Sometimes silly, sometimes smutty, sometimes just ideas I can't get out of my silly little head. All stories are 100% mine and are 18+ unless otherwise specified.
Call On Me (One Shot)
Blue Christmas (series)
Chris as a father to twin boys (request)
Scare Tactics (Halloween One shot)
Hard To Get (one shot)
Cheers (one shot)
Breathe (one shot)
Every Move You Make (mini)
part one
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part three
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act one - act two - masterlist - read on ao3
Summer sets in for Hawkins, and the Fourth of July Celebration is just around the corner. Though you're surrounded by friends, you've never felt so alone. The migraines don't help, and neither does the fact that Steve suddenly begins to pick up night shifts at the station. You trust Steve, Robin, and their your friends. But what you don't know won't keep you safe.
word count: 8.7k (the longest chapter so far...)
cw: trauma, arguments, language, angst but also joy, mentions of drinking, i know this took forever but i need to make sure y'all were fed, pg-13 content but prefer 18+
it's an old song, it's a sad song, it's a love song — and we're gonna sing it again!
Soon came the end of June, with midsummer sun and cool nights. The general public was gearing up for the annual Fourth of July Fair that the mayor’s office hosted. Of course, this year would be different as tension still lingered in the air from last July and the ongoing quarantine. Even the military had agreed to work with town officials to extend the curfew by an hour after sunset.
“Of course, we’re happy to spread the word,” You hummed to the woman on the other line, “And… you’re positive that there’s been no more attacks in the woods? It’s just… There seemed to have been a lot of activity, and now it’s just suddenly stopped?”
“Yes, ma’am. As I explained to Ms. Wheeler earlier this week, Animal Control has received no further reports of attacks or markings around Lover’s Lake or Forrest Hills. We should be so fortunate that whatever beast was tormenting Hawkins has either left or is at least satisfied with non-human prey for now,” The woman explained in exasperation, “Trust me, sweetheart – no news is good news.”
Defeat etched itself into your face—another mystery left unsolved.
You thanked the woman and returned the phone to the receiver. As you scribbled down the last few details, the ink from your pen ran dry. With a sigh, you tossed it in the trash, praying the last few words were legible enough for Robin. One final glance around the office, you flicked the lights off and exited into the studio area.
Dustin stood near the equipment rack, checking one of the meters that Steve reported as ‘wonky’. The boy had given you both an earful about technical terms and what you actually needed to radio him for versus what could wait. Steve ended up apologizing to you for Dustin’s tone, but you brushed it off, claiming that he was a kid clearly going through something.
“Hey, Dusty?” You called out to the boy as you sat up properly on the couch.
He didn’t bother to glance back at you when he replied, “Only my mom calls me Dusty.”
“Oh… sorry,” You were quick to apologize. Something that Steve, Robin, and really everyone else had noticed, only to tell you not to apologize for existing. But sometimes existing among Steve and his friends felt like walking into a party you hadn’t been invited to. It was hard to tell whether Dustin disliked you or had anything favorable to say about you. Steve had shared that Dustin had lost a close friend when the rift struck Hawkins, but didn’t elaborate further. You didn’t feel comfortable pressing anyone for the details either.
The boy sighed and got back up to his feet. He crossed over to begin packing away his tools in the bookbag sitting on the coffee table. Then Dustin offered you a quick glance and sighed, “What’s up?”
You leaned forward, placing your notepad on the table for him to see, “The town’s still hosting the Fourth of July fair this year. I think it’d be a great night for the whole gang!”
Dustin immediately cringed at the idea and watched your shoulders deflate at his reaction. He pressed his lips together before shaking his head, “I… appreciate the suggestion, but Steve and some of the others just… well, they don’t do well with fireworks.”
Confusion crossed your face. Neither Steve nor Robin had ever mentioned this to you, though they didn't necessarily have to. You were three months into living together, and presumed something like this would’ve been mentioned at least in passing.
“So he’s scared of fireworks?” You asked.
Your question lacked judgment, something that Dustin was slightly surprised by: “I don’t know if scared is the right word, but… last Fourth of July was a little… crazy, as you might know.”
“Because of the mall fire?” You pressed further. You didn’t mean to, but there was always the pile of unanswered questions that sat in the back of your mind, worrying you. It was silly to be so anxious, because of course the party would have stories they’d rather not share, but that knowledge didn’t help. The insecurity had already planted itself.
Dustin just nodded, exhaustion settling under his eyes, “Yeah, the mall fire. It just… It changed something in Steve, but don’t ask him about it, and please don’t tell him I said anything. I don’t need him on my ass more than he already is.”
You took the underlying hint in his phrase. With a smile and easy nod, you thanked him, “Of course, of course. We can always just hang out at Harrington’s pool, too. Nix the fireworks and load up on soda.”
That made Dustin crack a hint of a smile, and you’d accept the small victory.
The ‘ON AIR’ sign flashed once, then turned off completely, signaling that Robin and Steve were at a break in the broadcast. With a wave to Dustin, you made your way into the booth, your hip nudging the door open.
Steve was slipping off his headphones, and a wide grin stretched across his lips. That was something small you had grown to appreciate: the way Steve always smiled when you entered the room. Robin, on the other hand, looked practically miserable.
“Whoa! Rough night?” You asked as the door closed behind you.
Robin sighed and flung herself back against her designated rolling chair. The heels of her palms rubbed against her eyes, “Yeah, you could say that. My mom is a menace.”
You gave her a sympathetic look, knowing that the mother-daughter duo never truly had the best relationship. “I’m sorry ‘bout that. We can chat after the afternoon broadcast if you’d like? What about a movie night? We can kick Stevie out and watch Sixteen Candles, again.”
“Hey, it’s my house,” Steve interjected with a playful scoff.
“And?” You teased in retaliation, lightly slapping his bicep with the back of your hand.
Where you might have felt on the outskirts of the full party, it felt like home to be with Steve and Robin. Nancy and Jonathan were slowly warming up to you, but Robin had explained that they were amidst a ‘lover’s quarrel’. Despite the chaos that surrounded you, life was slowly morphing into a new normal.
“And you’re both a pain in my ass,” Steve huffed as he took a half step closer to you, your hips bumping as he snatched the note from your hands, “Whatcha got here?”
Steve’s other hand settled at your lower back, lingering there like it was the most natural thing in the world. You felt yourself freeze for a moment, the small action catching you off guard. Yet when his brown eyes trailed from your writing to find your gaze, the breath escaped your chest. A sense of comfort washed over you. These small, casual touches had slowly become part of your routine because Steve loved and cared for people. For him, being attentive to his friends was as natural as breathing.
“Oh, um, it’s from town hall,” Your fingers fidgeted with the rings that adorned them, “I asked about any further stranger sightings or reports to animal control.”
“And?” Robin perked up, as if your answer would make or break her day.
“And… nothing?” You answered, feeling your own excitement drain as Robin slumped once more, “Two weeks and no reports.”
“Well, no news is good news,” Steve shrugged, seemingly satisfied by your update. His soft gaze lingered on your face, “Anything else?”
“Oh, um, the actual reason they called was to say that the annual Independence Day fair is still happening, or Fourth of July carnival, whatever you call it…” You cleared your throat, feeling more flustered as you gestured to Robin, “Um, it’s all on the note. But they’d like you to announce it.”
“But we aren’t, like, required to attend, right?” She followed up, reaching for the paper. Steve’s hand rubbed a small circle against your back before he pulled away, arms crossing over his chest. Concern etched itself into his brow, and his eyes continued to shift between the two of you.
The tone in the booth shifted from playful to something you couldn’t quite identify. Your fingers fiddled with the cuff of your sleeve. You didn’t look either of them in the eye as you spoke, “Um, no, the station isn’t expected to bring the van or anything. Just to make the announcement.”
Robin simply nodded, checking her watch, “Good, cause we have plans.”
Your ears perked up, glancing between Steve and Robin. You nodded, not questioning the statement. Despite befriending them and living with Steve, you tried to respect their boundaries. It was a problem rooted in insecurity, though you often brushed it off as being considerate of their space. Usually, their plans also included the party, so you were slightly surprised that Dustin hadn’t mentioned it either. Your voice was clipped, “Cool.”
Silence filled the booth. Unspoken words hung in the air, but you couldn’t identify how to ask the underlying question. Instead, you’d just make yourself scarce; your shift would be over soon anyway. Your thumb gestured to the booth door, “I’ll leave you with that. See ya…”
Your quick goodbye caught Steve by surprise, yet he could do nothing to stop it, really. They were supposed to be back on air in two minutes. His eyes darted over to his co-host, his jaw tight, “You didn’t have to phrase it like that, Robin.”
The blonde-haired girl shook her head and settled into the rolling chair once more. Her tone was short, her irritation now directed at Steve, “Like what? You’re the one who said that everything has to stay under wraps.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean you just cut her off. She’s still our friend, remember?” Steve huffed, moving between the soundboard and the stacked cassettes.
“Our friend, huh? And what else was I supposed to say?” Robin tried to school her expression so that you wouldn’t pick up on their quarrel from the opposite side of the glass, “Sorry, babes, no can do for the Fourth of July Fair! Besides the fact that our entire friend group has a lot of trauma and hates loud noise and crowds, we are actually planning to do an illegal covert operation to spy on the military because we are also fully aware of what is happening in Hawkins, and we actually faced the super scary bad guy who is the reason that your house fell into the Earth and your family abandoned you.”
Steve's jaw dropped, “Jesus, Robin. You have to get over this eventually. Everyone agreed. It’s safer—”
“Safer for who?” Robin cut him off, “Safer for Eleven? Safer for you?”
His finger dug into the wooden countertop that the cassettes sat on as he attempted to conceal his frustration, “It’s safer for her. We might’ve won a battle, but we lost a damn lot. Now we're heading straight into a damn war, and I’m not making her a target. Not for the military, not for the demogorgans, and certainly not for Vecna. Max—”
Steve’s voice cracked. Not talking about Max in front of you had been the hardest part, not just for him, but for the boys, too. Keeping Eleven a secret was natural; they’d all been doing it for years. It was different with Max. Because she wasn’t dead, thank god, but you couldn’t really say that she was living while stuck in a coma.
“Steve,” Robin was instantly back on her feet after queuing an additional song to extend their break. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him in for a tight hug, “What happened to Max wasn’t your fault. We all knew the risks.”
Steve couldn’t bring himself to agree or deny the statement. He had too much guilt in his heart, and only Robin had really seen the extent of it. But then you walked in and read him like a book. Despite not understanding his world, you understood him, and Steve needed that now more than anything.
“Exactly,” he cleared his throat, thanking Robin with a nod of his head, “I know the risks. And I’m not taking them with her.”
— — —
A week later, you’ve got the Harrington House to yourself.
It’s the Fourth of July, and while last year you were smushed into the ferriswheel with your drunk friends, this year is silent. The sun had finally begun its descent into the horizon. While the military ordinance had ordered only Hawkins’ City Officials to set off fireworks, plenty of folks had made their own makeshift firecrackers and sparklers. Hawkins FD would certainly have its hands full this year.
As it turned out, the “plans” Robin and Steve had been for a night shift at the WSQK. Nancy had explained to you that the Mayor’s office called and asked that the evening broadcast be extended to include announcements and music from the fireworks show. You’d offered to assist anyway that they needed, but it was Steve who finally told you to take a night for yourself.
“You always work so hard. You deserve to relax,” Steve had consoled you in the entryway earlier, “I left twenty bucks on the counter for pizza. Robin and I will be home by the time you wake up.”
“I just… I can come with and just be at the station? I’ll stay out of the way,” You looked at Steve earnestly, hoping he would understand why you didn’t want to be left alone. It was a topic that you usually steered him and the others away from. Talking about the rift and the days that followed was understandably a sore subject for all parties.
He chuckled, brushing a hand over your bicep in soothing circles, “It’s sweet of you to offer, but everything will be fine. Besides, you’d be far more comfortable in your bed than on one of the station couches.”
Your eyes fell away from his face, flickering over towards the stairs. Your room, our house, home… These were all new additions to Steve’s vocabulary, like the idea that you living together was a natural thing that had happened. And though the small domestic expression made butterflies bloom in your stomach, there was the constant underlying anxiety that it could all be ripped away.
“Steve—” You made one last plea.
From outside, you both heard Robin laying on the horn of his Beamer, cutting off all conversation. Steve’s brow furrowed, a rough exhale escaping his nostrils. His eyes cut to the front door and back to you. With a final squeeze to your arm, he said his goodbyes, “I’ll see you in the morning.”
It took everything in him not to cave. To explain that it was safer for you just to be home by yourself tonight. That he was going fucking monster hunting while the party began their own campaign, they aptly named crawls. So Steve bit the inside of his cheek and kept walking, out the front door and to the Beamer, where Robin awaited in the passenger seat.
“Took you long enough,” She huffed, arms crossed over her chest, “I was worried I’d have to drag you out of the house, but I didn’t need to see you two just keep making the same googly eyes at each other.”
“What are you – five?” Steve rolled his eyes, putting the gear shift in reverse, “And I don’t— she doesn’t—”
Robin clutched the door handle, mocking your goodbyes to each other, “Oh, Steve, please don’t leave me! I’m sorry, but I must! But why? Why go when you could be here in my arms?”
“Shut up, we don’t talk like that. No one does,” He shook his head as he turned out of the neighborhood. His elbow rested against the windowsill as they continued towards the station. Steve was quiet for a moment before giving Robin a double take, “Am I really that obvious?”
You lingered on the front porch, watching as the maroon car drove out of your field of vision. The sun would be down within the hour, and you would be alone inside with a bottle of wine and a copy of Fast Times at Ridgemont High to keep you company. Honestly, you still weren’t sure why it was a top 5 movie for Robin when you considered The Breakfast Club to be far superior.
But with your friends gone, the house was silent, like the very first night you stayed at the Harrington home. That was three months ago, and you hadn’t known your way around. Now, this was your home. Steve made it your home. But without him here, it was just another shelter from the gathering storm.
Two hours later, you were left with half a cheese pizza, an empty glass of wine, and the credits rolling. Outside, there was the occasional burst of fireworks or the screech from a roman candle. About fifteen minutes ago, a truck filled with teenagers loaded into the bed of it passed by, blasting Born in the U.S.A. You laughed, knowing the song's meaning definitely went over their heads. In some ways, life felt normal again, even if it looked a little different.
The VHS tape had begun to rewind itself, plunging the house back into silence between each distant thunder of the fireworks. The house was dimly lit, and the darkness outside did little to satiate your anxiety as your eyes flicked around to each corner. It had always seemed like something watched in the shadows, waiting for the next opportunity to strike. But you had to remind yourself that your mind was just tricking you; that it was all in your head.
At the next crack in the sky, you were on your feet, prodding towards the boombox sitting on the end table near the television. Even if you weren’t with your friend, you could at least listen to them. You turned the dial, yet when the index reached 94.5 FM, static hummed through the speakers.
An exhausted huff escaped through your nose as you adjusted the antennas, blaming the interference on the small dent in the metal. When the signal still didn’t catch, you picked it up and moved towards the breakfast nook near the sliding glass doors that led to the backyard—still nothing.
You switched it off and ran to the utility closet to find new batteries. When you returned with four fresh Type D batteries, you tested a couple of other stations in the surrounding towns. 88.9 FM. 101.5 FM. 97.3 FM. Hell, you even switched it over to 1450 AM for the military broadcast.
Each frequency was clear. You could even hear the murmur of the fairground crowd while they played America the Brave before announcing ‘One Hour To Curfew’.
Finally, you dialed it back to 94.5 FM, ready to hear Rockin’ Robin make some sarcastic comment about try-hard patriotism. Yet you were still met with static.
It didn’t make sense. If the military broadcast was running, why couldn’t you hear the Squawk?
Your eyes cut back to the emergency walkie that sat on the coffee table. You recalled Steve’s earlier instruction.
“I know you’re nervous about being alone at night,” he said, speaking to you with gentle reassurance. His knee brushed against yours as he presented the walkie to you, “But I’m one button away.”
“Why can’t I just call the station?” You asked as you accepted the walkie.
Steve gave you that half smile that appeared reserved only for you, “Because I’ll have my walkie with me in the booth. I’m being serious here.”
Your nose scrunched as you tried to hide your amusement, “So, just one click and you’re there?”
“Yep, but I am talking about emergencies. Like if a firework scorches the front yard or the military comes knocking – genuine emergencies,” His tone was sterner than he usually kept with you. Your eyes cut up to meet his, and for half a second, you thought you caught him glancing at your lips. But as his warm brown eyes held your gaze, he extended a pinky out to you.
Something softened in your chest as you linked your fingers together in a silent promise.
Now, looking at the same walkie, you wondered if you should radio him. Just to ask if everything was okay or if they were getting interference again. It was an emergency, but it also wasn’t—
The shriek of an injured coyote pierced through the night, the cry coming from the woods behind the backyard bush line. Your eyes cut towards the hedges, searching for movement in the shadowed treeline. Your heart hammered against your chest as you waited, finally shutting off the static from the radio.
Silence made it worse; it stretched each minute. A sudden sense of dread washed over you. You couldn’t explain it, but your survival instinct kicked in as you immediately shut all the blinds, blocking any onlookers. Next were the doors, both locks bolted shut on the front, back, and garage doors.
Finally, you grabbed the walkie off the kitchen table and sought refuge in your bedroom. You double-checked the door lock before you finally willed yourself to breathe. You were just scared. It was all in your head. You were safe.
The bedroom was dark, save for the small night light Steve had found in the attic for you. Outside, you heard a twig snap, and a bush rustled. You remained silent, ears tuned to listen for every small sound. A firework would burst against the night sky before the house plunged into stillness again, the difference almost deafening your senses.
A chittering purr hummed lowly, cutting through the stillness of the night. On the far wall, the night light blinked once. Then twice. Outside, there was the faint scuff of nails scratching against the siding of the house. The night light flickered more, alternating between dim and bright light.
You swooped to the opposite side of the room, yanking the light from the wall. The scratching continued; the instinct to hide took over all other rationality. You swiftly dropped to the bedroom floor, scurrying to conceal yourself under the queen bed. The chittering came again, now from outside your window on the second floor.
Your palm covered your mouth, eyes shut tight as you waited… and waited…
A crack whipped across the sky – a final firework. A screech echoed, and suddenly the world was thrust into silence again. You slept on the floor beneath the bed that Fourth of July.
— — —
The following days were tense. You were cordial with Steve and Robin. They had realized the next morning when you didn’t join them for breakfast or check on them in the booth during broadcast breaks. Any conversation was shut down before it could even start, and now, you chose to eat dinner in the Harringtons’ dining room instead of joining them on the TV trays in the living room.
It had been six days of silence from you. Robin stopped staying over, too, sensing the tension that lingered. Steve was fraying at the seams from worry.
You weren’t rude, you weren’t mean, just silent; Steve hated the silence. It was like all the progress you’d made had vanished overnight, and deep down, he knew it was partially his fault. That in his attempt to protect you from the reality of what Hawkins was facing, he was pushing you away.
Robin had called earlier, asking if you were around to talk, but you dismissed both of them, blaming it on a sudden migraine. It wasn’t a complete lie. You often had migraines these days, but the military doctors simply noted it as a reaction to pressure changes in the atmosphere.
It had been another silent dinner between the two of you. Steve attempted to extend the olive branch by joining you at the dining room table and telling you about a caller who reported that their neighbor’s hairless cat was harassing them. He awkwardly chuckled to himself as you pushed the food around your plate. The sound was as empty as the nonexistent conversation.
When you’d had enough of stale conversation, you swiftly stood, the feet of the chair scraping against the wooden floors. Steve’s eyes widened as they followed your retreating form into the kitchen. He watched as you tossed the remnants of your dinner into the bin before beginning to do the dishes.
Steve was on his feet before he could stop himself, “Hey, no, I’ll do—”
“What? The dishes? Don’t bother,” You snipped at him, “I should get used to doing them anyway, if these ‘night shifts’ are gonna start becoming a regular thing.”
Of course, it was about the new addition of night shifts at the station. Steve ran his palm over the lower half of his face, “I thought Nancy explained it to you. They’re only twice a month. Three at the max.”
“But I’m not part of the staffing for the night shift? You don’t think that’s strange?”
“I’m not the station manager,” He threw his hands up, exasperated by the subject, “You should be happy that you get to be in bed and not cramped up at the station.”
“Right, cage the carnarey,” you rolled your eyes, attention returning to the dishes.
Steve’s brow knitted together, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing,” you griped.
“No, no. Please, don’t do this,” Steve reached for your forearm. You easily pulled yourself from his hold, ignoring the call of your name as you continued scrubbing the plates.
Steve jammed the heel of his palms against his eyes, pacing the floor of the kitchen as you simmered in your anger. A few moments later, his arms snaked around your waist, hugging you from behind. His forehead pressed once against your shoulder before he turned his head and buried it into the crook of his neck, nose lightly brushing over your soft skin.
You froze in place, the faucet still running. Your hands hesitantly placed the plate and sponge back in the sink, “Steve—”
“I’m sorry, but please, if you’re gonna be upset with me, at least don’t be upset with Robin or the others,” He murmured, keeping himself tucked closely, “You are smart and helpful and unbelievably gracious with me, with us, with all of us. So… trust me when I say I’d rather take the night shift and know that you’re home, safe and sheltered.”
The tips of his fingers gently pressed against your side, resisting the urge to pull you closer. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. A sigh fell out of your mouth as your hands settled on his forearms.
Together in the dim light of the kitchen, you swayed back and forth.
— — —
The air hadn’t settled quite yet, but it lacked the tension that had been wound tight between the party. Robin was all too excited when you and Steve picked her up the next morning, and you started the conversation about what to do after the broadcast. Steve silently smiled to himself as he watched the two of you chatter away in his periphery.
As July faded into August, Steve had decided to host Robin, Nancy, and Jonathan over at the house for some much-needed ‘recovery time’. You quickly learned that it was code for imbibing when neither the younger teens nor the real adults were around. It felt like being in high school again and sneaking out for the homecoming party without the worry of a noise complaint.
Nancy, with the assistance of Robin, carried in three bottles of wine and two six-packs of beer while Steve and Jonathan snuck into the backyard. The boys shared a knowing smirk as Jonathan explained the benefits of the purple palm tree delight.
Your gaze was torn from the back door when Robin placed a Coors Lite in front of you. You politely shoved the bottle back towards her, “Um, thanks, but I prefer wine.”
Robin chuckled, “It’s not for you.”
“Then who is it for?” You raised a brow.
“For Steve,” Your friend explained, nodding her head like you would telepathically understand her meaning.
“Okay…” You glanced between the bottle and Robin, “What’s that got to do with me?”
Nancy shook her head, trying to hold in her own amusement. Robin gestured towards you, though she was clearly speaking to Nance, “I told you. They’re hopeless.”
A huff of disbelief escaped your lips, “Excuse me?”
“No, no – it’s cute really,” Nancy smiled, something warm and playful, “You and Steve are just… how can I put it?”
“Oblivious,” Robin answered bluntly.
“Uh, oblivious,” You sputtered, feeling your cheeks heat up, “To what?”
“Jesus Christ.”
Nancy extended a hand towards Robin, grabbing her by the elbow. The blue-eyed girl couldn’t keep it in, “Are you and Steve like…?”
Both of them nodded towards you, hoping you would provide a final verdict to their question, “Are we… what? Together? I— please, we’re roommates.”
“And?” Nancy leaned forward against the granite countertops.
“And nothing,” You shook your head, dismissing their invasive questions, “Plus, didn’t you date Steve?”
Robin laughed at your boldness while Nancy’s nose scrunched, the tips of her ears turning pink, “Yeah, we did. But that’s water under the bridge. And he’s my friend. I like to see him happy.”
You stilled at that. Happy. Sure, amidst all the panic and insanity over the past few months, you’d felt happiness. In fact, you were happiest when you were with Steve. But of course, Robin was also typically around too, so you could argue that you were happiest when both your closest friends were around—
“Oh my god, you both are insufferable,” Robin pretended to bang her head against the counter, while Nancy kept a hand on her shoulder to make sure she accidentally didn’t do just that.
It was perfect timing for a change in conversation, because the boys walked in, and with them, the scent of the aforementioned purple palm tree delight. You thought you saw Nancy roll her eyes, yet she simply sipped from her wine as she reached for Jonathan’s hand. Steve placed himself next to you while he laughed at something Jon had said, cheeks dimpling and shaking his head.
Robin raised her brows, catching your attention. She pointedly glanced between you, Steve, and the beer bottle from earlier. Even though you hadn’t admitted to anything, you took the hint and slid the bottle towards Steve.
The scrape of the glass against the countertop pulled his focus from Jonathan, eyes landing on your face before following down to the drink. His smile was easy, rehearsed even, but Robin noticed how Steve leaned half an inch closer to you. With a polite nod, he accepted the beer. The cap popped off with practiced ease, and he had to resist the urge to see if you had been watching him as intently.
“I think we should watch Stand By Me,” Jonathan suggested with a shrug, glancing around for approval.
“No way, man,” Robin scoffed, her displeasure clear on her face, “We agreed on watching a comedy. And dark humor doesn’t count.”
“I told you I own all three Star Wars films. The little bears are funny,” Steve attempted to do an impression of an Ewok, only for it to earn a stifled chuckle from you. His eyes flicked down towards you, and though his tone was more serious, you knew he was just being his usual self, “Oh, yeah? And what do you think we should watch, missy?”
Before you could answer, Robin replied, “Don’t ask her that. She’s just gonna say Sixteen Candles again.”
You stuck your tongue out at her, “What’s wrong with John Hughes?”
“Nothing,” She threw her hands up, “Except for the fact that he has a million better movies! But even then, I’m gonna suggest Spielberg.”
“We could always just watch E.T,” Nancy added to the mix.
“Yeah, that’s a no,” Steve was quick to shut it down. Your eyes flicked over to him, confused by his tone. Steve opened and closed his mouth again, trying to find the right explanation without ruining his tough-guy persona. “He’s creepy.”
“It’s a puppet, Steven,” you snidely remarked, laughing with Robin.
He set the beer back down on the counter, hands settled on his hips as he floundered for words, “I– Well, yeah, I know that–”
“Do you?” Robin jeered, taking the first step towards the living room.
It took another fifteen or so minutes before you all settled on Top Gun. Robin was relaxed in Mr. Harrington’s old recliner, feet draped over the arm as her toe occasionally tapped Jonathan’s knee. Nancy was tucked into his side on the smaller couch, Jon’s arm slung around her waist. That left you and Steve on the larger couch, a scene similar to many movie nights before, but after your intervention with the girls in the kitchen, your stomach flipped.
