#lectio difficilior

Pairing: Dream of the Endless (Morpheus) x F!Reader — Dream/Reader insert Fandom: The Sandman (Netflix / DC Comics) Word count: ~4.5k | One-shot | Second person POV | Rating: Teen and up Warnings/Tags: accidental summoning, captivity, post-season 1, morally grey reader, dark academia, obsession, the reader is the dangerous one here, references to canon-typical sleeping sickness, mutual fascination, dark romance undertones, open ending.

Summary: You never meant to summon anything. It wasn't a ritual — it was a reading. A philological exercise. Something innocent that ended with the King of Dreams standing in a chalk circle in your living room, asking what you've done. Freeing him should be simple: reconstruct one missing word from a damaged folio. The problem is that you found it three days ago.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. The Sandman and all related characters belong to Neil Gaiman, DC Comics and Warner Bros./Netflix. No copyright infringement intended; no profit is being made from this work. The reader character and original plot elements are mine.

@dreamyhopes

There are things that happen like this: by accident. It is not that one sets out to do them. They happen the way consequences happen, at the end of a run of bad decisions. Or perhaps of very good ones. You still have not decided which yours were.

I do know. That is why I am going to tell you slowly.

This is the story of how you kidnapped the Lord of Dreams on a Friday night, with chalk, cold tea, and impeccable pronunciation. And of the nine days it took you to open your hand and give him back.

When you tell people what you do, they smile in a very particular way. The history of Western esotericism sounds like a joke until you mention the university, the master’s degree, the doctoral grant, and then it sounds like an expensive joke. After that always comes the same question: whether you believe in it. You give your usual answer: that the historian of the Crusades does not need to believe in God, and that you do not need to believe in demons to edit the manuals of those who believed they were summoning them.

You study the words people wrote when they still believed words did things. Grimoires, psalters secretly corrected, recipe books for angels, letters between magicians who owed one another money. Paleography of the impossible. You can date an ink by the way it eats into the paper and recognize a copyist by the way he closes his o’s. It is a small and arrogant profession, like all professions that deal with the dead.

It was a good answer, yours. It was.

The papers arrived in autumn, in grey acid-free cardboard boxes, with that polite dust auctions have. Provenance: a manor house in Sussex called Fawney Rig; a family called Burgess; an Edwardian sect called the Order of Ancient Mysteries, which is rather like calling yourself the Open Secrets Club. Your department received the lesser lot: notebooks, correspondence, account books with suspicious indentations, and sixteen loose bifolia from a much earlier grimoire, stitched into a notebook with the arrogance of someone binding what they do not understand.

You knew the anecdote. Everyone in the field knows it and nobody puts it in the bibliography: Roderick Burgess, the drawing-room Demon King, the magician who promised to chain Death and displayed for decades a crystal sphere with something inside it. Charlatanry with a budget, you said in the seminar, and everyone laughed.

You were assigned to catalogue his failure, and failure, you discovered, had a fascinating critical apparatus.

Three hands in the bifolia. The original copyist’s: Gothic, disciplined, iron gall ink eaten by its own iron. That of a seventeenth-century reader, arguing in the margins with the smugness of the dead. And a third, later one, in pencil: someone had annotated, syllable by syllable, how it sounded. Vowel lengths, stresses, pauses. Almost a score.

No one annotates how a text sounds if they do not intend to read it aloud.

The central verse of the invocation was also quoted in Burgess’s personal notebook. Wrongly. Badly stressed, badly divided, with a long vowel treated as short: the kind of error that turns an order into a babble. He read it wrong all his life. He captured something anyway —texts are generous to the arrogant— but he captured it crookedly, and that was why he needed glass, painted circles, and a century of vigils to hold what a well-placed stress would have held on its own. That was what you thought. You noted it down with the calm of someone describing another person’s damp gunpowder.

You did not want to capture anything. You only wanted to know how it sounded correctly.

Keep that sentence. You are going to need it later, when it is no longer enough. The decisions, then. Count them with me.

You took the facsimiles home on a Friday. The facsimiles, not the originals: you are responsible, let the record show. You wanted to finish appendix B of your thesis, the one about the ritual diagram, and the diagram had to be photographed at actual scale. Your table is small. Your living-room floor is large. So you copied it in chalk, symbol by symbol, checking the proportions with a piece of thread. Defensible decision number two.

The third: reading aloud. Meter does not exist in silence; any philologist will confirm it for you with a martyr’s face. So you stood where there was space —inside the diagram, naturally, because outside it was the tripod— and you read.

