#yoonkook

Weird, huh? It's been years, yet... he still looks just the same. Just like the last time I saw him. From his cat-like eyes—the ones that used to gaze at me sharply, and then soften after a while… The cute slope of his nose…  The soft curve of his cheeks… His lips… They all look the same, but different. 

We’re all grown now after all. We all somehow grew in our own ways. Yet, here I am, in a fucking mental clinic for something I never grew out of.

Our eyes meet for the first time in a while. He frowns, it’s so subtle and fast, no one would even notice. But I do. Every little action that he does, I always notice it—no matter what. I keep saying that the Y/n who just hit her puberty is no longer me, yet with my emotions right now, I can feel like my hormones are all over the place.

"Sit down.” He smiles, gesturing to the seat across him.

His voice is so deep it sounds like a soothing lullaby... His eyes look so tired that I can tell he works so well... The warmth in his smile makes my heart skip a beat. For a second, I forget why I am here in the first place...

Snap out of it!

It takes me a second to realize that I stared at him for too long. I clear my throat, wishing my embarrassment would also go away. I smile as I take the seat.

Our session ended without him saying that he at least recognized me. Did it make me upset? Yeah... sort of. I mean—I didn't go there and pay him to reminisce about our high school days, but still...

I huff as I crumple the paper.

"Ugh! Really? Y/n? Still drawing him?"

I uncrumple it, and stare at the new drawing for a while. I lean back in my chair, and sigh. "I'll give it to him. He looks hot in that coat." I chuckle, and stick the paper back in my notebook. "I'm keeping it because I drew him too good, not that I still like him or anything. That would be just so stupid."

Ha! Right! Nothing else. 

I smile, pleased with how I gaslight myself.

 My body aches from having a shrimp position for a long time which is why I stand up and stretch my back and arms like Gojo Satoru. I sit back after it, and before I know it, I fall asleep (again) in my studio.

Summer 2010

Our last subject had just finished and it's still raining heavily. I have no umbrella, so my friends and I are forced to run. Reaching the covered court, I groan. "Why call it summer when it rains this heavy??"

"Do they really think—us—high school students are waterproof?!" Sana exclaims while Chaeyoung just chuckles beside us. Our clothes are pretty wet but not that drenched.

We walk on the stage since there's some chair in there. Putting our bags down, we wait for the rain to stop. We—juniors—only have to spend half the day on campus. Lucky, huh?

"Stay here, hm? You both can't leave me just because you guys have an umbrella to share, and your houses are close." I glare at both of them while they just laugh at me. They won't leave me otherwise, I know that.

It's been an hour, yet the rain doesn't seem to plan on stopping. It's about one in the afternoon now, we think—and it seems like we're the only junior students left on campus. Suddenly, the seniors from the front building go out. They head to the covered court. They are wearing some sort of costumes. It’s ridiculous—Okay, not really. They seem like they're going to dance.

We sit still from above across them, and watch them prepare.

As time goes on, we get bored, so I decide to mess with my friends. "Hey, Chae, wanna play?" I whisper as I grin. Sana is too occupied with her phone that's why it’s just the two of us who play.

We’re playing Smash or Pass. The rule is simple: I point at every senior guy, then we have to say ‘Smash’ if we think they are cute, and ‘Pass’ if not.

Pointing here and there, until finally, I pointed it to a guy who's wearing a Thai hat…? The gold ones. It seems like part of their costume.

"Hm... Smash!" Chaeyoung laughs, and I do too. Because miraculously, SAME. Chaeyoung and I have a different standard when it comes to saying who looks good and who’s not. And they can say that I’m… a bit of a judger. 

We have a great laugh realizing we’d say ‘smash.’

We watch them dance and sing along with the songs that are playing. Thinking about it, we might actually look like idiots. They can practically see us sing and dance with them since we're on stage.

After a while, I ask Chae, "What nickname should we give him?" It's our thing. Giving nicknames to people whether they look good—or just annoying. I think it's something every friend group should do.

"He looks like a cat, and his eyes disappear too when he smiles... Kitty?"

Like Hello Kitty?

"Kitty...?" It sounds weird to me for some reason, so I proposed to change it. 

But Chae’s right though… He looks like a cat. So, what is it in Japanese again? Niki… Noki… Nek—Ah!  

"What about Neko? It has the same meaning but doesn't sound weird." 

Chaeyoung agrees, and since then, we call him Neko. With his sharp eyes and pale tone, he does look like a Neko. ^--ㅅ–^

A few moments after, we plan a scheme. We go down to compare our height to his. We walk towards him as if we are just passing by and about to go to the canteen instead.

My and Chae's eyes go wide open. Gasping and staring at each other, the signals are sent.

Gosh, he's tall.

Oh gosh, he is.

>>>

A day or two passed since then. We randomly see him again when we go to buy in the canteen.

