NEW! Chapter 19: An Artic Prison (Reaction fic to episode 6x01) What if Elliot interfered long before Sue ever had to?
You can read this one-shot as a stand-alone chapter.
Kurt is meticulously folding Blaineâs clothes and putting them in the good boxes he bought to protect them. Heâs stiff and silent, trying to ignore Elliotâs scrutinizing gaze in the corner.
âKurt! This is bullshit, and you know it,â Elliot says tenderly, his voice choked with the emotion in the room.
âI need some space from him,â is all Kurt replies.
âSpace? No. No, thatâs not what you two needed at all. If anything, this place is too big.â
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Everyone does dumb shit in high school. Some people skip classes too many times, or cheat on their tests. Kurt Hummel gets drunk and eats thirty-five diet pudding cups.Â
guess who isnât deaddddddddd. big thanks to mailroomorder who encouraged me to just write a dumb one-shot to get back into my creative writing gear. this is based off a tumblr post i saw the other day that inspired me in the way only dumb shit can (link to the post on ao3 -- link to ao3 in the sidebar). hope you enjoy!!
i.
It all starts at a dumb party Kurtâs junior year of high school.
Finn makes him come, claiming he wants his friends to get to know his new step-brother better. Kurt tries to argue that heâs actually known all these people since kindergarten, just as Finn has, and they just have different interests, but Finn is insistent. Kurt should have known that his dad marrying the most popular guy in schoolâs mom would come back to bite him in the ass.
Finn spends the entire ride to the party telling Kurt in great detail about everybody on the baseball team, going into the specifics of why he thinks Kurt will get along with each specific person.
ââand Ryder puts a lot of care into his hair, no idea why. And Mike is super into dancing and musicals and shit, so youâll have a lot to talk about. And Puck may not look it, but heâs actually super invested in skin care for some reason. Oh, and Blaine is really into fashion, and musicals, too. He and Mike are actually always talking aboutââ
On, and on for the entire twenty minute ride to David Karofskyâs house.
By the time they arrive, Kurt is more than thankful that Finn agreed to be the designated driver for once, because Kurt really doesnât think that heâll be able to survive the evening sober if Finn is going to keep that up all night.
The first thing he does when he arrives is force Finn to show him where all the drinks are, and to show him how to make the mixed drink with the highest alcohol content but least amount of alcohol taste.
He knows heâll probably regret it, but as soon as Finn finishes the drink, he downs the whole thing in as few gulps as possible, then holds out his cup so that Finn will make him another. Because Finn is a terrible influence, instead of suggesting he maybe stick to just one for now, he grins and says, âFuck yeah, Kurt!â and pours even more crap into his cup.
The second drink doesnât last long either, as Kurt feels the need to take a long pull from it every single time Finn drags him to someone new and says, âHey, this is my new step-brother, Kurt,â to somebody that Kurt has literally known his entire life. He then has to take yet another drink when whoever it is inevitably says, âYo, hey, great to meet you!â as though it actually is the first time theyâre meeting.
To be fair, Finn and Kurt seem to have arrived a bit late, and so most of these people are already three sheets to the wind, but still.
The only person who doesnât respond that way is Blaine Anderson, who stares at Finn for a few moments after he introduces Kurt, then sends a confused smile Kurtâs way and says, âFinn, you know that I know Kurt, right? We have calculus together and were in the same class every year in primary school.â
âWell, yeah,â Finn replies. âBut now heâs Kurt my step-brother. So, you know. Itâs different.â
Kurtâs eyes widen and he looks down at his nearly empty cup before lifting it to his lips and draining it. When he looks up, he sees Blaine giving him an amused smile and then saying, âTop you off?â
âPlease,â Kurt says, allowing Blaine to finally drag him away from Finn.
Heâs feeling pretty tipsy by the time Blaine hands him his new drink. Itâs different than what Finn made him, but still good, and Kurt drinks half of it in one go.
âWhoa, there,â Blaine says, chuckling as he pours himself a drink. âRough night?â
âOh, you know,â Kurt says, glancing around the room. âJust enjoying being paraded around like a new toy and realizing just how inconsequential Iâve been to the people Iâve gone to school with for literally ever.â
Blaine snorts. âTheyâre just drunk, and probably indulging Finn a little bit. Guyâs really happy you two are brothers now.â
âClearly,â Kurt replies, eyes falling on Finn who is excitedly pointing in his direction as he talks to a couple of cheerleaders. âThanks for acknowledging weâve met before.â
He turns back in time to see Blaine raise his cup and take a long drink from it. Kurt raises his own as well, then downs the rest of his own drink. He winces a little as he does it, but then holds his cup out to Blaine for one more. Blaine presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows, but still pours him another one.
âPace yourself, yeah?â
âWill do, Mom.â
Blaine laughs, shaking his head a little. âYouâre alright Hummel, you know that?â
Kurt shrugs and gives him a, âDuhâ, face, which just makes Blaine laugh some more.
âCome on,â Blaine says, grabbing Kurt by the wrist. âIâve just decided I want you as my beer pong partner for the night.â
Kurtâs never played beer pong before, or really any party game, but he goes along happily. Anything to get him away from Finnâs endless crusade to introduce him to every single popular kid at their school.
