#layla ayers

--- --- --- Well, I grew up wishing I could close off the way my dad did 'Cause that man never felt a damn thing he didn't wanna feel But I've burned too many miles tryna ride out all the sadness But you can't outdrive pain, someday it's gonna take the wheel

Can't be alone but don't wanna get close to anybody Don't wanna bare teeth but don't wanna look weak, it's a tough spot But I'm afraid you'll walk away when the tears start running But I hope not

'Cause cowboys cry too They may not let 'em fall down in their hometown Thinking they still got shit to prove That well runs deep But when he's showing his skin, letting me in That's when he's toughest to me

--- --- ---

The drive is silent. The full moon is tomorrow night. She’s anxious, and it gnaws at her. She can feel it even now - something beneath her skin is begging to be set free. Tomorrow will mark only the second time she will transform. And the first is merely a haze. She is nervous. She is scared.

That’s nothing compared to the man sitting next to her. Travis Hackett is going out of his mind. But he’s not showing it. He can’t afford to.

Now she knows, she realises that he is somehow the most level-headed of the entire family.

She wants to say something, but no words which float to the top of her mind seem to fit.

She is part of the problem now.

As they pull-up outside his parents’ house, he attempts to break the awkward silence. But he can’t. This is too much for him. But he still reaches for her hand as they exit the car together.

Hunting Silas isn’t the only priority anymore.

Protecting her is .

Who is he kidding? It always was. **

When they enter, his parents immediately pull him aside, and tell her to wait in the other room. She understands; given her affliction. And given the timing. They are probably planning tomorrow’s hunt, she thinks to herself.

As she opens the door, she is surprised to find Chris and the kids waiting for her; and although hesitant at first, Caleb and Kaylee run to embrace her. She wraps her arms around them, in a protective embrace.

They’ve apologised to her more than a million times, even though it isn’t their fault. This feels to her like another one of those situations.

She feels like a mother, and tries not to think too hard about what her infection means for her own prospects on that.

The ring on her left hand seems to dig into her skin just a little more than it usually does.

“What is this?” She jokes to try to lighten the mood, “a werewolf intervention?”

Chris is the only one to attempt a half-hearted laugh. But the look in his eyes tells her that she didn’t miss the mark by very much.

He pats the seat next to him, and she half turns to look back at the door which is now closed. The voices are muffled, so she isn’t going to learn anything standing here. She sighs gently, crossing the room to accept the invitation.

Once she is seated next to Chris, she lays her head on his shoulder. He pats her arm in understanding. They used to be very good friends growing up. He was probably the Hackett who - back then - she had been closest to. Although, they had grown distant over the past year or so. And now she knew why.

Now they were all in this together, she recalls.

“How are you doing?” asked Chris.

She raises her head to look at him, halting the sarcasm at the tip of her tongue when she notices the genuine look of concern on his face, “Like something inside me is scratching to get out. You ever seen Alien?”

He winces, but she’s got no reason to sugar coat it. Chris has been dealing with this for much longer than she has after all, and if anything, he is the only one that she can talk to about this.

“Agitated?” Honestly, no. She hasn’t been feeling agitated, but Chris explains that’s what happens to him. Little things set him off, he says. And in general, he feels on edge a lot more now.

She wonders if the longer this goes on, she might end up like him. Her eyebrows knit, and she bites her lips together. Maybe she might find out. But then again maybe, if they do find Silas, she won’t need to worry.

Silence falls on the room; nobody really feels like talking. And she can tell that they’re all straining to hear what’s going on in the next room. Every time Travis talks it anchors her, even when she can’t tell what he’s saying – the sound of his voice makes her feel a little less afraid of her situation. **

Time passes; even if it feels so frozen that she isn’t sure how much time is gone by. The voices in the next room start rising. This happens a lot now. She turns as the volume continues to grow. Her eyes getting wider. She hates fighting.

She hates the emotion that is put behind every syllable.

She isn’t known for standing up for much, but she knows she cannot stand this. She runs for the door, but she finds herself blocked.

Perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised by how fast Chris Hackett can be, given the creature lurking underneath his skin. But she is.

“Think about this,” he instructs her.

Travis is all that matters. He’s all she can think about. “They can’t just get away with saying that to him! I can’t let them just—!”

“Don’t.” And that word is more than just a warning.

She feels the tears stinging the back of her eyes as Chris subjects her to be a witness to this. Even if for her own good.

She cannot cry. After all, this isn’t all about her.

Glaring at Chris isn’t going to do anything either. It isn’t like her to do that, but for a few seconds that is what she finds herself doing. She feels like she hates him in this moment.

It must show on her face because he pulls his hand away from the door, and his body back from her’s in surprise.

She blinks a few times, shocked at herself, and walks away from the noise. Even on the other side of the door she can hear every word now. She is too anchored to his voice. To every attempt Travis makes to fight back against his own family. And it’s never been like her to want to fight.

Whatever is within her now wants to change that. Maybe with time, she’ll give into that temptation. But not today, and the feeling is mercifully fleeting. **

When the door finally opens, slowly, everything is quiet again. There is an atmosphere in the room that she cannot place her finger on. But that doesn’t matter. The look on his face matters.

Travis Hackett won’t even look at her. His eye line grazes the floor, and his frame looks smaller. She isn’t surprised.

“Let’s go,” he says in a defeated tone. But like he is still trying to hide it from her. It hasn’t worked very well. No one else says anything, and he turns away before she can.

Her heart hurts, and she has a fraction of a second to acknowledge Chris, and the kids, with a fleeting ‘goodbye’ before she rushes to catch up with him.

Backing-up a pace to keep her distance; Travis needs room to breathe – she can feel that. This house is suffocating him.

She follows him closely back to the car. She doesn’t reach out; it doesn’t feel like the right thing to do. It doesn’t look like what he wants.

She expects to split away from him as she goes for her car door, but he walks the same way instead. She keeps that respectful distance; always keeping her eyes on him. He’s carrying the weight of the world already but his family are always asking for more, and more, and more. She wants that tension to break. And the second it does…

Snapped from her thoughts by the sound of the car door opening, he turns to look at her. They lock eyes, and her’s quickly lower. She’s embarrassed, as if he can read her mind. She’s sure he wouldn’t like what she had to say.

Travis is silent when he holds out his hand to help her in. And she takes it delicately.

It doesn’t matter the situation, he never forgets to be a gentleman. They both look back toward the house.

She turns back to him; her fingers lacing with his. She doesn’t want to make her sympathy look like pity. However, she hopes that he understands all the same.

His head inclines, slightly defeated. I know… **

“I don’t want to stay at your parent’s tomorrow night.”

It’s the first thing she’s said to him since they left their home, breaking the steady hum of the engine as they drive back. It doesn’t feel like it should be. But she needs to say it. There is a sigh in response, but it sounds like it’s of relief.

Travis doesn’t leave the silence long: maybe he’s just glad to talk.

“Then, you won’t have to. We’ll,” he pauses, briefly, “figure something else out.”

She raises her head to the sky. The moon sitting ominously amongst the stars. He has less than 24 hours to do so.

She is surprised when he reaches for her hand this time. Like she isn’t the one who should be showing him affection right now.

“I’ve decided,” he says in a decisive tone.

“I’m not going hunting tomorrow. I’m going to stay with you.”

She looks across to him. She’s lost all her words again. But that doesn’t matter to him. Her face shows her gratitude, even if it is mixed with disbelief.

She wants to say something about the fight, but instead, she just squeezes his hand tighter.

Travis keeps his eyes on the road, but every time his gaze flicks over to her, the glance feels significant.

And she knows that she cannot take her eyes off of him. **

He pulls the car up in their driveway and sighs gently. Unfortunately, Travis still has a night shift to be getting on with. He can’t stay with her, but he wants to - especially tonight.

