#learn a thing

Which is a Shame because it's Disney before it all went to the dogs. After all not everyday you get to see a Witch learn Mass Summon Construct to do battle against invading Nazi forces in World War 2 ... You think I'm joking?

Coping skills is a tricky topic. One person’s coping skills may not be accessible to folks that face additional barriers or even harmful is the coping skill activates a trigger. So acknowledging that not every coping mechanism fits every person here are some thoughts...

Coping skills are simply the responses and ways we survive difficult situations and stimulus in our lives. Some ways we respond are good for us and align with our goals, some are destructive to ourselves or others or not adaptive for new environments we find ourselves in. 

A coping skill is not a solution. It does not ‘fix’ the stressors you are experiencing. They are intended to help you weather storms of heavy or overwhelming emotional/physical/cognitive sensation. Where possible, it is good to also working on managing or resolving root causes. 

Coping skills often fall into the categories of:

Self-soothing - activities that may feel stabilizing or reinforce your desired emotional/physical/cognitive state

Distraction- give your brain something else to process for a while, change your environment so that you’re not reminded of what is causing the upset

Replacement- give your self the gift of the opposite; this can be affirmations when you are drowning in negative self talk or pulling out a box of ‘evidence’ that helps counter whatever false reality you are battling; doing a soft and gentle thing when you feel like raging or lashing out

Know thyself- naming what is going on; when we feel overwhelmed we often face a jumble of emotional/physical/cognitive signals, giving yourself time and tools to identify what’s actually present and where it’s coming from can be empowering

Mindfulness - there are mindfulness techniques based on ‘emptying’ yourself of extraneous sensation and techniques based on filling your mind with specific sensation, these can have wildly different impacts depending on what you’re struggling with  

Support plan - sometimes called a crisis plan, it should not be held in reserve until you are fully in crisis; who are the people that you have asked to be part of your support circle when your day is heading in a negative direction? Preparation and communication and really helpful here

Here are some of the specific coping activities that work for me or people in my life. Feel free to jump into the convo with your own.

EXPRESSION

If you are working on an art project and can engage with that, great! 

If not, do something that reminds you that you have a voice and that you are here. 

Paint a chest of drawers: it is the distraction of researching the process + going out into humanity to buy supplies + the process itself, bonus you end up with a check of drawers that look like Starry Night done in purples

Coloring books!!!

A personal approach: Go ahead and destroy some objects you wanted to get rid of anyway, glue them back together and then destroy them again. Repeat as needed. End on either the constructive or destructive phase of the cycle as it might benefit you.

Go somewhere you won’t be arrested and scream. Scream a lot. Maybe cry. Laugh at how ridiculous you look. Scream some more. Kicking rocks is optional. 

I know everyone says journaling but it really can help you not only express but it helps track your feelings so you become more aware of patterns.

Journaling can be written but it can also be visual or auditory - there isn’t a ‘correct’ way to do it. 

A lot of folks don't want to stare at a blank page so doing something structured can be much more helpful. Back in my day the Mind Over Mood workbook was a clinical favorite and it is available at general bookstores.

 PHYSICAL ACTIVITY

I do enjoy going on the stereotypical walk in the woods but it can be much smaller than that. Move from the room you are into another; Watch a youtube video and learn a new dance (even if no one will ever see it!) or practice holding your arm’s in a ballerina’s pose. 

This can also be small motions, I repetitively touch each finger to my thumb when I can feel my emotions rising in a public space and need to give my brain another task. 

This can be a variety of things in the touch, sound, sight, taste, smell categories

Watch kitten youtube videos or listen to music recommended by an internet stranger, try a new recipe or buy an ingredient that you’ve never heard of at an international grocery store, make your own potpourri

I know that have a lot of action oriented suggestions on this list but that reflects my own bias towards needing to feel like I am creating/impacting/changing things. That is part of coping for me. 

But self-soothing can be putting your favorite blanket in the dryer so it’s warm and has the fabric softener smell and giving yourself permission to consume some guilt free media while snuggled up. 

REPLACEMENT

This is my favorite because one of my top five personality traits is sheer contrariness. Events are conspiring to get me down? Watch me get up just so I can kick something. My trauma response makes me want to isolate or lash out? Forget that - I will stride up to someone and provide the tenderest caregiving you ever did see. 

This doesn’t mean I’ve never been in a depressive funk for a month or that anxiety hasn’t kept me away from things I wanted - that’s very real too but when those struggles have left me even an inch, I have tried to turn it into a mile. 

On the caregiving note - that doesn’t have to be people. Get a plant that you can nurture, make it’s caregiving a regular habit. 

Around turning thirty I got really serious about providing the care to myself that I would provide to another person. I would never say about someone else what my inner narrator said about me. So I started saying out loud the opposite statements, the affirmations, that I would say to someone else when ever that narrator got to yammering. 

HELMUT NEWTON STARTER PACK: N*S*F*W* 

warning: intense flashing lights. 

Star Sign: Taurus

Height: 5′9″-ish. Idk if height is a thing that can fluctuate, but sometimes it feels like it does by about a half inch or so

Put your music on shuffle. What are the first 4 songs that pop up? Sonata Arctica - Black Sheep,, Reol - Final Sigma,, Keep of Kalessin - Against The Gods,, Manuel - Gas Gas Gas

Ever had a song/poem written about you? No? Unless anyone has, pls lemme know. But I’ve written things about someone once or twice.

Last time you played the guitar: A little bit in first year of hs

Celebrity crush:  never really had many of those... Kate Beckinsale, Tarja Turunen, Ibuki  (do rockstars count?)

A sound you hate + a sound you love? Hate - omfg, we’ve got these little giant stools at work that’re old as dinosaurs, they’re all rusted and squealy, especially the damn sissybars “handles”. But everyone there is inexplicably obsessed with using, even though the things are way easier to carry when you just fold it down and pick it up that way, and I don’t understand what their problem is. [/mini-rant]

Love - the swish of a sharp blade cutting air (kinda hard to achieve with a pocket knife), crackling fires, heavy rains and storms... one more that’s not quite asmr, but it does involve whispers

Believe in ghosts? Absolutely

Do you drive? Yes, automatic only though. Learning manual wouldn’t be hard, I just don’t see a real need for it tbh.

Last book you read? Probably either To Catch A Wolf by Susan Krinard, or Necroscope: The Touch by Brian Lumley

Do you like the smell of gasoline? Eh  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  I can take it or leave it.

Worst injury you’ve ever had: Hmm... (1) at one point abut in middle school, I was riding my bike through my neighborhood, swerving hard from side to side, cuz it seemed like a good idea at the time - turned a bit too sharp, flipped over the handlebars and got real familiar with the pavement. No lasting damage on my face, but my left ring finger is still crooked from that day, cuz we didn’t (and I still don’t) have the money to get it fixed. (2) Exhausted, hungry and angry at work one night two years back, my box knife slipped and went from where it should be to where it shouldn’t - stabbed myself just above my left knee. Didn’t need stitches - wasn’t really all that deep, just went at an odd angle.

Do you have any obsessions right now? Not quite an obsession, but I’m trying to learn more about my faith/religion (and my gf’s as well, I’m sure that’ll be important for later). There’s so many things to learn.

Do you tend to hold grudges towards people? I try not to anymore, but I’m still mad at Andrew from 7th grade. Current me doesn’t remember what he did, but little me was super pissed.

In a relationship? Oh, yes. tumbly won’t let me tag her, but that’s her, she’s the one that done it <3