**
An hour later finds Kurt sitting on a ratty old couch, wasted, with an equally wasted Blaine Anderson laughing up against him.
âWeâre so bad at beer pong,â Blaine says, head falling onto Kurtâs shoulder as he laughs. âSo, so bad.â
Kurt laughs along with him. âSo bad,â he closes his eyes as he laughs some more, then widens them as he lets out a loud burp. He and Blaine stare at each other for a second and then burst out laughing again.
âSo much for pacing myself,â Kurt says, covering his mouth with his hand. It just makes Blaine laugh some more.
They laugh and laugh until Blaine sits up a little bit and says, âIâm so hungry.â
Kurt frowns, suddenly realizing that heâs hungry as well. âWell, letâs go eat something, come on.â
Blaine stares at him with wide eyes, then nods and says. âYes. Yes, amazing idea.â He stands, wobbling a little once heâs on his feet, then drags Kurt up with him. Kurt wobbles a little as well, grabbing onto Blaineâs shoulders to steady himself. Once theyâre both good, Blaine grabs his hand and says, âCome on, I know where Daveâs parents hide the good shit.â
The good shit, it turns out, is an insane hoard of diet pudding cups. Apparently Daveâs parents have been dieting together for a while, and diet pudding cups are the only sweet theyâve allowed themselves, because there are really a ridiculous amount of them in the back of the pantry.
âOh, my god,â Kurt says as he stares at them. âI love diet pudding cups.â
âMe, too,â Blaine says, grabbing a butterscotch one and digging in. Kurt just keeps staring at all of them, taking in all the flavors, completely overwhelmed.
âBlaine, I canât choose,â he whines after a while. Blaine is already scooping out the last of his own pudding cup and stares up at him with giant eyes.
âWell, here,â Blaine says, handing him one of the spoons they grabbed from the kitchen. âJust like, eat all of them.â
And Kurt, of course, being the idiot drunk teenager that he is, grabs the spoon and says, âYou have the most amazing ideas,â before picking up a random pudding cup.
In Kurtâs defense, everybody does stupid shit in high school.
ii.
Kurt still barely feels human by Monday morning. Finn laughs at him the entire ride to school, and Kurt silently bares it until they reach the McKinley High parking lot. There, he storms out of the car and walks away, throwing Finn the middle finger as he goes because, dammit, this is his fault.
He doesnât turn back to see Finn, but he can hear him laughing as he hurries to follow Kurt into the school.
Heâs just settled all his things in his locker and grabbed what he needs for his first two periods when Dave Karofsky and Blaine Anderson walk up to him. Blaine looks just as hellish as Kurt feels, which he has to admit is a relief. Dave looks about as amused as Finn, which basically throws all the relief Kurtâs felt at seeing Blaine out the window.
âHey there, Diet Pudding Cup Boy,â is how Dave greets him, and the sheer words cause nausea to swirl in Kurtâs stomach.
âPlease donât,â Kurt whispers, shutting his locker shut.
âNo, dude, Iâm super impressed,â Dave says, clapping him on the back and causing Kurt to wince. âI think I counted thirty-seven empty cups when I was cleaning up the next day. Never knew you had it in you.â
âIn my defense,â Kurt says, closing his eyes for a moment, âBlaine ate two.â
Blaine groans, and yeah, Kurt realizes that thatâs not really a great defense.
âSo, thirty-five diet pudding cups.â Dave laughs, then claps him on the back again and says, âMy fucking man,â before heading down the hall, leaving Kurt alone with Blaine.
Kurt turns to the other boy and glares. âThis is your fault.â
Blaine has one eye closed. âYep.â
âI threw up four times on Saturday.â
âOh god, shut up,â Blaine says, leaning his head against Kurtâs shoulder.
âI ate thirty-five diet pudding cups, Blaine.â
Blaine raises his head and asks, âDoes it make you feel better to know that the entire baseball team thinks youâre a legend now?â
Kurt sighs heavily, shaking his head. âAt least theyâll all actually remember me now.â
Blaine smiles at him, chuckling a little. âOh yeah. Nobody is forgetting Diet Pudding Cup Boy anytime soon.â
Kurt groans and Blaine laughs at him the entire rest of the way to Calculus.
iii.