The rest was not something you decided. The text asked for symbols, not relics; the difference matters and no one warned you. An old coin: you had three, inherited from a numismatist grandfather. A feather: the fountain pen with which you correct proofs. A stolen song: you had spent nine days with someone else’s refrain stuck in your head, the kind that steals itself. A knife: the letter opener. Blood: folio fourteen had cut your thumb at six in the evening, the way important papers cut, with malice aforethought.

Magic, you were going to discover, does not ask about intention. Magic is a form. You filled it out completely, without meaning to, and in a clear hand.

The chalk stopped being chalk on the third stanza.

There was no thunder. There was precision: the sensation of a large lock turning inside a small building. The lamp lowered its voice. The air in the living room became ancient. And in the center of the diagram, where a second earlier your tripod had been, there was suddenly a figure the room did not know how to contain: tall in a way that argued with the ceiling, pale as the inner face of things, wrapped in something that could not quite decide whether it was smoke or a coat, and the eyes. Two cutouts of night with their own astronomy.

“What have you done?” His voice did not enter through your ears. It entered through the nape of your neck, the way memories do. “Where am I? Who are you?”

And you, doctoral student, excellence scholar, author of an article on ritual dialectology with two citations —one of them your own— said only:

“Oops.”

Elsewhere —which is not a place, but a realm, and is not far away because it lies beside every place— a librarian looked up from her acquisitions register.

The palace still smelled of new construction. They had not been rebuilding for long, raising again the gates of horn and ivory, and her lord was reviewing the plans for the east wing with that attention of his that looked like punishment. He was halfway through a sentence when she saw it: the edge of his coat was already mist, and the mist, in turn, was less and less his.

“My lord...” Lucienne said, watching him disappear.

“What is happening?”

“I am not sure. A crossing.”

“From where to where?”

“Not from where, my lord. But from whom.”

“Who?”

“You... my lord.”

She spoke the last word to a space where there was no longer anyone. “Not again.” Lucienne stared at that emptiness with her lips pressed tight, made a neat note in her register —incident; time; cause pending— and went to find the raven.

In your defense: after the oops, you recovered quickly. You lifted your hands halfway, in that universal gesture that means I am carrying no weapons, only footnotes.

“I apologize. This wasn’t... The ritual was not a ritual. Or that is what I told myself. It was a reading. Something innocent.”

“A reading?” he asked, incredulous.

“Philological,” you clarified.

He lowered his gaze to the chalk around his bare feet, with the expression of a king examining the chair he had been made to sit in.

“And this?”

“Appendix B.”

He walked to the edge of the circle. He did not touch it: he listened to it, almost, with his whole body, and you saw the exact moment he confirmed the boundary was real. Something crossed his face, cold and enormous, a fury with experience. When he spoke again, each word came wrapped separately.

“The last man who held me inside a circle wished he had never been born, and was obliged.”

“Roderick Burgess,” you said, because terror makes you precise. “Nineteen sixteen. I catalogued his correspondence.” You swallowed. “What he did deliberately for a century, I did by accident in one night... I know. But I intend to undo it.”

You tried the obvious thing: wiping away the chalk with your foot. The chalk was no longer chalk; it was an idea with calcium, and ideas cannot be swept away. He watched you with the mineral patience of someone who has seen centuries of people kicking circles.

“It is opened with verse,” he told you, “and closed with verse.”

“The counter-verse. Folio sixteen,” you exclaimed, returning to your books. “Of course. It’s obvious.” You turned pages with fingers that had not quite finished being yours. “But sixteen has a lacuna. Damp. The ink migrated. There is a word missing.” You looked up. Then there was silence.

The silence of someone who, among other things, owns all the sleeping silences in the world is interesting.

“I can reconstruct it. It is literally my job. Collation of hands, grapheme frequency, metrical context. Give me time,” you told him as soon as your eyes met his.

“How long?”

“A word can take an hour or a lifetime,” you said. “I’ll let you know which one.”

Write that sentence down too. You said it in good faith. That is the saddest thing I can say about it now.

The first two days were honest. I want that to be clear, because later it will be necessary: the first two days, you worked as one prays. Raking light for the relief of dead ink, transmitted light for its ghosts, the conservator’s magnifying glass, the notebook filling with ascenders and crossbars like an anatomy class for letters. You offered him tea out of the reflex of a civilized country; you left the cup beside the edge of the circle. He looked at it without touching it, and the steam —you swore afterward— bent toward him as if it wanted to tell him something.

