Tackling Only-ness in Your Workplace: An Honest How To
Preliminary note on what “only” means in this sense: the only black person, the only woman, the only latinx person, the only openly gender non conforming person, the only neuro-diverse person, as in the only of any group traditionally marginalized and over looked in tech.
Dear engineering and IT mangers, co-workers, workplace allies, etc,
We the "only's" are tired. Tired of so blatantly standing out, but also tired of being overlooked. Tired of being the go-to person for questions related to our culture or background, but not when it comes to projects or technical contributions. Tired of not having our cultures or backgrounds represented throughout the company or team. Tired of asking ourselves the questions "Is it because I'm ....?" and "How much longer am I going to put up with this?" We're tired, and you're losing us a lot quicker than you're willing to do the work to replace us. So let's get real, here are some ways you can better support, appreciate, and amplify the "only's" on your team: 1. Don't let us remain the only for too long. Although this is really an HR/Hiring problem at it's root, we probably have contacts with similar backgrounds and skills that would also make great contributions to the org/team/project. Respectfully ask if we do, and actually consider the candidates we recommend. Not every job needs a degree or even one from a well known school.
2. For managers/leaders, make an effort to gauge our experiences in an open and candid manner. It can be very difficult for "only's" to share our true feelings about our job and responsibilities with our managers. Build this relationship, make sure your employees can talk to you about their experiences, good and bad, without the feeling that you're rushing to judgement.
3. Follow up to 2, don't automatically take offense to what we say. Keep in mind, our experiences look very different because of our "only" status. Some people may talk to/treat us differently because of it and when we share these moments with you, we are looking for support. We are looking for someone else to see and acknowledge that this is an issue and it needs to be dealt with.
4. Take our suggestions seriously. Examine them and ask us questions if you have concerns. When hiring, your org/team/project was looking for someone to contribute and that's what we're trying to do. Don't dismiss our ideas without consideration. Our "only"-ness allows us to notice things that a more homogenous team may overlook or not even think of in the first place.
5. Invite us into the conversation. For some of us, we don't need help to jump in and contribute to the discussion, but for others it's the complete opposite. If you notice we haven't shared our opinions or contributed to the conversation at all, respectfully invite us in, and don't interrupt us if we're trying to make a point.
6. Give credit where it's due. If we're doing remarkable work, commend us publicly for it. It helps to raise our profile throughout the team and among other employees.
We, the "only's", chose your company, org, team, or project for a reason. All of us would hate for that reason and the accompanying productivity it drives, to die out over toxic, non-inclusive work culture. We the "onlys" aren't asking for special treatment by any means. We just want the same considerations as everyone else on the team. The burden of creating a more inclusive work place should not reside on the employees doing everything they can to survive a system not built for them in the first place. This burden will be dismantled with a commitment to practice inclusion at every opportunity. It takes work, but it's work anyone can do.