You kept a respectable ten-inch distance; close enough for comfort, but not to draw attention. Attention to what, you weren’t sure. But you knew that you didn’t need to give your friends any ammunition. If Steve noticed, he made no complaint as he plopped down, casually man-spreading.
The minutes ticked by as the movie played on. Each of you laughed, the occasional person leaving to refill their snacks or use the restroom. But it felt normal. In another life, these were your high school pals you spent time with at the end of summer before you all went your separate ways for college. Despite the thought, you were glad to have each of them in this life.
Somewhere along the way, Steve had slowly made his way closer to your end of the couch. You hadn’t tracked the minor movements he made getting a beer or a fresh Coke for Robin, or scootching closer when accepting a snack from your plate. If the others had realized what Steve was doing, they made no notice of it. They barely noticed the distant roll of thunder, a sound that made both you and Steve a little on edge.
By the time the credits were rolling, it was obvious there would be another storm tonight. Steve was quick to his feet, “Alright. It’s past town curfew, so you’re all welcome to stay here if you don’t feel like getting pulled over by MP’s.”
The others groaned in agreement, shifting to start tidying their spots before heading upstairs. Steve’s eyes cut back to you, catching your attention with the gentle murmur of your name, “Mind helping me outside before the storm picks up?”
“Oh, of course,” You shyly smiled as he offered you a hand. He tugged you up in one swift motion, making your shyness melt with a giggle. You could feel Robin and Nancy's eyes secretly watching the moment, and you released your hold on Steve. “Let’s go.”
He simply nodded, taking the lead towards the back deck. When you turned to close the sliding glass door behind you, you shot your friends a glare, to which they smirked in amusement. The plastic pool furniture creaked as Steve closed the lounge chairs. He took two at a time, giving you a sheepish look at your admonishing glance, “Do not tear open those stitches again.”
“Ha, ha,” Steve huffed, storing the pieces under the deck, “Thank you, nurse, but they are in fact healed now.”
Your eyes narrowed at him, but Steve acted unaffected as he held your gaze.
“Fine,” you huffed, snatching the poolside table and stowing it, “But don’t come crying to me when you pull a muscle or scratch your elbow—”
“Aw, you worry about me,” His smile stretched into that half smirk he reserved for you more often than not. Beneath it was the smugness you could recall from the stories of King Steve. But his smirk wasn’t a weapon; it was something genuine despite his sarcasm, “How sweet.”
You feigned a scoff, rolling your eyes at his taunt, “You know I do actually worry about you.”
“Oh, I know,” He chuckled, moving to grab the last of the lounge chairs before you could, “It’s cute.”
“Cute?” You asked, your tone more clipped.
Steve’s brow furrowed, catching your disgruntled question, “What’s wrong with being cute?”
“I– Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t see you calling Robin, or Nancy, or anyone else ‘cute’ unless you’re being sarcastic,” You clarified, dismissing the concern with a wave of your hand. You gave him a pointed glance, “Are you being sarcastic with me?”
“No, I, it was a compliment,” He attempted to explain, a languid sigh escaping him.
You shook your head and stepped back. You didn’t want to bicker over something so stupid as his vocabulary or the implication of his comment. So while Steve continued clearing the patio, you moved to dip your feet in the pool.
Once finished, his hands settled on his hips, eyes moving from the empty pool deck to observe your disposition. A stillness hung in the air as Steve watched you. Even in the reflecting light of the pool, you looked beautiful, but he could still see the scared girl he and Robin ran into all these months ago. He parted his lips to speak, only for you to glance back at him.
You simply sat by the pool in the cover of night, looking at each other in silence. The symphony of crickets and an owl played low beneath the tension of the moment. Steve looked as if he were doing everything in his power to hold himself back from speaking. Because maybe now was the moment to tell you everything. Well, not everything, but at least finally admit that there was something more happening between you both. Because friends didn’t cuddle on the couch, or hold each other in the kitchen, or dare to look at each other the way you both did.
Steve cleared his throat, “Right, guess it’s time for bed—”
“I asked Nancy to schedule me for the next night shift,” The admission tumbled from your lips before you could catch yourself.
Steve froze, eyes wide in disbelief and something you couldn’t name, “And what did she say?”
“No,” You shrugged, crossing your arms over your chest, and you released a frustrated sigh, “of course.”
He pressed his lips together, trying to find the right words. He took a step forward with the gentle call of your name, “It’s really for the best. They’re exhausting, nothing fun happens, and Dustin—”
Your eyes instantly snapped back up to his face, brows furrowed, “Why is Dustin there?”
“I– He’s a genius, you know that. The station engineer or whatever,” Steve stammered for an answer to redirect the conversation into safe territory.
“He’s a child,” You corrected, posture straight as an ugly feeling spread through your chest, “You let a child work the night shift, but I can’t?”
Steve ran a hand over his face, realizing how badly he’d slipped up in mentioning Dustin, “It’s summer. It’s not like he has school or anything else to do.”
“I just… I don’t get it, Steve. I think we’re friends; I thought you liked me, but…” Your hand gestured outward, expressing the frustrated words you couldn’t quite spit out.
“But what?” Steve shook his head, trying to piece together what you weren’t saying, “We’ve been over all these things. I don’t understand why not working a night shift is such a burden to you.”
“Because what if I wake up one morning and you don’t come home, Steve? What if I’m alone again?” Your tone was clipped, but your anxiety was evident. You cut your gaze away, refusing to meet his concerned look as you laid your final card, “I think the worst part of it is that I still trust you. Even when all evidence shows I shouldn’t.”
Steve stilled for a moment, unsure how to swallow that admission and how heavily your accusation weighed on him. “What do you mean by that?”
You shook your head, closing your eyes as you released a heavy sigh, “The late-night broadcasts? They always cut out around 10 pm.”
His brown eyes darted across your face, obviously attempting to remain casual, “I– it’s probably just military interference. I can– I’ll have Dustin check the antenna and see if—”
“I don’t need Dustin to check the antenna or Nancy to call the house or Robin to distract me,” You cut him off, your emotions getting the better of you. Before you can think twice, you’re on your feet to retreat indoors. Your voice cracked from the weight of it all, “I need you to be honest with me.”
Steve was instantly at your side, his large hands settling over your forearms to prevent you from leaving. His lips tried to form words, not knowing if they would be the right ones when your eyes finally met, and the world stilled for a beat.
“I love you,” Steve spoke plainly, like it was completely obvious for you to have come to such a conclusion on your own. But his admission didn’t stop there, “And I know it might be crazy to admit that given everything that has happened and will happen. It’s silly, maybe it isn’t, but when I saw you alone at the gymnasium after Robin had found you, something clicked. I don’t know how or why, but it feels like you’re someone I have always known. Sure, in a way I have, but I have also spent every moment since that day learning you and who you are and how wonderfully made you are. You’ve seen the devastation, and every day I worry that it will get worse, or that fate will finally catch up to the kids, or Robin, or you; and I’m spiraling at these night shifts because all I want to know is that when the sun comes up you’re safe. Then I come home to you, and I forget about everything falling apart around us, and it feels like I’m holding the world in my arms. And I feel– I feel—”
“Alive.” You completed his sentence.
Steve nodded, speechless beneath your gaze. The tension in his shoulders dissipated as your own guard began to drop. His hands traced from your forearms, down to your hands, intertwining your fingers as he took a half step closer.
There were no words left to speak when his eyes said everything you needed to know. A glimmer of admiration danced in them as his head dipped closer. Before you could close the distance yourself, Steve closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to your own. Together, you breathed in tandem, taking in a brief moment of clarity in a chaotic storm.
“I’m gonna make it all up to you. I’m gonna fix all that’s wrong,” Steve hummed, the words hushed and meant solely for you, “You won’t ever be alone again. Not while I’m around. We just have to bide our time. The night shifts and the quarantine won’t be forever. And then I’m gonna hold you forever.”
Both of you chuckled at his words, even if they were cheesier than either of you cared to admit in the moment. Somewhere deep, you knew that the troubles he spoke about were greater than you knew. But if it helped him to know that these troubles couldn’t touch you, maybe it would be worth the nights alone in the Harrington home.
Steve opened his eyes once more, their gentle brown hues looking at you in adoration. He released one of your hands, moving to cup your jaw instead gently. His thumb smoothed over the line of your jaw, basking in the rawness of the moment, before he finally tilted his head to slot his lips over your own. The kiss was something gentle, like something inside him was still nervous about being wrong, and that you didn’t crave him as much as he needed you.
Yet when you reciprocated and lightly tugged him closer, Steve completely took the hint. You pressed harder against him, the gentleness giving way to need as your tongue briefly traced his lower lip. He whined into your mouth yet doubled his efforts, licking into your mouth as the tip of his nose smushed firmly against your cheek.
When you broke away for air, Steve continued to look at you with a deep admiration you’d never seen from another person. You hummed, gently brushing your thumb over his cheek, “I love you, too.”
Steve was lost for words, something new for a man who always had something to say. Instead, his arms circled your waist before lifting you in the air, spinning you around as the wind whipped through your hair and the first drops of rain pattered against the concrete and seeped into your warm skin. You laughed, and Steve realized that it was his favorite sound in the world.
When the rain began to pick up, he placed you back down on the ground, tugging you back towards the house to get inside for the night. Once safely inside, you were back in his arms, deft fingers pushing the few wet strands of hair from your face. He remained silent, eyes tracing each contour and curve of your face, committing the masterpiece of you to memory; his world, his muse.
“Earth to Steve, you still with me?” You gently asked him. Your hardened disposition from months of chaos and devastation faded as you trusted Steve with the light you had desperately tried to protect from the outside world. He simply nodded as he continued to hold you close.
The sound of the fridge closing pulled both of you from your trance. While it was your instinct to jump back, Steve hugged you tightly to his side as he stood slightly in front of you. In the kitchen entryway stood Nancy with a glass of water in her hand and a pleased smile on her face. The knowing look in her eyes made your chest burn, and Steve shyly chuckled, knowing that you two were finally caught red-handed.
“Need anything, Nance?” Steve asked to dissolve the awkwardness of being caught.
“Nope,” The girl shook her head and began to step towards the stairs. Both of you knew that Nancy was going to head right up those stairs and inform both Jonathan and Robin of what she saw before either of you had the chance to address anything. But that thought didn’t scare you because something finally felt right; something good happened despite the fate of Hawkins. She cast a final smile towards the two of you, offering a quick wave, “Good night.”
“Good night,” Both of you echoed in reply, remaining still until you heard the faint click of the door shutting.
A fit of giggles escaped you as you pulled away from Steve’s side. Steve flashed you a warm smile, shrugging his shoulders, “Well, so much for moving in our own time.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about them,” You hummed. Everything felt natural, the way you reached for his hand and moved towards the staircase, pausing to press a kiss to his cheek.
Steve chuckled, eyes squinting as he tried to distract you from the way his cheeks flushed pink, “You go on up to bed. I need to lock up and call Dustin. But in the morning, once they leave, I’m taking you out to breakfast. Jonathan can sub in for me during the morning broadcast.”
“Oh, really? So who’s actually gonna open up the station and get the coffee ready if I’m not there?” You questioned his plan.
He rolled his eyes, expecting the question and all too thrilled for this breakfast date already, “Nance, of course. Now off to bed with you.”
You nodded, eyes lingering on him as you moved towards the stairs. However, Steve caught your wrist once more, moving in to press another kiss to your lips. He mumbled against them before parting ways, “Good night.”
“Good night, Steve,” you waved from the stairway. With a final smile, you slipped out of sight towards your bedroom, heat blooming in your cheeks.
As he locked up for the night, Steve was reeling, already thinking of where he wanted to take you on all the unofficial dates that he hadn’t asked you for yet, but that he couldn’t wait to take you on. For the first time in a long time, some of the weight on his chest dissipated. Because someone loved him. Someone saw the scars and the tears and the flaws; yet loved him for it nonetheless.
Suddenly, his world fell right back into tune.
And while Steve would fall asleep with a new hope for tomorrow and the future, doubt comes in to plague your dreams.
— — —
Falling asleep had been easy; the easiest it had been in a long, long time. It was the kind of peaceful, almost dreamless sleep that urges you deeper. As you floated downward into the velvet darkness, a mangled hand reached out, and a flash of white filled your vision.
You woke with a gasp, breathing in as much air as your lungs would permit. The room was cold and stagnant. Far too cold for late July, even with the fan spinning. Your fingers curled into the duvet, tugging it closer to your shaking frame.
Despite waking up, your heartbeat refused to settle, and the sound of blood rushed in your ears. Before you thought better of it, you moved to your feet, swiftly moving into the attached bathroom. You twisted the faucet for cold water, hands dipping down to splash it across your face. Your palms pressed the cool rag against the warmed skin of your cheeks, offering some reprieve.
Once you caught your breath, you turned off the faucet and collected yourself. It’s just a dream, you assured yourself; it’s all in your head.
There was movement in the corner of your eyes – a spider on the wall. Fear coursed through you as you picked up the tissue box from the counter, smacking it right over the arachnid. Your chest rose and fell with bated breath as you withdrew your makeshift weapon, only to find no sign of the spider.
You stumbled back towards the bedroom, blaming the scene on your drowsiness. It was something so simple to imagine.
Your foot never hit the carpet. Instead, the patter of water sounded beneath your feet. Surrounding you was darkness, endless and vast. You could only make out your own reflection in the water that rippled with each step you took.
“Steve?”
“Robin?”
“Nancy?!”
“Steve!”
Only your echo responded in the void. You felt nothing, yet you felt everything. You were lost in a place that couldn’t quite be described as hell, nor would you claim it to be the peaceful afterlife you silently prayed for. No, this was purgatory.
“Steve?!”
A dull ache settled in your skull, making your body move sluggishly through the shallow water. One of your migraines again. You hardly took two steps further when a shiver passed through you.
“Hello, (Y/N).”
The fear was immediate.
You ran. You ran as quickly as your feet would carry you, running further into the endless abyss. There was no thought to it, only action, only fear. Could you even outrun what you could not see or know to be there?
“Your friends think they can stop fate, but they are fools in the might of Gods.”
The reflection of the scales halted your movements. There in the water, an albino rattlesnake coiled around itself, unassuming to your presence. Your body went frigid as its rattling stopped. The creature’s head lifted to stare at you, black eyes boring into you, fully aware that you were now prey.
It slithered towards you, and you were helpless to move, your body paralyzed. Its alabaster body curled around your foot, a faint hiss hanging threateningly low.
That’s when you heard it. In the distance. Your name and Steve’s voice. Hope blossomed in your chest.
The voice was quick to kill it again, “That boy cannot stop destiny. The vultures are already looming on the horizon, ready to pick you clean, little canary. But I can save you. The choice is yours… if you’re willing to choose.”
Before you could answer, the rattlesnakes dove into the shallow water below, swimming down with no resistance. In your shock, you stumbled back, expectant and ready to collide with the water or follow the snake down.
Only you awoke in your bed back in the Harrington home. You sat up, flicking the bedside lamp on. Your fingers flew to the wet feeling on your cheeks. Tears. You wiped at your face, your knuckles brushing against your nose.
And in the warm lamp light, you saw it smeared on the back of your hand — blood.
After saving the world, you're plagued with nightmares of your boyfriend falling from the radio tower.
pairing: steve harrington x henderson!reader
words: 2.1k
contains: heavy angst, eventual fluff, established relationship, character death (but not really), graphic descriptions of fatal injuries, nightmares, description of a panic attack, near death experienc, lots of trauma, use of pet names for reader (baby, sweet girl), female reader, no use of y/n, she/her pronouns for reader.
author's note: steve angst lovers please rise! this one got me i won't lie. i hope that the action is okay too, struggled a lot with that but we got there in the end!
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Red lightning flashed across the sky and the radio WSQK tower seemed to groan beneath you as you lean slightly over the railing to see just how high up you were. You swallow when you realise that you were so high up that you couldn’t even see the ground. The thought that this could be a mission you wouldn't come back from briefly crosses your mind.
“You be careful now, baby,” comes Steve’s voice, his hand falling on your lower back like an anchor that reels you back in. Your boyfriend seems to have a midas touch when it comes to reassuring you because your shoulders relax almost instantly, your body always so attuned to his. “Dustin will kill me if I let you fall.”
The corners of your lips twitch into an almost smile. “If I fall—Dustin would be fine as long as he got my bedroom,” you say, a quick glance back over the edge before you step away from the railing and look at Steve.
He looked stupidly good in that backwards cap that sat on top of his head. You knew he had worn it for your sake, you knew it the moment he had slid it on and winked over at you. You wanted to be mad at him but you told yourself you’d get him back for it later. If there was a later.
“Funny,” Steve murmurs, zero amusement in his eyes as he looks back at you, his fingers curling into your jacket like he was trying to ground himself. “But I’m serious, if you fall I—”
“—Steve,” you interrupted him before he could let the thought in, your hand reaching for his in an attempt to reassure him with skin against skin. “It’s gonna be fine. We’re gonna be—”
“No, no, no, guys—it’s not lining up.”
Your blood turns cold at those words. A horrible sense of foreboding creeps in.
“What do you mean it’s not lining up?” Steve asks Lucas in a slightly panicked voice while you look up at the tower needle, at the rocky surface of the abyss above that was coming down. Your eyes focused on deep rifts that were emitting an eerie red glow that did not align with the needle.
“Look! The tower needle. It’s not lining up with the rift.”
“Shit!” Steve exclaims, his hand in yours tightening, his fear palpable as the abyss moved ever closer.
You could feel your heart pounding in your chest. You couldn’t concentrate on anything other than Steve’s hand in yours and trying to ignore that feeling deep in your gut that felt an awful lot like dread.
Because that if the abyss hit that needle—the tower was going right down with it.
Everything moved quickly after that. Dustin was frantic as he yelled down his walkie at Hopper. The others around you scramble to hold onto something, anything and Steve drops your hand so that he could grab you around the waist, pulling you against him as you all braced for impact.
You look up at him, seeing the fear in his eyes. “Steve, I love—”
“—don’t you dare say that, baby. Don’t you—”
“Watch out!”
The moment that the tower needle crashes into the rocky surface of the abyss, the whole tower moves.
The platform beneath you shakes violently. Everything feels uneven. Figures move around you as the others stumble, as they cling onto the railing like it was their very last hope.
And Steve—he slips backwards, letting you go so that he doesn’t pull you with him.
“Steve!” You cry out, your hand frantically trying to reach his but to no avail. He stumbles back before smacking into the railing on the other side of the platform.
You don’t think—your grip slips from the metal railing as you go to rush after him, to save him but—
The sound of metal groaning above you makes everyone look up.
You felt as though you were frozen as you watched the needle bend—the sound seeming to reverberate through you. Shrill. Piercing.
You barely have time to comprehend what was about to happen before the needle finally snaps.
“Look out! Look out! Look out!”
You knew it was Steve’s voice but in your panic, you couldn’t think of anything else besides getting to the man that you loved.
Someone screams out your name. Once, twice. You were sure that it was Dustin. You were sure he was yelling at you to stop. That it was too late. But as the needle falls, as it crashes onto the railing besides Steve—everything else ceases to exist.
Because the railing snaps off and Steve stumbles back.
Your world tilts—everything feels as though it was moving in slow motion as you try to reach for Steve’s hand. There was a moment when your fingers brushed against his. When your skin touched his and for that moment—you almost believed that everything would be okay. But your hands were too clammy to hold on to him and he slipped right through your fingertips.
“Steve!” You cry out, your voice breaking along with everything else inside of you as you watch Steve Harrington—the man you loved, the guy who had only hours earlier promised that he’d marry you the second all of this was over—tumbles over the edge of the platform.
A sense of numbness swept over you. A numbness that creeps down to the tips of your fingers. A numbness that makes it hard to comprehend what had just happened. Because Steve Harrington could not be dead.
You move without really thinking. Someone yells your name again as you look over the edge, expecting to see Steve—expecting to see him hanging from the platform with one hand. But you only see darkness below.
The moment you realise that no one—not even Steve Harrington—could survive that fall was the moment that the truth finally hits you—brutal and absolute.
Steve Harrington was dead and there was nothing you could do.
A scream rips from your throat, one that pulls at your vocal chords. One that feeds on the agony of seeing the love of your life being claimed by gravity. You barely feel the tears spilling down your cheeks, barely feel the hands that were grabbing you, pulling you away from the edge to stop you from joining Steve in death.
You hear your name being called frantically and in your grief, it almost sounds like Steve. But you knew it wasn’t because he was dead. He had plummeted to the ground and he was dead. His body lay broken on the ground five hundred feet beneath you, his bones smashed to pieces, his skull caved in from the impact of the fall. The heart you had once fallen asleep listening to no longer beating and those big, hazel eyes of his unseeing.
It didn’t feel real.
It wasn’t real.
It couldn’t be real—
You jolt, your body trembling as you wake. You felt cold. Everything felt cold. Your hands shook violently and a violent sob ripped through your body before you could stop it. The image of Steve falling replaying over and over again in your head—
“Baby, baby, baby—please—.”
You don’t even register the fact you had been thrashing violently in Steve’s arms until you heard his voice. Until his arms tightened around you, until he had grabbed your wrist to stop you from hurting him or yourself.
Steve.
Alive. Alive. Alive.
But he couldn’t be.
You had watched him fall over the platform edge. You had seen the sheer terror in his eyes right before he had fallen. The fear. The panic. The realisation that he was going to fall five hundred feet to his death. The realisation that he was leaving you behind, that the future you had planned together would never come to fruition.
“Y-you’re n-not re-real,” you cry out, your sobs that are so heavy that they shook your entire body. “Y-you’re de-dead—”
“—baby, I’m not dead,” Steve tells you, his voice breaking as he holds you, his arms around your waist tightening as he pulls you back against him, trying desperately to ground you. “Listen to my voice, I’m not—”
“—b-but I-I saw—”
“—I know baby,” Steve murmurs, pressing his lips to your temple as he pulls you close as though trying to fuse the two of you together. “I know what you saw and it’s not real, okay? I’m real. I’m here. I’m alive. Please believe me, please—”
But it was difficult to tell what was real and what was not when everything around you felt blurry, when your body felt as though it was still up on the platform watching him fall. You felt cold, you couldn’t stop shaking and despite knowing deep down it was just a dream—that Steve had never fallen from the radio station, that he had been pulled to safety by Jonathan—the grief you had felt was still all consuming. You felt it in every bone, every nerve, every cell in your body and all your boyfriend could do was hold you while you cried.
It wasn’t the first time you had a nightmare about him falling from the tower and it probably wouldn’t be the last.
“I got you,” Steve tells you. His own voice cracking as he struggles to control his own emotions at the sight of your distress before gently manoeuvring your body so that you could face him. “I got you, baby. I always got you, okay?”
It was when your eyes finally met his and you saw life in them—saw none of the terror and panic that you had seen right before he had fallen—that you started to focus back on reality.
Steve. Beside you. In bed. Warm.
Steve. Alive. Holding you.
Steve. Alive.
“S-Steve?” You murmur out, your breathing uneven as your fingers unclench before they reach for him—for the coarse hair that covers his chest. Your fingers slide through the hair there so that you could feel his heart beating beneath your palm.
“Yeah. I’m here, baby,” he tells you in a thick voice, his arms like a vine around your waist as he pulls you flush against him. “Not going anyway. Okay?”
You nod, small sniffles escaping you now as you lean forward to bury your head into his chest. The thump, thump, thump of his heartbeat against your eardrum—the reminder that he was still here, that he was still alive—making the panic that had built up inside of you settle. It didn’t leave, the anxiety of losing Steve never truly left but it settled. Because he was here. He was alive.
“I’m sorry i-if I w-woke you up,” you say quietly, dreading to think of what you had done, what you had said whilst you had been dreaming. If you had screamed, if you had yelled out in terror as Steve had fallen from view—
“Don’t apologise,” Steve tells with a small shake of his head. “Please don’t—”
“—I just—y-you can tell m-me if it’s to-too much.”
There was a moment of silence and then—
“Sweet girl, you could never be too much,” he tells you in a voice that was somehow both firm and gentle. “I promise you. Never.”
You nod, blinking away the tears that still lingered before you look back at him.
“I just—I-I love you so fucking much and—almost losing you it—it—it just—”
“—hey, hey, hey,” Steve soothes you so lovingly and gently that you could burst. “I love you too, baby. But you didn’t lose me, yeah? Not going to leave my girl when I still need to put a ring on her finger.”
That pulls another laugh out of you and Steve’s beams at the sound of it.
“There she is,” he hums, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your cheek. “My love. My light. My future wife.”
Your face burns but you can’t help but feel warm inside at his words.
“Sap,” you murmur, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you look at him.
“I’m your sap,” he tells you, one his hands cradling the back of your head gently while the other rubs up and down your back—a motion that acts as a soothing balm to the deep ache in your chest. “And I’m here for as long as you want me.”
You let out a small laugh despite everything and Steve feels something tightening in his chest at the sound as you pull away enough to look up at him with eyes that were still glassy with tears.
“Is forever okay?” You ask him in a voice so quiet that Steve had to lean in to hear.
Steve smiles faintly, lifting one large hand to wipe away the tears that had spilled down your cheeks with his thumb. “Forever is more than okay,” he tells you sincerely before leaning in and pressing his lips against yours. You melt into it. His lips against yours yet another remainder that he was alive. That he was real.
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Ngl, it'd be so funny if there was a modern au in which Gator is a confectioner, selling sweets and goodies at the local bakery, because he's like the grumpiest man on that side of town and he sells sweets ?? Hehe
Sunshine-but-snarky!Reader who was recently transferred for work to Gator's town and has an immense sweet tooth would wander into the bakery... only to come face to face with Gator, who's being his usual grumpy rude self, and asks him outright, "so you're a grump who sells sweets ? The irony is baffling"
And picks up her goodies and walks away with a smile and a wink
... Gator on the other hand, can't believe someone just spoke to him like that, but is curious about Reader and silently hopes she comes back so he can verbally spar better lol
It'd be cool to see you write this as fic, but if not, no sweat, see ya !!
sweetie boy part 1
gator tillman x reader
val speaks - ooomg this trope is so good im obsessed ur amazing !! anyways i hope you enjoy reading as much as i did writing !!!
making this 2 parts bc i wanted to post smth tn but i havent completley finished it plus it works as a 2 parter so yes part 2 tmr or wednesday hehe
word count: 6k
the first thing you learned about the town was that it had a habit of pretending to be quieter than it really was.
it was the kind of place wwhere everybody knew everybody else’s business by the time the sun went down, but had the decency to pretend otherwise if they liked you. where the diner on the corner served coffee that tasted faintly burnt no matter how many times you ordered it, and the florist still wrapped bouquets by hand in paper that smelled like rain.
it was small, yes, but not stifling. not the sort of small that closed in on you like a fist, more like the kind that held still long enough to let you breathe.
you didn't hate it.
in fact, you almost liked the feeling of it. the little house you’d been transferred into was older, but clean, with one stubborn window that stuck every time you tried to open it and a kitchen that was just big enough for one person. the front steps creaked. the mailbox leaned a little to the left. and there was a patch of wildflowers out back that no one had bothered to cut down, as if the previous owner had decided that a little softness in the world was worth keeping around.
you hadn't expected to settle so quickly. the job was fine, your coworkers were decent, and the town itself had just enough charm to keep you from feeling like you’d been exiled into the middle of nowhere. which was fortunate, because you'd been sent there for work with very little warning and even less choice, and you had no intention of spending the entire experience miserable.
you had always been easy to please though.
give you a good book, a decent cup of tea or something sweet enough to make your teeth ache in that satisfying way and you were nearly content.
which was how, one thursday afternoon, you ended up standing in the break room at work with a paper cup of vending machine coffee and a new friend named elaine who had the sort of warm, nosy energy that made strangers confess their life stories in under ten minutes.