Then again.

And again.

And again…

Until a few days have passed, and I keep on seeing him. To the point that... maybe... just maybe, it isn’t really a coincidence anymore. Maybe the fate accidentally tangled our strings.

New character unlocked?

When we are about to go back to our room, we meet Hani halfway through. Hani is my best friend in elementary school.

"Y/n!! Come here! Imma show you something. Actually—no—It's a ‘someone’." Hani drags me, and Chae just tags along with me.

Hani rants about how this guy looks so good, that for the first time in a while, they found someone who actually looks good on this campus.

Chae and I eye each other. 

Are we thinking who we're thinking?

As we reach the third floor of the first year's building, across it is the senior's building. We stop our track right in front of an exact room. The windows are open, and from our spot, we can literally see him studying.

"Neko?"

"You know him?" Hani asks, to which I nod.

And just like that, we found our sweet spot.

>>>

Chae and I sometimes go up there just to catch a glimpse of him. It’s stupid, and fun. 

Until this day came.

As usual, Chae and I go to the third floor once again. We stay on the balcony that faces their room. It’s break time, so everyone is all over the place. 

Then, I feel it. Chae pokes my side, and points to my front. I frown, and follow her finger. There it is—his teacher raising her brow at me. Then, his classmates turn their heads toward me... 'til lastly, he does. Everyone is looking at ME. I quickly shift my eyes back at Chae, only to see that she’s hiding on the balcony divider. I look back at the teacher who's still looking at me.

"Do you need anything, Ms?" she says. We are quite far but it’s still audible.

"H-huh...?" That’s all I can muster—it’s even barely a whisper. My mouth is ajar due to not knowing what to do or say. It lasts like that for a few more seconds. Until I muster all the courage and pride I have left in my body, and shrug it off as I start to walk away. Frowning and pretending to look confused as if they got it wrong and I was simply hanging out there.

Walk

Walk

RUN

I run back to our room as soon as I notice Chae is following me. When we get back, we are panting and sweating. Our classmates look at us with weird looks. Not that I can blame them. One of our classmates asks us what happened, and we tell them everything.

It’s our last time going there.

I feel someone flick my head, making me groan in annoyance.

"Noona, wake up!"

I grumble as I sit up straight, realizing I fell asleep in the studio again.

"You know you don't have to flick me. Between the two of us, I'm the light sleeper." I mumble while my eyes are adjusting, focusing on the big guy in front of me.

He rolls his eyes at me. Up to this day, I wonder who he got it from. "Eomma wants you to eat lunch with us."

I chuckle. "Your mother did? Wow, what a pleasure," I sass.

He groans, and plops himself on the couch. "Can't believe you still resent her."

"Kook, what kind of a daughter am I if I don't?"

I don’t mean it, and we both know it.

Jungkook throws a pillow at me as he stands up. "Still. Eat with us."

And just like that, he walks away.

>>>

Life goes on, that's what they say.

I must've been nuts for going to therapy yesterday. It's not like I'm seriously depressed.

Right…?

Living alone in the house that came from the paycheck of my drawings must be really the best accomplishment I've had. Who would've thought the high achieving in academics girl would end up in this job. It’s a pure mystery.

I stare at my empty fridge. I smile. Simple as that. 

This. The only thing that keeps me sane nowadays is this...

"Looks like I need to go... shopping."

>>>

I grin ear to ear while I spend my fortune.

"Who needs therapy, when you can go and do your grocery?" I huff out a laugh as I pick out the foods I know I'd eat while I finish binging new dramas. I’m about to get the last stock of my fave gummies until someone practically snatches it. Fast.

"H-hey—" I cut myself off from shouting when I realize who it is.

It is him. In normal clothes. Am I dreaming? Impossible. He wouldn't have clothes in the first place if I am. Just kidding—of course…

"Oh, Ms Jeon." He smiles at me.

You’re smiling?

He has the nerve to smile after taking that gummy? But... then again, who needs those gummy bears when his gummy smile is practically the sweetest.

He clears his throat. "Seems like we'll be seeing each other more often."

Uh… what? Is he trying to say that I have a severe mental illness so we'll literally see each other more?? This fucker...

He probably notices my frown as he chuckles and shakes his head. "Uhm, that might've come off the wrong way. I mean, I just moved to this neighborhood."

Sorry, what…?

I laugh my nervousness away. It's not like we'll be neighbors. This neighborhood is way too big for us to see each other.

Is that why it’s my first time seeing him in this grocery store?

"Well, welcome to the neighborhood." I chuckle—probably awkwardly, and excuse myself.

Damn it. It could've been my chance for us to talk and stuff, but I refused. I mean, with my looks right now? No thanks.

I skipped my lunch and didn't go to our family's house. Plopping myself on my bed, I take out my old sketchbook.

