#language mistake

My first time in Germany I told a friend there was “no mustard in the bathroom” and you can’t wash your hands without mustard, what am I supposed to do without mustard??? Turns out the word “Senf” (mustard) is really similar to “Seife” (soap)

Aussie friends: *** burst out laughing ***

Me saying to an old colleague “I’d like you around 24/7.” He says “you’d like me around for 20%?” I just burst out laughing. “I said 24/7, but 20% is still more than I see you now. It would be an upgrade.”