#kovotojas

 three words. three words and allison stops in her tracks,    freezes like a  d e e r  . comically probably looks like one,    too; eyes wide, fingers at lips, mouth parted. she doesn’t        know what to do with herself, it’s been so long since,    since she’s felt anything for anyone. liking, loving, feeling;    it was all just static noise to her. she didn’t have the time.       yet here she was. with a few steps she can be out the       door, or back by his side. part of her wants to run, pack      up, and move. what happens if this doesn’t work? she’ll      be left with bruises on her heart, the kind that don’t heal.                             she likes him, she really likes him.      feather-light feet carry her back to him, mouth shy, eyes       even worse. allison curls her feet back under her, tucks         into his side on the couch, mouth even with his neck.     she breathes, staying quiet, fingers skating over his palm.

          ❝ i am not entirely sure if i understand              the      usefulness      of      this      device...

::        ◤⊕◢         ::

                         Somehow, he’s hit a frayed end of one vein.  Instead of bleeding,                          he’s turned into a razor of his own      it sits on his tongue, cold a-                          nd hard to accompany the pounding of his head.  Ally is the last                          person he would ever want to hurt.  Ever want to lash out against.                          But the tide takes him, and it’s too late for him to reach for shore.

                         It starts with I don’t want to talk      but she lingers like a gentle sil-                          ver shadow.  Feels like manicured nails tearing rivulets into his b-                          ack.  His hands tangle in his dark curls.  Latch and pull.

                                                  “      Leave me alone.  Haven’t you fucked with my                                                    head enough?”

                         Voice cracks on the end, because he regrets it already.  God, he’s                          so  t i r e d .

                                                          “I’m sorry.  Fuck me.  I’m such a fuck-up.”

                         He’s dangerously close to biting nail into the flesh of his temples.                          Feels like deja-vu.

                                  [ haventyoufuckedwithmyheadenough                                     haventyoufuckedwithmyheadenough                                     haventyoufuckedwithmyheadenough                                     haventyouhaventyouhaventyou—— ] She can't breathe. This wasn't what she wanted, no,       no, please no, anything but this. Anything but realizing       exactly how this was all her fault, how if he never met       her, there'd be no rip in his mind, he'd never have felt       this pain. He'd never had to have dealt with this. He'd       be okay. He'd be closed off but he'd be better than he       was right fucking now, going crazy in his own skin.        Allison can't. Understand what happened. She pushed        him, she did. Just a little, it was only a little, but she—-       she shouldn't have done that. She fucked up, she really       fucked up this time. Leave him alone. He wants her to       leave him the fuck alone.