#laid bare

She smiles to herself as her guest almost chokes on his coffee from laughing so damn hard at the older woman’s bawdy humor. 

“Hey, it looks like you have a visitor.”

“Oh yeah?”

I barely look up from the latest batch of the bakery’s famous Christmas cookies that I’m frosting and decorating. This is the fifth batch that I’ve baked and decorated since we opened at 6am, and I’ve got a system going, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let anyone disrupt the flow. The cookies look perfect, and I look like I lost a fight with a bag of flour. 

June raises her eyebrow and gives me a smirk that never means anything good. 

“Yeah, Mr. Tall, dark and sexy sitting at the counter out there. Looks like he’s making that spot his second home.”

The second the words come out of her mouth, I squeeze the pastry bag a little too hard and white frosting shoots from the star tip and onto the counter. June bursts out laughing, holding one hand over her mouth, and one over her chest. I toss the bag on the stainless steel prep counter and run my hand down my face and look down at the cookie I just ruined. 

“Lucy, you want a cookie?” I call. 

“Is that a trick question?” she replies, walking over from the other counter where she’s been scooping cherry filling into danishes. She looks at the cookie that would be perfect except for the giant squirt of icing all over it, and over at June, who’s still laughing her ass off, and then to me. 

“Did I miss something?” 

“Your future step dad is sitting out there waiting to get some face time with your mom.” 

“June! I swear to God, I will throw my apron down and quit right now if you don’t stop. You know he can probably hear you out there, right?!” 

I grab a paper towel and wet it down, wiping down my face and chest really quickly to get rid of any stray flour or sugar or anything else that might have gotten on me while I was working. 

“What?! Who?! Oh my god, does mom have a secret admirer?” Lucy gasps, running to the swinging door to peek out into the bakery to see who her boss and honorary aunt is talking about. She turns back towards us with her eyes narrowed. 

“Oh God, mom, please tell me she’s not talking about Mr. Levinson!” 

“I thought you liked him!” I tell her. 

“Yeah, as my teacher! Not as your…..” she turns and pretends to retch “your boyfriend.”

I roll my eyes and head towards the door. “He’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a guy. He’s YOUR teacher.”

“Yeah, just a guy who’s drunk his body weight in coffee here over the last couple weeks and really likes the pastries. But I think what he’s really here for are your mom’s buns.” she says, nudging Lucy with her elbow. Lucy and I both facepalm at almost the same time, and it sets off June’s cackling once more. 

“Gross.” Lucy mutters, walking back to finish her work. 

I put my hand on the door, but turn back towards June at the last second, gesturing to myself. “Am I good? Face, hair?” She gives me a thumbs up and I take a breath, pushing the door open and hoping to God that Ari didn’t hear the ridiculous conversation that just took place. 

“Be cool. Don’t be a spaz. Just breathe.” I whisper to myself. 

I grab a rag from the sanitizer bucket and start wiping down the counter so I can give my hands something to do and to make it seem like I’m not just out here to talk to Ari instead of being in the back working on baking an assload of Christmas cookies. 

“You know,” I say as I wipe the counter right in front of Ari, grinning when he picks up his coffee cup automatically so I can get under it. “This is your third visit this week. People are going to start to talk.” I tease, throwing him a wink. 

I watch as he takes a long sip from the coffee cup that looks positively tiny in his big hand and I find myself thinking that no one should look that damn good drinking coffee on a Saturday morning when it’s ten degrees outside. 

“So, let them talk. In fact, I think you should let me take you out to dinner, so that way we can give them something really good to talk about. Other than the fact that I’ve become addicted to the methamphetamines that June puts in the pie.” The twinkle of mischief in his eyes has my stomach somersaulting in a way I haven’t felt since I was dating Lucy’s dad. 

“Damn it, she told you?!” I cry out in mock outrage. 

I take a step back from the counter and stick my hands in the front pocket of the black and red polka dotted apron that I’m wearing. 

“You’re relentless, you know that?”

“I prefer to think of it as goal orientated.”

“You’re Lucy’s teacher.” I tell him. 

“I’m aware. It’s not like I want to take HER out to dinner. I mean, I guess she can tag along if she wants to….” he says with a grin. 

I can’t stop myself from rolling my eyes at him. 

“Ari…..I like you. I really do. But my life is….I hate to use the word ‘complicated’ but I can’t think of a better one. It’s been me and Lucy her entire life, and I’ve been perfectly okay with that. I’ve been too busy trying to keep her alive to really worry about dating or relationships or anything like that over the years. My last real ‘relationship’ was when I was 16 and that was with Lucy’s dad. I just…..I don’t know how to do this.” 

He sits quietly in front of me, twisting his coffee cup back and forth in front of him for a few moments. “Can I see your phone?”

I pull it out of my apron pocket and unlock it quickly, handing it to him. I watch as he punches in his phone number and adds himself to my contacts. 

“Listen, I know you’re busy and you’ve got a life. Trust me, I don’t want to get in the way of that.” He says, standing up and reaches into his wallet to retrieve some bills that he tosses on the counter. “So, I’ll leave the ball in your court. If you ever want to have a night off and get dinner with me, call me. If you’re having a crap day and you just want to vent to someone, call me. If you just want a friend….”

“Call you.” I say softly. 

I watch as he pulls on his heavy winter jacket and something starts to ache a little at the thought of him leaving. As much of a surprise as it started out as, seeing Ari and engaging in all the banter and flirting has become the best part of my day when it happens. And I’m not quite sure what to do with that information. 

