#laolao

laolao.

Even when you were sick at the end, I still felt such comfort from your presence alone. You always trusted me so much. 

When I was little, I was the most hyper baby in the world. I don’t know how you survived such a little ball of energy always wanting to play. You and grandpa major tag-teamed it with my care. 

You let me squish between you two before sleeping altogether. You called me a “sa gua” when I cried over my first ex. You got up at 7 AM before I went to school just to see me drive away. You remembered my name until you couldn’t anymore. You were my very best friend. 

I know you’re in heaven resting with the Lord now. How wonderful it must be to no longer be in pain. You were ready towards the end and I’m so glad you left in your sleep, in peace with no pain. Your entire family is grieving, but you left so much of your love with us. Thank you for letting me spend the very last night with you. 

In northern China, we called mom’s mom Laolao and dad’s mom Nainai to distinguish grandmas. Every time people ask me if I like Laolao more or Nainai more, I always say Laolao. Laolao is one of the most important witnesses of my childhood. Laolao was very optimistic and loved to laugh, which helped me become an optimistic person in my growing up. She was very patient with me, knew lots of stories even though she can not read. She was my best childhood playmate, she always played with me with no complaint. When I was in elementary school, when the teacher let us write which person I want to be in the future, I always said I want to be a person like Laolao, super optimistic, never complain and always laugh. She never let anything affect her mood. I always had lots of things I wanted to tell her, because she never judged me, she is the only elder family member I had no secret with.

When I went to middle school, Laolao went back to her hometown to spend her old life. She had two dogs, a cat and two hens in the yard. Every summer vacation I spend two weeks with her, playing with dogs and chasing hens in the yard. When I came back home, Laolao called my mom and said one of the hens would not lay anymore because of my day-to-day chasing, so she cooked chicken soup for herself. I will always remember that night because my mom was really mad at me. But Laolao laughed and said: “Thanks to my little granddaughter, she let me have a chance to try the delicious chicken soup.

Every year she made quilts and sweaters for me and my two cousins, she made me the last quilt at the year I went to UBC, and said: “Laolao is old, let me make this last quilt for you, you can sleep with it every night when you are far away from home, Laolao will always be with you.”

Laola was getting older day by day, and she had Alzheimer’s disease, remembered nobody and refused to get out of bed. I went to see her in the summer of 2019. Surprisingly, she recognized me at a glance. She dragged me aside mysteriously and whispered: “Do you know why I refused to get out of bed? Because I was afraid. I fell down last winter, that hurt. I will never leave bed.”