“you have not lived here long enough if you have not been to marcy’s bakery.”
you looked up from your coffee. “marcy’s bakery?”
elaine gasped, hand flying to her chest. “you’re kidding.”
“i’m not kidding. should i be worried?”
“yes, deeply. it’s the best bakery in town. the woman that owns it is literally godsent”
that alone had been enough to make you interested, but then she started listing things off in that breathless, reverent tone people usually reserved for religion, weddings, or simply really good food.
fresh cinnamon rolls before nine. lemon bars that made grown men emotional. little pies with flaky crusts. cookies that somehow tasted like childhood. sticky buns. fruit tarts. cupcakes frosted so beautifully they looked fake. and, allegedly, a chocolate cake so good that people had once tried to bribe the woman at the counter for the recipe.
you listened, more and more convinced, until you were leaning on the edge of the table and saying, “okay, that’s enough. i’m going.”
elaine grinned like she'd just won something. “i knew you’d understand.”
and so on friday after work, you found yourself walking down the town’s main road with a light breeze tugging at your hair and a sweet craving blooming in your stomach.
the bakery sat on a corner with a faded painted sign and a bell above the door that gave a soft, old fashioned jingle when you pushed inside. warmth wrapped around you immediately. not just the heat from ovens, but the soft, buttery warmth of sugar and vanilla.
and then you saw him.
he was behind the counter, broad shouldered and dressed in a dark apron that looked as if it had been tied on with irritation.
his expression, however, was unforgettable.
it was not merely grumpy.
grumpy implied a temporary mood.
this looked like a man who was oh so irritated with life and had decided to spend the rest of time making sure the world knew it.
you almost laughed just from the sight of him.
he looked up as the bell sounded, gaze landing on you with a flat, unimpressed look.
“you buyin’ or browsin’?” he asked.
his voice was rougher than you expected, low and a little tired, like he’d smoked a few too many cigarettes in another life and never quite managed to shake the rasp out of his throat.
you glanced over the display case full of pastries, all glossy and perfect under the glass. “that depends. are you always this welcoming, or am i special?”
his eyes narrowed just a little. “special, huh.”
you smiled at him, slow and bright. “i’m trying to be optimistic.”
“bad habit.”
“i’ve heard worse.”
he leaned one hand on the counter, deadpan and unapologetic. “that so?”
you tilted your head. “mhm. try harder.”
for the first time, something flickered over his face. so fast you almost missed it. not a smile, not quite, but something dangerously close to amusement.
gone so quickly you might've imagined it.
you didn't imagine the way his eyes stayed on you a second longer than necessary though.
you pointed at the tray nearest him. “what’s good?”
“all of it.”
“that’s not helpful.”
“ya didn’t ask for helpful. ya asked what’s good.”
you huffed a laugh and stepped closer to the counter, leaning in to inspect the case. “you always this charming?”
“only on days ending in y.”
“wow. how do the regulars survive.”
“they don’t. i bury ‘em out back.”
that got a real laugh out of you, quick and surprised, and this time the look in his eyes shifted more clearly, like he hadn't expected that either. you glanced up at him through your lashes, still smiling.
“a grump selling sweets,” you said, letting the words hang in the warm air between you as you pointed at what you wanted, “the irony is baffling.”
then you gave him a little wink and stepped away from the counter the second you got your goods.
behind you, you heard the faintest sound of a breath through his nose, close to a scoff. or maybe a laugh. you didn't turn around to check.
you would'e liked to, though. just to see what expression he made after that.
at home, you ate the lemon bar first.
it was, as promised, very good. but maybe not as memorable as the man behind the counter.
the next friday, you came back.
and the one after that.
and the one after that.
it became stupidly easy to build a routine around it. work would drag its heels through the week, thursday would begin to glitter in the distance like a promise, and friday would finally arrive with the steady certainty that by late afternoon you would be stepping into that bakery again with a small, hungry smile already waiting on your mouth.
he always looked the same at first glance. still grumpy. still unimpressed. but very quickly you began to notice the things most people probably missed.
how he remembered what you ordered the first time. how he always set aside the cinnamon rolls with slightly burnt edges, as if he knew exactly how you liked them. how he would slide an extra cookie into the bag without saying anything, then act like it had been an error if you caught him.
“you did that on purpose” you told him one friday when he handed you a paper sack that felt a little too full.
he didn’t even blink. “didn’t.”
you peered into the bag. “there are four cookies in here.”
“packin’ mistake.”
“liar.”
“customer service,” he said flatly. “goes with the job.”
you smiled. “you’re terrible at customer service.”
“and yet ya keep comin’ back.”
you looked up at him then, because there it was again. that almost there thing under the gruffness, the smallest edge of a smirk he was trying very hard to hide. and because you were you, and because apparently self preservation was not one of your stronger qualities, you said, “maybe i come back for the cookies.”
“sure.”
“or maybe i come back for your winning personality.”
that made him stare at you for one very long second.
then he said, “you insult me a lot for someone who’s tryin’ to get free pastries.”
“i’m not trying to get free pastries.”
“you’re bad at it anyway.”
you pressed a hand to your chest in mock offense. “slander.”
he looked past you toward the display case, then back to your face. “you want anythin else, sunshine?”
the nickname landed with such ease, so casually, that you almost forgot to answer.
sunshine.
it shouldn't have fit you as well as it did, not when it came from a man like him, not when he said it with the dry tone of someone who was still pretending he didn't enjoy the sound of your voice. and yet it somehow did. especially paired with the fact that you had started calling him sweetie boy entirely because you knew it would annoy him.
you lifted a brow. “surprise me, sweetie boy.”
his expression didn't change, but his ears had gone faintly pink, and that alone nearly ruined you.
“hate when ya say that.”
“no you don’t.”
he gave you a look that suggested he would happily toss you into the nearest river, and yet he was already reaching for more goodies before you’d even finished speaking.
“what’s in it today?” you asked.
“chocolate croissant, lemon tart, two cookies. the good kind.”
“you know me so well.”
“tragic, ain’t it.”
you laughed and rested your elbows on the counter.
his mouth did something very small and very dangerous. not a smile exactly, but the beginning of one, as if it had almost escaped before he could stop it. then he scowled at the cash register.
you had the distinct and entirely unreasonable urge to keep him talking forever.
the thing was, he wasn't actually as cold as he wanted people to think. that much became obvious over time.
there was the way he cut the pastries a little larger for the kids who came in with pocket change and hopeful eyes, then pretended not to notice when they lit up. the way he would leave the door propped open on especially hot days so people could get through the line faster, and the way he always looked away whenever anyone thanked him for anything beyond the bare minimum.
grumpy, yes. rude, sometimes. but there was a softness in him that never seemed to know what to do with itself. it hid in the edges. in the unguarded moments. in the extra cookie. in the way his shoulders seemed to loosen by a fraction whenever you walked in.
and you, with your too bright smile and too sharp tongue, had begun to notice just how often he glanced up before you even reached the counter, like he’d already been listening for the bell.
by the third week, he had started saving your favorite lemon tart without being asked.
by the fourth, he was asking, “same as last time?” before you’d opened your mouth.
by the fifth, you found yourself leaning over the glass case and saying, “you know, i think you like me.”
his reply was immediate. “that’ll be the day.”
you grinned. “you do, though.”
“you got a wild imagination, sunshine.”
“and you’ve got a big heart under all that misery.”
he went still.
it was subtle, but you caught it anyway. the slight pause in his hands. the fraction of a second where his face went unreadable in a different way. not annoyed. not amused. just caught, as if you had reached somewhere he hadn't meant to expose.
your smile softened without you meaning it to.
“too much?” you asked, quieter now.
he glanced at you then and there was something in his eyes that made your chest feel oddly full. something wary, yes, but not with you. with being seen.
“maybe” he said after a beat.
you nodded once, easy and unpressing. “okay.”
his shoulders shifted, almost imperceptibly, like he had expected another battle and found himself standing in a field of empty air instead.
“you’re weird” he muttered.
you beamed. “thank you.”
“wasn’t a compliment.”
“i know.”
he looked at you for a second longer than necessary, and this time when the smirk came, it stayed long enough to count.
it changed his whole face, made him look younger, less hard around the edges. almost pretty, if you were being honest with yourself, which was increasingly inconvenient.
you pretended not to notice how your heart stumbled.
instead, you reached for the bag he slid across the counter and brushed your fingers against his by accident, or maybe not by accident at all.
he noticed. you could tell.
he also didn't pull away.
that was how it went for weeks after that. little sparring matches tucked between trays of sweets and paper bags and the dry rhythm of his voice saying your nickname like he resented how easily it fit.
you came in every friday because the pastries were genuinely excellent, which was a perfectly reasonable explanation, and because the man behind the counter could turn a miserable remark into something almost affectionate without ever admitting he was doing it.
he asked you once why you always came in on fridays.
you had been halfway to the door when he said it, and you turned back with your bag of sweets held loosely in one hand.
“because it’s a good way to end the week” you said.
his eyebrows lifted. “that so.”
you shrugged, smiling at him over your shoulder. “and because someone has to make sure you don’t get too lonely in here.”
“i aint lonely.”
“sure, sweetie boy.”
“don’t start.”
you smiled wider. “see you next friday.”
he watched you go, and you could feel it even with your back turned, that quiet weight of his attention following you out into the afternoon light.
and if, on the walk home, you found yourself thinking about the shape of his hands when he handed you change, or the sound of his voice when he said your nickname, or the way his expression had softened by barely a degree whenever you smiled at him like you meant it, well.
that was nobody’s business but yours.
what you did not know yet was that he had started arriving a little earlier on fridays just to make sure the best lemon tart was stored ready for you. that he had begun keeping track of how your face changed depending on the pastry you picked. and that, on thr next friday he saw you walk in wearing a soft cardigan and that same cheeky smile, he was already thinking that maybe, just maybe, being miserable hadn't prepared him for a person like you.
you were stepping up to the counter, eyes glittering with familiar mischief, when he straightened and looked at you like he had all the time in the world and none of it to waste.
“well,” he said, voice rough and low and almost amused, “look who decided to show up.”
you tipped your head, smiling like a challenge.
“miss me, sweetie boy?”
for a second, his expression broke wide open in that tiny, private way he only ever let happen around you.
then he leaned an elbow on the counter, gaze steady on yours, and said, “get your usual, sunshine. before i change my mind and charge ya extra for being annoying.”
you laughed, and the sound made his smirk deepen before he could stop it.
and just like that, friday felt like the beginning of something neither of you were ready to name.
-
the first friday you didn't show, gator told himself he didn't care.
he told himself this while he wiped down the counter a little too hard. while he restocked the napkins for the third time. when the afternoon dragged on and the light outside the bakery shifted from gold to dull.
he told himself this when marcy glanced at him from the back and said, in that knowing way of hers, “you look like somebody kicked your puppy.”
“don’t got one” he muttered.
marcy snorted. “that’s not the point.”
“then what is?”
she only gave him a look and went back to counting boxes while he tried very hard not to glance at the door again.
he didn't care. you'd probably gotten busy. you'd probably forgotten. you'd probably decided, with your usual bright little grin and your stupidly warm voice, that friday was not worth making time for this week.
and yet, as the bell stayed silent, something in him soured another degree.
by closing time he was in a mood sharp enough to cut glass with, which meant marcy kept a safe distance and pretended not to notice the fact that he'd been huffing and puffing.
“you can go home” she said at last, already half-undone from her apron.
“i’m aware.”
“you’ve been aware in a very unpleasant way for the last hour.”
“glad you noticed.”
she smiled to herself and left him there with the smell of sugar and butter still hanging in the air.
gator locked up, turned off the lights, and stood for a second with his hand on the door like he might still hear your voice if he waited long enough.
he did not.
which was probably for the best.
he went home irritated at the town, irritated at the weather, irritated at the fact that his own thoughts had somehow gotten embarrassingly fixed on a woman who called him sweetie boy.
he slept badly.
he woke up in a worse mood than he had gone to bed in.
and by saturday afternoon, when he was setting out a fresh tray of tarts and trying not to think about why he'd got out an extra batch of your favorite lemon bars, he nearly convinced himself he was being ridiculous.
then the bell over the door rang.
he looked up so fast it almost hurt.
and there you were.
for one suspended second, he just stared. then his face settled into its usual scowl, because of course it did.
“you’re a day late” he said.
your smile was tired but there, soft around the edges. “i know.”
he frowned. “then why’re you here now?”
you came up to the counter as if you had every right to be there, which, irritatingly, you did. “because i feel better than i did yesterday,” you said, “and i wanted my treat.”
that knocked something loose in him.
“you were sick?”
"unfortunatley.”
his eyes narrowed. “you should’ve stayed home.”
“i did. all day.”
“not enough.”
you blinked at him, and for a second the air between you was quieter than the room deserved.
you looked smaller than usual, a little pale still, and the sight of it did something sharp and unpleasant to him.
“you look like hell” he said, because apparently the kindest thing he could manage was still dressed up like an insult.
your mouth twitched. “i missed you too.”
he snorted despite himself and bent to fetch your order. “you should’ve said somethin’.”
“about being sick?”
“yeah.”
you leaned on the glass case, watching him with that same infuriating softness that always made him feel as if he had missed a step somewhere. “i didn’t want to.”
“why not?”
you shrugged, but it was a small shrug, careful. “because then you would’ve worried.”
he froze just long enough for you to notice.
you lifted your brows. “oh.”
“don’t start.”
“you did worry.”
he handed over the bag a little more firmly than necessary. “no, i didn’t.”
you took it with a slow smile that said you were absolutely not believing him. “sure.”
“you want your receipt or not?”
“i want my lemon tart.”
he glared at you, and you smiled wider, and then you added, “thanks for saving one for me.”
that was the thing that finally got him.
not the words exactly. the way you said them, light and grateful and entirely too aware of what his gesture meant. he looked at you, really looked, and the annoyance he had been carrying all day shifted shape in his chest until it was something softer and stranger.
he huffed a breath through his nose and looked away first. “there was extra.”
you laughed quietly. “liar.”
his mouth twitched before he could stop it, and there it was, that tiny smile he never seemed able to keep fully hidden around you.
it lasted maybe a second, maybe less, but you saw it.
and because he was him, and because the moment had already gotten too warm for his comfort, he muttered, “don’t come in lookin’ like that again.”
“like what?”
“like somebody ran over you.”
your eyes glinted with amusement. “you mean you missed me so much you can’t stand my absence?”
he stared at you.
you stared back.
then, very deliberately, he said, “get out.”
you laughed all the way to the door.
after that, things changed by inches.
not enough for anyone to point at it outright, but enough that marcy noticed.
marcy always noticed.
she noticed the way gator stopped looking like he wanted to bite through the counter whenever you came in. she noticed the way he started setting aside the best pastries before you arrived, the way his voice changed by the smallest degree when he said your name, the way he looked mildly offended whenever you didn't show up exactly when expected.
so, naturally, she decided to make it his problem.
one friday afternoon, while you were still due to arrive and the bakery was quiet except for the soft clatter of trays in the back, marcy came up beside him and said, far too casually, “i think i’m gonna have you stop working fridays.”
gator looked at her like she had suggested setting the whole building on fire. “what?”
“you heard me.”
his expression sharpened. “why?”
she folded her arms and smiled in that deeply irritating way that meant she was absolutely enjoying herself. “oh, no reason.”
“marcy.”
she hummed. “i just thought you might like a little more free time.”
“i don’t need free time.”
“you could use it.”
“i work fine.”
“didn’t say you didn’t.”
“then what’s this about?”
she tipped her head, eyes bright with mischief. “about me being a generous employer.”
he narrowed his eyes. “you’re lyin’.”
“am i?”
before he could answer, the smile on her face widened into something unmistakable, and the realisation hit him with such force he nearly looked wounded by it.
his jaw tightened. “you are absolutely impossible.”
marcy beamed. “and yet.”
“you’re doin’ this on purpose.”
“yes.”
he stared at her for a long second, then looked away with the scowl.
his eyes snapped back to hers. “why are you bein stupid?”
“because,” marcy said sweetly, “i noticed you look less miserable when she’s around.”
gator went still.
the silence that followed was absolute.
then marcy laughed under her breath, delighted with herself.
“you’re insufferable” he muttered.
“and you’re blushing.”
“am not.”
“you are.”
“not.”
marcy grinned wider. “sure, honey.”
he looked away so fast it was almost funny.
you arrived ten minutes later and found the entire front of the bakery suspiciously peaceful. marcy greeted you with a look so self satisfied that you immediately narrowed your eyes.
“what happened?”
“nothing.”
you turned to gator, who was standing behind the counter with his usual flat expression and a faint redness still lingering at the edges of his ears. “you look like she just won a war.”
he pointed at marcy without looking at her. “she’s a menace.”
marcy, entirely unrepentant, said, “i’m a visionary.”
you laughed and took your usual place at the counter.
gator handed over your order with a little too much care, and you noticed, because you always noticed now.
the next week you made the mistake of arriving a little late and asking, “mind if i hang around while you close?”
gator had been wiping down the counter. he looked up at you, expression unreadable for half a second, then said, “you askin’ or tellin’?”
you smiled. “asking.”
“then maybe.”
“that sounds like yes.”
“don’t get comfortable.”
you did, in fact, get comfortable.
you sat on one of the stools by the counter while he locked the register, covered the trays, and stacked the empty boxes with the slightly rough efficiency of someone who had done it a thousand times and hated every one of them.
the bakery changed in the evening. the lights seemed softer, the silence fuller, the sweet smell of the place settling around you like a blanket.
gator moved through it with a kind of tired focus, and without the noise of the daytime crowd, he looked different somehow. less like the gruff man behind the counter and more like someone who had learned to make himself into a shape that could survive.
you did not interrupt him at first. you just watched.
“you’re starin’” he said eventually.
it was quiet for a moment, then, without quite meaning to, you asked, “did you always want to work in a bakery?”
the question made him pause.
not dramatically. just enough that you knew you had stepped somewhere softer.
he glanced at you, then away. “no.”
you waited.
he wiped his hands on the towel over his shoulder and leaned one hip against the counter. “wasn’t exactly the plan.”
“what was?”
he let out a dry little breath. “gettin’ out.”
your expression gentled, and you didn't rush him. that was one of the things he had started to notice about you. you knew when to tease and when to sit still. you knew how to be light without being careless. how to make room without making a show of it.
“out of where?” you asked, quietly enough that it did not sound like pressure.
his jaw flexed once. “everywhere.”
you nodded, because that was enough for now.
his eyes shifted to you and stayed there longer than he probably meant them to. “my old man wasn’t… easy to live with.”
you said nothing. just waited, your hands folded loosely in your lap, your attention on him in a way that felt steady instead of prying.
he seemed to notice that too.
“there’s a difference between bein’ hard on somebody and just bein’ mean,” he said after a moment, voice lower now. rough around the edges, but not with the same bite as usual. “he liked to pretend he was teachin’ me somethin’. most days he was just angry.”
your throat tightened a little, though you kept your face calm. “you don’t have to keep going.”
he shrugged once, not careless, just tired. “i know.”
but he did keep going, a little more than he’d meant to, because you were looking at him like you understood and that was a dangerous thing to give someone.
“got out when i could. moved out here. wanted far enough away that i didn’t have to hear his voice in my head every day.” he looked down at the counter, at the grain in the wood as if it held a safer answer than your face. “marcy gave me the job. said i had a good work ethic. said i looked useful.”
you smiled a little. “you are useful.”
he gave you a flat look. “that supposed to be a compliment?”
“from me? yes.”
that got the smallest breath of a laugh out of him, and when he looked back at you, the corners of his mouth had softened in a way that made your chest feel strange.
“she was good to me,” he said, more quietly now. “marcy. didn’t ask questions. just… helped.”
you nodded. “she seems like the type.”
“she is,” he said, then after a beat, “you are too, y’know.”
you blinked. “me?”
he looked almost irritated with himself for saying it. “you listen.”
your smile turned a little smaller, a little warmer. “only when it’s worth hearing.”
“hm.”
“don’t sound so suspicious. it’s a compliment.”
he snorted softly and went back to his work, but the air between you had changed. not in a big way, just enough that it felt more honest. more unguarded.
he wasn't fully soft with you, not by a long shot. but he'd let you see the shape of the bruise underneath the grumpiness, and you treated it gently enough that he didn't immediately regret it.
after that, the subtle touches started happening more often.
a brush of his knuckles against your wrist when he handed you a bag. his hand at the small of your back for half a second when someone cut through the shop too quickly. your fingers grazing his as you reached for the same pastry.
each tiny moment was nothing by itself and everything together.
and then came the friday you mentioned a guy from work.
it was supposed to be nothing. just a story, something funny from the break room, the kind of thing you usually told him in between bites of whatever he had set aside for you. you were leaning against the counter with a chocolate scone in one hand, talking around a smile.
“he was being very dramatic about the printer” you said.
gator made a noise of unimpressed agreement.
you continued, “and then he tried to ‘help’ me fix it by standing directly behind me and saying obvious things like, ‘have you tried turning it off and on again?’”
gator’s expression had changed, though it took you a second to catch exactly how.
“who’s this?” he asked.
you glanced up “who?”
“the guy.”
you smiled to yourself because suddenly, annoyingly, it was obvious. “just a coworker.”
“he bother you?”
“no.”
“hm.”
you looked at him more closely. “what’s that supposed to mean?”
“nothin’.”
“gator.”
he looked away.
which was answer enough.
your eyebrows lifted. “oh my god.”
“what.”
“are you jealous?”
his gaze snapped back to you, sharp and offended. “no.”
you stared at him for one long, delighted second, then broke into a grin. “you are.”
“i am not.”
“you are absolutely, without question, jealous.”
his jaw tightened. “you’re enjoyin’ this too much.”
you leaned in a fraction. “you sound upset.”
“because i am.”
“why?”
he gave you a flat, simmering look. “cause i don’t like hearin’ bout some guy hoverin’ around you.”
that hit the air between you with enough force to make your smile falter for the briefest moment.
then, because you were you, and because you could not resist making him suffer a little, you said, “for the record, he’s gay.”
gator blinked.
you watched the realisation move across his face in stages. first confusion. then embarrassment. then the clear, visible awareness that he had just revealed, with absolutely no grace at all, that he had been jealous over a man who was not even remotely competition.
for a second he looked like he might actually groan.
instead, he looked away and muttered, “that’s not funny.”
you stepped a little closer, eyes bright. “sweetie boy, were you worried?”
his ears went red.
“don’t call me that.”
“you were worried.”
“shut up.”
“you were.”
he muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like a curse, then reached for the rag beside him and started wiping down the counter with too much force.
“you’re annoying” he said.
you softened a little. “and yet.”
he exhaled through his nose, the barest hint of a smile threatening at the corner of his mouth again. “and yet.”
after that, you started staying later on purpose.
friday evenings became less about picking up a treat and more about lingering.
talking while he closed. helping, sometimes, if you were feeling especially generous, though he always acted like your offer was an inconvenience and then quietly handed you the easier job anyway.
the bakery grew familiar in the dimmer hours. the sound of the register shutting. the scrape of chairs. the click of the lock. the way he moved when he was tired, all sharp lines smoothed just enough to show the person beneath them.
and somewhere in all that time, without either of you meaning to, the space between you changed from teasing to trust.
you learned that he liked silence when he was thinking and music when he was working alone.
he learned that you hated when people lied to you about small things.
you learned that he kept gloves in the back pocket of his apron because his hands got cold easier than he wanted to admit.
and every week, every friday, the routine deepened until it was no longer really a routine at all. it was a thing living between you. a thread, a habit. a soft, stubborn little bridge neither of you had built on purpose and neither of you seemed willing to break.
one evening, much later than usual, after the bakery had gone dim and the street outside had thinned into sleepy silence, you were still there at the counter with your chin in your hand and your final pastry mostly forgotten beside you. gator had not told you to leave. that alone said enough.
he leaned against the counter next to you, arms crossed, looking at you with a tired, watchful expression.
“you’re gonna get attached to this place” he said.
you smiled without looking away from him. “too late.”
something in his expression shifted.
quietly, you asked, “does that bother you?”
he was silent for a moment, long enough that you began to think he might dodge the question like he usually did. but when he answered, his voice was low and rough and a little more honest than he probably meant it to be.
“no,” he said. then, after a beat, “guess i don’t mind as much as i should.”
your heart did something silly and warm.
you let the silence sit for a second before you smiled. “good.”
he watched you for a long moment, eyes steady, then, very carefully, as if he was testing whether the world would let him, he reached out and brushed a crumb from the corner of your mouth with his thumb.
it was the smallest touch. nothing at all, if you asked someone who did not know better. but you went still anyway.
his hand lingered for half a second too long before he pulled it back like he had touched a flame.
you looked at him, suddenly and acutely aware of your own breathing, and found his face had gone just a little tense, just a little unsure.
not because he regretted it. because he hadn't meant for the moment to feel like that. because he had meant it in the simplest, most natural way in the world, and the fact that it had turned into something charged and delicate seemed to surprise him as much as it did you.
your smile was soft when it returned. “you missed a spot.”
he snorted, exasperated and relieved all at once. “yeah?”
“mhm.”
“you gonna make me do it again?”
you tilted your head, eyes bright. “maybe.”
he huffed something that was almost a laugh, and the warmth that rose between you after that didn't fade when the clock passed closing time. it stayed.
and when you finally stood to leave, he walked you to the door without being asked.
outside, the air was cool, and the streetlamps had already begun to glow. you turned to look at him, your hands tucked into the sleeves of your cardigan, and for a moment neither of you said anything.
then you smiled, and his face softened in that way it only ever did for you.
“see you next friday, sweetie boy?”
his mouth twitched. “unfortunately.”
you laughed, and he rolled his eyes like he was not, in fact, already looking forward to it.