Staring at my old drawings of him, it sure does bring back memories.

2010

It's been a month yet we still don't know his name. We already did a lot of different shenanigans just to know it. He must really like having a low profile at this point. We found his classmate's account, yet his is nowhere to be found. Maybe he doesn't go online...

I’m staring at my computer, scrolling on whatever stuff pops up, then it hits me. Her sister. Hani's sister!

They're in the same year, so maybe, just maybe, she knows his name. Trying won’t hurt after all.

I quickly type on my keyboard to ask her. Then, I remember a girl from our year had a picture with him posted, so I also send it to her.

"Hi eonni, can I ask u a question? Is there a chance that you know him?"

*Photo sent*

It takes a while for her to respond.

"Uhm yeah, he's from our year"

"Can you tell me his name?"

"Min Yoongi"

"I think that's his name"

Min Yoongi... cute. It suits him.

Hours and hours later, I still can’t find his account. As I’m searching, there is this account. He’s friends with Hani.

My eyes widen. "Min Suga? Could it be?"

I stalk the account, and it’s really him. No wonder I couldn't find his account—he isn’t using his real name! Likes to keep a low profile? Bullshit. He has more than 5k followers!

Moreover… he really… looks good.

I wonder if his face reflects his personality.

I add him as a friend, and wait for the request to be accepted. I told Chae that if he didn't accept it within 24 hours, I'll delete my request. I still have pride, you know. I don't want to be one of those girls in his inbox.

It hasn't even been an hour, and I got the notification. He accepted it! I squeal and dance in my room like a teenager in love. Except that I’m not. In love. Yeah, this is not even a crush. But still, I feel giddy inside me.

This is what being a youth is, right?

I click my tongue as I chuckle bitterly. "Youth is never coming back."

As I turn the pages more, my door bell rings. Jungkook never rings first, he just comes in whenever he wants to. I shouldn’t really have told him where the duplicate of my key is hidden. As for my mom, she never really bothers coming here.

Expecting no one, I open the door, only to gape at the man in front of me.

"You… like pies?"

Min Yoongi. In front of me. Holding a pie. Not just holding. But giving...?

"Uh… how close is your house exactly?" I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m rather genuinely curious.

He hesitatingly points at the house across me.

The Kim's house?

"It was my friend's grandparents who lived there. He took them to take care of them, and then he sold this house to me," Yoongi explains. His face going like this :]

"So you really did mean that we'll see each other more often..." I mumble, which he caught. 

He laughs, and gives me the pie. "My mom kept on nagging me about giving pies. She really worked hard on it. Hope you like it!"

She's here?

I nod, and thank him. He goes back, and I do too. Closing the door behind me, I look down at the pie I’m holding. The smell of the freshly baked peach mango pie really does things to my stomach.

For the first time, Min Yoongi gave me something.

Spring 2011

"Let's go hoomeee. Forget it! I'm not going to give it to him!" I whisper-shout while we wait in the senior's balcony. A few steps away from his classroom, we wait.  "I knew it. I shouldn't have contacted him," I mumble. "He didn't even read my text..." I mumble, this time, more to myself. Chaeyoung is practically dragging me. "Look, he seems busy too."

"Would you rather let your drawing and efforts be wasted then?" Chaeyoung argues.

Then for the meantime, we wait outside. We walk towards his classroom but he is nowhere. He was just right there a few seconds earlier.

"Stupid text."

<A week ago…>

Should I really text him? The classes have been cancelled. I'm not even sure whether it's a good idea to do it now. Should I make myself known? Or should I keep it anonymous? But I really wanna take a picture with him...

Ugh! My head hurts. Forget it, I'm just gonna do it.

"Hi uhm... So I just randomly draw one of my mutuals and it happened to be you.."

*Photo sent*

"Perhaps you like it?

"I was about to give you this at school tomorrow but they cancelled the classes so... Hope you like it<3

Was I too formal?

It takes him hours to reply back.

"Oh wow, what a nice piece!"

"Yes I like it, thanks!"

HE REPLIED!!! I muffle my squeal with my pillow as I look back at his text. It took me hours to see the message as I was doing other things. I start typing my reply to him.

"Guess... I'll just give it to you when we bump into each other, maybe(?)"

"Ugh goshhh how am I going to give you this at schoolT^T"

I honestly don't know what came to me when I sent that second message. It’s cringe…? Regardless, the reply he sent is still nice. 

"Just don't give it yet if you're still not ready^^"

He seems like a chill guy.

<End…>

I go home feeling defeated. Not able to give him the drawing. I stare at my bedroom's ceiling before deciding to go online.

2+messages

It’s sent an hour ago. I quickly open the message as I see Yoongi’s name. He replied to my text earlier in the morning, when I told him to meet up.