“Well, I’m glad that’s over,” he jests, trying his best to lighten the mood.

“Chris and the kids okay?”

She stares at him, and her eyes narrow slightly. Like he can just brush off whatever that was as if it was a ‘normal’ visit to see his family. She hopes that isn’t what he is resigning himself too.

“Fine. A little on edge. Like me, I guess,” she replies.

“Oh.”

She supposes that he wants something more from her, but she doesn’t know what else to tell him. This time, she places her hand gently over his.

“I guess it makes sense, with the moon. But we’ll be okay. We’ll get through this.”

Honesty she isn’t sure she believes that, but it is what he needs to hear. He’s already hurting, and she’s not going to hurt him more.

Travis walks her to the front door, her arms entwined around his. They walk slow. She knows that he doesn’t want to let her go. Although he knows that he has to. But for a few moments here, she can hope that he will shirk all of his responsibilities just this once, and stay here with her.

When they get to the porch, she quickly makes it up a step, but he doesn’t. And she knows the fantasy is over. But only for now. Afterall, hadn’t he just promised her that he would stay tomorrow night?

Travis takes her hands and turns her back to face him. They stand in silence for a few minutes. He knows he has to go as much as she does. But they’re both waiting for something. Although neither is sure exactly what. Is there even anything else to say? They both look at each other, and there is an understanding there. Travis takes a breath and, for a moment, looks a little lighter. Like the whole world isn’t on his shoulders. ‘He’s putting on a brave face for me,’ she thinks. And despite everything it makes her smile. It’s a sad smile though, and she suddenly feels overcome with emotion.

But she doesn’t want Travis to see her cry, so she rushes forward. Throwing her arms around him she buries her head in his shoulder. When he winds his arms around her, he is a lot calmer. His hands rub her back as he reciprocates. Placing his own head into the curve of her neck, Travis closes his eyes. He wants to get lost; he wants to revel in her. For a heartbeat, the world is just them. And nothing else matters.

Travis hates to be the one to break it. “I suppose I should get to the station,” he sighs. And although his words are said with purpose, and they puncture her with disappointment, he does not make the first move away from where he lies. With the way her fingers are digging into his shirt, he doesn’t think that she is about to let him leave either. She only relaxes her grip on Travis when she can feel him concede. What was a few more minutes, after all. Right now, Travis would take all he could get. He would lose her to this affliction once a month as it was. She can feel him letting go, as if he is melting into her. And surely neither of them would like anything more…

For a few moments, he can just let it out. He is protecting her, yes. But she wants nothing more than to protect him too.

Time has, once again, frozen. She isn’t sure how long they have been standing like this. She is only aware that her arms are getting cold. Travis unwinds himself from her, as if he can hear her thoughts. His brown eyes tender as he looks at her. She has to let him go – and his hands immediately rub her arms. “I’ll be back before you know it. Now go on, get inside. Get warm.” She nods, “Be safe.” He can’t promise that, but he does so any way - just for her. “You too,” he replies. She can’t promise that either. But she does, because he needs to hear it.

She waves him off from the top of the steps as he walks back to his patrol vehicle, and she doesn’t make a move to go inside until the lights are out of sight. She’ll wait up for him. To know he’s back and safe with her. And for a moment, they can pretend this isn’t all going to hell.

The monster within her stirs again, and she catches her breath. Maybe she shouldn’t be scared of this feeling. Maybe she should chase it. Maybe it won’t be a curse for her. Maybe it will help her.

She looks back out to the road he disappeared on, and she can feel the corners of her mouth lift in a confident smile.

Only time will tell.

--- She thought she knew a thing or two about Fantasy. She’s a writer, after all. But there’s a difference between writing something insane, and living something insane.

Moving back to help her sister run her parents’ motel wasn’t meant to lead to this. It was supposed to be simple; the most complicated thing was supposed to be the boy she had a high school crush on all grown up… and still single.

Not werewolves. And certainly not becoming one.

Caught between both their families and her affliction; just how many full moons can this relationship last.