#lauren posts

One of the tough things about having no close friends and no one you can trust is that it's really hard to explore your own identity, especially with any nuance. Ideas don't have substance until you see them reflected in the world around you, but throwing ideas you're unsure of at people, even those you trust, is very scary.

There's this category of ideas in my head that I've never known what to do with. Ideas that I find intriguing, but can't further my understanding of without externalizing. A lot of these ideas represent big breaks from what the (current/default/implied) answer is, and so sharing them directly can either feel misleading or like a big ask of whoever I'm sharing with. Whether or not those feelings are rational, the fact that I feel that way keeps them in my head and I never get the chance to find out.

The whole point of this blog is to be a place where I can throw those ideas. They're here for me to figure out my feelings, without obligating the people close to me to care, respond, or even notice. This space is opt-in, you can use anything you learn here any way you like, including not at all.

The idea of opt-in spaces is really new to me; by default I've never received much attention. When no one cares for the nuances of you, things belong in one of two categories: things you insist on and things that don't matter. This place is for a secret third category, and by being here you're agreeing that you're here for you and you alone.

((And then he talks in one of his video on accident and eVERYONE NUTTED))