You spoke. Little, at first: fear is a poor conversationalist.

“Why can’t you simply...?” you dared to ask the first night, turning your hand.

“Leave?” he finished, without moving.

“You are what you are,” you told him. “And this is hardware-store chalk.”

“The rules are not mine. They are older than I am.” He said it without complaint, the way one dictates a date. “I am, among other things, the keeper of certain laws. It would be unbecoming to begin by breaking the ones that bind me.”

You wrote that in the corner of your notebook without noticing.

Pay attention: that was where it began. Not in greed. In reflex. Noting down what matters is your nature, just as his is to guard what sleeps. Only your nature, that week, had before it the greatest primary source in the history of your discipline, seated in the middle of your living room, answering questions.

On the second night, a raven landed on your windowsill and tapped the glass with purpose. You opened it, because by then you were no longer arguing with reality. The raven looked at the circle, looked at the one inside it, and said, in the voice of someone who had been something else before:

“Boss. Are you...?”

“I am well, Matthew.” A pause. “Tell Lucienne: philology. She will understand.”

The raven looked you up and down, twice.

“Right,” he said. “Philology. Of course. Same as always.”

And he left, and you went back to folio sixteen, and pretended with reasonable success that this had not just happened at your window.

It was also on the second night that he said:

“You have not slept.”

“No.”

“You have my entire realm sitting in your living room and you do not sleep.” His voice sounded sarcastic, or so you thought.

“It seemed in poor taste. To dream. In front of yours. Without you in there to...” You stopped yourself, because the sentence was headed somewhere without railings. “It seemed discourteous.”

He looked at you for three seconds that lasted a season of the year.

“No one,” he said at last, “has ever considered it discourteous to dream without me.”

The first syllable of the word appeared on the fourth day, when you crossed the copyist’s grapheme frequency with the metrical pattern of the previous verse. You recognized it at once, the way one recognizes a face in a crowd. Your stomach flipped, and at the time you called it joy.

That night he asked:

“Progress?”

And you said:

“Slow.”

Which was true. The best-preserved lies are the ones that technically are not lies. By then you had two notebooks. In one, you were reconstructing the word that would release him. In the other —say it, it is all right, no one hears us here but you— you were archiving him. Observations, you wrote on the cover, in your filing hand. Observations. As if he were an ink. As if he were a seventeenth-century hand.

You asked him things. Some were useful for the lacuna: verbal usages, closing formulae, how old texts named those of his house. Others were useful for nothing except you.

“Do your siblings also...?” you began one night, and stopped, because that question did not reconstruct any folio.

He looked at you. He knew exactly what kind of question it was; desire is the raw material of his profession, and yours was right there, on the table, poorly disguised among magnifying lenses. He answered it anyway. Fully. With names no archive in the world possesses. And you did not write anything down, because writing would have been confessing, and you memorized it all, which is worse.

Every hour with him was worth more than your entire thesis. Than your entire discipline. Two hundred years of European chairs arguing over whether grimoires were literature or liturgy, and you had the living referent taking human form between your sofa and your Ikea bookcase. No one in the history of your field had ever had what you had. No one would ever have it again.

There was the other thing. The thing that did not fit in any notebook: it had been years since anyone had asked you questions and stayed to listen to the whole answer. Your life was archives, unanswered emails, an apartment where the kettle was the only one that spoke to you. Now your home contained a presence older than language, one who said the title of your thesis without getting it wrong and argued with you over the caesura of a verse at two in the morning.

If you let him go, the silence would return. The old one. The usual one.

You did not think of it like that, not in those words. No one thinks of it like that. One thinks: the second syllable must be verified against folio nine. One thinks: it would be irresponsible to close the reconstruction without collating all three hands. Rigor is an excellent hiding place. It has the advantage of being true.

On the fifth day, you nodded off over folio twelve. Forty seconds, perhaps less. Your own neck woke you.

“I saw it,” he said.

Your ink went cold.

“What?”

“Your dream. Forty seconds are enough. It is my realm: you entered it, not it you.”

You did not ask what he had seen. That is the difference between you and Burgess: Burgess would have asked, convinced his desire was presentable. You already knew yours was not.

“And?” you said anyway, with the flattest voice in your repertoire.