âYo, Pudding Cup Boy,â is how Blaine greets him as he settles into the spot next to Kurt in the library. âI have a bone to pick with you.â
Kurt turns away from his laptop to give Blaine an unimpressed stare. âYou know, I think I liked it better when I was Diet Pudding Cup Boy. At least it gave the semblance of health.â
âToo long,â Blaine says, waving his comment away. âSeriously, though. All the schools you applied to are in New York?â
Kurt frowns. âYeah? I thought I told you that.â
âUh, no,â Blaine says, shaking his head. âWhat the hell! We could have coordinated. Made sure we applied to places in the same area so we could be roommates.â
Kurtâs frown instantly turns to a grin. âWait. So, youââ
âYes, you freaking dork.â
âOh, my god!â Kurt throws his arms around his friend, pulling him in for a tight hug. Blaine laughs as he hugs Kurt back, briefly tucking his head into Kurtâs shoulder as he does. âBlaine, this is amazing!â
âI know,â Blaine grins as they separate. âPudding Cup Boy and Shortstop Supreme take on the Big Apple.â
âYou know, Iâm too excited about the fact that weâll be in New York together to even care that you just said that.â Kurt says, which makes Blaine laugh some more. Kurt keeps grinning at him for a moment, then says, âActually, noââ
âKurt, come on, this is going to be great! I was so nervous about moving to New York, you know, not knowing anybody. Now turns out one of my best friends is going to be there with me!â
Even though itâs been over a year since the fateful baseball party that brought them together, Kurt sometimes still canât believe that Blaine Anderson considers him one of his best friends. It makes his insides feel all warm inside every time he hears Blaine say it.
âI canât believe we didnât talk about this. I could have sworn I told you I was applying to NYADA and NYU.â
âYou didnât, you rascal,â Blaine says, knocking his shoulder lightly. âItâs fine, though. Iâll forgive you if you promise you wonât abandon me for all your cool theater friends when we get there.â
Kurt scoffs at that. âPlease, Blaine. As if Pudding Cup Boy could ever abandon his trusty sidekick⌠what did you call yourself?â
âShortstop Supreme. And, no offense, but youâre the sidekick.â
Kurt stares at him, bewildered. âUm. No.â
Blaine laughs. âKurt, youâre Pudding Cup Boy. Come on, man. Youâre the sidekick.â
Kurt opens his mouth to argue, but then another thought occurs to him. âOh, jeez. I just realized Pudding Cup Boy is going to follow me to New York, isnât it?â
Blaine throws his arm around him and pulls him close, grinning and saying, âYou know it,â before the librarian finally comes over to tell them to shut up.
iv.
Blaine greets him by shouting, âHey, Pudding Motherfucker,â from about twenty feet away. Despite himself, Kurt canât help but laugh as Blaine continues walking towards him, holding two cups of coffee in his hands.
Kurt stands up from the bench heâs on just moments before Blaine arrives to wrap him in a tight hug. Kurt hugs him back just as tight, then pulls away to grab his coffee from Blaine before anything unfortunate happens to it.
âI donât think thatâs an upgrade from Pudding Boy,â is how he replies after taking a careful sip of his drink.
âWell, itâs what youâll continue to be until you make more time in your life for your best friend.â They sit down on the bench, Blaine instantly shuffling closer to Kurt. âI mean, come on, Kurt. Itâs been almost a month since I last saw you.â
âWe literally text every day,â Kurt says, chuckling. âAlso, if I recall correctly, we were going to hang out two weeks ago, but somebody cancelled at the last minute because the cute guy in his Creative Writing class asked him to get coffee.â
Blaine scowls and turns away. âWhatever. At least I cancelled to get laid. You always cancel for lame reasons, like work or homework.â
Kurt snorts at that. âBlaine, you told me after that he was the most boring person alive, and that when he asked you for your number after coffee you told him you didnât believe in cell phones.â
Blaineâs cheeks color, and Kurt bursts out laughing. Blaine mutters, âShut up. See if I ever buy you coffee again.â
âOh, whatever,â Kurt says, tapping him on the shoulder. âYou know you will, because you love me.â
âNope,â Blaine says, throwing his chin up in the air. âYouâre a dick, and I hate you.â
âYou loooooove me,â Kurt leans his head on Blaineâs shoulder and stares up at him, fluttering his eyelashes. âAdmit it, Shortstop. You love me. Come on, say it.â
âPudding Motherfucker is right,â Blaine grumbles, which just makes Kurt cackle.
âCome on,â he says, pulling them off the bench. âLetâs take a walk while I remind you of all the reasons you love me.â
âThere are none,â Blaine says, and it just makes Kurt laugh some more.
v.
Despite attending different universities, by the time their junior year rolls around Kurt and Blaine have somehow managed to find a decently sized group of mutual friends. Theyâre a mix of Blaineâs Columbia classmates, Kurtâs classmates from NYU, and a few NYADA strays they picked up after a night at a karaoke bar.
Itâs surprising to Kurt how many of his close friendships have been forged over drunken nights out.
Itâs hard for all of them to get together on the regular, due to conflicting schedules and the fact that theyâre all widely spread throughout the city, but when they do itâs always a blast.
âHey, Puddinâ,â Blaine says, greeting Kurt by hugging him from behind. Kurt leans his body into it for a moment, enjoying the closeness his friendship with Blaine always affords.
