In my therapy session on Tuesday, we mentioned age in passing. It just came up out of the blue with something we were talking about. Without batting an eyelid, T looked at me and said “am I right, you are 40 this year?”. Woah, she knew my age off the top of her head like that! I was so surprised. And it felt nice that she knew it. Hmmm on reflection just now, maybe I could have expressed this to her. I am working on trying to show my feelings more spontaneously in therapy, rather than staying “inscrutable” (T’s word) and then having all the feelings after session. So perhaps I could have said “Oh! You know my age! That feels nice!” - although on the other hand, that would have been a sidetrack from what we were actually talking about. I think I could have still said it. Learning point for next time.
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Life sucks. Even though there will be sunshine and roses, there will also be times where you'll have to battle a storm and feel like "What's the point of staying alive in this storm? It would be just easier to leave it be." The bad things that happen will appear at the back of your mind more often than the good ones. It's just the work of your brain (and heart).
So you might be wondering why I might be talking about this today. It's just that I had a terrible day but I tried to look for something good (there will definitely be something if you think hard enough).
The Bad
Firstly, I was really close to this group of friends, but they kept ostracizing this girl (let's just call her L). If she sat down with them, they would make excuses to move to another table. Terrible I know but I think that they're really nice people at times, they are afterall my friends but sometimes it just annoys me that they would go to this extent. I might not like L too but I try to bear with her and be nice. Anyway, long story short, I was abandoned by my trusted friends. The feeling of going back to an empty table with just my bag sitting there alone was enough to make me feel upset (whether it was intentional or not).
Then, I'm just awkward with people. The fact that I can't talk to people properly pisses me off. Sometimes I can interact really well, like this social butterfly who would entertain everyone but feeling so lonely at the same time. Recently though, I just can't talk to certain people and that makes me feel unhappy too.
Another problem appears then, family relationship. My sister is my best friend but we argued again today. We made up already though but I still can't help but worry for her.
The Good
So after all these things happened and it made me feel really down and upset, I can't help but think that life sucks. There's so much problem in school that I wish I could just avoid but it doesn't work that way. As much as I'd love to just dig a hole and isolate myself from the world, that's not going to happen. You have to be stronger in order to win this war. You need your own personal strength.
But you also need someone who will be your anchor, who will make you feel like you're not alone in this. It makes things easier. It's funny how a simple smile or just someone being nice to me can make my day. The feeling of being noticed and appreciated just makes me happy.
Learning points
Remember to always be nice to people (whether you like them or not)
Smile more
Keep a diary to write down what you are thankful/appreciative for.
Have the will to fight for your life.
There could only be a few reasons if you decided to read it until here lol. Anyway, thank you so much for being around. If you all have some time to spare, just send a message to the people you know on tumblr to encourage them (it'll be good). Spread the positive vibes.
Sometimes you have to appreciate those that are willing to get you in trouble. Sounds different, but really, they are keeping you on your A-Game. They are keeping you on track. Be the better you and learn from situations like that.
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Ya, Visi untuk Mandiri.
1. Mengapa kemandirian memerlukan Visi?
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3. Mengapa Visi harus dikomunikasikan?
4. Bagaimana mengkomunikasikan dan berbagi visi?
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