#lahuerta

It’s terrifying and beautiful. It’s exhilarating and passionate. It’s all of these at once. And all of these are currently the only ways in which she chooses to define it. The inevitable plummet. The fall of a lifetime. However, none of them paints it –  the whole picture, none of them truly defines what it means to fall in love with Jacob Lucas McKenzie.

But it’s as close as she’ll ever get.

They haven’t discussed it. The night they spent together before everything changed. The six months they’ve lost. The best friend she left behind. They don’t discuss any of it. How can they? Instead they’ve been stuck at the resort since coming back. Each of them more than a little uncertain on how to proceed. Where is he? Is he okay all on his own? Does he know that I miss him? There are too many questions and no answers.  There’s so much she still needed him for. But, they don’t know where to begin and together they’ve spent the last two days in a rut. Right now, that rut is all that keeps them sane; exchanging alcohol together and staring up at the midnight sky. They’re all still waiting to be rescued from this nightmare.

She tucks a stray hair behind her ear as she fumbles with the lid of liquor that has finally reached her. It’s her turn to take a gulp and she’s intent on drowning in her sorrows as the bottle shakes inside her grip, nearly cutting a finger when she yanks it open.

It makes the pop sound she expects but it doesn’t give her any satisfaction. She tilts her chin forward and quickly gulps the sickeningly sweet substance. Her eyes stare at the quiet stars above flickering in the distance as if they understood her own inner turmoil. She chugs it until her throat burns from effort and she reluctantly drags it away from her lips to cough.

Her other friends glance up quickly; alarm etched in most of their expressions but only one gaze in particular catches her attention. She breaks eye contact first and inhales sharply. Her lungs feel as if they’re on fire. She passes the bottle to the next person while covering her mouth.

“You okay, princess?” His voice is laced with concern and her eyes jerk towards the sound of his voice. Their eyes meet somewhere in the middle, and she feels it again. The feeling that she’s falling – falling far deeper than she thinks is possible. She looks away first, jaw clenching and unclenching.

No, I’m not okay. She wants snap the words at him and barely resists the temptation to. She utters a deep sigh and presses a hand to her temple. Drinking is supposed to dull her senses, not make her angry. She knows none of it is his fault, but without Diego to keep her stable – she feels as if her world is crumbling. She isn’t upset at Jake, not really. It’s herself she’s upset with. Diego is gone because she didn’t hang on. Diego is gone because she hadn’t tried hard enough. She can’t get the image out of her head – those bizarre people dragging him back, prying him away from her.

The guilt is beginning to eat away at her.

She leans forward nearly knocking into Sean in her attempt to interrupt the next person – Michelle; whisking away the bottle for another long swig before handing it back to her.

The alcohol doesn’t burn as much this time and she wipes the residue with the back of her hand. “Sorry.” She mutters after seeing the look of surprise on Michelle’s face. It promptly turns into worry, until she isn’t the only person looking at her anymore. Staring at her as if she’s some breakable object that they’re afraid to shatter. “I just…” She trails off. She doesn’t have anything to say, more importantly she doesn’t want to say anything.

Instead, she stands and makes vague excuses to leave. “I’m going for a walk.” She announces to no one in particular. She sees him standing out of the corner of her eyes, and her heart leaps.

“I’m coming with you.” The words are gruff, and said in a way in which she knows better than to argue otherwise.

“Fine.” She says stiffly, before turning on her heels. Her feet are impatient just to get away.

It doesn’t take them long for fair amount of distance to be between them and the group. They fall in quiet step together, neither of them speaking as their feet walk along the lowly-lit path of the resort.

Silence is slowly becoming her best friend. She thinks to this to herself.

She tries to keep her thoughts busy, but it proves difficult the further they walk. With each step, her mind stubbornly lingers on things it shouldn’t. They waver from Diego – to him, and then back to Diego. This incessant thinking continues until she grumbles out loud in frustration. She definitely needs more to drink.

She knows he’s heard her. It would be hard not to with how close they’re standing without touching. When he doesn’t speak, she finally grows impatient enough to sneak a glance at him.

His mouth is tense and yet he firmly remains quiet. When her eyes find his– they seem conflicted. They’re showing a lot more emotion than she’s accustom to seeing. “I’m not gonna say somethin’ stupid to give you false hope. That’s not what I do.”

She nods once. She doesn’t expect any differently.

“If Diego is out there somewhere – we’ll find him.” He says simply.

She knows he isn’t one for speeches and petty things to comfort her. But she feels the sincerity and depth behind his words. However, she just doesn’t know if it’s enough to keep the doubts away.

Her mind imprisons her with chilling thoughts – who knows what they could be doing to him? “Will we?” She utters the words so softly that she isn’t sure he hears her at first, not until he stops her with a firm grip around her waist.

She tries to avert her eyes from him and gasps in surprise when she feels his fingers tucking themselves underneath her chin.

He forces her to look at him. “Don’t think like that.” There’s an edge to his tone, “If Mike was the one out there – I’d never rest until I could find him.” She knows how hard it is for him to talk about him – even now, opening up to her isn’t something he takes lightly. It’s serious and spoke volumes of how much he trusts her. “I’d never give up until my eyes could see him, until my hands could touch him.” He exhales a haggard breath, “So just don’t – okay?”

She nods slowly at first. He’s right, of course he’s right. She should know better than to think the worst. This damned island has already proven the impossible – bend the rules of physics, so why shouldn’t they be able to pull off some crazy rescue mission? She nods again but he doesn’t release his fingers from under her chin until she answers him back. “Okay.” She whispers finally. He knows what she needs to hear even without her saying it. “Okay.” She says again, but stronger this time. Jake’s right – giving up isn’t even a conceivable option.

“Good.” Instead of stepping back, she watches with wide eyes as he tucks a stray hair behind her ear. “Besides, worry ain’t a good look on you princess.”

A smart retort is on her lips, a quick rebuttal to his often off-beat charm that usually causes strange flutters inside her chest. But she doesn’t get the chance. The smart retort is immediately forgotten as soon as he captures her lips, and her thoughts have finally gone quiet. Their only focus has shifted to his hot breath against hers, the smooth texture of his lips as they coax hers open. She doesn’t hesitate to kiss him back or run her fingers through his disheveled hair.

His tongue explores the inside of her mouth and his kisses makes her giddy, lightheaded. His strong arms splay across her back, making light circles that soothe her muscles.

When they finally come up for air again, her head is reeling from his ardent kisses. “Christ, Top Gun.” She whistles and he rewards her with a light chuckle. “You sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet.”

His response is nearly as fast. “Only when it’s a girl worth sweepin’.” He crowds her vision again, making it hard for her to focus on anything except the quiet yearning to touch him.

His eyes; the colour of the ocean’s floor seem to reverberate the sentiment within it’s intensity. The world wind of emotions that remain there are passionate, possessive, thrilling - scary. But most of all - dangerous. He’s dangerous for her heart.

She wants to look away but she can’t. His eyes don’t allow her to. They hold her rooted to this very spot and instead his haunting blues have echoed a question that she’s frightened of answering aloud. I’m falling so quickly and so deeply that I’m afraid I’ll never reach the surface again.

No, they don’t teach us that. And they certainly don’t teach us how to survive the fall.