âWe dropped the boy, huh Shortstop?â
âToo much of a mouthful,â Blaine says, shrugging and placing a large glass Tupperware on the counter of Kurtâs kitchen. Â âCan I help you out with anything?â
Kurt points in the direction of a cabinet and says, âCan you grab the veggie plate thing for me and start throwing these on there,â he nods his head down to the large selections of vegetables on the cutting board in front of him. âAnd then the hummus and ranch from the fridge? Iâm almost finished cutting these up.â
âYou got it, boss,â Blaine says, moving around Kurtâs kitchen with the ease of somebody who spends way too much time in someone elseâs house. âDid Rachel tell you that sheâs bringing some guy with her today?â
âOh, god. Another one?â
Blaine laughs, pulling down the serving plate. âSecond this semester. How long do you think this one will last?â
âNo idea, but I can tell you this â if by the next one of these sheâs got another one in tow, Iâm not making the effort to get to know him anymore. I canât keep investing all this small talk in random straight guys Iâm never going to see again.â
âWhat a struggle,â Blaine simpers, tapping Kurt on the back with the plate. âOur life is so hard.â
âIt is,â Kurt replies, sticking his tongue out at his friend. âNow, come on. Get to vegetable serving. You said you wanted to help.â
Blaine chuckles. âAye, aye Captain Pudding.â
âYou know, Blaine,â Kurt says as Blaine starts to place the vegetables on the plate. âA lot of people would probably be offended that you still call them a dumb nickname born of a night of drunken idiocy when they were sixteen.â
âYeah, but those people arenât you,â Blaine says, grinning up at him. âI mean, name someone else as legendary as Thirty-Five Pudding Cups Hummel.â
Kurt rolls his eyes. âThey were diet pudding cups, thank you very much.â
âSee?â Blaine bumps their hips together. âLegend.â
Kurt chuckles and finishes cutting up his carrots, Blaine practically pressed to his side as they work.
vi.
âYou have to sing it with me,â Blaine is holding his arm tightly, dragging Kurt down so that theyâre eye to eye. His breath smells like vodka and raspberries, and his eyes are wide and wild. âCome on, Kurt. Come on, come on, come on.â
âBlaine, I told you, I have a firm no songs before the 80âs rule.â
âItâs a classic. Please, Puddinâ, for me?â
Kurt stares at him, the three shots heâd done early making his thought process a little slower. âOh, my god,â he says, jaw dropping. âThatâs why you want to sing it with me.â
âWhat?â Blaine pulls away a little, face filling with completely put-upon confusion. âI donât know what youâre talking about.â
âBuild Me Up Buttercup? With Pudding Cup Boy? Uh-uh. No way, mister.â
âKurt,â Blaine drags out the âuâ in his name, clinging to Kurt once again. âPlease, you have to!â
âOh, my god,â Elliott says, suddenly appearing beside them. âCan you just give your man what he wants? Jesus Christ, Kurt.â
âI donât want to,â Kurt replies. âHe just wants to sing it becauseââ
âWho fucking cares. Itâs like a three minute song, just do it and get it over with.â
Blaine is staring up at him with those dumb puppy dog eyes of his, eyelashes fluttering wildly, lips pouted. Kurt groans.
âFine.â
âYes!â Blaine jumps up, presses a quick kiss to Kurtâs cheek and then hurries off to sign them up to sing.
âThanks for the support there, El.â
Elliott shrugs, clearly unapologetic. âCome on, man, you know the saying. Happy wife, happy life!â
Kurt scowls. âBlaine is far from my wife, Elliott.â
âWhatever, potato, po-tah-to. Keep your man happy and everything will be good. Trust me on that.â
He pats Kurt on the back, then heads over to the table filled with their mutual friends. Kurt watches him go, brain still working far too slowly to catch up to the implications of what Elliott is saying.
Elliott is already long gone by the time he finally manages to say, âBlaine isnât my man.â
âWhat?â Blaine asks, appearing next to Kurt.
Kurt jumps a little. âJeez, Blaine. You canât sneak up on me like that.â
âNot my fault Iâm so tiny you never notice me,â Blaine huffs, chest puffing out in fake annoyance.
Despite it all, Kurt laughs. âYou are tiny. Short stuff.â
âUh, wrong,â Blaine holds up a hand. âItâs Shortstop, and I prefer to go by my Christian name, Shortstop Supreme.â
âWhatever, short stuff.â
Blaine scowls up at him. âI think Pudding Motherfucker might have just made a comeback.â
Kurt laughs again and wraps his arm around a pouting Blaine, leading him back to the rest of their friends.
vii.
The graduation party is held at Blaine, Sam, and Mercedesâs apartment, since all their graduation ceremonies were almost a full week after everybody elseâs, and they insisted that nobody else could party until they were all officially graduated.
Itâs a small party, for just their close friends, but youâd think that there was an army invited by the amount of alcohol their hosts provide.
âI donât know when the next time we get to let loose like this will be,â is how Blaine explains it to Kurt, clinging to his side. Itâs clear that Blaine had already broken at least a couple of these bottles in before everybody else arrived. âSince weâre all graduated and adults now. Have to get jobs and shit. Ew.â
Kurt laughs and doesnât bother to tell Blaine that the next time theyâll âlet looseâ like this will probably be within the month. Instead he just makes himself a drink and lets Blaine wrap his arms around his middle and rest his head against his shoulder blade.
âWe met at a party; do you remember?â Blaine asks.