“You dream of a house that is not empty,” said Dream of the Endless, without cruelty, which was the cruelest thing of all. “You dream that someone asks you things and stays. You do not dream of me, if that comforts you. You dream of what I am covering.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do.” A pause with the weight of a slab. “You found the first syllable two nights ago.”

It was not a question. Nor an accusation. It was an inventory, and inventories cannot be argued with.

“I am verifying,” you said.

“Burgess verified too.” He said it softly, and there you understood that his softness is the blade. “It took him years to stop pretending he was verifying. You have taken two days. You are quicker at everything, it would seem.”

That dawn, you reread the letters, the ones from the beginning, the ones from 1916. You were looking for the monster and found something worse: a reasonable man. A few more days, Burgess wrote to Hathaway, until the phenomenon has been properly documented. It would be irresponsible to release him without understanding him.

Irresponsible. Properly.

You recognized the syntax. It was yours. The monster’s handwriting, at first, is always one’s own; the monster is what happens afterward, decade by decade, while the hand keeps saying a few more days and worsens.

You closed the folder. You did not sleep. Nor did you work on the word. That night, rigor gave you no hiding place, and you sat on the floor of your living room, outside the circle, with both notebooks on your knees, looking at the oldest being you had ever known and would ever know, calculating —because that is what you did, you calculated, forgive me, but this account came out honest— how many more questions could fit into a week. Into a month. Into an academic lifetime.

He let you calculate. That too was deliberate. There are battles that can only be won if the other fights them all the way through.

“Boss,” said the raven at the window on the seventh day, and this time he did not look at you, which was worse. “Lucienne says the west wing... The books, boss. They’re going blank. First the titles go, then the authors, and last night an entire section of...” He hesitated, like someone reading someone else’s note. “...of languages that no longer exist woke up as paper.”

Something fell inside you, slowly, several floors.

Languages that no longer exist. Your section. Your shelf of the world. Every hour he spent in your living room, a library beside all places was going mute, and it was going mute starting with what was yours, with the texts no one but dreamers preserved, the lost originals, the grammars the fires here had already eaten and that only there still remained whole.

It was not the only thing. That same afternoon, you crossed paths on the stairs with the daughter of the neighbor from the fourth floor. The old woman had not woken for three days; the ambulance had taken her away on Tuesday without a siren, which is how they take those who are no longer in a hurry. They say there are more cases, the daughter told you, with that need to tell anyone that belongs to people who are waiting. It was on the news. People who fall asleep and do not.

You climbed the stairs counting: you had had the word complete since Monday. You had verified it on Monday night. It was Thursday.

Count with me: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Three days with the key in your mouth. The same three it took you, at the beginning, to find it. Perfect symmetry, if that comforts you.

I know it does not. Let us continue.

The lacuna admitted two reconstructions. One was easy, grammatical, tame: a boilerplate let him be released. The other was stranger, older, less well documented. Lectio difficilior: between two possible readings, the difficult one is usually the true one, because copyists simplify and originals do not ask permission.

The difficult one did not say release him. It said name him. What was called blindly must be dismissed with open eyes: the closing verse demanded the exact name of what had been captured, and punished cheap titles. Burgess would never have been able to close it. He never knew whom he had. He wanted everything and looked at nothing.

You had looked for seven days. That was exactly the problem.

Because naming, by now you know this, is the opposite of archiving. The archive retains; the name releases. Saying the exact word meant admitting you knew exactly what you had —not a phenomenon, not a source, not a thesis chapter: a king in a chalk cage, a library bleeding out, a woman on the fourth floor who would not wake— and renouncing it in full light. Without the comfort of accident. The accident was the capture; the holding was your work, signed, with two notebooks of evidence.

You said it on a Thursday at three in the morning, standing at the edge, with a hoarse voice and your best prosody, and when you reached the lacuna you did not read what was written, because it was not written: you said what you had reconstructed. The exact word. It will not be in your thesis. It will not be anywhere: there are words that exist only while they are being spoken, and then go back to hiding in the throat.

The chalk became chalk again with a sigh of dust.

He left the circle with a single step, and your entire living room rearranged itself around that step like a court. Standing, free, he was taller, or the world was lower; you never resolved which.

“I know when you found it,” he said.

“I know.”

You did not add sorry. It would have been cheap, and both of you were good at appraising.

“Burgess never had the word,” he continued. “He would have used it to ask for more. You had it in your mouth for three days, knowing the hourly price, and you said it anyway.” He inclined his head, one degree, perhaps two. “I have condemned men for far less than three days. And I have forgiven worse things for smaller reasons.”