I SWEAR you wrote this but I can’t find it, there’s a one shot where Gator and reader are fwb and he keeps coming back bc she’s the only one who lets him do butt stuff
I haven’t read this essay in… twelve years? I think? But someone (ETA: that someone was @whetherwoman who deserves the credit) linked it today and rereading it was a) a treat and b) honestly really helpful. If you, like me, want to write smut but often find it difficult, this essay may help a LOT.
Reblogging this as I periodically do because it’s still relevant (especially with so many new writers coming into fandom spaces who are SO ENTHUSIASTIC but maybe need some pointers?) and because I myself need the reminder. Wherever you are, Res, I hope you’re doing great.
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Gator grew up in a broken home - and eventually vowed that he'd never behave like his father. But when a familiar situation begins to unfold in front of his very eyes, does he have what it takes to be better for you?
a/n - abusive relationships are incredibly complicated to navigate. know that it's never your fault, & the whole "you should've left sooner" mentality is bullshit. all of the love to each of you.
tw/cw - recollections/descriptions of domestic abuse + intimate partner violence, mentions of assault & rape, manipulation, self blame, violence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After what felt like hours in that bathroom, Gator finally managed to get you to drink some water and swallow a couple of ibuprofen he found in the cabinet. You were swaying on your feet, adrenaline fading into a crushing exhaustion that made you look fragile enough to break with a wrong look.
At that point, he didn't ask if you wanted him to stay. He just steered you toward your bedroom, his hand hovering near your elbow and lower back - close enough to catch you if you fell, far enough away to keep from triggering that flinch he hated seeing so much.
Your room was exactly as he remembered it, yet completely different. It was still a shrine to the teenage girl you used to be - posters of bands he’d been too cool to listen to, a shelf crowded with trophies and framed photos of the two of you at various ages. But the air felt heavy. Stagnant. Like the happiness that used to live here had been suffocated under the weight of what you were bringing home with you.
Gator helped you into an oversized t-shirt from your suitcase and then pulled the duvet back, his movements awkward and jerky. He wasn't built for this. Softness. Taking care of someone precious. He was built for breaking shit, for taking hits, and being avoided by the general population. But navigating the trauma of the woman he loved without making it worse? That was a minefield he had no map for.
"C'mon," he murmured, keeping his voice low and steady. "Get some sleep."
You climbed in without argument, curling into a tight ball on your side. You looked impossibly small in the center of the mattress. Gator pulled the blankets up, tucking them around your shoulders with a gentleness that felt foreign in his hands. Probably felt foreign to you at this point too, if he had to guess.
"I'll be right out there ‘till you go to sleep," he said, nodding toward the door. "Okay? Just holler if you need me."
You looked at him, your eyes red-rimmed and unfocused. For a second, he thought you might argue. Might tell him to leave, to go home and forget you ever existed. But you just swallowed hard and gave a tiny, barely perceptible nod. "Okay."
Gator lingered for a moment, looking down at you as you settled back into your fetal position. He’d long since memorized the curve of your cheek, the way your lashes fanned out against your skin. But the dark bruising peeking out from the collar of the shirt made him want to rage. He wanted to crawl in beside you, wrap himself around you and keep the entire world at bay until you were healed.
But he knew that was a line he couldn't cross. Not tonight. Maybe not ever. You weren't his. You weren't a damsel he needed to rescue just to feel like a man. You were his best friend, and you were deeply hurt, and the last thing you needed was him imposing his presence on you when you were this vulnerable. Even if everything remained G-rated - it still felt like a shitty thing to try and do.
"Sleep tight," he whispered.
He backed out of the room, closing the door until it was just open a crack, leaving enough of a gap to hear if you called out for him.
He sat in the hallway for a long time, his back against the wall, listening to the silence of the house. It was deafening. According to a note he saw in the kitchen when he’d gone to grab water, your parents were out of town for the night, something about a convention or expo in Bismarck. Just as well. Gator doubted that they’d be too keen on seeing their daughter in your current state.
His mind was a chaotic storm, swirling with images he couldn't unsee. The brand on your chest. The way you’d crumpled on the floor, begging him not to hurt you. The sound of your voice describing what Caleb had done to you in the bed of his truck.
It made him sick on your behalf. It made him want to put his fist through the drywall.
But mostly, under it all, it made him feel like a failure.
He’d spent his entire life watching his father destroy women he claimed to love. He’d seen his mother’s bruises, heard Nadine’s screams. He’d made a vow to himself that he would never be that man. That he would protect the people he cared about.
And he had failed.
He hadn't been there when you’d needed him most. He hadn't gone to college with you - instead opting to stay in this shithole town, playing cop and chasing a ghost of a legacy he wasn't even sure he wanted. He’d let you leave, trusting that you were going off to have some grand adventure. To live a life that was bigger than this place, because that’s what you deserved. He’d been jealous, sure, but you were strong, beautiful, smart, and the brightest light he’d ever met. You’d be fine without him.
He hadn't known. He hadn’t fucking known.
And he knew he should have.
He should’ve seen the signs sooner. Pushed harder when you came home for Thanksgiving, when you were just starting to look like a ghost of yourself. He should have begged to know what was wrong instead of accepting your half-truths and fake smiles.
He could have stopped this. If he’d been paying attention, he could have stopped Caleb before he ever laid a fucking hand on you.
Instead, you’d been alone. You’d been trapped at school with a monster who thought he owned you. All the while Gator had been here, doing paperwork and breaking up bar fights, completely oblivious to the hell you were living through.
Fuck, he hated himself for it. Sure, he hated Caleb with a pure rage that scared even him. But he hated himself so much more.
She’s never gonna trust a man again, he thought, the realization settling in his gut like lead. Not really. How could she?
He’d seen it happen to his mother. After years of Roy’s terror, right before she’d abandoned them, she’d just sorta… Shut down. She’d flinch if a man raised his voice too loud. Apologize for things she didn’t do. She’d lost her spark, her fire. And eventually, Gator lost her. And Nadine? He had no idea where the hell she was after she too vanished into thin air, but he hoped she was able figure out who she was without Roy’s fists defining her existence.
You were strong too, obviously. But this… This kind of trauma, it changed people. Gator’d seen it first hand. It hollowed a person out. Made them see threats where there were none. Helped them build walls that no one could scale.
And even when - or if - you did heal and somehow found a way to put the pieces back together… It would never be with him. Not now. Not after he’d failed you this badly.
It was probably a selfish thought, but he couldn’t help it.
Why would you ever want him anyway? He was just a dumb hick cop, just like Caleb had said. He was nothing more than violence and a bad temper and a bloodline he couldn’t fully escape. He was the son of a man who beat women senseless. What if the apple didn’t fall far from the tree? Maybe he wasn't hitting you, but he’d pretty much just sat by let it happen. He’d stood by and done nothing while the best thing in his life was being tortured.
And God help him, he wanted to kill Caleb. Make him suffer - even though whatever he could dole out would only be a fraction of what he deserved for laying his hands on you. He wanted to wrap his own hands around that smug, entitled neck and squeeze until the light went out of his eyes. The rage was a living thing inside him, a beast that was clawing at his insides, screaming to be let out.
But if he did that… Gave in to that violence… He’d lose you for good. Prove Caleb and everyone else right. He’d be just another Tillman man who solved his problems with his fists. And then you’d never look at him without seeing a monster. You’d never feel safe with him. He was trapped. Caught between his need for revenge and his desperate, aching need to be the man you deserved.
Gator pushed off the wall and paced down the hallway, his boots silent on the carpet. He needed to get out of his head. He needed to breathe.
He was just about to head downstairs to wait on the porch steps, sit in the dark and stare at the front door until the sun came up, when a sound stopped him cold.
It was a whimper. Small, yet gut wrenching, coming from behind your bedroom door.
Gator froze, his hand hovering over the banister. The sound came again, louder this time. A broken cry that twisted something deep in his chest.
"No," you gasped, voice hoarse with sleep and terror. "Please. Don't. S-stop -“
Against his better judgement, he didn't think or hesitate about crossing a line. He pushed your door open and stepped inside.
The room was dark, illuminated only by the pale wash of moonlight filtering through the blinds. You were tossing and turning in the bed, sweaty and thrashing against the sheets. Your face was contorted in fear, tears leaking from the corners of your closed eyes.
"Get off!" You screamed, your legs kicking out at the phantom assailant in your dreams. "Caleb! Get off - please -“
The name was like a bucket of ice water in Gator’s veins and he was at your side in two strides. He didn't touch you - not yet. He knew better. He knew what it was like to wake up swinging, to be trapped in a nightmare where the monster was real and the attempted help was just another perceived threat.
"Hey," he said, his voice firm but soft. "Hey, wake up, baby. You're dreaming. It's just a dream, you’re safe -“
But you didn't wake up. You just cried out again, your back arching off the mattress as you tried to fight off an invisible weight. "H-help me - someone, please - G-Gator, help -“
At the sound of his own name, his heart shattered. You were calling for him. Even after he’d let you down so terribly - even in the throes of your worst nightmare, you were calling for him.
"I'm here," he said, reaching out slowly. He placed a hand on your own smaller one, gripping it firmly. "I'm right here. You're safe. I got you."
You gasped, your eyes flying open. They were wide and unfocused, darting around the dark room wildly. For a second, you didn't see him. You were still back in that truck bed, or dorm room. You were still trapped.
"Gator?" you whispered, your voice trembling.
"I'm here," he repeated, lacing his fingers through your own, grounding you. "It's me. It's Gator."
You stared at him for a long moment, your chest heaving as your brain caught up to what your eyes were seeing. Then, with a sob that sounded like it was ripped from your lungs, you reached for him. Your hands tangled in the front of his shirt, pulling him closer.
"D-don't leave," you begged, your face burying in his chest. He felt hot tears seep through the fabric, and he gently stroked your hair. "Please don't leave me. He'll c-come back. If-f you go, he’s gonna come back.”
Gator felt the words like a physical blow. He'll come back.
"Nobody's comin’ back," he promised you, his voice low and fierce. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
You shook your head, your fingers tightening their grip on his shirt. "Stay. Please."
He gazed at you in the darkness. You were trembling, your eyes wide and pleading. You were terrified. And you were asking him to stay. He knew he shouldn't. It was a bad idea. He was a man. A man with a temper and a gun and a history of violence in his blood. You were a victim of abuse, freshly triggered and terrified. Sharing a bed was a line he shouldn't cross. What if you woke up in the morning and didn’t remember asking him to stay?
But… He couldn't say no. Not when you looked at him like that. Not when you were begging him.
So he kicked off his boots by the side of the bed, one by one. Then he pulled his belt off, setting it on the nightstand with a soft clink. He didn't want anything that could be misconstrued as a weapon, or even remotely remind you of restraint or pain.
Carefully, he climbed onto the mattress, the springs groaning under his weight. You shifted immediately to make room for him. You didn't curl away from him like he assumed you would - if anything you moved as close as you could, your body seeking his warmth like a flower seeking the sun.
Gator settled in beside you, lying on his back. He kept his hands to himself at first, resting them on his stomach. He didn't want to crowd or overwhelm you.
But it seemed like you weren't having it. You scooted closer, until your head was resting on his shoulder. Your arm draped over his chest, your leg pressed against his. Gator held his breath. He was terrified. Paralyzed that he’d do something wrong, and that he was just another man who had failed you.
As he felt your breathing start to slow and your body relax against his, the terror began to recede, replaced by a fierce, overwhelming sense of protectiveness.
He slid his arm up to wrap it around you, settling you against his side. Not hard enough that you couldn’t easily roll away if you wanted, yet close enough to feel comforted. Hopefully. You sighed, a soft, happy sound that made his chest ache.
"This okay?" He whispered after a few minutes.
You nodded. "Yeah. It's… Nice."
“Uh, okay. Yeah. Okay. Good.”
Gator stared up at the ceiling as the minutes ticked by, his eyes tracing the shadows cast by the moonlight. He listened to the sound of your breathing, feeling the steady rise and fall of your chest against his. His mind was still racing, filled with guilt and rage and a thousand other emotions he couldn't name. But as he lay there, holding you while you slept, he felt a strange sense of peace settle over him.
He couldn't fix this. He couldn't go back in time and stop everything Caleb had done. But he could be here. With you. Maybe he could be the safe place you ran to when the nightmares got too loud, or the wall you hid behind until you were strong enough to fight again.
And he vowed he would. He’d stay right here, as long as you needed him. Even if he had to kill Caleb - or hell, even burn down the world to insure your safety.
He looked down at you, sleeping in his arms. You looked slightly more peaceful in your sleep. Younger. More innocent. It broke his heart all over again to think of what you’d been through, and somehow survived.
But as you shifted in his sleep, your hand tightening on his shirt, he made another vow.
She might not trust anyone right now, he thought. But she trusts me. She’s here, in my arms, asking me to stay. That has to count for somethin’.
Right?
He pressed a featherlight kiss to the top of your head, careful not to wake you. He closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of your shampoo that still hadn’t changed after all these years - vanilla and something unique to you.
"Sleep," he whispered into the dark. "I got you."
And for the first time in a long time, Gator Tillman felt like maybe, just maybe, he was exactly where he was meant to be.
Gator swore he’d only closed his eyes for five minutes, but he woke up to the morning light filtering through the blinds. For a second, he didn't know where he was. The mattress was too soft, the air smelled sweet, and there was a weight pressing against his side that felt both terrifyingly foreign and like the only thing anchoring him to the earth.
Then he shifted, and the events of the previous night crashed back into him. The bruising. The confession. The brand.
He looked down. You were still curled into his side, but you weren't asleep. You were holding your phone up with a trembling hand, angled awkwardly to capture the ugly, mottled purple bruise on your thigh.
Gator cleared his throat, his voice rough with sleep. "What're you doin'?"
You jumped, nearly dropping the phone. You scrambled to sit up and put a few inches of space between the two of you, clutching the device to your chest as if it were a shield. "I… Nothing."
"Didn't look like nothin'," Gator said, rubbing a hand over his face. "Take a lot of pictures like that?”
You bit your lip, glancing away. "I… I had to make a new email account. Not linked to my main cloud."
Gator sat up, looking at you in the harsh morning light. You looked exhausted, dark circles under your eyes seemed to have deepened overnight, and you were hunched in on yourself, guarding your stomach that he knew was covered in bruises. Even with your disheveled appearance, you were still beautiful to him.
"Why?"
"Because I…" You took a shaky breath. "I know it probably won't come to anything. I mean, he's rich. His dad’s a lawyer. They'd probably just say I faked it or that I'm crazy. And it’s not like I have the money to press charges. But… I don't know. I’ve been taking pictures of everything and sending it to myself. Just in case."
Gator’s heart ached at the defeat in your tone. You weren't even doing this because you thought justice was possible. You were doing it because you were terrified, and it was the only lifeline you could think to throw yourself.
"Can I see?" he asked softly.
You hesitated, your fingers tightening on the phone case. "Gator, you don't need to -“
"I need to," he cut you off gently. "Please."
You stared at him for a long moment, searching his face. Whatever you saw there must have reassured you, because you slowly unlocked the phone and navigated to the account. You held it out to him, hand trembling.
Gator took it. The screen was bright, illuminating a folder simply labeled "reports." Probably in case Caleb did find it. It’d look like schoolwork.
He opened it, and his heart sank.
There were dozens of photos. Hundreds, maybe. Scrolling back, the dates went all the way to late October. Not long after you met him.
At first, they were small injuries. A bruise on your upper arm that looked like a grip. A scratch on your neck. Gator felt a spark of anger, but it was manageable.
But as he scrolled forward through the months, the horror escalated.
There was a picture of your bare back from early December - right before you came home for winter break - covered in welts that looked like they came from a belt and the imprint of a boot. A photo of your knee, swollen and purple, taken right after you must’ve gotten back to school in January. A black eye in February, partially hidden by makeup that you’d tried to wipe away for the photo.
And then, there were the ones that made him even more sick - somehow.
A photo of your inner thigh, stained with a bruise the size of a grapefruit, and a similar one on your naked hip. A close-up of another cigarette burn on your ribs. A picture of your wrist, handcuffed to a bedpost, the skin raw and rubbed bleeding, as if Caleb had neglected to free you after… He couldn’t bear to think about it.
Every image was timestamped and dated. Some days had multiple entries.
October 20th. November 8th. December 12th. January 2nd.
It was a campaign of terror. A systematic destruction of a human being, documented in cold, high-definition detail. Gator stopped scrolling. He felt sick and couldn't take any more. His hands were shaking so badly he thought he might drop the phone.
"He did all this?" he whispered, his voice sounding hollow to his own ears.
You were sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest, picking at a loose thread on the duvet. You wouldn't look at him. "It probably looks worse than it was," you mumbled.
Gator’s head snapped up. "’Scuse me?"
"I mean… It looks bad in photos," you said, your voice rushing now, defensive. "But… you know how bruises are. They bloom. They look purple and huge, but then they fade in a few days. And I… I bruise easier than most people. Always have."
Gator stared at you, dumbfounded. “He beat you with a belt, sweetheart. It looked like he fuckin’ kicked you in another one.”
"He’d had a really long week," you said, your eyes pleading with him to understand. "He had school, and was helping his dad’s firm with handling a huge merger. A-and he wasn't sleeping. He was just stressed. And I was… I was being annoying. I kept asking him about dinner when he was trying to work. I shouldn’t have gotten in his way.”
“In the way of what? Him playin’ Indiana Jones or doin’ karate in the livin’ room?”
"It was an accident."
“What about your leg? When’d he do that?”
“I -“ you hung your head. “I brought the wrong kind of beer back from the store. But he had every right to be angry - I mean, he’d texted me a picture and everything, I was just too stupid -“
"And the burns?" Gator tapped the now dark screen of the phone. "Those an accident too?"
You shuddered slightly, looking down at your hands. "He was drunk. He didn't mean to. He gets… Impulsive when he drinks. But he’s usually really careful. He’s actually… Really sweet most of the time."
“Sweet?”
Gator wanted to scream. You were sitting here, cataloging your own abuse like it was a weather report, making half-baked excuses for a man who had branded you like livestock and beaten you until your skin was more purple than it’s normal shade.
Desperate to keep himself from imploding with rage right there, he lowered his voice, fighting to keep it even. "He put his initial on your skin. That ain't 'impulsive.' That's -“
"He said he was sorry!" you cried out, tears welling in your eyes. It seemed like you’d already convinced yourself that every word out of your mouth was the truth. “I mean, he literally cried, Gator. He held me and told me he’d never do it again. And…. And that he loves me so much it scares him sometimes. That’s why he gets so jealous. Because he loves me."
Gator set the phone down onto the nightstand. "Love isn't s’posed to hurt you! Love isn't practically puttin’ you in the hospital because you forgot to buy the right brand of fuckin’ beer!"
"I know," you sobbed, practically folding in on yourself. “I know, okay? I know it sounds crazy. But… I feel like I’m always making it worse. If I just… if I was better at reading him, or if I didn't nag him so much, or if I didn't make him jealous…"
You looked up at him, your face crumpled. "Fuck, I’m sorry, Gator. I was so dramatic last night. I probably made it sound like… Like he beats me every day. He doesn't, I swear. Most days, we’re fine. Like we go out, have dinner, watch movies. He’s funny and charming. A-and everyone loves him. You just… Don't get it."
Gator felt like he’d been hollowed out like a jack-o-lantern on halloween. Carved and gutted completely from the inside out. He didn't get it? He was the one looking at a photo gallery of your suffering while you sat there apologizing for the inconvenience of your own pain and the actions of another.
"I do get it," Gator said, trembling with suppressed rage. "I get that he’s brainwashed you. I get that he’s made you feel like you’re lucky he hasn't killed you yet."
He leaned forward, grabbing your hands lightly and forcing you to look at him. “But I need you to listen to you. You’re not dramatic or annoyin’ or anythin'. It’s not your fault. He’s doin’ this because he’s a bad fuckin’ person, and like he needs to hurt you to feel like a man."
You tried to pull your hands away, but he held on tight. "Gator, stop -“
"No," he interrupted. "I ain't stopping. Not about this. I’m gonna say this until you actually hear me. You are the best person I know. You’re smart and kind and beautiful, and you deserve someone who looks at you like you hung the goddamn moon, got it? Not like you’re property he can jus’ mark up whenever he’s had a shitty day."
“I-I feel like I’m crazy though.” You were crying in earnest now, big, heaving sobs that shook your entire body. But Gator couldn’t stop. He needed you to hear him. To know that you weren’t alone in all this, even if you had been up till now. “Like I said, he’s not always like this -“
"You’re not crazy," he said fiercely. "We’re gonna get through this."
You slumped against him, burying your face in his shoulder. He held you, his chin resting on top of your head, fuming silently. He wanted to find Caleb, drag him out into the street, and put a bullet between his eyes. But he knew that wouldn't fix a damn thing. It wouldn't fix the part of you that still thought you deserved this. Hurting Caleb would only satisfy his rage temporarily. It wouldn’t do shit to heal your broken heart or battered soul. Honestly, more physical violence would probably only make it all worse.
The phone on the nightstand buzzed.
Once. Twice. Three times.
Gator stiffened. You pulled away, wiping your eyes as you reached for the phone, dismay etching itself across your features.
"Who is it?" Gator growled. He already knew the answer.
"It's him," you whispered, staring at the screen.
"Turn it off.”
"I… I can't," you stammered. "If I don't answer, he’ll make the drive over here. He’ll think something happened."
"Let him come," Gator snarled. "I’d love to have a word with him."
You flinched at the violence in his tone as your hands shook while picking up the phone. "Please, Gator. Just… Let me handle it." Gator watched over your shoulder as the messages flooded in, faster than any normal person should be able to send them.
Caleb: Good morning, beautiful.
Caleb: Did you sleep well?
Caleb: Missed waking up next to you.
Caleb: What are you doing today?
Caleb: Why aren't you answering?
Caleb: Hello?
Gator felt his blood pressure rising as he read. It started out so normal. The lure before the trap snapped shut.
"Tell him you're busy."
"I can't," you said, your fingers hovering over the screen. "He’ll want to know what I'm doing. Who I'm with."
"Tell him you're with your mom," Gator suggested.
"He probably thinks my mom’s at work," you said weakly.
Another text popped up.
Caleb: Are you ignoring me?
Caleb: You know I hate when you ignore me.
Caleb: I’m starting to get worried, baby.
Caleb: Are you alone?
There it was. The shift. The subtle slide from concern to accusation.
“Does he think you're cheatin’ or somethin’?”
“Probably.” You hung your head.
“Just, I dunno, tell him you're at the gym," Gator said, trying to keep his voice level.
"He tracks my location," you said, the confession tumbling out in a rush. "He checks it all the time to make sure I'm where I say I am."
Gator stared at you. He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff and the ground was crumbling beneath his feet.
"He tracks you?" he choked out.
“It's for safety," you replied quickly. “In case something happens to me. Campus can be a lot. He just… He cares."
"He doesn't care," Gator snapped, grabbing the phone from your hand. "He’s controlling you."
"Gator, give it back!"
"He’s not gonna know," Gator said, his eyes scanning the screen. "Where does he think you are right now?"
"Home," you said. “He knows I’m staying with my parents while I’m here.”
"Then we need to make sure that's where your phone says it is," Gator said, navigating to the settings, his thumbs flying. "I'm turnin’ off this location sharing bullshit.”
"No!" You cried out, reaching for it. "He’ll notice! He’ll know I turned it off!"
"And then what?" Gator challenged, holding the phone just out of your reach. "He’ll come here? That what you're afraid of?"
"Yes," you sobbed. "He’ll hurt you, Gator. I know he will."
“Better me than you.”
You stared at him, eyes wide with fear. Not entirely just for yourself, but for him. It broke his heart all over again. All you’d suffered at Caleb’s hands, and you were terrified for him. You were protecting your abuser from the consequences of his own actions.
"Gator, please," you begged. "Just give me the phone. I’ll answer him. I’ll tell him I was in the shower. Just… I can’t make him mad."
Gator looked at the phone in his hand, then at you. You were trembling, your eyes pleading. You looked so small. So defeated. He wanted to break the phone. Throw it against the wall and shatter it into a thousand pieces do that piece of shit couldn’t get to you again. To once and for all cut the cord that tethered you to this monster.
But he knew that wasn't the way. Not yet.
With a heavy sigh, he handed the phone back to you. You snatched it away, relief palpable. You quickly typed out a response as Gator watched through narrowed eyes.
You: Sorry, baby. Was in the shower. Just got out.
Caleb: Took you long enough.
Caleb: What are your plans for the day?
You: Catching up on reading. Probably making dinner with my parents later. Just hanging around the house today mostly.
Caleb: Alone?
You: Yeah, none of my friends are in town for the summer.
Caleb: None of them?
You: No.
Caleb: Send me a pic.
Caleb: Right now.
Caleb: No towel.
Your fingers froze over the keyboard, and you hung your head. Caleb's unspoken message of "prove you're alone" hung in the hair. Carefully, you got out of bed to head into the bathroom. Gator watched you go, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. He heard you turn on the shower to quickly fog up the mirror.
As the door clicked shut, he let out a grunt of frustration, punching the mattress. He felt so helpless. So useless. He was standing by, watching you jump through hoops for a man who had branded you like a cow, and he couldn't do a damn thing about it without risking your safety.
He heard the camera shutter click from the bathroom. A few moments later, you came out, eyes red-rimmed as you pulled the towel off your head that hid your dry and tangled hair.
"Did it work?" he asked.
You shrugged, refusing to show him the screen before you hit send. “We’ll see I guess.”
Your phone began buzzing less than twenty seconds later.
Caleb: You look tired.
Caleb: Did you not sleep well?
God, Gator needed to fucking kill this guy.
You: I slept okay. The drive yesterday was long, and I haven’t had coffee yet.
Caleb: Don’t drink too much - you know how that shit makes you all jittery.
Caleb: I love you. You know that, right?
Caleb: I just want to make sure you're safe.
Caleb: I’ll come check on you if I need to, baby. Don’t make me do that, okay?
Gator read the messages over your shoulder, his blood boiling. "He’s threatenin’ you. That’s a threat."
“He says he -“
“Sweetheart, he doesn’t love you, if that’s what you’re gettin’ at,” Gator forcefully softened his voice. “This is abuse. Pure an’ simple."
"I know," you sobbed, collapsing back onto the pillows and digging the heels of your palms into your eyes. "But I don't know how to stop it. Or leave."
Gator maneuvered slightly to wrap his arms around you, holding you tight. He certainly didn't have the answers. He didn't know how to dismantle the psychological cage Caleb had built around you. But he knew one thing. He wasn’t going anywhere.
"We'll figure it out," he promised you, his voice fierce. "I’m not lettin’ you go back there or do this shit alone, okay? We’re gonna find a way to stop him. Together."