Kurt snorts. âWe met in kindergarten, Blaine.â
âWell, yeah, but we officially met at a party. I made you a drink, and then you ate thirty-five pudding cups.â
Kurt chuckles, picking up his drink in one hand and wrapping the other around Blaineâs shoulders. âHow could I forget when you still call me Puddinâ to this day?â
âSuch a fun nickname,â Blaine says, grinning. âAlthough, hey. Full disclosure. Mercedes and Sam think weâre dating because of it.â
Kurt raises his eyebrows. âOh?â
âYes. And also because of how youâre always here, and we get dinner with them all the time. They call them âdouble datesâ.â
âAnd do you correct them on that?â
Blaine looks up at him, frowning a little. âDo I?â
Kurt laughs. âOh, Blaine.â He pulls his friend in closer. âWhatever. Theyâre not the first people to think that.â
âYeah, and guess what? People can think whatever they want.â
âThey sure can.â
âBecause youâre my Puddinâ. Forever, and ever. Okay?â
âYou know it.â
Blaine grips his forearm tightly with both hands, staring up at him with slight crazy eyes. âI said, okay?â
Kurt laughs, then pulls Blaine back to his side and says, âYes, Blaine. Forever and ever. Okay.â
âGood,â Blaine says, leaning his head against Kurtâs shoulder. âNow can you please hurry up and get drunk? This all feels very uneven.â
âYou got it, boss,â Kurt says, rolling his eyes fondly as he starts to drink.
viii.
âHey,â Rachel and Mercedes are already sitting at a booth by the time Kurt arrives. Mercedes looks behind his shoulder and says, âIsnât Blaine joining us, too?â
Kurt nods, settling himself into the booth. âHe got held up at work, but heâll be here in a few.â
âGood, good,â Rachel says, nodding. âSo, things are going well for him then, I assume?â
Kurt nods again, picking up the menu. âFrom what heâs told me. I mean, heâs basically a glorified intern at this point, but everybodyâs gotta start somewhere, right?â
The looks the girls give him tell him that they know exactly what heâs talking about.
When the waiter arrives, they give him their drink orders, with Mercedes encouraging Kurt to order for Blaine. Their drinks arrive before Blaine has, and so Kurt decides to just order Blaineâs food for him as well. Theyâve all been to this restaurant enough times that he can make a fairly educated guess as to what his best friend will want after a long day.
âItâs sweet you guys know each other so well,â Mercedes says once the waiter walks away with their menus and orders. âI donât think Sam could order for me, even if he tried.â
Kurt rolls his eyes. âWell, Blaine is pretty obnoxiously open about the things he enjoys. Makes it hard not to know what he likes.â
âYou still pay attention, though,â Rachel says. She sighs. âAnd heâs the same with you. Just wait until you see what he got you for your birthday, I swear youâre going to die. Even I didnât remember that youâd said you wanted that, and I pride myself on my attention to detail.â
âThatâs kind of what happens when youâre best friends forâŚâ it takes him a moment to calculate. âWow, going on seven years now. Jeez, when did we get so old?â
Mercedes and Rachel share a look, then Rachel starts in on a story about the theater company sheâs currently working with.
Blaine finally arrives just as Rachel is finishing up. He scoots into the booth next to Kurt and says, âSorry Iâm late,â to everybody. Then, he grins at Kurt and says, âHey, Puddinâ.â
âHey,â Kurt responds, ignoring the fond smiles that Rachel and Mercedes shoot at them. âWe already ordered, sorry if you wanted something different.â
âKurt got you some Greek salad or something,â Mercedes says.
âYou,â Blaine points at him, finger directly in Kurtâs face. âAre amazing. A true gem.â He then uses the finger to bop Kurt on the nose and then slides closer to him in the booth until their thighs are pressed together.
âYeah, I know,â Kurt replies, with a smile. He shifts a little, his right arm stuck between him and Blaine, until he manages to pull it out and sling it over the back of the booth. âDid you get that⌠what was the problem again? Broken printer? Fax machine?â Blaine is smirking up at him, clearly amused. âWhatever, did you get it sorted out?â
âMostly,â Blaine says. âIt was a corrupted hard drive, and it was the big bossâs, so you know. High pressure. I think itâs fine now, but Iâm going to have to head back in early tomorrow to triple check.â
âFreaking IT nerd,â Kurt says, chuckling.
âWhatever, drama queen. Oh!â Blaineâs eyes widen and he turns to fully face Kurt. âHowâd your callback go?â
âCallback?â Mercedes and Rachel ask at the same time.
Kurt blushes. âUh, yeah. I got a callback for that off-Broadway revival of Dear Evan Hanson.â Turning to Blaine, he says, âI think it went well. I mean, I feel confident about it. They said theyâd get back to me by Friday, so. Fingers crossed.â
âYouâre gonna get it,â Blaine says, patting him lightly on the knee. âI know you are. I mean, thereâs no way anybody even close to your level of talent auditioned.â
Kurt snorts. âSweet talker. You know flattery will get you everywhere, right?â
âOf course I do,â Blaine grins at him.
Kurt smiles back, then glances over Blaineâs face and notices something different. He frowns, then brings his hand down from the back of the booth to pull on one of Blaineâs curls. âYou didnât gel your hair.â
âDonât even start with me,â Blaine says, turning so that heâs facing the girls again. âToday was literally the morning from hell.â He starts to explain all the horrorâs of his day, everyone listening with rapt attention.