"Sorry, I just saw your text message"

"I don't have an internet at school, that's why"

"It's fine, so,I'll just give it to you tomorrow?"

"Okay, sure"

Saying it’s fine when I was literally sulking in my room like a child. But that was when I hadn't read his message.

Min Yoongi apologized to me.

I giggle like an idiot in my room as I stare at the text messages we shared.

<The next day…>

"AAHHHH! Let's go hoomeee. Forget it! I'm not going to give it to him!" I whine. Today, it’s not just Chae and Sana who are there for me, but some of my classmates too. They are waiting for me—like usual—to go home all together. "I knew it! I shouldn't have contacted him. This is really a stupid stupid idea!!" I run around the court in an attempt to go home.

We're here, in front of the senior's building. Waiting… again.

Two of my classmates proposed that they'll just call him to go down. The both of them go upstairs to his classroom.

Why does he always keep me waiting? Does he think he's some sort of a king?

I huff as I’m literally losing all my shits. ‘Till I hear them.

"He's here!!" they squeal. 

Being too much of an opposite, I compose myself, and clear my throat. Thank God he's tall, so when I'm looking forward all I can see is his torso. I give the drawing to him; our hands brush against each other. It’s so quick and subtle, yet it already makes my heart warm.

As practiced, Chaeyoung smoothly asks him if we can take a picture—for business purposes. I feel too stiff. This is too good to be true. Then I feel it, he leans closer. With our arms touching, he smiles at the picture.

My heart is about to get out of my rib. My insides are going crazy, yet, thankfully, I look completely normal outside.

When I get home, he texts me, thanking and saying that he really appreciates it. A warm feeling spread across my whole body.

The next day, my classmates and I talk about the event yesterday. They are bitching about how Yoongi didn't even thank me and just left. I laugh so hard when I hear that. Because he did. Yoongi did thank me before leaving, it just happened that it was loud enough for only me to hear it. Now, it feels more special.

"Have you ever thought of the probable major reason for what you're feeling?"

Here we go again.

How can I focus on what's wrong with me, when you're right here? Worse, as my doctor.

Three more appointments with him. I paid for this, I should at least gain something.

"Maybe... because up to this day, I still blame myself for his death." My head hangs low as I mumble it.

Why do you always have to see my flaws, Min Yoongi? 

Why is it always you?

I should be careful, because this infatuation is slowly turning to hatred...

"You know it wasn't your fault."

I turn my head to him with a frown. So, he does remember me.

A tear fell from my cheek. I wipe it before he can even notice. I turn my hands into fist. Six words. It was only six words yet he can already open my bare self.

"I-If I wasn't stubborn. He'd still be here. He followed me. You saw that. If only he didn't. He'd still be here…"

I feel a lump in my throat. Those memories. It’s too vivid as if it just happened yesterday.

Spring 2012

"I told you, I don't want to!"

Another day, another argument to have with my mother—but this time, I didn’t shut my mouth like I would.

Why is she so pushy on making me go to the States?

"It's for your own sake! Studying here at this campus will let you go nowhere."

"What? So eager to get rid of me?!" I yell while we drive to campus.

"Jeon Y/n! Don't you dare shout at your mother." My father says sternly as he drives.

As we are near the campus, I lost it.

"Drop me off." 1…2.. 3... "I said, drop me off, dad." Keeping my voice low yet so stern it could cut apples.

My father stops the car, and I get out of it. I’m not usually a disobedient child. Never have I ever talked back to them in this way. But it’s too much! This isn’t caring anymore, this is controlling.

I’m mindlessly crossing the road that I didn't notice a four wheeler truck coming at me.

Then, I feel a pair of hands push me hard, and before I know it, screams are heard. My mom's loud cries are ringing in my ears.  Tears are coming out of me uncontrollably.  Blood all over him—my father. I crawl, oh so slowly and trembling. Before I can even reach him, my mom pushes me aside, and calls for help.

Minutes later, I hear the sirens of the ambulance. I’m just there. Staring at him. No words coming out.

It starts raining. It’s a light rain, yet even with those subtle touches, it makes my whole body flinch and freeze.

Until I feel someone's embrace. Someone is covering me with their jacket. Who could possibly care for me if it wasn't my father?

Slowly, I turn my head towards the person.

Why does it have to be you?

"Everything's gonna be okay. The ambulance is taking your father already."

He speaks in a soothing tone. Yet no matter how warm or soft his voice is, I can't somehow get out of the ice cage I'm in.

"Do you think your father would want you to think that way? It's been years Y/n, what happened that you're back at this again?"

part 2 read here^^

A/N: okay, I lied. Maybe this isn't gonna be a oneshot... maybe I'll have 2 parts? 3 maybe? I just cut this off here cause I think it was too long. So readers can have breaks hehe. Gonna post the next part tomorrow maybe...