But even as he said the words, he felt a cold dread settle in his stomach. Because looking at the messages on your screen, seeing the way your “boyfriend” manipulated you with kindness and cruelty in equal measure, he knew Caleb was playing for keeps.
The silence that followed the text exchange was heavy, suffocating, broken only by the occasional sniffle from you as you wiped at your face. Gator watched you for a moment, taking in the defeated slump of your shoulders and the way you were shivering despite the warmth of the room. He felt a sudden, sharp urge to do something normal. Something domestic. Anything to wipe the terrified, hunted look off your face.
"Come on," he said, his voice gruff but still soft. "Let's get some food in you."
You looked up at him, blinking in confusion. "I'm not hungry."
Gator was already heading for the bedroom door. "You haven't eaten anythin’ real since yesterday."
He didn't give you any further chance to argue. He marched downstairs, boots heavy on the hardwood, and headed straight for the kitchen. It was a nice one, cleaner and brighter than the one at his place by a mile - with lots of fun mugs, a variety of pans, and enough silverware to lend to an army.
Gator wasn't a chef. He could barely manage a can of soup without burning it. But surely he could scramble eggs and make you some toast with that strawberry jam you liked. He’d always teased you growing up because you refused to eat grape jelly. You insisted that strawberry was superior - even though Gator argued with equal fervor that all jellies and jams tasted the same. Even when you’d made him try it he’d had zero reaction. At his young age, he’d never admit you were right. At his current age, he’d be more than happy to admit that the only jelly he’d ever had on his sandwiches or toast since that day was, in fact, strawberry.
Within a few minutes, he was standing over the stove, watching the eggs and keeping an eye on the bread in the toaster, when he heard your soft footsteps behind him. He didn't turn around, but he relaxed a bit, knowing you were there.
"You didn't have to do this," you said quietly, leaning against the doorframe. You looked a little better, like you’d washed your face and tamed your hair, but your eyes were still rimmed with red.
"I know," Gator grunted, sliding the eggs onto two plates before spreading a thick layer of jelly over the toasted bread. "But I'm also hungry. And I figure you could use the company."
You let out a small, sad huff of a laugh. "Company. Right."
He carried the plates to the small kitchen table, setting them down before he pulled a chair out for you, waiting until you sat before taking his own seat across from you. You looked almost surprised by the action.
"Eat," he commanded gently, pushing the plate toward you.
You picked up your fork, poking at the eggs. You took a small bite, chewing slowly. Gator watched you, relieved when you actually swallowed and went back for another bite. The toast was definitely a hit - but then again, you’d always had a bit of a sweet tooth.
"I'm really sorry, Gator,” you said suddenly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Gator looked up, frowning. "For what?"
"For…" You gestured vaguely. "For dragging you into this. You have your own life. You shouldn't have to deal with my… My mess."
He felt a flash of anger, not at you, but at the situation that made you feel like your trauma was an inconvenience. He opened his mouth to tell you that you were his best friend and there was absolutely no place else he’d rather be, but before he could get a word out, a sharp, trilling ringtone cut through the air.
You jumped, nearly knocking over your juice. Your phone, sitting face down on the counter, was vibrating violently, the screen lighting up with a name that made Gator’s blood run cold.
Caleb❤️
You stared at it, face draining of color. For a second, Gator thought you were going to let it ring out. But then, with a trembling hand, you reached for it.
"Answer it," Gator said, his voice low and dangerous. "Put him on speaker."
You looked at him, wide-eyed. "Gator, no -“
"Please put him on speaker," he repeated. "I wanna hear what he has to say."
You bit your lip, looking utterly terrified. But then you seemed to steel yourself, nodding slowly. You swiped the screen and tapped the speaker icon before setting the phone down on the table between you.
“H-hello?" you said, your voice trembling.
"Hey, baby," Caleb’s voice purred through the speaker. It was smooth, charming, utterly at odds with the text messages Gator had seen earlier. “How’re you doing?”
“I’m good. Just eating breakfast.”
“No sugar, I hope?”
Your eyes fell to the toast that Gator has quite nearly smothered in jelly, face crumbling in shame. “Just eggs.”
“Atta girl. Can’t have you too heavy to throw around now, can I? I know how much you like it when I do that.”
A murderous rage coursed through Gator. He’d known that Caleb was clearly controlling what you were eating, but the rationale was almost too much to bear.
"I… Yeah," you managed to choke out. “Can’t have that.”
“Just trying to keep you sexy, baby,” Caleb said easily. “But I don’t have a lotta time - I just wanted to call and give you some good news."
You tensed, fork clattering against your plate. "What news?"
"The marketing firm," Caleb replied. "The one you’re doing the internship with? They called me this morning. They’re so excited to have you that they want to move up your start date.”
Gato froze, watching your face closely as the panic flare in your eyes.
"Move it up?" you repeated, your voice tight. "To when?"
“Next Monday," Caleb’s voice was far too cheerful "I know, it's soon, but it's a huge opportunity. They were impressed with your portfolio. They want you in there ASAP. Plus then we’d get to spend the summer together after all. We can even carpool, since my dad’s office is only a block away.”
Next Monday. That was five days away. Five days until you were back in the city, back in his orbit.
"I… I don't know if I can get everything sorted that fast," you stammered. “The apartment lease doesn’t start until-“
"Don't worry about that, babydoll,” Caleb cut you off. "I handled it. You know how stressed you get about logistics. I took care of it."
Gator’s jaw tightened. He took control of your logistics? What did that even mean?
“Oh?”
“I think the words you’re looking for are ‘thank you, babe’.”
“I- thank you," you whispered, sounding sick. “What, uh, how did you handle it, honey?”
“Remember the apartment downtown? The one we looked at last month?”
The apartment? Gator stared at you, his mind racing. What apartment? You hadn't mentioned living arrangements. Had you?
“They weren’t gonna have an opening till the fall, but they had someone break their lease early, so it's all ours," Caleb said, his voice swelling with pride. "I signed the paperwork this morning. It's perfect. Two bedrooms, a little balcony with a view - right between campus and the firm.”
Gator felt like he’d been punched in the gut. You were moving in together. You were planning on living with the man who had branded, beaten you, and terrified you into submitting to his every whim.
And you hadn't told him. You hadn't said a single word about it.
"That… that sounds amazing, Caleb," you said, your voice hollow. "I'm… I'm really happy. But I, uh, I don’t think my salary with the internship… I can’t afford -“
“Baby, don’t worry. I told you I was gonna take care of you. And I always keep my promises, don’t I?”
You looked utterly bereft as the pieces fell into place for Gator. If Caleb paid your rent, no doubt you’d feel indebted to him. And Gator knew that Caleb would collect what he felt he was owed, whether you wanted it or not.
“I don’t want to impose like that, Caleb. Let me -“
“It’s not imposing if I’m doing this because I love you.”
Gator wondered how many times Caleb had said those exact words before coming at you with a belt, or forcing himself on you. How many occasions had he weaponized your soft heart against you with words that meant nothing when they preceded violence.
“Your name’ll still be on the lease though, if that makes you feel better.”
Great, so you’ll still be tied to him from a legal standpoint.
“I’ll email the paperwork later. Unless you wanna come back a few days earlier -“
"No!" You blurted out, a little too loudly. Gator saw you flinch at your own outburst. "I mean… My mom is… she's not feeling well. I just wanted a few more days with her, if that’s okay.”
"Sure, sure," Caleb said, though he didn't sound convinced. "I'll email them. Just make sure you sign them and get them back to me by tomorrow so we can finalize everything. We need to start looking at furniture too. I was thinking a grey sectional for the living room? Something modern."
"Grey sounds… Nice," you whispered.
"And baby?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you," Caleb said, his voice dropping to a tender murmur. "You know that, right? I’m doing all of this for us. For our future. I just want to make you happy."
"I know," you managed to choke out. "I love you too."
"Okay. I'll talk to you tonight. Call me if you need anything before then, okay? I'm always here for you."
“I will. Bye.”
The line went dead.
You stared at the phone, frozen, your hand still resting on the device.
Gator didn't speak. He couldn't. He was too angry. He watched you, waiting for an explanation, for some sign that this was a mistake, that you were being forced into this. But you just sat there, staring at the black screen of your phone, looking like you’d seen a ghost.
"You're movin’ in with him?”
You didn't look up. "I… Yeah."
"When were you plannin’ on telling me?" Gator’s fragile temper was starting to fray.
You jumped at the sharpness in his tone, but you still didn't look at him. "I didn't wanna worry you."
"Worry me?" Gator let out a harsh laugh. "You're moving in with the man who put a cigarette burn on your chest, and you didn't want to worry me?"
“I told you he’s not always like that!" you cried out, finally looking up at him. Your eyes were swimming with tears. "You don't see the good parts. You only see the… The bad stuff. And that’s my fault. I showed you all that. He can be a good person.”
Gator had to resist slamming his hand down violently on the table in anger. “I don’t care if he’s fuckin’ Mother Teresa, sweetheart. He branded you! He beat you so hard you probably thought you were gonna die! How is there anythin’ good left after that?"
“He loves me!"
“How?”
Your voice rose so that both of you were yelling now. “Because he says he does!”
“Sure doesn’t fuckin’ show it now, does he?”
“H-he got me this internship! Found us a place to live! He takes care of me!"
“That’s still not love!” Gator shouted back. "He’s buying your silence with a pretty apartment and a job title!"
“Yes it is,” you insisted. “He wants to build a life with me."
"A life?" Gator scoffed. "You call this a life? Lookin’ over your shoulder every five seconds? Takin’ pictures of your bruises for a restrainin’ order we both know you’re never gonna file?”
Your expression shattered like glass at Gator's harsh words, and you collapsed back in your chair, the fight draining out of you as quickly as it had come. You buried your face in your hands, a broken sob escaping your throat. Gator felt the rage drain out of him, replaced by a crushing wave of helplessness. He looked at you, huddled over your plate of cold eggs, and realized with a sickening clarity that you weren't just scared of Caleb. You were well and truly trapped. And you didn't know how to get out.
“I- feel like I'm drowning, G-Gator. Like I'm never gonna get away from him."
"You are gonna get away," he said, his voice dropping to a fierce whisper. "I’m here. We’ll figure this out."
"How?" you asked, looking up at him, desperation in your eyes. "He's… he's weaving himself into every part of my life. If I leave now, I lose the internship. Housing. His dad is a huge donor at our university, so probably that too. Just.. Everything."
Gator looked at you, his heart breaking all over again. You were exhausted. Beaten down in every sense of the word. And you were right. Caleb had backed you into a corner so tight there was barely room to breathe.
"We start with the lease," Gator said slowly, his mind racing. “Don’t sign it yet.”
"And then what?" you asked, tears streaming down your face. “If I don’t, he’ll just come here and drag me back.”
“I’d like to see him try”, Gator growled.
"Gator, please," you begged. "You can't fight him with violence. He’ll destroy you. He has money and lawyers and shit. Powerful connections. He doesn’t git a shit that your dad’s the Sheriff. He has -“
"And I have a badge and a gun," Gator shot back. "And I know people too. Maybe not the kind he knows, but people who know how to make problems disappear."
You stared at him, searching his face for any sign of bluff. But Gator wasn't bluffing. He would burn the world down before he let Caleb take you away again. Gator reached across the table and took your hands in his, squeezing them tight and trying to pour every ounce of strength he had into you.
"You’re gonna be safe,” he promised you. "I swear on my life."
But even as he said the words, he felt a cold dread settling in his stomach. Because looking at the defeated slump of your shoulders, and the resignation in your eyes, he knew that Caleb wasn't going to let you go without a fight.
After the breakfast disaster, Gator had practically carried you back upstairs. You were dead on your feet, swaying with every step, eyes glazed over from a mixture of crying, adrenaline crashes, and sheer exhaustion. He didn’t say much, just helped you back under the covers and pulled the duvet up to your chin. You were out before your head even hit the pillow, breathing shallow and fast, hand clutching the edge of the sheet like a lifeline.
Gator stood there for a long time, watching the rise and fall of your chest, practically counting the seconds until you woke up screaming again. He felt like a guard dog at a gate, useless until the threat actually breached the perimeter. He couldn’t just sit here. He couldn’t just wait for Caleb to text you again, or for you to wake up and decide that moving in with your abuser was the only logical choice.
He had to do something.
The Stark County Sheriff’s Department was surprisingly quiet for it being mid morning, just the hum of the vending machines and the smell of stale coffee that Gator hated but relied on. He headed straight for the detective's bullpen. He wasn't a detective, but he had clearance. From his father, technically. But still.
He settle at a computer in the corner and quickly punched in Caleb’s name, quickly falling into a rabbit hole of information.
Caleb’s father, Richard, was a senior partner at a huge law firm. Big corporate law. Defending the kind of people who dumped toxic waste in playgrounds and fired whistleblowers for "performance issues." The firm was squeaky clean on the surface - grant interviews, philanthropy galas, donations to the police benevolent fund.
But Gator wasn’t stupid. He knew how to read between the lines. Desperately, he started cross-referencing. Civil suits against the firm that had been quietly settled. Annoyances that had disappeared.
There was certainly a pattern.
A lawsuit from a construction union alleging unsafe working conditions at a site Richard’s firm represented. Settled out of court for an undisclosed sum two days before the plaintiff was found dead of a "drug overdose."
A zoning violation for a luxury condo development that should have been denied, but the city council member who opposed it suddenly changed their vote a week after their spouse was hired by a shell company linked to the firm.
It wasn't just lawyers who were good at their jobs. It was about two steps shy of racketeering, if Gator had to guess.
And then there was the mother, Eleanor. She sat on the boards of three charities that seemed to exist solely to launder money - as none of the funds in their full amounts seemed to actually make it to the charities.
Caleb himself? He didn't seem to have a direct hand in any of it. His public record was pristine - Dean’s List, internships, volunteer work. He was a golden child - the shiny facade designed to distract from the rot underneath. But if he was joining his dad’s firm certainly he had to know about some of it.
Saving everything to a thumb drive - which had to be a gross misuse of his badge - Gator pocketed it before printing everything. Page after page of civil suits, suspicious deaths, shell companies, and property records. It was a thick dossier by the time he was done. It wasn't a smoking gun for a murder charge, but it was enough to bury the firm in federal investigations. IRS, FBI, DOJ - if this file landed on the right desk, Caleb’s family wouldn't just be ruined. They’d be destitute and likely in prison.
And if Caleb was hoping to follow in his father's footsteps? A federal indictment on the family business would ensure he never passed the bar or practice law in any state.
Gator glanced at the clock.
A drive to the city would take just under three hours.
Gator drove with the windows down, letting the wind whip his face, trying to cool the fire raging in his blood. Was this is best and brightest idea? Absolutely not. But he wasn't just doing this for you. He was doing it for every woman who’d ever been silenced by a man with a checkbook. He was doing it for his mother. For Nadine.
He parked his truck a few blocks away from the sleek glass tower that housed the law firm. His boots echoed on the marble floor of the lobby as he entered, looking incredibly out of place. Maybe he was just a dirty, hick cop. The receptionist was a polished woman in a blazer who looked at him like he was something she’d scrape off her shoe.
“Do you have an appointment, sir?”
Gator leaned against the counter, trying to act natural. “I’m here to talk to Caleb.”
“Last name?”
“He’ll see me.”
“Last name please, sir.”
Gator’s eyes grew cold. “Tell him I'm here about the property dispute. Had a sudden issue come up with zoning for the new development. No time to to make an appointment, ma’am.”
The receptionist hesitated, then picked up the phone. She murmured something into it, listened, and then hung up. "Third elevator on the left. Floor 12."
Gator nodded and walked away. He didn't wait for the elevator to close before he started bouncing on the balls of his heels, his hand hovering near his holster.
The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open. Floor 12 was just as fancy as the lobby - plush chairs, abstract art, and the faint smell of lemon polish.
Gator didn't knock once he spotted the door with Caleb’s name on it. He just pushed it open and stepped inside.
Caleb was sitting behind a desk that was too large for him, staring at a computer screen. He glanced up, startled, his fake smile faltering when he saw Gator standing there.
“Gator, right?”
All Gator could offer him was a curt nod. Caleb’s hands - the same hands that had caused you so much harm - settled on the armrests of his chair, pushing him up to a standing position.
“Long time no see. Can I help you?" Caleb asked, his eyes narrowing.
“Hope so.” Gator replied, shutting the door behind him and locking it.
Caleb’s eyes flicked to the lock, then back to Gator. His polite veneer vanished, replaced by a look of cold rage. “What’re you doing here?”
“Just think we need to have a serious talk," Gator said, walking further into the room. He didn't sit. He just stood there, looming over the desk.
"About what, exactly?”
“Don’t play fuckin’ stupid with me.”
“I wouldn’t want to deprive you of that joy.”
Gator slammed his hand down on the desk, cutting him off. The sound was like a gunshot in the quiet room. “Tell me - does knockin’ her around make you feel like some big, tough guy?”
Caleb’s face hardened, as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Why’re you asking? Statistically, cops are far more likely to beat their partners than, oh, let's just say, lawyers.”
“Answer the question.”
“I don’t answer to you.” Caleb ran a hand through his hair, a smirk tugging at his lips. "And I don't know what my girlfriend been telling you, but she has a very theatrical nature. She's prone to… Exaggeration. We’re working on it.”
"Exaggeration," Gator scoffed. "Is that what you call a cigarette burn on her chest? All the bruises all over her body?”
Caleb’s jaw tightened.
"You’re hurting her."
Caleb stood up slowly. He wasn't quite as tall as Gator, but he had that lean strength of someone who worked out just to maintain an image. He walked around the desk, stopping just a few feet away.
“So why have you seen so much of her skin?” Caleb asked, his voice silky and repulsive. "Huh? You playing hero for the damsel in distress? She tell you all about how mean I am while you were comforting her? Did she show you the bruises while you were playing house? Make you feel sorry for her so you’d give her a pity fuck?”
Gator saw red. He took a step forward, invading Caleb’s personal space. "You watch your mouth."
"Or what?" Caleb challenged, his eyes flashing with arrogance. "You'll hit me? Just like I allegedly ‘hit' her? Is that your plan? Prove you're just as much of a monster as you claim I am?"
"I'm not the one who beats her all the fuckin’ time,” Gator snarled, the words leaving a bad taste in his mouth but needing to be said. "I'm not the one who dragged her out to a field and raped her till she bled just because I was mad she got breakfast with an old friend.”
Caleb’s face went completely blank. It was like a switch flipped. The arrogance vanished, replaced by a cold, calculating look. “Don’t say that word.”
“What, rape?”
"I never raped her. We’d had a bit of an argument, but everything was entirely consensual. She likes it rough.”
"Bullshit," Gator spat. "She told me everything.”
Caleb let out a short, disbelieving laugh. “Oh everything, huh? She told you that I forced her? God, she's pathetic. She'll say anything to get attention. Garner a bit of sympathy. You should know that - didn’t the two of you grow up together?”
"She's not the one with a file three inches thick on her father's illegal dealings," Gator said softly.
Caleb froze. “Pardon?”
Gator reached into his jacket and pulled out the thick stack of papers he’d printed off at the station. He dropped them onto the desk between them. They landed with a heavy thud, scattering slightly.
"What’s this?" Caleb asked, staring at the documents. He didn't touch them, as if they were a bomb.
"Open it," Gator commanded. "Go ahead. Take a look."
Caleb hesitated, his eyes darting to the door, then back to Gator. He reached out with a trembling hand and flipped the cover page.
He froze, face going white as a sheet. The blood drained out of him so fast Gator thought he might pass out.
"This… This is a mistake," Caleb stammered, his voice rising in panic as he flipped through the pages. "These are old cases. Settled. Dismissed."
"Maybe," Gator said, leaning against the desk, watching the fear take over. "But the pattern is clear. Bribery. Extortion. Money launderin’. Your daddy’s firm isn't just a law firm, Caleb. It's practically a fuckin’ crime syndicate."
Caleb dropped the file as if it burned him. "You can't prove any of this."
“Uh, looks like I can though," Gator said, his voice deadly quiet. “Just gotta hand this over to the right people. The FBI. The DOJ. Once they start digging, they ain't gonna stop at your daddy. They’re gonna look at everyone.”
Caleb had gone from cool and collected to utterly unhinged in a matter of moments, and Gator’s stomach lurched at the thought of how many times you’d seen this exact version him. "Why’re you doing this? What the fuck do you want?"
“I want you to never speak to her again.” Gator’s voice was low, threatening. “Cancel that lease, never text her again, and pray to God she doesn’t press charges with the amount of evidence she has.”
Caleb stared at him, his chest heaving. For a second, Gator thought he was going to lunge. Instead, he let out a harsh, ragged laugh.
“You a fan of damaged goods, Tillman?” Caleb spat, pointing a finger at Gator. “You think that blackmailing my whole fucking family for some lying slut is really the best move here?”
“Yeah, I do actually. And if you ever call her that again - I won't just send this file to the Feds. I'll post it online. I'll send it to every news station in the tristate area. I'll make sure your family name is mud before the sun goes down."
Caleb stood there, trembling with rage and fear. He looked at the file, then at Gator.
"Get. Out." Caleb whispered, his voice shaking with impotent fury.
"Gladly," Gator said, turning toward the door. "Oh, and Caleb?"
Caleb looked up, his face a mask of hate.
"If you ever come near her again," Gator said, his hand resting on the doorknob. "You won't have to worry about the Feds. You'll have to worry about me."
Gator didn't feel victorious as he left. He didn't feel relief. He just felt a cold, hard satisfaction. He’d drawn a line in the sand. And now, he just had to hope Caleb was smart enough to step back from it before he got himself - or worse, you - killed.
The three hours back to Stark County felt like it took far too long. Gator gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles ached. He replayed the confrontation in his head, over and over. The look on Caleb’s face when he realized his daddy’s empire was on the line. The pure fear that was admittedly a bit intoxicating. It should have felt like a win. He’d protected you. He’d backed the monster into a corner.
So why did his gut feel like he’d swallowed a bucket of nails?
He was just crossing the county line, the familiar flat cornfields blurring past in the twilight, when his phone started buzzing in the cup holder. Gator glanced down. Your name lit up the screen. His heart skipped a beat.
He answered it immediately, putting it on speaker. "Hey. You awake?"
"Gator?"
Your voice was barely recognizable. It wasn't a whisper. It was a high-pitched, keening wail that sounded like it was being ripped out of your throat. The background noise was a chaotic mix of hyperventilating gasps and the sound of things crashing - like you were knocking stuff over in a blind panic.
"Whoa, whoa," Gator sat up straighter, his foot pressing down on the accelerator. "What’s wrong? What happened?"
"What did you do? Oh god, Gator, what did you do?"
Gator felt the blood drain from his face. "Caleb call you?"
“Of course he called me,” you sobbed, the words tumbling out so fast he could barely understand them. "He called me and he was screaming. He was so angry. He told me everything - said you came to his office and threatened him."
Gator closed his eyes for a split second, cursing under his breath. "Listen to me. I handled it. I told him to back off. He’s not gonna hurt you anymore."
"He’s already hurt me, Gator!" you cried out. "He said if I don’t come home right now - if I don't get in the car and drive back to the city tonight - he’s going to make sure the rest of my college years are a living hell. He said he’ll blacklist me. I’ll never work a job in the tri-state area. He knows so many people - I wouldn’t even be able to get a job at a coffee shop.”
The rage that had been simmering in Gator’s gut boiled over. It was one thing to threaten physical violence - that was animalistic, simple. But this? This was calculated. This was destroying your future, your career, everything you’d worked for. Maybe he should’ve thought through his blackmailing e little more before storming into Caleb’s high-rise office.
"He’s bluffin’,” Gator gritted out, though he wasn't sure if he believed it. "He’s just trying to scare you."
"He’s not bluffing!" You wailed. "He knows people, Gator! He said… He said I’m worthless, and need to be reminded of my place. Gator, he’s the only one who’s ever gonna want me."
Gator slammed his palm against the steering wheel. “That’s not true, sweetheart. I’m gonna kill him. I swear to god, I’m gonna put him in the ground."
“I have to get back or he’s gonna come here.”
Gator’s stomach turned over. “No, he wouldn’t.”
“I can’t g-go back there but I have to. Otherwise he said he’ll use me until I can’t walk. He’s going to destroy my life.”
"He’s not going to do any of that," Gator said, his voice deadly calm, hiding the fact that he was trembling with rage. "Because you aren’t going back there."
“I-I have to.”
Gator thought back to your injuries. To the cold stare and simmering threat of violence in Caleb’s eyes back at the office. He slowly forced the red haze back from his vision. He couldn't lose it. Not now. You were falling apart, and if he lost control, he’d be no use to you. But if you left, he was certain that Caleb would kill you.
"Listen to me," he said, his voice dropping to a low, steady cadence. "I want you to pack your bags.”
"What?" you sniffled.
"You heard me. Pack whatever you need for a few days. Turn off that location services bullshit. You’re not stayin’ at your parents' house anymore.’
"Where am I gonna go? Caleb can check all the motels -“
“Old hunting lodge a few hours north,” Gator said firmly. “It ain’t much, but it’s isolated and it’s got about seven deadbolts. And I’ve got my gun."
You were quiet for a moment, the only sound being your ragged breathing. "He said he’ll come for me.”
"Let him come," Gator growled. “We’ll be miles away within the hour. And honestly I’m prayin’ he shows his face at my door. Gimme a chance to put a bullet between his eyes.”
"Gator…"
"I’m serious," he said. "He’s trying to intimidate you. Don't let him win."
"He’s not just intimidating me," you whispered. "He’s threatening my career. My future."
"We’ll deal with that," Gator said. "I have enough evidence that if he tries to blacklist you, I’ll go to the Feds myself. I’d burn his entire family to the ground before I let him ruin you."
You were crying again, soft, hopeless sobs. "I’m such a fucking mess. dragging you into this. You’re going to get hurt because of me."
"I’m not gonna get hurt," Gator promised you. "And you’re not draggin’ me into anything. I walked into this with my eyes open. I’m the one who went to his office and pushed him when I probably shouldn’tve. This is on me."
Though it did little good now, he hated himself for it. It was suppose to help you, but he’d managed to fuck it up again. He’d provoked the bear, and now you were the one feeling the claws. Gator had been so focused on being the hero, on winning the battle, that he’d barely stopped to think about the fallout.
"I’m sorry," he whispered, the words tasting like ash. "I’m so fuckin’ sorry’. I thought I could scare him off. I didn't think he’d…"
"It’s not your fault," you said, echoing his own words from earlier. "He’s… A lot, I guess.”
"Yeah, he is," Gator agreed. "And we’re gonna stop him. But first, we gotta keep you safe. Pack that bag. I’m almost there. Ten minutes.”