Itâs only when their food arrives that Kurt realizes heâd been playing with Blaineâs hair for the entire duration of the story.
ix.
âHoney, Iâm home!â Blaine calls out as he enters the apartment. Kurt rolls his eyes as he finishes shaking the butter into the giant bowl of popcorn.
âHoney, you donât live here!â He calls back.
Blaine laughs, padding into the kitchen and giving Kurt a hug from behind. âRoommates out?â
âSantana has a hot date,â Kurt says, passing the giant bowl to Blaine. âAnd Elliott is⌠god, I donât even know anymore. That guy has so much going on I canât even keep up.â
âDonât we all?â Blaine says, heading towards the living room. âI thought we were busy during college, but sheesh.â
âWell, you see some of us have to work hard for what we get. We canât get fancy pants promotions less than a year after starting at a company.â
Blaine tuts at him. âDonât be jealous, Puddinâ. Itâs not a good color on you.â
Kurt chuckles and grabs a couple of sodas from the fridge.
âBesides,â Blaine says as Kurt walks into the living room, âitâs not like you can talk. Ensemble in Dear Evan Hanson off-Broadway to ensemble in Wicked on Broadway a year after graduating. Tony by Thirty, here you come.â
âDonât get ahead of yourself,â Kurt says, settling on the couch and grabbing the remote. âWhat are we watching, by the way?â
âShitty rom-com that Netflix put out a couple of weeks ago,â Blaine replies as Kurt pulls up the Netflix app on the TV. âIt looks like itâll either be garbage, or a real tearjerker, so I figured weâd take the odds.â
âWonderful,â Kurt says as Blaine sits down next to him on the couch, bringing the popcorn with him.
âHey,â Blaine holds up a piece of popcorn. âNothing but the best for my Puddinâ Pop.â He then taps the popcorn against Kurtâs lips and feeds it to him when Kurt opens his mouth.
They start the movie and, honestly, itâs more shitty than good, but they still laugh and make stupid comments to each other about it. Blaine feeds Kurt pieces of popcorn a little more often than necessary, until it becomes another stupid joke and Kurt stops grabbing his own popcorn full stop.
The movie is just finishing up and Blaine is forcing a giant handful of popcorn into Kurtâs mouth when Elliott arrives. He stares at them for a moment, Kurt with his cheeks distended from the snack, Blaine with his hand fully covering Kurtâs mouth, their movie completely ignored. Elliott then shakes his head and says, âI donât even want to know,â before disappearing into his room.
Theyâre quiet until they hear his door shut, and then burst out laughing, causing half of the popcorn in Kurtâs mouth to spray all over Blaineâs face. This just makes them laugh harder.
x.
It feels like lately Blaine is the only one of his friends he gets to see. His roommates always seem to be out, Santana with her new girlfriend and Elliott with his ten million gigs. Rachel just got cast in the national tour of Moulin Rouge! and has barely had time to breathe, let alone see her friends, and Sam and Mercedes have been apartment hunting for their own place, having decided it was time to try living as just a couple, without the roommate.
Of course, that roommate happens to be Kurtâs best friend, who is sulking on his couch and slowly taking out an entire family sized bag of Cheetos by himself.
âItâs going to be okay, Blaine. You know that, right?â
âIâm going to be homeless, Kurt.â
âYou are not,â Kurt rolls his eyes. âTheyâre leaving, not you. You still have the apartment.â
âUh yeah, an apartment whose rent I am paying a third of. I canât afford the full rent of that place!â He huffs, shoving more Cheetos in his mouth. âMaybe I could swing half, but that means I still have to find another roommate. Fuck everything.â
âOh, come here,â Kurt laughs and wraps his arm around Blaine, bringing him in against his side. He pulls the bag from Blaineâs hands, then grabs a tissue from the coffee table in front of him and starts wiping the dust off his friends fingers. âItâs going to be fine, Blaine. Really.â Blaine huffs. âNo, listen. I know it seems tough right now, but you already knew they were thinking about this. Yeah, itâll be weird at first, but youâre going to get used to living alone, or with a new roommate that isnât Sam and Mercedes. Besides, you literally just got promoted at work, and I happen to know that youâre making more than enough to afford that place on your own, at least for a bit.â He finishes wiping Blaineâs fingers, then smiles up at him. âYouâre going to be okay, Blaine. Really.â
Blaine stares at him for a moment, face slowly cracking into a smile. âWhat would I do without you?â
Kurt shrugs. âNo idea. Youâll never have to find out.â
Blaine chuckles, then leans into Kurt, head resting against his shoulder. His now-clean fingers trace a pattern on Kurtâs knee, and Kurt closes his eyes, enjoying the closeness.
âHey, Kurt.â
âYeah?â Kurt asks, keeping his eyes closed and head leaning back against the back of the couch.
âAre we in a relationship? Or a brolationship?â
Kurt lifts his head slowly, opening his eyes to look at Blaine. âWhat?â
âI mean, this. Us. Are we dating? Or do we just have one of those epic bromances that straight people are always talking about.â
Heâs still tracing patterns over Kurtâs knee, and Kurt sucks on the inside of his cheek, thinking.
