Storytime of me at the cow olympics
Here's the thing nobody tells you about being a cow at the Olympics: the Speedo situation is really uncomfortable.
I look down at the water. It's very far down. Lance gives me a thumbs up. Keith is on his phone, probably texting Shiro "SEND HELP" in all caps.
I take a deep breath (do cows breathe before diving? I'm making this up as I go) and jump.
For a brief, beautiful moment, I am majestic. I am graceful. I am—
I am a cow doing a belly flop.
Well, the splash is ENORMOUS. I displace approximately 75% of the pool water. The judges are soaked. Keith is also soaked, even though he was sitting in the "splash zone free" section.
I surface to see Lance doing a little dance. "DID YOU SEE THAT?! THAT'S MY GIRL! 10s ACROSS THE BOARD!"
Keith, dripping wet: "Lance, those aren't 10s. Those are the judges holding up their hotel room numbers to call security."
But you know what? I had fun. And that's what counts.
Also, Lance already signed me up for Rhythmic Gymnastics next.
Keith is no longer answering Lance's calls. (at least not until lance asks him out)
Well, my Olympic Journey continues... whether Keith likes it or not.
Current Status: Still a cow. Still at the Olympics. Still crushing it.
Lance's Confidence Level: 100%
Keith's Sanity Level: -67%
Gallons of Pool Water Displaced: Yes.
