, characters & arcs work best for what you’re trying to intend & what your audience expects from you, and whether you want to subvert it or not. ChatGPT can only do so much. It takes time and mulling, yes, but it’s a cathartic part of the process, even if tedious sometimes. Again, if it’s not something you enjoy, then maybe short stories or serialisation is more your jam, or less traditional routes. Or maybe you’re burned out or at a low point. That doesn’t mean you should give the keys of the proverbial castle to our AI overlords, it means you need some rest. And that’s fine. As indie or self authors, taking breaks is perfectly normal. In fact, all authors take breaks. And if you just don’t like the process at all, maybe it’s just not for you. Maybe you want to share your work, without all the editing & perfection. But if perfection is what you’re aiming for, you’ll fall short every time. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Hey, some advice? If you call yourself a “good enough-“ist you’re probably a perfectionist in denial. Just saying. I know from experience lol. At least, I became one.

All this to say that I understand why it might be tempting to use AI for writing, or art, or YouTube, and I may have gone off topic… slightly… to Umineko and mainly writing. Sorry, personal experience. But as for art and YouTube, there are reasons for that, too. I’ve played Devil’s Advocate for AI art before, actually getting some pushback once, even though I wasn’t intending to defend it. It was a silly argument though, in retrospect, not because my logic was wrong, but because I was ignorant to one little fact.

You see, I made the fair use argument. That doesn’t apply. For writing? I would’ve said ‘maybe’ until I found out AI just spits out chunks of actual author’s writing. For art? No, not really. It does the same thing. I don’t know about videos, but even besides that, using art/writing/videos without people’s consent, while it may in some cases fall under “fair use,” is wrong, even if it’s not illegal, in my opinion, when it comes to just putting it into a machine. But here’s the thing: scrapers don’t ask permission. They just do. Because if they did?

“Hey, how do you feel about your hard work being put into a machine and spitting out something far quicker than you can?” It’s not jealousy. I mean, okay, yeah, sure, if I could pump out the perfect book each time, that would be… nice? But it would kill any dialogue.

I could go in circles, but ultimately, art is expression. Until AI becomes sentient, I don’t see how it can express beyond a fractured, fragmented (badum chh) version of your story. Even if you write something atrocious, something so bad that the worst writer of the world laughs at you, someone out there will like it. I actually googled “worst writer ever” out of curiosity, knowing its subjectivity.

Google told me ‘Amanda McKittrick Ros’ was… and she was an Irish writer, becoming Northern Irish later in her lifetime due to the formation of NI in 1921. Already feeling sympathy for her due to the relatability of being from a place I can’t even name without at least SOMEONE being offended no matter what I say, I investigated further. Amanda was strongly influenced by the works of Marie Corelli, who despite having her own controversies, was a best-selling author with a wide readership.

Amanda, from my deep (/s) research (a Wikipedia page), despite being critically panned (citation needed), still had her followers, including big names such as C.S Lewis & Mark Twain. Direct quote from a direct quote that has a citation that’s probably a quote, if I bothered to check, “Twain considered Irene "one of the greatest unintentionally humorous novels of all time.”

Again, Amanda was criticised. Probably didn’t help her case by calling her critics ‘lacking in sufficient intellect to appreciate her talent,’ but, does that mean she was a ‘bad writer?’

I actually found myself finding many things about Amanda rather interesting, and let’s just say I’m doing an ongoing investigation into if I actually ‘know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows someone who knew someone who might’ve potentially known someone who knew her.’ That kinda deal. But that’s besides the point. Was Amanda a bad writer? (Update; getting leads on this)

Her novel, Irene Iddesleigh, a romantic drama, was financed in 1897 as a gift. According to Wikipedia, “The plot centers around an adopted Canterbury noblewoman named Irene, her marriage to nobleman Sir John Dunfern, and her subsequent affair and elopement with her tutor. It has been widely considered one of the worst books of all time since its publication, and has been panned by critics for its excessive purple prose and poorly constructed plot.”

Skimming a few pages myself, but that I mean the short chapter 1, I found it hard to focus on the story. Not only were my expectations low, thanks to reputation, but I was too fascinated by it. How could something be considered so bad? What was so outrageous about the book? It made me want to read it, analyse it, understand why she thought it was so good and why everyone else seemed to dislike it so. And, honestly, that’s all I really need for now. Unless any fangirls or fanboys or fanpeople of this book want to defend its honour and explain why it’s actually a masterpiece to me, I’m not particularly drawn in… except, I am.

Due to its infamy, due to its ‘terrible’ reputation, at least from what I’ve heard of, I want to understand it. With AI, there is nothing to understand, really. I mean, I understand why the work exists. The AI was told to write a story. In a way, every piece of art reflects a piece of the author. Their experiences. Their past. Or maybe not even their ones, but their friends, the stories they hear by word of mouth and even then of those people, their past, and the past then, and the past. It’s a collection of our experiences. AI, sure, can churn out a collection of experiences, of works, but only what’s fed to it.

And, AI can’t truly be an amalgamation of every piece of writing in existence. Not only is that not feasible, but it would be problematic to do so without consent of as many parties as possible. Not that every art piece should reflect every experience ever, but the fact that art connects with people is what is so beautiful about it. For your art to connect with others, to communicate, to be understood and understand others in your and their art, your art has to reflect you, not AI.

I mean, it doesn’t “have to.” You don’t “have to” do anything, I guess. I mean, except maybe being a decent human, and some may argue that I’m not being a fair person by being so vehemently against AI writing. But… I’m not saying this because I hate AI writers. I’m saying this because it makes me, as a writer, feel undervalued. And sure, that’s vulnerable to admit, but vulnerability is a part of art, sometimes. And it’s not just my experience. It’s the experience of many people. I just don’t understand why people would continue to do this when it makes others feel so degraded. That, much like AI, feels inhuman, anti-human, even. Anti-self. If art is communication, why stifle that communication?

I’m not saying abandon editing, abandon feedback, I’m actually saying the opposite. Art is communication, going from your inside work to “what do you think of this?” to back. Of course, that doesn’t mean blindly going with what others want, either. Art is expression. Look, you get what I’m trying to say, I don’t need to repeat art is expression over and over, and this post is long enough.

You know, when I start tumblr drafts, I almost always write long posts and then delete them before posting wondering why I even bothered. It’s easy to feel that way about my writing, too. What’s the point? What makes me special? I’m just one of many writers who will never mean anything to anyone. I’m not special. But… I’m a person, a person who likes writing. That is what makes us writers. If you don’t… I just don’t get it.

But, anyway, I went from a quick “grrr, why YouTube AI slop!!!” post to a whole fucking thesis paper on AI writing, Umineko, IRELANDDDD and trying to uplift other writers and myself but probably failing. Oh well.

:) If you read this far, I hope you’re having a good day, even if we don’t agree on this subject. I just wish the world was a happier place for everyone. Sorry, been going through a rough patch, since, uh… since I was born.