âHuh,â Kurt says. âI, uh. I guess I havenât thought about it, really. I mean, I know people have made comments to me assuming weâre dating, butâŚâ
âButâŚ?â
Kurt looks into Blaineâs eyes, those stupid huge, wide eyes. He canât really remember a time in his life when they werenât right where they are now, staring up at him in question, in glee, in frustration.
Kurt smiles, then says, âWe can be dating, if you want.â
His stomach flips as he says it, and itâs weird because in eight years of friendship heâs never even thought about Blaine that way. At least not consciously. The thing is, that doesnât really register to him, because then Blaine is smiling up at him and he realizes that maybe thatâs not totally true. That maybe he has thought about Blaine that way, heâs just never realized it because Blaineâs just always been there, teasing him, laughing with him, cuddling with him and calling him Diet Pudding Cup Boy since they were sixteen years old.
âOkay,â is how Blaine replies, and then he leans up and presses his lips to Kurtâs in a soft, light kiss.
Kurt smiles into the kiss, bringing one hand up to cup Blaineâs jaw, deepening the kiss ever so slightly.
Itâs not weird, not in the way kissing your best friend might be. Actually, Kurt thinks itâs weirder that they havenât always been doing this.
âYou taste like Cheetos,â he says.
Blaine laughs, head falling back as he does. He then rests his forehead against Kurtâs shoulder and says, âYou taste like pudding.â
Kurt snorts. âI do not.â
âNo, but it would have been pretty hilarious if you did.â
He keeps laughing, and so Kurt does the only thing he can think of. He grabs Blaineâs face in his hands and kisses him again.
xi.
âYou two seem touchier than usual,â Elliott comments over dinner a couple of weeks later. He and Santana are sitting across from them, with Sam and Mercedes each at an end of the table. Blaine has had his arm over Kurtâs shoulders the entire meal, and Kurt has kept a hand firmly on Blaineâs thigh since he sat down. âDid you get engaged, or something?â
Kurt snorts. âUh, no.â
âWeâre just, you know. Officially dating now.â
Santanaâs eyes narrow. âWere you⌠not before?â
âYeah, what are you even talking about? You guys have been dating for like, years,â comes from Sam.
âWe were bromancing for years,â Blaine says, squeezing Kurtâs shoulder. âNow weâre just straight up romancing.â
Kurt wrinkles his nose and says, âGross.â
âWhatever, Puddinâ, you love it.â
âSoâŚâ Elliott glances between them. âThat, right there. The Puddinâ thing. Thatâs just like⌠a random nickname you have for Kurt? Itâs not a pet name?â
Blaine frowns. âIs that why everyone always thought we were dating? Because I call him Puddinâ?â
âWell, and all the touching and cuddling and heart-eyes,â Mercedes says. âBut initially, yeah, it was the Puddinâ thing.â
Kurt snorts at that, and Blaine laughs before saying. âUh, I call Kurt Puddinâ because the night we became friends he got drunk and ate thirty-five diet pudding cups.â
For a moment nobody says anything, the only sound in the room Kurt and Blaineâs snickers.
Itâs Elliott who breaks the silence by staring at Kurt says, âWhat the literal fuck, Kurt. Thirty-five pudding cups?!â
Kurt and Blaineâs snickers turn into full-on laughs, Blaine resting up against Kurt as they laugh. Mercedes and Sam start to chuckle as well, though Santana and Elliott still look slightly too horrified to join in.
After several more minutes of laughing, Kurt wipes at his eyes and says, âYes, El. I ate thirty-five diet pudding cups when I was sixteen years old.â
âThe greatest Pudding Motherfucker to ever live,â Blaine says, bringing his hand up to card his fingers through the hair at the back of Kurtâs head.
Kurt grins at him and says, âDiet Pudding Cup Boy and Shortstop Supreme for ever.â
âAnd donât you forget it,â Blaine replies, leaning in and kissing Kurt lightly on the lips. They giggle into the kiss.
Santana finally breaks her silence by saying, âYou two are fucking weird.â
They stare at each other for a moment, and then, unable to stop themselves, burst out into even more giggles.
Prompt: Blaine Anderson does not simply get a cold. He getâs a âMan Coldâ and this time, Kurt is simply not putting up with it.  Klaine sick!fic
If there was a season that Kurt Hummel hated most, it was definitely winter. One would think winter would be a wonderful time filled with holidays, family time, and adventures out in the snow, but they would be wrong. Winter was a time filled with stress, too much traveling and stomach bugs. That last one had hit the Anderson-Hummel family hard this winter. It all started with Jacob, their 4 year, who came home from preschool complaining that his belly hurt. Kurt figured he was just hungry and proceeded to strap him into the back of the minivan before heading to the driverâs seat himself. They got halfway home before Kurt heard a noise and looked back in horror as he watched his son vomit all over himself.
