#ldrblogs

You’ve been a little bitter lately and it seems like you don’t want things to go right. I don’t know exactly why you do that but there must be a reason. I believe it is because you are feeling alone sometimes and for that I’m sorry. I would like to keep you company but I have a lot to do. While you’re there sitting on your rocking chair drinking your sugarless tea and looking at all of us, I would like to tell you something:

Even though you’ve been trying to make things difficult, as far as I know we’re taking it smoothly. Kevin wakes up to go to University and studies a lot whenever he can, sometimes in the afternoon he will send a little message just as a reminder that wherever he is, he’s thinking of me.

I wonder how it is possible for some people to give you the feeling that they are far away even though they live at the same street as you and of Kevin making me feel Sweden is only 15 minutes away from my front door.

We’ve been planning a lot lately even though the money is short. He tells me not to care when I’m feeling worried but I can see him making the accountings 3 times in a row just to make sure that we indeed only have that amount money. Kevin will tell me in a night we’ve been talking about random things that Sweden isn’t what I’m expecting it to be and I would say that being by his side is all I had on my head. Then he would send me videos and pictures of how my life would be as soon as I stepped in a country that has a winter full of snowflakes just so I could send him pictures of palm trees and fresh coconut water.

Sometimes he will search through everything he has in his room, on the nights that we don’t have much to talk about because you made sure our day would be boring, we will read little chapters and talk about it, or he will sing weird songs with random words found on the pages. I like to look at him while he does it, always absent minded of how my world turns around him.

On the worst nights we will argue, and we do that a lot, thanks to you dear life. He will be stressed about something first and no matter how much I want and try to convince him otherwise, he won’t change his mind. But it’s fun to see everything change when I start feeling down because I can’t bring him up. All the lines on his face fade and he instantly ask me “What are you feeling?” as I had any idea of how to describe the thousand emotions I have in me. I would like to shout “I HATE BEING APART”, but as far as I know, he hates it too. He will make me even grumpier by asking me to smile every now and then, and I will tell him that I would smile if he did it first. Kevin doesn’t always smile first.

Sometimes he is the only person I want to see. We might play a game or two, he will ask me weird things and what I would rather do. I will record every little second of it knowing he won’t let me make a video and share. “Why do you have to share things on the internet?” he says “You can make the videos to ourselves” and it makes me grumpy. Sometimes he doesn’t understand what I would like to do, he’s learning though, he’s doing his best to respect what is contrary to what he believes and I appreciate it.

Dear life, I came up to the conclusion that you like to make things difficult, maybe you are too old to understand that this kind of relationships defy everything the society nowadays believe to be possible, maybe you just want us to be happy for what we have.

I also came up with the conclusion that maybe you have a reason after all of making people work for what they want. In fact I believe you are good most of the times, when you give me something I never knew I needed.

I’m happy for the long night talks, for the way he thinks his hair looks weird, for him showing me what he bought that day and for us living in a world that is so little it’s possible to go from one corner to another. I’m grateful for the mail that can deliver little treats so both of us will feel loved. I am also grateful for his voice changing to a soothing tone whenever I need his support, for his cute laugh and for the way he thinks I’m the cutest human alive. When we marry I will always miss that skype noise when a picture was shared and also when he would call me, I will miss kissing the camera goodnight or putting my finger on the camera just to see if it would get dark where he is, so I would be sure he had me on full screen. I’m happy for the trust and willingness to stay together.

I hope you keep your hard job of making things working and that you, with that smooth way of changing roads, keep showing me the right way to go. May you always let me (in all your bitterness) appreciate the little moments and believe that every step I take is about to result in something greater.

Dear life, while you’re there sitting in your rocking chair feeling a little hopeless and not knowing where to go, I wish one day you will find your own long distance relationship.

On the Fifth day of Blogmas, my Tammy brings to me...

Cheap date ideas. Because in an LDR, we are all BROKE.

So besides crying over our wallets and how expensive plane tickets/train tickets are let’s all look on the positive side: having fun doesn’t always require money. 

Idea #1: Dip into your inner child, build a pillow+blanket fort, grab your laptop/tablet/tv, get some popcorn/junk food, grab some WINE (for my older readers) and voila. Movie date. 

If you have never built a blanket fort as a child, do it the super lazy way like I do. Grab some chairs, get your blankets and drape them over the square of chairs, hold them in place with some heavy stuff like books and bam. You have yourself a fort. It’ll take a little trial and error, but that’s part of the fun! 