“And which of the two...?”

“The other notebook,” he said, instead of answering.

Your heart stopped with one hand raised, as if asking permission to speak.

“What about it?”

“Nothing.” His eyes did that thing they do, that astronomy. “I only wanted you to know that I know.”

And that was the whole punishment. I am telling you, and I am keeping count: it was enough, and it still lasts.

He was already less body and more threshold when he stopped, without fully turning back.

“Sleep. You have spent nine days being discourteous to me.”

There was no smoke and no door: the living room simply remained without him, the way a word remains without a voice. You stayed a very long while looking at the chalk, which could now be swept, and you swept it, and you did not burn the Observations notebook. You put it in the bottom drawer, the one that locks with a key.

He knows that too. That too is part of the punishment. Or of something else that still has no cataloguing.

You slept fourteen hours. And you dreamed, of course.

You dreamed of a library that ended in none of its six directions, with staircases leading toward books not yet written, and you noticed —because now you notice these things— that on some spines the ink was fresh, newly returned, like blood coming back into a sleeping hand. A woman with glasses and a tight braid found you in the wing of dead languages, with an open register under her arm.

“This way,” Lucienne said. “I have been asked to show you the collection. We have the originals of almost everything you study. I should warn you that the lord of this house argues over punctuation. And does not forget.”

“Do you say that as a warning?”

“I say it as a catalogue.”

You woke thirsty, belatedly hungry, and with a word safe in your throat. Life went on, because life has that habit: the thesis, the archive, the grey boxes. The woman from the fourth floor woke that same week asking who had let her plants die. You swept the chalk. The notebook remained in the locked drawer.

What you did not see was this. I am telling you, because I look from both sides of doors.

In the wing of dead languages, where the ink had returned to the spines the way blood returns to a sleeping hand, the lord of the house remained for a while after you woke. Lucienne found him there, hands behind his back, before the shelves that nine days earlier had begun to go blank because of his absence. Because of the cause of his absence.

“Why show her the library?” she asked, because she had had the question noted down since the day before, and noted questions carry weight.

“Would you have preferred I show her the nightmares?”

“No.” She adjusted her glasses. “But you... do not do things without a reason, my lord.”

He did not answer at once. He ran a finger over a spine newly restored to its title, as if checking a scar.

“She knows a word she should not know,” he said at last. “It is wise to watch where that word sleeps.”

“And where does it sleep?”

“In her throat.”

Lucienne looked at him over her glasses, with that patience of hers that has a founding date.

“I meant the woman, my lord.”

“So did I.”

The silence that followed was one of the good ones: library silence, with suspended dust and everything. Lucienne, who has spent centuries cataloguing her lord’s silences and knows every edition, chose not to note it down. There are mercies like that.

It was then that she saw it. On the reading table beside the window —that window that looks out onto all twilights at once— there was a volume that did not appear in her register. Fresh ink. No title yet; titles arrive at the end. She recognized it by profession: her library keeps all the books their authors have not yet written, and this one was writing itself, page by page, at the rhythm of someone who, every night, on the other side, fell asleep again without fear.

“That book is new,” she said.

“Yes.”

“Have you been reading it?”

“It is my library, Lucienne.”

“It was not a reproach, my lord. It was catalogue.” Quill, register, neat handwriting: recent acquisition; living author; work in progress. “And is it good?”

He took as long to answer as a season takes to turn.

“It is difficult,” said Dream of the Endless.

And Lucienne, who has known him since before the word before existed, knew that in that mouth, it was not a complaint. It was the highest praise he grants.

Before leaving, he placed something between two pages that had not yet been written: a black feather, as a bookmark. To find the exact point, you suppose. So that the exact point might find him, I suspect.

You know nothing of this, of course. You only know that you sleep as you have not slept since you were a child, that the thesis is moving forward, and that some mornings you wake with a sensation found in no dictionary of symptoms: the feeling of having been read. Slowly. Attentively. By someone who does not skip the footnotes.

You keep his name in your throat. He keeps your book in his house. Call it debt, call it mutual archive, call it whatever you can: the catalogue still has no word for this, and the day it does, I suspect it will be difficult to pronounce.

For years, you thought the lectio difficilior was in the manuscripts. No. The difficult reading was never in folio sixteen. It was you, and you said it anyway; that is why the library lets you in.

But understand what that means, now that he knows: among all possible readings, he too always chooses the difficult one.