"Okay," you breathed out. "Okay. I’ll be ready."
"Good girl," Gator said, heart aching at the relief in your voice. "I’ll be there soon. Don't open the door for anyone but me."
"I won't."
Gator hung up the phone and tossed it onto the passenger seat. He pressed the gas pedal to the floor, the engine roaring as the truck sped down the dark highway.
He was furious. At Caleb. At himself. At the world that allowed men like Roy and Caleb to exist while good people like you and his mom got thrown around and beaten till they could barely walk. It was stupid, thinking he could handle this. He’d thought a few threats and a file folder would be enough to make Caleb back down. But he’d underestimated his cruelty.
And he wasn't going to make that mistake again.
He was going to protect you. Take some time off so he could keep you safe that old hunting cabin and watch over you 24/7. Make sure you slept and ate and got a chance to actually catch your breath without Caleb around to knock the air from your lungs.
But most importantly, he was going to figure out a way to end this. For good.
Even if it meant doing something that couldn't be undone. Even if it meant crossing a line he’d sworn he’d never cross. He’d burn the world down before he let Caleb hurt you again. And this time, he wouldn't just threaten to do it.
The remaining drive back to your house took five minutes, but it felt like an hour. Gator parked his truck at the curb, killing the engine and sitting in the dark for a moment, collecting himself. Unlike how he was normally, he had to be the calm and steady one this time. He couldn't storm in there like a tornado, not with your parents inside, oblivious to the war zone their daughter was currently living in.
He walked up the path, the gravel crunching under his boots, and knocked on the door. It was answered almost immediately by your mother. She was smiling, holding a glass of wine, looking relaxed in a way that made Gator's stomach churn. It wasn’t fair, how oblivious she was. But at the same time, he didn’t want to break that illusion. Wasn’t his to break anyway.
"Gator!" She exclaimed. "What a nice surprise. We weren't expecting you. Look at you, you’ve gotten so tall and handsome.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” Gator managed a tight smile, tucking his hands into his pockets to hide their trembling. "Just… Swung by to, uh, I - thought we’d go for a drive. Catch up."
"Oh, that's lovely," she said, stepping aside to let him in. "She's in her room. She's been a bit quiet tonight, and I think she's coming down with something. But fresh air will do her good."
"Yeah," Gator nodded. "Fresh air."
He didn't linger. He didn't want to chat about the weather or your mom’s garden or how his father was doing. He just wanted to get you out of here. After a few more surface-level pleasantries, he kicked off his boots and headed up the stairs, footsteps silent on the carpet. He could hear you before he even reached the door. The frantic pacing. The shallow, ragged breathing.
He pushed the door open without knocking.
You were in the middle of the room, walking a tight line between your bed and the window, clutching a duffel bag so hard your knuckles were certain to split open if you kept it up. You spun around when the door opened, your eyes wide and wild.
"You came," you breathed out, looking like you weren't sure whether to run to him or bolt out the window.
"Told you I would," Gator said softly, closing the door behind him. "You packed?"
You nodded, holding up the bag. "I… I didn't know what to bring. I just grabbed... Stuff."
"It's fine," Gator assured you, stepping further into the room. "We can get whatever else you need later."
"We have to go," you whispered, casting a nervous glance at the window, as if Caleb might be scaling the trellis at any second. “He’s gonna show up. I just know it. And my parents love him. They -“
"He’s not comin’ here," Gator said, trying to keep his voice steady. "Not tonight."
"You don't know that," you argued, your voice rising in panic. "He’s crazy, Gator. He’s… Unpredictable."
"That's why we're leavin’,” Gator said, reaching out to take the bag from your hands, but you flinched, pulling away sharply.
Gator froze. The hurt hit him like you’d punched him in the stomach, but he forced himself to breathe through it. He couldn't take it personally. You were in survival mode. Everyone was a threat right now. Even him.
"Okay," he said, holding his hands up, palms out. "Okay. Let's just… Get on out to my truck, alright? We can talk at the cabin.”
“Cabin?”
“My old man uses it during the winter for huntin' sometimes. It ain’t much, but it’s off the grid.”
You stared at him for a long moment, searching his face. Finally, you nodded. "Okay. Let's go."
Following Gator downstairs, you said a quick goodbye to your parents, telling them you'd be back late, maybe tomorrow. They didn't seem to notice the duffle bag, or that you were trembling so hard you could barely walk, or that your eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying. They just waved you off, assuming their daughter was safe with her childhood friend. Gator hated them a little bit in that moment. How could they could sit in their living room, drinking wine and watching TV, while you were running for your life?
He got you into the truck, locking the doors as soon as you were inside. He didn't speed - he didn't want to get pulled over and have to explain the whole situation to one of his coworkers - but he drove fast enough to get to the cabin before midnight.
To Gator’s surprise, it seemed as though Roy had done a bit of upgrading since he’d been there last. It was still a single-level, two-bedroom cabin with far too many hunting trophies on the walls. But the AC and heater worked, the kitchen was functional, and there was even a small TV in the living room equipped to play one of maybe eight or so different VHS tapes. It truly wasn’t much, but you’d be safe here.
The silence inside, however, was deafening. You sat on the edge of the plaid couch, bag clutched in your lap, rocking back and forth slightly. Gator sat on the coffee table in front of you, not sure what to do with his hands.
"We need a plan," he said finally, breaking the silence.
"I know," you whispered, staring at your knees as if you couldn’t bear to make eye contact with him.
"You can't go back there," Gator said, his voice firm. "Not to your parents’ place, or campus.”
"I know," you repeated.
"So we figure out an alternative," Gator continued. “Online classes. Transferrin’ to somewhere far away. Somewhere he won't think to look."
You finally looked up at him then, eyes swimming with fear. "Leave? You mean… Leave school?"
“I mean, yeah.”
“But all my credits, I - for how long?”
“Just a semester," Gator said quickly. “Two at the most. Till things cool down and we figure out how to really deal with him."
"I can't just transfer," you said, shaking your head frantically. "I have scholarships. I have credits… I can't just throw that away."
"It’s not throwin’ it away if it keeps you alive," Gator argued.
"I can't run away," you insisted, your voice rising in distress. "If I run, he wins. He gets to control my life. He gets to dictate where I go and what I do."
"He already does that!" Gator snapped, losing his temper for a split second before catching himself. He took a deep breath, forcing the volume down. “I’m sorry. He - he’s already controllin’ you, baby. He’s tryin’ to get you to stay in a city and at a school where he’s got access to hurt you. You leave, an’ you take that power away."
You were quiet for a moment, lower lip trembling. The thought of running his thumb gently across it, maybe kissing it so that the shaking stopped, crossed Gator’s mind - unbidden. Not the fucking time, Tillman.
"And then what am I supposed to do while I miss all that school? I stay here? With you?"
"If that's what it takes," Gator replied. "I don't care. I just want you safe. However that has to happen.”
You stared at him, and for the first time since he’d met you, you looked at him with something other than trust. You looked at him with suspicion. With fear.
"Is that what this is?" you asked, your voice barely audible. "You… Controlling me?"
Gator felt like he’d been slapped. “Woah - what?"
"You're telling me to leave school," you said, voice gaining strength. “To transfer or run away. So I can come live with you. Are you trying to decide what I can and can't do?”
"I know!" you cried out. "I know you are. Logically. But… That’s what Caleb said. Every time - h-he said he was keeping me safe. Doing what was best for me.”
The comparison hung in the air between you, toxic and devastating.
“Let’s get one thing straight, darlin’. I ain't him," Gator said, his voice low and rough. “I’d never lay a fuckin’ finger on you. And I’m not tryin’ to own you."
"I know you're not," you said, tears spilling over your cheeks. "But… Gator, I’m scared."
"Of Caleb?"
"Of you," you whispered.
Gator stared at you, his heart shattering into a thousand jagged pieces. Obviously some trust issues would arise, given everything. But it still hurt. "Me? Why the hell would you be scared of me?"
"Because you’re doing the same thing. What if I get stuck making the same mistakes over and over again?” Your voice cracked. "You’re deciding my life for me. Telling me where to go, what to do. And you think you know what's best for me. And maybe you do. Hell, you probably do. But… what happens when I disagree? What happens when I want to do something you don't think is safe?"
Gator opened his mouth to argue, to tell you that he would never hurt you, that he wasn't that kind of man. But the words died in his throat.
Because you were right.
Technically - even though he was trying to do it for your own good - he was, in a way, controlling you. He was dictating your moves. Using fear and urgency to make you do what he wanted. He was boxing you in, just like Caleb had, even if his reasons were noble.
And now you were sitting on his couch, utterly terrified, not just of the monster hunting you, but of the man trying to save you. You were traumatized in ways he couldn’t even begin to understand. Your trust had been eroded, layer by layer, until you couldn't distinguish between a savior and a jailer. The same thing had happened to his mom. To Nadine. He’d watched it happen, even if he didn’t fully grasp it.
"I don't want to end up in the same cycle," you whispered, your voice breaking. "I don't want to go from one man controlling me to another. Even if the second man is… You."
Gator felt sick. He felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. He wanted to scream, rage, grab you by the shoulders and repeat over and over again that he would lay down his life for you in a heartbeat. But he knew that would only prove your point. Just another man using force to get his way.
So he stood there, hands hanging uselessly at his sides, and let the crushing weight of your words settle over him.
"You're right," he said, his voice hollow as his eyes stung with unshed tears. "You're… I’m not - I mean, I’m tryin’ to manage the situation because I’m scared I’m gonna lose you. Terrified, actually. An’ I’m sorry. I didn't mean to… to be like him. I just… I love you. More than anythin’.“
You stilled, and Gator realized what he’d said.
He hadn't meant to say it. No, he just hadn't planned on saying it. But it was out there now. The truth he’d been carrying around for years, buried under layers of friendship.
"I-I love you," he repeated, a little louder. "And I don't know how to stand by and watch you get hurt without tryin’ to stop it, but I also don't wanna be your jailer. I wanna take care of you, but I don't want to be... Him.”
You stared at him, mouth slightly open. The tears stopped flowing, replaced by a look of stunned silence.
"You… Love me?" you whispered.
"Yeah," Gator let out a shaky breath. "I do.”
“Since when?”
“Probably since we were kids. Or like… Forever."
You looked down at your hands, your mind racing. "I… I didn't know."
"I know," Gator said, rubbing a hand over his face. "I didn't want to ruin, you know, us. And then… Then everythin’ happened with Caleb. And I just… I just want you safe. No matter who you’re with. And I don’t expect you do say it back or nothin’. But, I figure you deserved some honesty.”
We all know by now that Gator Tillman fucks. He (and you for that matter) loves rough shit -- pulling your hair, spitting, smacking, railing you through the mattress into the floor, then kissing your wet, mascara-stained cheeks as he helps clean you up after.
But sometimes, once in a blue moon, Gator just wants to feel held. Whether he's in his own head or something rough happens on the job, you're not always sure. He's getting better, but the man still isn't the best at putting his feelings into words.
It'll usually start with a soft trail of kisses across your shoulders and warm palms smoothing over your belly while you busy yourself with some mundane task, folding clothes or making breakfast on your shared days off. Then, this little whine escapes him -- just slips right past his lips like he can't help it -- so you turn and tangle your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck to kiss him slow, and deep.
His posture is even different. Gator can easily tower over you, crowd your space, cage you in, but when he's like this he bends at the knees to put you in the driver's seat.
"You need me?"
He says nothing, just nods as he continues to plant his lips down the column of your throat and rope his arms around you, lifting you with ease without taking his mouth off of you. His eyes are softly closed, long, dark lashes resting easy on his cheek.
He settles you both down on the couch and you card your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp as you grind over his growing bulge beneath you. You lean into his ear and whisper praises that you're happy to dish out, but usually he's too stubborn to accept.
"You make me so happy, Gator." A light nip to his earlobe. "You make me feel so safe and strong." A lick along his sharp jawline. "And beautiful, god you make me feel so beautiful." A deep, slow circle over his rigid cock that has you both shuddering. "I just love you so much."
When you place a soft kiss on his cheek, over the two little prominent moles that you find so endearing, you taste salt. You sit back and see two streaks of tears that he quickly tries to sniffle and swipe away. You grab his wrist with more strength than he's used to from you, and lean back in to kiss the rest of the hot, stinging tears away.
"S'okay, baby. I've got you. Let me tell you more."
So you ride his lap and tell him all the good things you know about Gator Tillman, slipping his cock inside of you and moaning his name proudly, whimpering how good he makes you feel, licking away the tears as they spill down his cheeks.
He watches you calmly and quietly, drinking in your flushed skin, how tight you're squeezing him, that you somehow manage to make both of you cum at the same exact time, and mostly how beautiful your words are...
...maybe he'll actually starting to believe some of them.
can i request a joe fic where reader is babysitting his niece and he sees how good she takes care of her and he gets a baby fever. Then he rushes them home and they do it, with multiple rounds (he also kind of has a breeding kink) 🫣
Baby Fever
Pairing: Joe Keery x Reader
W/C: 4.3k
Summary: Babysitting his family made you both, more so Joe, realise that you want this for yourselves sooner rather than later.
The sunset started drifting between the garden trees and through the patio doors of the Keery family home. You stood in the living room, watching Caroline wrangle her kids into their shoes, and felt that familiar warmth that came with being part of this family.
"Are you sure?" Caroline asked for the third time, her hand pausing on her youngest's shoulder, "I mean, we could just bring them along with us".
"Stop" you interrupted gently, crouching down to meet her eldest's eyes, "We're going to have so much fun, aren't we?".
She nodded enthusiastically, her curls, so much like Joe's, bouncing with the movement, "Can we make cookies?".
"Absolutely" you said, and the way Caroline's shoulders relaxed made your heart squeeze. You knew how rare it was for her to get an evening out, especially one where she could actually enjoy herself without keeping one eye on her kids.
Joe's mom appeared in the doorway, elegant in a navy dress that made her look at least a decade younger than she was. "They'll be fine Caroline. She's practically family anyway" She caught your eye and winked, and you felt heat creep up in your chest. The engagement ring on your left hand, now a year old, catching the light as you brushed hair out of her face.
"More than practically" Joe's dad added from the hallway, adjusting his tie. "Now come on, we're going to be late, and you know what Martha's like about punctuality".
The house erupted into chaos of last minute lipstick checks, searches for car keys, reminders about where the emergency numbers were posted as if you didn't already know. You stood back, holding the middle child's hand while she played with the hem of her t-shirt watching along the mayhem with you. Then Joe appeared at the top of the stairs, and your breath caught the way it still sometimes did, even after all these years. He'd changed out of his casual afternoon clothes into dark trousers and a button down that made his eyes look impossibly warm. His hair was perfect in that way that looked effortless but you knew took him at least ten minutes.
"Ready?" Caroline called up to him.
Joe descended the stairs slowly, his eyes finding yours across the room. Something passed between you both, something soft and unspoken and then he smiled that crooked smile that had first made you fall in love with him at a friend's birthday party five years ago. "Actually" he said, reaching the bottom of the stairs and shoving his hands in his pockets, "I think I'm going to stay back. Help with the babysitting".
The room went quiet for a beat.
"What?" His sister laughed, "Joe, you got dressed up and everything".
He shrugged, but his eyes never left yours, "Yeah, well, I'd rather hang out with my girls I think". He gestured to you and his nieces, and your heart did that stupid fluttering thing that you thought you'd grown out of by now.
"Joe, you don't have to" you started, but he crossed the room and pressed a kiss to your temple.
"I want to" he murmured against your hair, and you felt the truth of it in the way his hand found the small of your back.
His family exchanged glances, the kind of knowing looks that made you feel simultaneously embarrassed and cherished at the same time till his mom was ushering everyone toward the door.
"Well, that's settled then. You two have fun with the girls. There's lasagna in the fridge if you want to heat it up, and-".
"Mom" Joe interrupted gently. "We've got this. Go have fun".
More kisses, more hugs, more reminders, and then finally, finally, the door closed behind them, and the house settled into a different kind of quiet. Not empty, but peaceful. Expectant.
The two year old, who'd been remarkably patient through all the commotion, chose that moment to toddle over to Joe and raise her arms, "Up Uncle Joey". Joe scooped her up without hesitation, settling her on his hip like someone who'd done this a thousand times. "So" he said, looking between you and the girls with seriousness, "What's the plan, team?".
"Cookies! She promised cookies!"
"Maybe after dinner depending on the time" you corrected, but you were smiling. "How about we play for a bit first? I saw that puzzle in the living room that looked pretty challenging..."
"I can do it!" One of them announced, thumb popping out of her mouth, "I'm really good at puzzles".
"I bet you are" Joe said, and you all migrated to the living room, where the evening light dropped more by the minute.
The next hour passed in a blur of laughter and play. You'd forgotten how exhausting kids could be, how they had seemingly endless energy. The puzzle turned into a game of hide and seek, which turned into a dance party when Joe's old iPod dock was discovered. You watched Joe spin them in circles, delighted shrieks filling the house, and felt something shift in your chest. You'd seen him with his nieces before. You'd been to countless family gatherings, birthday parties, holiday celebrations. But something about tonight felt different, more intimate, like you were getting a glimpse of something private.
When she finally demanded to be put down, dizzy and giggling, Joe collapsed onto the couch next to you, slightly out of breath. His hair was a mess, actual mess this time, and there was a smudge of something on his cheek that might have been chocolate from the candy one of them had snuck from the kitchen. "Having fun?" you asked, reaching up to wipe the smudge away with your thumb.
He caught your hand, pressing a kiss to your palm, "The best" he said, and his eyes were so soft, so full of something you couldn't quite name, that you had to look away.
"Okay" you announced, standing up before you could do something embarrassing like tear up. "Who's hungry?". Three enthusiastic voices answered in the affirmative, and you herded everyone toward the kitchen, Joe trailing behind.
Cooking dinner with three kids "helping" was an adventure. One insisted on stirring the pasta sauce, which resulted in more sauce on the counter than in the pot. The second oldest wanted to set the table but couldn't quite remember where everything went, and the youngest mostly just sat in her high chair, banging a wooden spoon against the tray. Through it all, Joe moved around the kitchen with you in that easy way you'd developed over five years of shared meals and shared space. He knew when you needed the colander before you asked. You knew he'd grab the parmesan from the fridge without being told.
"You okay?" Joe asked quietly, catching your expression as he passed behind you to get plates from the cabinet.
"Yeah" you said, and meant it, "Just...happy". His hand squeezed your shoulder, lingering for a moment before he moved away to help the kids.
Dinner was chaotic in the best way. Stories about friends at preschool, one demonstrated her ability to fit an entire piece of garlic bread in her mouth, much to Joe's amused horror whilst the youngest threw more food than she ate, but she was smiling the whole time, so you counted it as a win. You caught Joe watching you as you wiped marinara sauce off faces, and helped feed where you could, his expression unreadable. When you raised an eyebrow in question, he just shook his head and smiled.
Bath time was a production. The girls needed to be coaxed upstairs, then convinced that yes, they really did need to wash their hair, and no, they couldn't bring all of their bath toys into the tub at once. You knelt beside the bathtub, sleeves rolled up, making sure they scrubbed behind her ears while they created a story involving a rubber duck and a plastic boat. Joe sat on the closed toilet lid, holding the eldest wrapped in a towel after her turn in the bath, her damp curls making her look even more like Joe.
"You're really good at this" Joe said quietly, and there was something in his voice that made you look up from where you were rinsing shampoo.
"At what?"
"This. All of it". He gestured vaguely with his free hand. "You're just... natural with them".
You felt heat creep up your neck, "I've known them most their whole lives. It's not that impressive".
"It is to me" he said, and the intensity in his gaze made you look away.
After baths came pyjamas and teeth brushing which was another adventure, with you making silly faces in the mirror to keep them entertained while they scrubbed. Joe stood in the doorway, watching. And finally when it was time for bed, you led them to Joe's childhood bedroom, which had been temporarily converted into a sleeping space for the girls. His parents had set up a toddler bed and new bedding for the older two.
"Story time!" diving into bed.
You settled between them, and Joe sat on the edge, the youngest already drowsy in his arms. You read from a picture book about a brave little mouse, doing different voices for each character until their eyes started to droop. By the time you finished the second book, one was asleep against Joe's chest, and the other two were fighting to keep their eyes open.
"Goodnight, sweet girls" you whispered, pressing kisses to their foreheads and Joe carefully laid the youngest in her toddler bed, tucking her blanket around her. You dimmed the lights and tiptoed out, Joe's hand finding yours in the hallway. He pulled the door almost closed, leaving it cracked just enough to hear if anyone woke up. For a moment, you both just stood there in the quiet hallway, the house settling around you.
"That was-" Joe started, then stopped, shaking his head.
"Exhausting?" you supplied with a smile.
"Perfect" he corrected, and the way he looked at you made your breath catch.
You needed to do something with your hands, so you headed downstairs to tackle the kitchen. Dishes were piled in the sink from dinner, and there were still smudges of sauce on the counter that needed wiping down. You were elbow deep in soapy water, scrubbing a stubborn pot, when you felt Joe's presence behind you. He didn't say anything at first, just leaned against the counter beside you, close enough that you could feel his warmth.
"You know" he said finally, his voice quiet in the peaceful kitchen, "watching you tonight...". You glanced at him, hands still in the water. His expression was open, vulnerable. "You were incredible" he continued. "With the girls. The way you just... knew what they needed. How to make them laugh, how to calm them down. The way they held your hand during dinner, and how you did the voices during story time" He paused, running a hand through his hair. "You're going to be such an amazing mom".
The pot slipped from your hands into the sink. You turned to face him fully, water dripping from your fingers, "Joe...".
"I mean it" he said, and he was closer now, his hands coming up to rest on your waist. "I've always known it, but tonight... seeing you in action like that..." He shook his head, a slightly dazed smile on his face. "I couldn't stop thinking about it. About us. About our future".
Your heart was pounding so hard you were sure he could hear it. "You're going to be an incredible dad too" you said softly, wiping your hand on your clothes and reaching up to cup his face. "The way you were with them, and how you made them laugh, and how patient you were".
He laughed, turning his head to kiss your palm. "I can't wait" he said, "I can't wait to start a family with you. To have this" he gestured around the kitchen, at the evidence of the evening you'd shared, "but with our kids".
You felt tears prick your eyes, but you were smiling. "Joseph Keery" you said, trying for teasing but landing somewhere closer to tender, "Do you have baby fever? Is somebody broody?".
He groaned, but he was grinning, "Is it that obvious?".
"Just a little" you said, and then you were both laughing, foreheads pressed together in the quiet kitchen.
"I'm serious though" he said when the laughter faded. "I know we've talked about it before, about someday, but tonight made me realise... I don't want to wait too long for someday. I want this with you. I want everything with you".
You kissed him then, soft and sweet, tasting like promise and future and home. "Me too" you whispered against his lips.
The sound of car doors closing outside broke the moment. Joe's family was back, their voices carrying through the evening air as they made their way up the front steps. You quickly dried your hands and checked your reflection in the window, making sure you didn't look like you'd been crying. Joe squeezed your hand once before the front door opened.
"How were they?" Caroline asked immediately, dropping her purse on the hall table.
"Angels" you said, and it was mostly true, "They're all asleep upstairs".
"Already?" His mom looked impressed, "How did you manage that?".
"She's magic" Joe said simply, and the pride in his voice made you flush.
The next twenty minutes were a flurry of thank yous and debriefing. Caroline went upstairs to check on the kids, coming back down with a soft smile. "They look so peaceful. Thank you both so much".
"Anytime" you said, and meant it.
"Seriously, you're a lifesaver. I don't know what we'd would do without you".
"She's family" his dad said firmly, pulling you into a hug of his own, "Of course she'd help".
Finally, you and Joe made your escape, climbing into his car as the family waved from the porch. The evening had turned cool, and you wrapped your arms around yourself as Joe started the engine.
"Hotel, right? I don't fancy a drive back to New York right now" you laughed, and he nodded.
"Booked us a room at that place in town you liked. The one with the good pillows". You smiled, settling back into your seat as he pulled away from the curb.
"So" Joe said after a few minutes of comfortable silence, his hand finding yours on the center console. "How many kids do you think we'll have?".
You laughed, but your heart was racing, "Are we really doing this? Having this conversation right now?".
"Why not?" He glanced at you, and even in the dim light of the car, you could see the sincerity in his expression. "I've been thinking about it all night. I want to know everything".
So you talked. About how you'd always thought two or three kids would be perfect. About how he'd always wanted at least two so they'd have each other, like the way he had his sisters. About names you liked, and whether you'd want to stay in the city or move somewhere with more space. About the kind of parents you wanted to be, present, supportive, the kind who made their kids feel safe and loved and seen.
"I want a daughter who looks like you" Joe said, his thumb tracing circles on the back of your hand. "With your eyes and your smile".
"I want a son with your hair" you countered. "Those curls are too good not to pass on".
He laughed, "What if we have a daughter with my hair and a son with your eyes?".
"Then we'll have to have more kids until we get the combination right" you teased, and his sharp intake of breath made you realise what you'd said.
"More than two?" he asked, and there was hope in his voice.
"Maybe" you said softly. "If tonight is any indication, I think we could handle it".
The conversation flowed easily, naturally, the way it always did between you. You talked about the practical things, timing, careers, logistics but also the dreams, the two of you weren't exactly getting any younger.
"I want to be the kind of dad who does voices during story time. Like you did tonight. The girls loved that".
"You'll be that dad" you assured him. "You already are with your nieces".
"I want Sunday morning pancakes to be our thing" he continued, and you could hear the smile in his voice. "And teaching them to play guitar. And embarrassing them at their school events by being too enthusiastic".
"I want bedtime routines that feel good" you added. "And inside jokes that only our family understands. And traditions that they'll carry on with their own kids someday".
By the time Joe pulled into the hotel parking garage, you'd mapped out an entire future together. It felt real, possible and so close you could almost touch it. The hotel room was exactly as you remembered, elegant and modern, with floor to ceiling windows that overlooked the town. Joe closed the door, and suddenly you were alone together in a way you hadn't been all evening. He crossed the room to you slowly and deliberately, his eyes never leaving yours. "Hi" he said softly, and you laughed at the simplicity of the greeting after everything you'd shared tonight.
"Hi to you too"
His hands came up to frame your face, thumbs brushing your cheekbones. "I love you" he said. "I love you so much it scares me sometimes. And tonight, watching you with the girls, talking about our future... I've never been more sure of anything".
"I love you too" you whispered, and then his lips were on yours, and the kiss was different from the one in the kitchen. Deeper and filled with all the promise and possibility you'd been talking about for the past hour. Your hands found the buttons of his shirt, fumbling slightly in your eagerness to take it off him. He smiled against your lips, helping you unbutton it and then his shirt was on the floor and his hands were sliding under your sweater.