“I’ll see you later, sweetheart. Save me a spot at the counter, yeah?” 

I raise an eyebrow at him. “First you want me to go out to dinner with you, and now you want me to save you a piece of prime real estate at the hottest bakery in town? Asking a lot for one day, aren’t you?” 

“Maybe, but I like my odds.”

By the time I get home that night at quarter to six, I’m so tired that I don’t even take notice of the rental car with the Massachusetts plates that’s parked on the street in front of the house. I park the car and grab my stuff before hauling ass to the front door to get out of the biting early December air. 

I open the front door and step inside, shaking the snow off my coat and slipping my boots off. The house is nice and warm and I’m looking very forward to eating dinner and maybe curling up in front of a fire with some wine and all the crap on the DVR that I haven’t caught up with yet. As I walk into the living room, I hear the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen. Lucy’s laugh I could pick out in a heartbeat….the other one, however….well. I hang my head and make my way towards the kitchen like it’s a death march. I linger in the doorway for a minute, watching father and daughter sitting at the kitchen table, identical brunette heads bent and focusing on Lucy’s cell phone and watching videos on TikTok. 

Lucy finally looks up and notices me. “Mom! Hey, you’re home!” she says with a slightly nervous tone. 

“Hey hon. Don’t you remember me asking you not to summon demons when I’m not home?” I ask in a sweet voice. 

The scoff that comes from her father makes me narrow my eyes at him. 

“What are you doing here? You get lost on the way to the country club?”

“Funny. I had some business in the area, and I thought I would stop by and surprise you guys. Lucy said you were working late, so we ordered Chinese for dinner. It should be here any minute.” 

Well, he might be an asshole who doesn’t call and just shows up unexpectedly, but at least he ordered dinner to make up for it. I leave them to their own devices while I go upstairs and shower really quickly, washing away the sweat and powdered sugar. After getting changed into sweats and a ratty Led Zeppelin T shirt that I’ve had for years, I head downstairs. 

Sitting at the kitchen table, I make it my mission to do some real damage to the container of Chicken Lo Mein in front of me while Lucy and her dad sit and catch up with each other. He hasn’t been here to see us since April of this year, but he is pretty good about calling and FaceTiming her, along with the check I get once a month that gets deposited straight into the account that I have for her when she turns 18. Between that and the trust fund that was set up when she was born (and that she doesn’t know about) she can do whatever the hell strikes her fancy when she gets done with high school. I hope that she’ll decide to go to college and get to have the experiences that I didn’t have a chance to, but as long as she’s doing something that makes her happy, that’s all I want for her. 

“So, winter break is coming up in about two weeks.” 

I look up and turn my attention towards him. “Good job, you can read a calendar.”

“My parents just bought a place in Aspen and everyone is flying out there for Christmas. I wanted to see what you thought about Lucy coming out there with me for a week.”

“Really?! A whole week?” 

Lucy’s excitement is reaching fever pitch and all I can do is sit there feeling like I got punched in the stomach. I blink slowly and try to focus on swallowing the bite of food in my mouth and not choking on it. I listen to our daughter chatter excitedly and I know she’s so stoked over the thought of spending an entire week with her dad that it probably didn’t even register yet that we wouldn’t be together for Christmas if she goes. And he knows damn well that I don’t have the heart to tell her no about spending time with him. 

“Babe, why don’t you go take your plate in the living room and watch some TV while me and your dad talk it over?”

Once she loads up her plate with more food (seriously, I don’t even know where she puts it all. She’s like 100 pounds for God’s sake) and heads into the living room, I get up from the table and start getting the leftovers together while seething internally. 

“Peyton-”

“Oh, shut up. I don’t want to hear it.” I snap. “We spend Christmas together every year. Me, her, and you, when and if you decide you’re not too busy to show up. And you just roll in here, out of the blue I might add, and offer to take her on this big, fancy Christmas vacation that I’ve never been able to take her on, and rob me of Christmas with my kid?”

“Our kid.” he corrects. “I’d like you to be there too, but we both know that you and my mother would end up trying to kill each other, just how you do every time you’re within 50 feet of each other.” 

“Really? ‘Our kid’. You’re only a dad when it’s convenient for you. You think because you call every once in a while and show up a couple times a year and send a check every month, that makes you a dad. She adores you, and in her mind, whatever time you decide you want to spend on her is worth you not being there the rest of the time. And you completely manipulated the situation! You could have called me and discussed this with me, but instead you bring it up right in front of her with no heads up to me, and you get her all excited and fired up, and you know I can’t and won’t say no to her!”

I throw the containers in the fridge and slam the door. I’m so upset and frustrated at the situation while also dealing with the residual huge emotions I have whenever I’m around him, and I know that if I don’t make a quick escape, I’m going to start crying and that’s the last thing I want to do in front of him. 

“I’m going to bed. Lucy’s going to want you to stay the night, so you can crash on the couch. Go ahead and book her plane ticket now, I guess. I’m not going to be the bitch who says no to her spending the week in Aspen learning how to snowboard with her dad. So, you win.” 

Hours later, I’m still awake when I hear my bedroom door open. The bed dips a moment later and I find myself wishing I slept with a taser under my pillow. I lay on my side facing away from him and stay quiet, hoping he’ll just go away. 

“I never meant to come here and piss you off. I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s the truth. I don’t know how to be a good dad. God knows I didn’t have a shining example to live up to. But I’m trying to be better.” he says softly. “I really am sorry.”

I turn over and take a good long look at him before rolling back over on my side. 

“Go be sorry somewhere else, Ransom. And get the fuck out of my bed.”