Idea #2: Walk around and explore the city. 

I think people take for granted the magic of the city during the winter holidays. There are so many little events going on, many free of charge. For instance, in Toronto, we have the Christmas Market every year which is a cute little winter wonderland set up. There’s something super romantic about walking through the city together, stumbling upon whatever random exciting thing comes your way. Maybe even just sitting in a cafe and drinking cinnamon lattes. 

Idea #3: Bake & Cook all the things. 

Who says you need to go out to eat for a date? Dinners can be EXPENSIVE, so I try to avoid them if I can. Ger and I love cooking together & it’s pretty damn fun. So if you want a more homely date, cook & bake together, then pig out in your blanket fort over movies. 

Idea #4: Go Ice Skating!

Going to a public skating rink is usually only $2 each where I live, so I can’t imagine it’ll be any more expensive where you live. Even if you have NO idea how to skate, fumble around together and have a good time. ^-^

Idea #5: Go to IKEA.

Okay, this sounds ridiculous at first but you underestimate my love for IKEA. I can spend endless hours there shopping for home goodies, but it’s also fun to roleplay and goof around in the display rooms. You can make up stories for people, talk in different accents, play hide & go seek (discretely) in the display rooms, etc. And when you are hungry, IKEA food is cheap af. 

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I hope you guys enjoyed these quick ideas for a cheap date night! I know the broke struggle and these are my main go-to’s in the winter. 

If you like this post, let me know if you want another one just like it. I have 100 different ideas I could share :)

Imagine you’re swimming in the ocean, laying on your back and drifting in the waves. You’re relaxed, happy, everything is okay. A bigger wave laps over your body and you’re snapped out of your relaxed trance. 

You open your eyes and look around. “Where is the beach?”

Whipping your head around looking for land you begin to panic. Your chest feels tight, your heart is pounding, you’re taking shallow breaths, you’re feeling light headed but you keep looking for land. You start calling out, not hearing exactly what you’re saying but just calling for a response to assure you that you aren’t lost forever. 

Suddenly, someone close to you swims over and grabs your hand. “It’s okay, you’re safe. I’m here.”

Your heart slowly stops pounding, you’re still feeling stressed but you begin to calm down. All you needed to hear was that everything is going to be okay. 

That is what my anxiety is like. Sudden, irrational and hard to come out of without a little help. 

So the question is, how the hell do I deal with this?

There is no definitive answer. Everyone experiences anxiety a little differently, but from my own experience in my LDR these are the things that have worked for me.

Communication, Reassurance & Patience

If you are in a long distance relationship, or ANY relationship with someone with anxiety, be prepared to constantly reassure them. I don’t care if it’s annoying to tell them you love them every couple hours, or to sit on the phone and reassure them you aren’t going to leave them. Do it. They need it. Nobody ever said anxiety is rational, so don’t expect your partner to be in their rational mind when they are crying on the phone to you about something silly (silly to YOU, not to them). Respect that they need you to comfort them and bring their mind back down to peace. 

Then, be prepared to do it all over again. You already had this conversation last night? Sorry bud but it’s time to reassure your partner allllll over again. They aren’t choosing to feel this way. It’s triggered by a number of things and by promising them your love, you basically made a contract to be the person they go to when they need to calm down. You’re a team, remember that! 

Prevention

Identify the main trigger for your/your partner’s anxiety. Once you can pinpoint the various triggers, you can put forth interventions. 

If you’re going out with friends, tell your partner where you are going and who with. (It’s not a trust issue, it’s an anxiety issue). Make sure to text them every couple hours if they ask you to.

If they are scared of planes, make sure to set aside a few hours before their flight to comfort them. Maybe even buy them a WiFi pass for the plane so you can talk while they are flying. 

 If it’s when they are with family, make sure to text them or maybe give them a call when they can get away for a few minutes to calm them down.

School? Reassure them about their grades and how hard they’ve been working, or help guide them if they feel lost and don’t know what they want to do anymore. 

Understanding 

Understand that anxiety won’t just go away on its own. Sometimes you can deal with it on your own with a warm bath and some loud music, but often times you need someone to help bring you back to shore and assure you that you aren’t going to drown. 

Love can conquer many things, and anxiety is one of them. 

Anxiety stems from insecurity, miscommunication and the unknown. Sometimes it even stems from thin air. But despite how exhausting dealing with anxiety can be, it is totally manageable and can be overcome. 

Good luck & stay strong !~ 

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   Thank you!!! :)