"Is this okay?" he murmured, even though you'd been together for five years, even though he knew your body as well as his own. He always asked. It was one of the thousand things you loved about him.
"More than okay" you assured him, and then you were moving together toward the bed, shedding clothes and inhibitions, until it was just skin against skin and breath mingling with breath.
He laid you down gently, his hands tracing patterns on your skin. "You're so beautiful" he whispered, pressing kisses along your collarbone, "So perfect". You arched into his touch, your own hands exploring his body.
When he finally moved over you, settling between your thighs, he paused to look into your eyes. "I can't wait to build a life with you" he said, and you felt tears prick.
"We already are" you reminded him, pulling him down for a kiss. "Joe?" you said softly as you pulled away, tracing idle patterns on his chest.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you for staying tonight. For babysitting with me". He tightened his arms around you. "Thank you for showing me what our future looks like. For making me want it even more than I already did".
"Someday" he whispered, the word barely a breath before his lips crashed down on yours again. It wasn't a gentle kiss. It was hungry, immediate, fueled by the days emotions and the thrill of the conversation you'd just shared. You opened for him instantly, your tongue tangling with his, your hands slid up his chest, fingers digging into his shoulders pulling him impossibly closer. His skin was hot to the touch, damp with a faint sheen of sweat.
He made quick work of your clothes, stripping away your sweater, jeans and panties with urgency. When his hand slid between your thighs, his fingers brushing through your folds, you gasped, your hips bucking off the bed to meet his touch.
"Already so wet" he groaned, dipping a finger inside, "You feel amazing".
"Baby please" you begged, needing more than just his fingers. He shifted, reaching over the side of the bed to fumble in the discarded heap of his trousers. The leather of his wallet clicking as he flipped it open, the foil wrapper of a condom reflecting in the light of the bedside lamp. Your hand shot out, fingers wrapping around his wrist, stopping him cold. Joe froze, his chest heaving. He looked down at you, confusion warring with the haze of lust in his dark eyes, What's wrong?".
"Nothing" you whispered, your thumb stroking his wrist. "I just... don't want to use it anymore".
The silence stretched. He stared at you, his gaze dropping to your hand on his wrist, then back to your eyes. "You sure?" he asked, his voice rougher than before.
You nodded slowly, spreading your legs wider. "I want to feel you. I want...us".
He dropped the wallet onto the floor. He positioned himself between your thighs. You were wet, ready for him, and as he pushed forward, the sensation was overwhelming and very hot, filling you without the barrier of a condom. You gasped, your head falling back against the pillows, your nails digging into his shoulders. He groaned, and sank deeper until he was buried all the way. He held still for a moment, his forehead resting against yours, his breath coming in ragged bursts. It felt different this time.
"Fuck" he groaned, pulling back slowly before thrusting forward again, harder this time, "You feel so good babe".
The rhythm built quickly. A desperate, grinding pace that had the bed frame knocking rhythmically against the wall. You wrapped your legs around his waist, crossing your ankles at the small of his back, pulling him in deeper with every stroke. The friction was incredible for you, the slide of his cock inside you sending sparks of pleasure shooting up your spine.
"Fuck" you moaned, your body tightening as the pressure built, "I'm close". He didn't slow down. If anything, his thrusts became more erratic, more urgent. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his teeth grazing your skin.
"I'm gonna cum" he growled, his hips snapping against yours in quick motion, "I'm gonna cum so deep inside you. I'm going to give you what you wanted".
The words hit you like a physical blow, triggering your orgasm. You clenched around him, waves of pleasure rattling through you as you cried out. But he didn't stop, he drove into you through the aftershocks, chasing his own orgasm. "Take it" he grunted, his body going rigid, "Take it all".
You felt the pulse of him inside you, the hot spurts of his cum filling your insides. He didn't pull out. He stayed deep, grinding his hips as if he wanted to push his load as far into you as possible. The realisation hit him then, you could see it in the way his eyes widened, the way his hands gripped your hips. He liked it. The thought of getting you pregnant, of marking you from the inside, it drove him wild.
He collapsed on top of you, his weight comforting in a way as you both struggled to catch your breath. Joe pressed soft, open mouthed kisses to your shoulder, his hand stroking your hair back from your face. "Jesus baby" he whispered, rolling onto his side but keeping an arm draped heavily over your waist, "That was...".
"Yeah" you agreed, your eyelids already drooping. The exhaustion from the day returned, alongside the intensity of the orgasm. You curled into him, your bodies tangled together, and both drifted off into a deep sleep.
Hours later, you stirred. The room was pitch black, the air conditioner still humming. You blinked, realising Joe wasn't asleep. His breathing was too steady, too alert. You felt the hardness of him pressing against your ass again.
"Joe?" you murmured sleepily, turning in his arms to face him.
He was watching you, even in the dark you could feel his gaze. His hand slid down your side, cupping your ass and pulling you flush against him. "I can't stop thinking about it" he whispered, his voice rough. "About what we did. About my cum inside you right now".
His fingers dipped between your legs, finding you already wet with both of your cum. A low groan rumbled in his chest as he coated his fingers. "You're still full of me" he said, sliding a finger inside, pushing himself back inside, "Leaking".
The dirty talk sent shivers through you. You pushed back against his hand, silently begging for more. He didn't hesitate. He rolled you onto your back, settling between your thighs again. There was no fumbling for a wallet this time and no hesitation. He lined himself up and thrusted in, the wet sound of your combined fluids loud in the quiet room.
"Fuck, you're so messy" he groaned, bracing himself on his elbows, "I love it". He set a mindblowing pace, driving into you with a newfound focus. This kink wasn't just a realisation anymore, it was the only thing that mattered to him now. He hooked your legs over his arms, folding you nearly in half, opening you up completely. "Gonna fill you up again" he panted, sweat dripping from his forehead onto your chest, "Gonna make sure it takes. Gonna put a baby in you".
The words were filthy, but they only made you wetter. You met him thrust for thrust, your nails raking down his back, urging him on.
"Yes babe" you cried out, the pleasure building to a whole new level. "Fuck, do it. Cum in me again".
He let out a ragged breath, you felt him pulse, prolonging your own orgasm. He stayed there, twitching and pumping every last drop into you. As the shaking subsided, he collapsed against you, his heart hammering against you, both of you knowing that this had changed everything.
gator coming home and desperate for his wife’s tits 💍
augh husband gator they could never make me hate you
MDNI//SMUT- nipple play, vaginal fingering, [unsafe] vaginal sex
lfg - goodies under the cut
&&
"y'know how much i miss ya all day?" gator asks, the second he steps through the door.
you're in the bathroom off your bedroom, washing your face before you get ready for bed, and you glance up into the mirror, waiting for him to appear in it.
"i have an inkling," you reply, because the 14 text messages that gator sent you before his break for dinner, the thirty-minute phone call during his break, and the subsequent 5 texts after dinner might have been something of a clue.
"where y'at?" he asks, even though he knows, because the bedroom lamps are off and the light over the vanity in the bathroom is on.
there he is. you can't help but smile a little as he appears over your shoulder in the mirror, and he makes a beeline straight toward you, wrapping his arms around your middle and pressing you up against the sink even though your face is dripping water from when you'd rinsed it and you're still clutching the towel to try and dry off.
"ok, you found me," you say, laughing as you pat your face dry.
"ain't lettin' ya go, neither," he mumbles, pressing his face into the nape of your neck as he presses his palms against your front for a moment before sliding them up your torso, cupping your tits through the nightgown you're wearing. it's only a little revealing, the kind he likes because it leaves just enough to the imagination and it's closer to a babydoll than anything else.
"don't have to," you reply. "off the next two days, right?"
"that's right, mama," he mumbles, pawing at your chest through the chiffon covering you. you sigh a little as the fabric drags over your sensitive skin beneath his hands, nipples perking up under his palms, and he groans at the feeling of it. "fuck. y'like that." it's not a question.
you press your ass back against his hips. "love it," you answer him anyway, and he chuckles darkly as his lips move over your back.
gator rests his chin on your shoulder, watching you both in the mirror as he fondles your breasts, gently squeezing at them and rubbing his thumbs over your pebbled nipples, poking points through the flimsy garment. "never get tired'a these," he mutters, turning his head just a little to let his lips trace over the side of your neck up to your ear. "so pretty just for me."
"all for you," you agree, and he pushes his hips into you again, grinding against your ass as you're pressed between his front and the sink.
"all this fer you too," he says, and you can almost feel the outline of his dick through the canvas of camo pants, a testament to how big and thick he really is. "want it?"
"uh huh," you say, nodding, and gator's teeth drag over the side of your neck before he turns you around and lifts you up to sit on the edge of the sink. the babydoll is pushed up and out of the way so he can slip a hand down between your thighs, not touching you yet anywhere that you're desperate for, but the backs of his fingers do trace over the insides of your thighs.
you sigh his name, and it just spurs him on. he tugs the (already very low) neckline of the lingerie down, tucking it beneath the curve of your breasts, and leans back just enough to look from your face down to your chest, your tits revealed now, on display, and you practically see him break as he leans down to mouth at them both, his lower lip catching on one of your pert nipples before he draws it into his mouth and sucks.
"that's right," you murmur, your hand curling into the hair at the nape of his neck because that's the only part of it you can curl it into, the fuckass pomade he insists on using still plastered everywhere else. his tongue laves over your nipple inside his mouth, and when he pulls back you see the way the overhead light makes the spit smeared on his lower lip shine. "kiss me."
you don't need to ask twice. you barely even need to ask once—he's on you before you barely even get the words out. he licks into your mouth and you kiss him back, letting him deepen it immediately as the hand between your legs moves back up your front. he's got both hands on you again, massaging your breasts before he rubs his whole hand over them, your nipples between two of his fingers, the friction drawing small mewls and whimpers from between your lips. they fall into his mouth from yours and he swallows them down before pulling away to bow his back again.
this time, when he moves his hand between your thighs, he uses it to push your legs even further apart, but not so he can stand between them, closer to you—no, he just feels at your folds, groaning when he realizes you've got no panties on, and then he's slipping two fingers inside of your waiting slit, his mouth on your breast again, sucking at your neglected nipple as he fucks into you, getting your clit with his thumb.
"oh, god, baby," you whine, and you feel his devilish lips curl into a smirk on your tit as he sucks your nipple, pulling off just to lick long, wide, wet stripes over it. his tongue lingers on you, and he flicks the tip against your hardened bud just to tease even more sounds out of you. he gives it one more harsh suck before pulling off.
"keep singin' fer me, mama," he says, and you allow yourself to get louder, because he likes it and when he likes it, he loses his inhibitions too. "go on."
"gator," you practically purr at him, arching your chest toward him, your hands braced on the sides of the sink. "feels so good when you..." you trail off, because he likes to fill in the blanks.
"when i what?" he asks, scissoring his fingers inside you, stretching your cunt around them. "when i fuck ya like this? when i treat ya real nice with my mouth?"
"yeah," you sigh, because you meant one or the other, both, it doesn't fucking matter as long as he keeps doing it.
"'cause you're my girl," he says, and you feel him shudder a little as he does; the longing, the chase, it had been quite a road to get to husband and wife but it was all worth it in the end.
you lift a hand to drape it over the nape of his neck again, holding him down to your chest as he sucks your nipple back between his lips, teasing it with his tongue as he curls his fingers into you, thumbing your clit in small circles, motions smooth and calculated. for a long moment the only sounds in the bathroom are your heavy breathing, the sounds of his fingers moving in and out of you, and the soft moans emanating from his lips around your tit in his mouth.
"gator," you whisper, and he hums to ask what you need, switching to your other breast and resuming the ministrations with his lips, his tongue; he barely plays with this one, trailing the very tip of his tongue over your peaked nipple, looking up at you as he mouths at your breast. "gonna—gonna come."
he doesn't respond—he can't, with his mouth so occupied—but you see the way his eyes lock onto yours, lit up with desire, and he pulls away only to straighten up, to press his forehead against yours, and to look right into your eyes as he keeps his hand working between your legs. his free hand moves to your chest as he smooths his thumb over your nipple, rubbing it in a circle much the same as he was doing to your clit, and your hips kick against his hand as you feel the first coil of tension begin to snap inside of you.
"g-gator," you stammer, breathing even heavier now, your exhalations warm against his lips, but he only smirks, ducking his chin down just enough that the end of his nose brushes yours, his lips barely drag against yours, not even close to the kiss you want from him, but he keeps his eyes boring cleanly into yours as you come apart before him. "please."
"i'm givin' it to ya, mama," he says, fucking into you with his fingers a bit more firmly, your walls clenching down on him as he curls them up, pressing into your front wall. "don't tell me ya want more?"
"want more," you say, nodding, tipping your chin up to try and meet his lips but he dodges you, smirking. "fuck, come on."
"ooh, watch that language," he admonishes you, laughing as you're struggling to keep your composure.
"you curse like a—a sailor," you retort, but there's no venom in it; it's all quivering syllables and weak words. he teases entrance with a third finger and it's all over for you. "oh my g-god—"
gator hums in appreciation as he palms your breast, feeling you up as you come on his hand, fingers deep inside you, working into your tight heat as your walls flutter around him. as your eyes slip closed, as your lips part with the loud moan you utter, he finally kisses you, drinking in each sound you give him, until his lips are the only part of him that's touching you, both of his hands withdrawn and you hear the metallic clinking of his belt being undone, the low rasp of his zipper, and then the blunt head of his cock is pressing against your thigh and you scooch yourself forward, almost off the bathroom counter. it takes no work at all for him to sink inside of you, and your arms come to wrap around his shoulders as you cling to him, a shaky mess, aftershocks wracking you and feeling even more intense as you have him inside of you, your pussy clinging to him, trying to suck him in, pull him in deep, all the way, until he's fully seated.
he doesn't even need to move right away—your body is doing the work for him, cunt wrapping tight around him, squeezing down, milking it from him already and then he does start to move and you're holding onto him even tighter.
gator's hands start on your hips but slowly move up, back to your chest, arguably his favorite part of you—he's fucking insatiable, and he pinches your nipples between his thumb and forefinger on each hand, tugging at them as you fuck yourself onto his cock, using your arms around his shoulders as the leverage to do it. he stands there, braced against you and the sink, letting you move yourself onto his length, his cock filling you up each time you rise off of him and then sink right back down.
your lips still haven't left his—he's kissing you, wanton and desperate, and you're taking it, taking everything he's giving you because you want it too. you can never get enough of him either, and so you hold yourself against him, one hand across the back of his shoulders, the other moving to curl into his hair again, as you break the kiss, let your lips drag across his cheek to his ear, and finally ask for what you want, what you know he wants to give you.
"harder," you say, and that's all he needs. he snaps his hips against yours and your body opens up for him, legs splaying out even wider, his hips slapping against your thighs, pussy taking him in as he pistons into you, cock hard and thick and spreading you open on him. your arms remain wrapped tight around him, holding onto him as he continues to flick his thumbs over your nipples, the pebbled skin so overstimulated that there's just a pinch of pain with your pleasure and that helps build you to your second peak. it's coming, and you know gator's got to be close too because of the little grunts and groans he's making. he's panting in your ear, hands at your chest, your arousal dripping down your thighs, down his length, wetting both your front and his as he fucks you with abandon, and then finally, finally—you finish again, soaking his cock, the slide into and out of you so goddamn easy.
"fuckin' perfect," gator mumbles, his nose pressing into your cheek, lips tickling your jaw as he speaks. "perfect lil' mama, ain't ya?" his voice breaks as you feel him come inside of you, deep, hips still moving, fucking his load back into you over and over.
"uh huh," you reply absently, because your head is swimming—your cunt is even wetter now, filled up with his cock and his come as he keeps grinding into you, not wanting to pull out, just wanting to feel you from inside, drenched in come, yours and his both.
slowly, he slides his hands off your tits and moves them to your back, holding you while still inside you, and your arms remain wrapped around him too, holding him right back; the pair of you closer than close.
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Summary: When you go to your friends' wedding in hope that you can finally tell Joe about your feelings towards him, you're hit with a shock that changes your entire relationship.
The wedding reception was exactly the kind of event people would talk about for years afterwards, it was beautiful. Fairy lights hung from trees, music drifted across the huge garden from somewhere beneath a white marquee, mixing with laughter, clinking of glasses, and the distant sizzle of food from the street trucks lining the edge of the venue. The summer evening was warm and the scent of fresh flowers and expensive perfume seemed to linger in the air.
You smoothed your hands down your dress for what had to be the tenth time. Green and white floral silk flowed around your legs, the fabric catching the sun every time you moved, some areas of your chest being more exposed than others. It hugged in all the right places without being too obvious about it. Hopefully.
Your hair had taken nearly two hour, your makeup even longer. You had outdone yourself. Not for the wedding, for him. After years of stealing glances, late night phone calls, movie marathons that looked suspiciously like dates, and every single one of your friends insisting that whatever existed between you and Joe was getting out of hand, you'd finally decided enough was enough. You were getting older, Joe was getting older and if you didn't tell him how you felt soon, you might lose your mind, or watch him fall in love with someone else. Neither option sounded appealing.
You arrived, congratulated the bride and groom, accepted a glass of champagne from a passing waiter, and made polite conversation for approximately ten minutes before your eyes started searching the crowd for Joe. You spotted a few familiar faces whether they were friends from college, friends from mutual friend groups, the bride's family, but still no Joe. A little knot of disappointment settled in your stomach.
"Looking for someone?" You turned to find Mia grinning into her drink.
"No"
Her grin widened, "Joe's running late. He texted Dean".
You rolled your eyes, "I wasn't looking for Joe"
"Sure you wasn't. You've only checked every corner of this garden three times".
"I have not"
"You really have" Mia laughed, "Just tell him tonight, it's kind of the perfect place to do so. Plus how hot you look is a benefit".
You took a large sip of champagne as the words landed harder than you'd expected because that was the plan. Tonight. No more waiting or pretending, no more letting him casually put his arm around your shoulders while you internally melted.
"Oh my god, you're actually going to do it. You planned to do it tonight didn't you?"
"I'm thinking about it"
"You've been thinking about it since 2019" Before you could respond, a small group of people laughing near the entrance caught several people's attention. Heads turned and Mia's grin suddenly became unbearable. "And speaking of the devil..."
Your heart stopped. You turned and there he was, walking through the garden entrance with his hands shoved into the pockets of a cream coloured suit jacket he'd already abandoned halfway, the sun catching the edges of his dyed blonde hair, he looked insane. He laughed at something someone said to him, head tipping back slightly, then when he came back into the crowd, you watched his eyes sweep across the crowd, looking and finding you immediately. His smile changed, and you noticed it instantly. The polite smile he'd been giving everyone else disappeared with a real one taking its place. The kind that's reserved for you only.
Joe started walking towards you with his gaze never leaving yours. The closer he got, the more he could properly take you in. His eyes dropped briefly from your face down to your dress and back up again. The look that crossed his face was impossible to miss.
"Wow" Joe smiled as he pulled up to you, "You look...". For once in his life, Joe seemed genuinely speechless, and that might have been the most confidence you'd felt in all your life, "...wow" he finished.
You laughed softly, "That's a terrible compliment".
"I know" He was still staring, "I don't care" His eyes met yours again snd suddenly the noisy garden around you seemed very, very far away, "You seriously look incredible".
Your carefully prepared speech about confessing your feelings tonight completely vanished from your brain because all you could think was how hard it's going to be. Joe had barely finished complimenting you when a woman's voice cut through the moment, "Oh my god, there you are!"
You looked over to your left, a woman around your age was making her way across the grass, balancing a cocktail in one and her bag under the other arm lodged beside her. "The bathroom situation here is a nightmare" she said with a laugh, "I swear I walked around this place for twenty minutes before someone finally pointed me in the right direction". Then she reached Joe, and without hesitation, she moved her cocktail to the other hand and slipped her arm through his like she'd done it a hundred times before.
The smile on your face froze, Joe blinked "Oh, right".
The woman turned to you, cheerful and completely oblivious to the sudden ringing in your ears, "Hi. I'm Sophie".
You forced yourself to smile, introducing yourself back, "Nice to meet you".
"You too!" Her grip on Joe's arm tightened slightly as she leaned against him. The movement made something unpleasant twist inside your chest. You glanced at Joe, suddenly looking strangely uncomfortable and awkward. Not enough for her to stop but enough for you to notice. Trying to keep your voice casual, you asked, "So, how do you two know each other?".
Sophie answered before Joe could open his mouth, "Oh, we've been talking for a while".
Your stomach dropped, "A while?"
"Yeah" She smiled brightly.
Joe told you everything, or at least, you'd thought he did. You knew about his bad auditions, his family drama, the random songs he recorded at three in the morning, that he hated mushrooms, he still slept with a fan on even in winter. You knew everything so who the hell was she?
"And" Sophie continued, completely unaware she was crushing your heart beneath her expensive heels, "I'm his date tonight".
Silence. You genuinely wondered if she'd said something else afterward, mouth slightly ajar as you stared at Joe wondering what the hell was happening right now. As your eyes locked to his, he wasn't looking at Sophie, he was looking at you as though he was awaiting a reaction, kind of like he knew exactly how much that word had just hurt.
You forced out a laugh, "Oh". Smooth. Very smooth.
Joe opened his mouth, "Sophie is-"
But she kept talking, "When he invited me, I was so excited. Weddings are my favorite".
Invited me. Your chest tightened because the last conversation you'd had with Joe about tonight replayed instantly. You sat on his sofa, 1am, just chatting. You agreed on no dates, get drunk, eat way too much food, dance badly and have fun with no pressure about having a plus one around. You were going to enjoy it together, that was the plan. The plan you'd been clinging to for weeks while working up the courage to finally tell him how you felt and apparently he'd invited somebody else anyway without mentioning it, her or anything.
You swallowed, he champagne suddenly tasting bitter. "Well" you managed, "That's... nice".
Joe's expression immediately tightened because he knew you too well. Enough to hear every lie hidden behind those two words. Sophie glanced between you both thankfully missing the tension entirely, "I think I'm going to grab another drink".
"Good idea" Joe said quickly.
The moment she walked away, his eyes snapped back to yours, "Hey".
You smiled, or attempted to "Don't. I'm fine".
"You're not fine"
"I'm fine, Joe"
"You're upset"
You laughed softly. Not because anything was funny because if you didn't laugh, you might cry, "And why would I be upset?".
Joe stared at you and you stared right back because you weren't about to tell him. Not now.
Not after finding out he brought a date and definitely not after spending weeks planning a confession that now felt embarrassing.
You looked away first, "Honestly" you said quietly, "I just didn't realise we were bringing people. Not after we last spoke".
Joe's face fell, he looked genuinely worried, "That's not-".
But you were already taking a step backward, "I need to grab another drink".
"Wait"
You shook your head, "Have fun with your date, Joe".
The words hurt more than you expected, especially because his expression immediately twisted like you'd slapped him but you couldn't stay there. Not while your chest felt like it was caving in, not while the future you'd imagined all evening shattered piece by piece in front of you, so you turned around and walked straight towards one of the bars. Completely missing the way Joe stood frozen behind you, or the way he immediately looked over at Sophie with an expression that could only be described as absolute panic.
You didn't stop walking until you reached the bar. The cool glass pressed against your palm as the bartender handed over your drink, but it did nothing to settle the knot twisting in your stomach. A date. Joe had brought a date after agreeing not to.
You took a long drink, then another, and another, "You're going to regret that tomorrow".
You closed your eyes. Of course he'd followed you.
Turning around, you found Joe standing there, hands shoved into his pockets. "What do you want Joe?".
His eyebrows lifted, "What do I want? I came to check on you. Thought we was coming here to have fun"
You laughed, "Well, I'm fine"
"No, you're not"
"I'm perfectly fine"
"You're acting weird"
That annoyed you more than it should have. Weird? You were acting weird? Joe had turned up with a mystery woman on his arm and somehow you were the problem.
You stared at him, "We agreed no plus ones. We was coming with each other".
"Oh my god" His head tilted back dramatically.
"What?"
"That's what this is about?"
"Whatever. It's not a big deal"
Joe's expression hardened, "What?"
"Nothing"
"No, seriously"
"You don't think it's weird?"
"What's weird?"
"That we've spoken about this wedding for months. Since we got the invite"
Joe folded his arms, "So?"
"So you never even mentioned her non wedding talk and now she's your plus one?"
His face scrunched in confusion, "Sophie?"
"Obviously Sophie"
"What about her?"
You just stared because he genuinely didn't seem to understand. "You've apparently been talking to her for months?"
"Yeah?"
"And she's your date"
"Yeah..."
"And you never thought to mention her?"
Joe blinked, "Why would I?"
The answer hit you like a slap in the face. Not because he meant it badly but because he genuinely meant it. Why would I? Because apparently she wasn't important enough to mention, or maybe because you weren't important enough to tell. You suddenly felt stupid.
Joe watched your expression change, "What?"
"Nothing"
"There you go again"
"I'm not doing anything"
"You are" His voice sharpened slightly, "You've been acting strange since she got here".
You stared at him for a second waiting for him to understand. Waiting for him to connect literally any of the dots, but he didn't. Instead he looked annoyed as though you were creating drama over nothing.
Something inside you finally snapped, "You know what? Forget it. I'm going to go find our friends"
You stepped around him and Joe immediately followed, "No, don't do that".
"Do what?"
"This"
"This what?"
"Whatever this is"
You laughed, "Trust me, Joe. You don't want to know"
"What does that mean?"
"It means enjoy your date"
You turned away, walking away from him.
"Seriously?" You ignored him. "You're just walking away?"
"Yep"
"What is your problem?"
That one hurt more than it should have, because if he had to ask, then there was no point telling him. You looked over your shoulder, "For someone who's known me this long and spend pretty much everyday with each other, it's amazing how little you notice" Then you left him standing there.
By the time you found Mia and the rest of your friends, you'd already decided one thing. You weren't telling Joe anything. Not tonight, maybe not ever, because apparently the two of you weren't as close as you'd thought.
Mia spotted you immediately, "Oh no. What's wrong? Did you-"
"No and I'm not going to"
She handed you a mozzarella stick from one of the food trucks. You accepted it gratefully.
"Tell me everything right now" she said, pulling you away from the main group. Mia was the only one who knew about your little secret crush on Joe. She'd tried to help it happen on several occasions but none of them successful.
You took a bite first. Mostly because if you started talking immediately, you might scream, but then you explained the whole thing. Sophie, talking for months, being his date, the argument, the walking away. By the time you finished, Mia looked horrified, "Wait...He brought a date?"
"Apparently so"
"Even though you agreed to pretty much be each other's dates?"
"Yep"
"And they've been talking for months?"
"According to her"
Mia looked around the garden as though searching for him, "Oh, he's an idiot".
You pointed your drink at her, "Thank you".
"No, seriously" She shook her head, "He's an actual idiot. Look at you!"
You laughed despite yourself, "Well, it doesn't matter anymore"
"It does"
"No" You took another sip, "It doesn't".
Mia narrowed her eyes, "You were going to tell him tonight"
You looked away. The fairy lights overhead blurred slightly, probably from the alcohol. Definitely not from disappointment or the tears in your eyes, "Not anymore".
"Why?"
The answer came easier than expected because now that you'd said it aloud, it sounded obvious, "Because clearly we don't tell each other everything" You continued before she could interrupt, "I thought we did. I thought we were best friends but apparently he's been talking to some woman for months and bringing her to weddings and never mentioned any of it".
Across the garden, you could just about see Joe standing beside Sophie and talking to a group of people looking completely normal like your entire world hadn't tilted sideways.
You looked away immediately, "If that's the kind of stuff he doesn't tell me" you said quietly, "Then maybe I don't know him as well as I thought".
Mia was silent for a moment before she squeezed your arm, "What are you going to do?"
You looked down at your drink, then at the dance floor, then at the crowded garden full of people celebrating. "I'm going to eat, I'm going to drink, and I'm going to have a good time. No boys allowed".
"You deserve that"
You forced a smile back at Mia. This wedding wasn't about Joe, or your feelings, or what could have been. It was celebrating your friend and her now husband. So you grabbed another snack from a passing server, linked arms with Mia, and headed toward the dance floor. If your heart was quietly breaking somewhere inside your chest, nobody needed to know.
The alcohol helped. Not enough but enough to blur the sharpest edges and feelings still there. You danced with your friends, you sang songs you barely knew, you ate far too many bao buns from one of the food trucks and let Mia drag you into photos you knew would look terrible tomorrow. For a little while, you almost forgot you had planned to do each of this mode exact plans with him. Every so often when he came back into your head, you'd look across the garden at him, laughing, talking, standing beside Sophie. Once you caught him looking at you but you looked away first. The second time, you pretended not to notice and the third time, Mia physically turned your head, "Stop doing that".
"Doing what?"
"Checking where he is"
"I wasn't"
"You're a terrible liar"
You sighed into your drink. The sky had darkened now, the fairy lights overhead becoming brighter as the evening settled around them. The reception was in full swing, rveryone seemed happy. Everyone except you. As much as the alcohol did help, part of it all also made it feel raw, and like you was dwelling on it too much to enjoy yourself.
"Maybe I should leave"
Mia immediately frowned, "No"
"I've done the wedding part"
"You've done the sulking part"
"I'm not sulking"
"You are and you know it"
You opened your mouth, then closed it because unfortunately she was right. You were sulking, and heartbroken, and embarrassed. Most of all embarrassed. You'd spent weeks imagining tonight, building up the courage to finally tell Joe how you felt. Thinking maybe all those moments between you had meant something but apparently you'd imagined all of it. Or maybe you hadn't, maybe it had meant something just not enough, not enough for him to choose you.
A lump formed in your throat but you swallowed it down with another mouthful of wine.
"Hey" You looked up, one of your friends had joined you and Mia at the side, "Dance floor. Now" and before you could argue, you were being dragged away.
An hour later, your feet hurt, your makeup probably looked awful and you were sitting on a wooden bench near the edge of the garden feeling sorry for yourself. Pathetic. The worst part was how much you missed him. Normally he'd be sitting beside you, stealing your food, making fun of your dancing, talking absolute nonsense. Instead there was an empty space where he should've been and a woman filling it somewhere else.
"You've been avoiding me".
Your stomach dropped. "Have I?"
"Yes"
"Don't think so"
"Yes" He sounded tired now.
You kept your eyes down booking at him made you forget why you were angry and made you remember why you loved him. The bench shifted slightly as he sat down, close enough to feel his shoulder next to yours
"You've ignored every text I've sent you"
You hadn't even looked at them, "Sorry. I've not checked my phone"
"You walked away from me"
"Sorry"
"You're not sorry"
"No, I'm not"
A humourless laugh escaped him.
Silence stretched between you, it was heavy and uncomfortable. You hated it because you and Joe had never struggled to talk before. Every conversation had always been effortless now every word thought and spoke felt like work.
"Did I do something to you?"
The question nearly broke you because he sounded genuinely confused like he truly didn't know even though you mentioned earlier about the rules and plans you had in place. You looked down at your hands, the empty glass in your hands, "No"
Joe sighed, "Stop saying that and tell me the truth"
"It's the truth"
"No, it isn't" His voice softened, "Look at me" You didn't, "Please".
You squeezed your eyes shut for a second before finally turning toward him. The concern on his face immediately made things worse.
Your best friend, the person you loved, looking at you like he cared. He did care, just not in the way you wanted. That was the tragedy of it.
Joe studied your face, till his expression shifted. Something clicking into place, "Wait"
You immediately looked away again. Too late. He'd noticed.
"Oh"
Your chest tightened, "What?"
A horrible realisation crossed his face. His jaw flexed and he glanced across the garden towards Sophie, then back at you. The colour draining from his face, "You're upset because of Sophie".
You laughed. He tried. He got part of the problem.
"Congratulations"
"No" He shook his head. Across the garden, Sophie was looking around searching for him.
The sight made something crack inside you. You stood up, and took a step back, followed by another step, putting distance between yourself and the one person you'd never wanted distance from.
"Go back to her, Joe" You forced a smile that felt nothing like one, "Seriously. Just... go back to her".
And for the first time since you'd met him, Joe looked completely lost as you walked away from him.
You did exactly what you'd promised yourself. You went back to your friends, smiled when you didn't want to, danced when your chest felt hollow and you let the bride pull you into a spinning circle of drunken bridesmaids and old friends, all of you laughing as the music got louder and the drinks kept flowing.
For a while, it worked. Not perfectly, but enough.
Enough that you could forget about Joe for a few songs and that you could almost convince yourself this was just another wedding. Not the night you'd planned on changing your life.
The reception shifted into that late night phase where everyone was tipsy, emotional, and far too affectionate. People were crying over speeches they'd already heard. Strangers were becoming best friends in bar queues. The dance floor was packed, and when the DJ finally announced the bride and groom's first dance, everyone gathered around them. A large circle formed beneath the lights and the newlyweds swayed together in the centre while everyone watched.
You stood near the back with a drink in hand trying very hard not to think. Then your eyes wandered and there he was on the opposite side of the circle standing beside Sophie with one arm loosely around the back of her waist and a drink in his other hand. His eyes already on you like he'd been waiting for you to notice. Your stomach twisted, unsure if it was the alcohol or the feelings, and immediately looked away.
A while later, after another drink and several failed attempts to escape Mia's interrogation, you headed toward the bathrooms set up near the back of the venue. The walk there felt longer than it should have. Everything felt slightly softer around the edges now from the alcohol, the music, emotions.
You emerged a few minutes later, pushing open the door and jumped out of your skin as you saw a figure leaning against the wall to your left, waiting. The warm buzz in your system immediately soured noticing it was Joe. He straightened when he saw you and said your name quietly. You stopped with several feet between you, "What do you want?" The words came out sharper than intended.
Joe's jaw tightened, "We need to talk"
"No, we don't"
"Yes, we do"
You laughed, "No, Joe. We really don't".
He stepped forward and you stayed where you were. The music from the garden carried faintly through the night air, distant enough that nobody would hear this conversation but close enough that neither of you could leave entirely.
"Can you stop doing that?" he asked.
"Doing what?"
"Acting like I've done something so awful you can't even look at me"
You stared at him for a moment, then laughed, "Seriously?"
"What?"
"That's what you think this is?"
"I don't know what this is! That's the problem!" His frustration was becoming obvious now. The same frustration you'd seen building all evening, "You won't talk to me"
"Because I don't want to right now"
"Why?"
You shook your head? "Oh my god, you genuinely don't get it"
"No, I don't" His voice rose slightly, "Because you've spent the entire night acting like I'm the bad guy and I have no idea why".
You scoffed and Joe stared at you. The alcohol stripped away the last bit of patience you had left.
"Fine"
"Fine"
"You want to know?"
"Yes"
"You brought a date Joe"
His face immediately hardenedc "Not this again"
"Oh, we're absolutely doing this again"
"She's my date"
"Exactly!"
"And?"
You blinked, "And?" Your mouth actually fell open, "Are you kidding me?".
"What?"
"We promised. We made a plan"
His eyebrows furrowed, "Promised what?"
"No plus ones. We was coming with each other"
Joe threw his hands in the air, "So you're upset with me because I came with somebody else? You're jealous?" His jaw clenched. The silence sat between them for a while, before he quietly said "This isn't about all about Sophie, is it?".
You looked away. That was answer enough. Joe exhaled heavily, ahand dragging across his face, and when he spoke again, his voice was lower "What is it?".
You laughed, "Seriously?"
"I'm sick of all this skipping around the point, just tell me!"
The man somehow still had absolutely no clue.
Something broke inside of you, not loud but enough to stop protecting yourself now. "Do you know how stupid I've felt tonight?" You continued before he could interrupt when you notice his expression change, "I spent weeks working up the courage to tell you something. I spent all morning convincing myself I was finally going to do it tonight after holding it in for so long". Your eyes started to burn, you didn't want to cry. "And then I arrive and find out you've brought a woman you've apparently been talking to for months"
Now that you'd started, you couldn't stop, "Months, Joe. Months. You never mentioned her".
His face was unreadable, "I didn't think-"
"No" You pointed at him, "No. I am so tired of hearing that. You didn't think". The hurt was pouring out now, years of it. "I thought we told each other everything. I thought I was the first person you'd tell. I thought we were best friends".
"We are"
You swallowed, "Doesn't feel like it. Not after today"
That one hurt him and you saw it in the way his face changed and shoulders dropped. "You know what's embarrassing? I wasn't even angry because you brought a date. I was angry because it wasn't me".
Joe just stared at you like he'd forgotten how to breathe. Suddenly every ounce of liquid courage vanished because there it was out in the open with no taking it back.
Your eyes filled despite your best efforts, "Congratulations. You now know". Then you stepped around him because if you stayed another second, you were genuinely going to cry and you refused to do that in front of him.
But before you could get more than a few feet away, "Don't" His voice cracked.
You stopped, but didn't turn around. Behind you, Joe sounded just as emotional as you felt and somehow that made everything worse because for the first time all night, neither of you were arguing anymore. You were just two people standing in the dark, hurting and sharing emotions.
You stood there with your back to him listening to the music drifting from the marquee and small bursts of laughter.
"You should've told me."
You laughed bitterly and slowly turned around.
Joe immediately looked like he regretted saying it.
"I should've told you?"
"That's not what I meant"
"No?"
"You know that's not what I meant"
You shook your head, "Actually, I don't".
His hands dragged through his hair. The alcohol was clearly getting to him too now, enough to make him honest too.
"I would've wanted to know"
"Why?"
Why? Why would he have wanted to know? Why would it matter? He had Sophie. He'd chosen Sophie. He was here with Sophie. You could still picture her hand linked through his arm, still picture her smiling as she called herself his date.
Nothing left his lips.
"Exactly" You nodded, "That's what I thought".
You turned again and Joe stepped forward immediately, "No". His voice was sharper this time, "Stop doing that".
"Doing what?"
"Walking away"
You looked back, "I don't know what else you want me to do".
For the first time all night, Joe looked genuinely angry, "I want you to stop acting like this doesn't matter".
You stared, "What?"
His eyes were glassy now, whether from alcohol or emotion, you couldn't tell. "You're supposed to be my best friend". Joe pointed vaguely between the two of you. "This matters".
"Then why does it feel like it doesn't?" You took a shaky breath, "I love you Joe". Saying it aloud still felt surreal, "I've loved you for years". His eyes closed briefly like hearing it physically hurt, "And tonight I found out you've been seeing someone".
"I'm not-"
"You brought her here. She's your date".
"Yeah..."
You laughed, "You know what the worst part is?". Joe didn't answer. You continued anyway, "The worst part isn't that it seems like you don't love me back. I spent all these years thinking we told each other everything. I thought you felt the same way and didn't know how to say it either. I clearly couldn't have been more wrong".
Joe looked away, "That's not.."
For a moment further, he said nothing else, till quietly, "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd hate her".
"What?"
Joe looked exhausted, "I knew you'd hate her"
You stared, "Why would I hate her?"
He laughed, "Look at tonight"
"Tonight happened because she's your girlfriend and you didn't tell me"
"She's not my girlfriend"
You blinked, "What?"
Joe rubbed both hands over his face, "Sophie's not my girlfriend".
You frowned, "She called herself your date. You've been talking for a while"
"Just my date" The frustration in his voice returned, "We've gone on a few dates". Your stomach twisted and Joe immediately noticed, "See?" His hands lifted, "That's exactly why!".
"What?" You were confused to say the least.
Joe looked absolutely sick all of a sudden, like something inside of him switched on, "You think I didn't tell you because you weren't important enough". Joe shook his head slowly, "No. You were the reason I didn't tell you".
Silence. The music in the distance shifted to another song. Somewhere nearby, people cheered. The wedding continued. Unaware that your entire world had just tilted again.
"What are you talking about?"
Joe looked down, "I tried moving on. I met Sophie".
Your breath caught.
"She's lovely" A sad smile touched his face, "That's kind of the problem. I met someone who was lovely". His voice cracked slightly, "And every time something good happened, I wanted to tell you first. I went on dates and spent the whole time comparing them to you".
Joe looked away, "I hated myself for it. You were always there. In every stupid conversation and I got tired".
"Tired of what?"
Joe met your gaze, "Loving someone who never said anything. Who I thought didn't feel the same"
The words knocked the air from your lungs. Neither of you spoke, neither of you moved, neither of you knew what would happened next.
Across the lawn, beneath the music, lights and celebration, Sophie was still waiting for Joe yet standing in front you was Joe, looking at you like he wished things had happened differently, like maybe he wished he'd never brought her at all which somehow hurt even more.
You stared at Joe. The man you'd spent years imagining a future with. The man you'd built a thousand what-ifs around. And somehow, after all this time, after all the missed opportunities and terrible timing and assumptions, you had finally arrived at the truth. It was too late.
The cruel thing wasn't that he didn't love you, it was that he did, or had. Maybe some part of him still did, but life hadn't waited for either of you to figure feelings out.
A few tears slipped down your cheeks, you didn't bother hiding them anymore. Joe looked just as wrecked.
"I didn't know" you whispered. "If I'd known, or stop being such a coward-"
"Don't do that please, we both didn't know" Joe looked away first, towards the wedding and everyone there. At Sophie, still standing with a group of people occassionally glancing around for him. He sighed heavily, "I never thought you'd feel the same".
You smiled sadly, "I thought it was obvious. Everyone around us always mentioned things. I was just too scared to ruin everything"
That actually made him laugh, "Obvious to who?"
"Literally everyone"
"Not me"
"Well clearly"
For the first time all night, the tension eased slightly. Just enough for the two of you to see the absurdity of it all.
"Mia's been trying to get us together for a long, long time" you laughed.
"She has?"
You nod. Thinking of all these years. Years of loving each other, friendship, opportunities. All lost because neither of you had been willing to risk the other.
Joe shook his head, "We're idiots then aren't we?"
You laughed through your tears, "Massive idiots".
But the smile faded as quickly as it came with reality settling back in, both looking equally as exhausted. Neither of you had anything left to say. There wasn't something magical that could happen now, this wasn't one of those stories where one of you would run after the other and risk everything. Sometimes timing mattered and sometimes people arrived at the truth after they'd already started walking down different paths.
You stepped closer. Not to kiss him or change his mind. Just close enough to hug him. Joe immediately wrapped his arms around you, holding on tightly like he was trying to memorise you. The two of you stood there beneath the fairy lights for a few seconds longer than friends probably should have, saying goodbye to something neither of you had ever really had.
When you finally pulled apart, both of your eyes were red. Joe gave a watery laugh, "This sucks".
You smiled, "It really does".
Neither of you mentioned the future. Neither of you promised anything. Some wounds needed time for things to be processed. Maybe one day you'd be able to be best friends again. Neither of you knew. But you did know one thing, that you finally told him and he finally told you. The truth wasn't what either of you had hoped for but somehow it still made the two of you seem lighter.
"I'm sorry, for it all" you finally said.
"Me too"
"...friends?"
"Wouldn't have it any other way"
"Who knows, maybe it's not our time" you smiled back at him.
"I'm hoping that's how it's going to go" Joe glanced toward the reception, then back at you, "I should go"
You nodded, "Yeah..."
He hesitated, like there was something else he wanted to say. Then eventually he smiled, the same smile that had made you fall in love with him all those years ago. "See you soon?"
You swallowed the lump in your throat, then smiled back. Why did it feel like a goodbye? "Yeah, see you soon".
He nodded once and turned. Walked back toward the lights, back toward the wedding and back towards Sophie. You watched him go until he disappeared into the crowd. You took a deep breath and wiped your cheeks.
The night carried on. People danced, people drank, the bride and groom laughed together beneath the stars, and somewhere in the middle of all that happiness, your heart hurt, but it would heal at some point whether that is with him as a friend, best friend or lover. Either way, for better or worse, you finally knew the answer.
Summary: When you wake up on your first wedding anniversary expecting a day to remember, it soon comes to a halt when your other half isn't there to celebrate.
The apartment was silent, too silent for what was about to be a day to remember. You woke with a smile already forming, instinctively reaching across the mattress toward Joe's side of the bed to greet him. Cold. Your eyes fluttered open, gazing over to his side "Joe?" you called sleepily. Nothing. You pushed yourself upright, glancing toward the bathroom, but empty. The closet door was open slightly, but there was no sign of him.
"Joe?" Still nothing. A small crease formed between your brows as you climbed out of bed and wandered through the apartment. Living room, kitchen, spare room, studio room. All empty.
The smile had faded by the time you returned to the bedroom and grabbed your phone from the nightstand to one notification.
J✨
Sent 4:03am
Got some studio ideas buzzing around in my head. Went out to electric lady instead of home, didn't want to wake you. See you later, i love you xx
That was it. No happy anniversary, no mention of today's date, nothing. You stared at the screen for a moment longer than necessary, maybe he was planning something, maybe he has being weirdly casual because he had a surprise planned for later. You swallowed your disappointment and set the phone down, he'd be home soon anyway. Surely.
By 10am, the kitchen looked exactly how you'd imagined it. The card you'd spent twenty minutes writing sat proudly on the island, his gift was wrapped beside it, the tiny recreation of your wedding cake sat waiting to be cut together, white balloons floated gently from the ceiling, polaroids from your wedding day were scattered across the counter. You'd spent weeks picking your favourites and printing them, Joe laughing during speeches, first dance, the two of you taking a moment outside during the evening. It was nice to remember a whole year ago.
It looked beautiful. Exactly how you pictured your anniversary going. You stood back, smiling at the display. He was going to love it.
By midday, he still wasn't home. No further texts or calls. You tried not to overthink it, he was working, he disappeared into music sometimes, and you loved that about him but today just felt different. Maybe it was because today wasn't just any day, it was your first anniversary. You can still imagine the moment in your head, as soon as you left the venue and finally it was just the two of you, he started crying, whispering "I can't believe you're my wife".
3pm, nothing.
6pm, nothing.
By 7pm, the excitement was gone. The balloons felt stupid, the cake sat untouched, gift still wrapped. You'd stopped checking the window every time a car door slammed outside because it was never him. You sat curled in the armchair with a book open on your lap but hadn't turned a page in nearly forty minutes. Your thoughts wouldn't stop, maybe he'd genuinely forgotten, the idea hurting more than you wanted to admit. The past few months you'd talked about starting a family, having kids, moving into a bigger place, the future, you'd even joked that this could be your last anniversary as just the two of you. Yet somehow here you were, alone, on your first wedding anniversary. Eating disappointment for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
At 8:30pm you ordered Thai takeout for yourself because what else were you supposed to do? The delivery driver even wished you a lovely evening, you nearly laughed. Instead you thanked him and closed the door. You ate on the sofa while some terrible romcom played in the background, the irony wasn't lost on you. Onscreen, some woman's husband had arranged an elaborate anniversary surprise, you rolled your eyes and shoved another bite of food into your mouth. Tears threatened, but you refused to let them fall, but by 10pm alone in the house, it was hard not too. You couldn't pretend anymore. You switched the TV off, the balloons swaying in the darkness as you walked past them, the cake still intact, his card laying exactly where you left it and the gift he had been eyeing up for months still wrapped. All the excitement you had when you woke up, gone. Just gone. The lump in your throat became impossible to ignore as you stared at one of the wedding photos laid on the counter, one of your favourites of Joe looking at you like nothing you'd ever seen before. Your eyes blurred by the second, filling with tears as they slipped down your cheek.
"Happy anniversary" you whispered bitterly to the empty apartment, voice cracking towards the end. That was what finally broke you, a sob escaping your mouth, filled with heartbreak. This wasn't how today was supposed to go. You were supposed to spend the day tangled together in bed after endless rounds of sex, or out exploring a new city, getting dressed up for dinner, or cutting cake and laughing over wedding memories, not sitting alone wondering why your husband hadn't even wished you a happy birthday.
By 11pm, exhaustion had finally won. You left everything exactly where it was. If Joe came home tonight, he could see it all for himself, see how much effort you'd put in, see what he'd missed. You climbed into bed alone, the same way you'd woken up except instead of the smile that was plastered on your face, now your chest hurt. You turned off the bedside lamp and curled on to your side, tears dampening the pillow as you stared at the empty space beside you, and as sleep finally began to pull you under, one thought echoed louder than all the others. How could he forget?
Sometime after midnight, you were pulled from an uneasy sleep by the sound of the front door closing and keys clanking together. Your eyes opened instantly, but you just laid still, staring into the darkness. He was finally home. You listened, the familiar sounds of him moving around the apartment floated down the hallway, keys dropped onto the counter, a cupboard opening, footsteps, then the rustle of something being moved followed by silence. "Fuck". The word echoed through the apartment as you squeezed your eyes shut. He's seen the evidence waiting for him on the side, your anniversary.
A tear slipped silently down your cheek again, but quickly wiping it away but another followed by another. This morning you convinced yourself there was a surprise, and that he was planning something romantic, or he'd walk through the door with flowers and apologise for disappearing all day, except he'd forgotten and only remembered because you'd left reminders scattered across the kitchen. The humiliation of the whole situation settled heavily in your chest. You turned onto your side and pulled the blanket tighter around yourself trying desperately to pretend you were asleep and trying desperately to stop crying.
Out in the apartment you could hear movement again but slower this time like he was standing there taking it all in. You imagined his face, reading the card, opening the gift you'd spent weeks hunting down because he mentioned wanting it months ago, your throat tightening. The bedroom door opened quietly, a thin strip of light from the hallway widening across the floor before disappearing again as the door eased shut followed by cautious footsteps. You could practically feel his eyes on you, but you kept yours closed.
"Babe?" His voice was soft in whisper, like he already knew.
You didn't answer. You wanted to continue pretending you was asleep, if you said something you'd start crying all over again. The mattress dipped slightly as he sat on the edge next to you, not speaking for a while as it was like he was thinking how he was going to do this, till his voice came again, "Are you awake?".
A fresh tear escaped despite your efforts to try remain asleep. Joe had finally realised what day it was and it was already over. You could hear him breathing in the quiet of the room, just sitting there with his eyes on you still. There wasn't really anything he could have said right now that would give you today back. Your first wedding anniversary had been and gone, and you'd spent it alone.
Eventually Joe let out a shaky exhale, "Babe..." His voice cracked slightly.
You squeezed your eyes shut tighter but the tears were still slipping out despite your best efforts, followed by a weep that left your lips. He knew you was awake now.
"I am such an idiot" The words came out quietly, "I forgot".
No excuses. No attempt to pretend otherwise. Truth, and hearing him say it out loud made your chest ache. A small sob escaped before you could stop it, your hand automatically covering your mouth.
The sound seemed to destroy him, "Oh, baby". You felt him move closer, not touching you just sitting nearer, like he wanted to reach for you but didn't think he'd earned it. "I actually forgot and I am so, so sorry. And I know sorry doesn't cut it".
You rolled onto your back and stared at the ceiling. Joe was sitting beside you, shoulders slumped, looking completely devastated. A laugh escaped you, the kind that comes right before properly crying, "I spent all day waiting for you to come home to me".
Joe immediately closed his eyes, seeing the pain flash across his face.
"I woke up thinking maybe you'd made plans for us. I thought maybe there'd be flowers".
His head dropped, "I got carried away..."
"Or breakfast, dinner" Another tear slid into your hairline, "Or literally anything".
Joe looked like he wanted the floor to swallow him whole, his eyes were fixed on the blanket. Unable to look at you or defend himself. You sat up slowly, back against the headboard, the movement making him finally look at you. He turned the bedside lamp on so he could see you a little better, your face blotchy from crying and his expression immediately crumpled, you had never seen guilt hit somebody so visibly.
"I printed photos" Your voice wobbled, "I got your gift weeks ago. I got the cake made the exact same from the same bakery". His eyes flickered shut and his shoulders sagged further. You looked away, suddenly unable to stand seeing how miserable he looked. Despite everything, you knew Joe. You knew he didn't have a cruel bone in his body, he loved you so so much and you knew if he remembered then none of this would have happened, but that almost made the entire situation harder because if somebody doesn't care, forgetting makes sense. Joe cared yet he forgot anyway.
He whispered, "What time did you wake up?"
You frowned, "What?"
"What time did you get up this morning?"
"About eight"
Joe nodded slowly, like he was calculating how long he had to remember, to text, to call and come home to his wife on their anniversary. "Fuck sake..." He dragged both hands down his face. "I saw the balloons, the cake, the photos, the card. Everything" His voice barely audible. "I don't think I've ever hated myself more" as a tear rolled down his cheek.
You wanted to stay angry, part of you was angry but hearing the genuine self loathing in his voice made something ache inside you. Joe wasn't sitting there trying to get out of trouble, he was sitting there looking like he'd broken his own heart too. After a long silence, he finally looked at you with glassy eyes, "I'm really sorry darling. I am so sorry".
You looked at him for a moment,at the exhaustion on his face, the regret, the shame. He hadn't come into the room with excuses ready, or talking his way out of this, the second he walked into the apartment and seen everything waiting for him, he understood there was nothing he could say that could fix this. Only that he had hurt you. Joe slowly reached for your hand, but he stopped halfway. Waiting and giving you the choice to pull away, but when you didn't, his fingers finally wrapped around yours. "I know I can't fix today" His voice broke, "But if you let me..." He swallowed hard, "I'll spend the rest of my life making sure I never make you feel like this again". And for the first time since he'd come home, you saw him sob like never before.