âOh baby, itâs okay.â Kurt cooed as he pulled over. At this point, Jacob was full on screaming, completely covered in vomit. Kurt groaned as he slid the back van door open. Instantly, the smell hit him and he tried to keep from vomiting himself. âOkay, buddy. Itâs okay. Youâre okay. Papaâs gonna get you all clean.â He quickly walked to the back of the trunk and grabbed a plastic bag that had luckily never made it out of the car after they went grocery shopping. He stripped Jacobâs shirt off of him and placed it in the bag and then moved to take off the little boyâs pants. Once all the vomit covered clothing was contained in the bag, Kurt grabbed Jacobâs blanket from off the floor and wrapped it around him. It wasnât a great solution, but it would have to do for now. He strapped Jacob, who had finally stopped crying back into his carseat and prayed that they could make it home before his son threw up again.
Luckily, they made it home without another incident. Kurt went to the back and unbuckled his son and picked him up. The poor little boy was flushed and he felt like he had a fever. Normally, he was so independent. He always wanted to walk- rather run everywhere, but not today. Today he was content to lay in his fatherâs arms and rest his head on Kurtâs shoulder. Kurt kissed the top of his sonâs head and headed inside. âAlright buddy, letâs get you some nice new jammies and then weâll lay on the couch and watch some TV. How does that sound?â Jacob just nodded his head, not really seeming interested in television. Kurt walked down the hallway and set Jacob on his bed once they got into his room. He walked to his dresser and opened it only to remember that all the clean laundry was in his and Blaineâs room. He sighed. âIâll be right back baby.â he said before walking further down the hallway to his own bedroom.
Once there, he was surprised to see a lump still in the bed. âWhat are you doing home?â Kurt asked, obviously waking a previously sleeping Blaine.
âI never left.â he coughed. âI think I have the flu.â Kurt walked over and placed a hand on Blaineâs forehead.
âYou donât feel warm.â Kurt replied.
âMy throat is all scratchy. I canât breathe out of my nose and my head hurts.â Blaine replied, as if to justify his current position.
âI believe you.â he replied. âYou still donât have a fever though.â Kurt grabbed the pair of pajamas and started towards the door.
âWait? Where are you going?â Blaine called, his voice rough and hoarse sounding. âStay with me.â
âI canât.â Kurt replied, a bit too quickly. âOur son is sitting in his underwear on his bed because he threw up all over himself in the back of our car and I need to get to him.â Blaine didnât have much to say after that, so Kurt left and got Jacob situated. They lay on the couch for most of the afternoon and Jacob threw up another two times, luckily into a bucket that Kurt had managed to grab this time.
Later in the afternoon, their eight year old, Lucy came home from school. Kurt gave her a snack and ushered her to her room, hoping to keep her away from as many germs as possible. One kid with a stomach bug was bad, but two...god, he didnât even want to think about, especially because Blaine wasnât being much of a help.
Blaine had lay in bed all day complaining about his head and stuffed up nose. Kurt loved his husband. He really did, but Blaine was the biggest baby when it came to him getting sick. After ten years of marriage, Kurt was done indulging him. He didnât have a fever, so it clearly wasnât the flu. At best, Blaine had a cold.
Later that night, Kurt tucked the kids into bed. Jacob luckily fell asleep and Kurt prayed that heâd stay that way. He kissed Lucy goodnight before climbing into bed himself. Instantly, Blaine wanted to cuddle. âBlaine, not tonight. I donât want to get sick.â
âFine.â Blaine grumbled before flipping over, clearly upset with his husband. Kurt rolled his eyes and turned the other way and fell asleep. He awoke (for the first time) to find out that his husband had scooted his way over and practically wrapped his body around the his own. Kurt groaned and tried to push Blaine away, but wasnât successful. He gave in and tried to go back to sleep. He was woken up for the second time that night by the call of âPapa!â from down the hallway.
âGod noâŚâ Kurt groaned as he came to and realization that it was Lucyâs voice and not Jacobâs. He pushed Blaineâs arms away from him and climbed out of bed and ran down the hall to Lucyâs room. He opened her door and instantly could smell what had just occurred. âPapa, Iâm sorry.â she cried. âI threw up in my bed.â
âItâs okay honey.â Kurt cooed. He walked over and changed his daughter into fresh pajamas and then stripped the dirty sheets from her bed.
âPapaâŚâ was all he needed to hear before quickly turning around. Lucy had her hand over her mouth and looked green. Kurt grabbed her under the arms and ran to the bathroom. They made it just in time before Lucy began throwing up. Kurt sighed and held back his daughterâs hair as she got sick.
âItâs okay honey. Let it all out.â Kurt soothed as he rubbed circles on Lucyâs back. When she was finished, Kurt helped her brush her teeth and the two of them headed into the living room where Kurt set up a makeshift bed, fully equipped with a bucket. Lucy crawled in and managed to fall back asleep and Kurt, not wanting to leave his daughter alone settled into the rocking chair and tried to sleep a little himself.
Lucy threw up four more times that night and when morning came, Kurt wasnât feeling too hot either. His stomach was fine, but his head was pounding and his nose was congested. Freakin BlaineâŚ
Kurt tried to pull himself together, despite feeling awful. When Jacob woke up, Kurt settled him on the opposite end of couch and gave him a bucket as well. He was pretty sure they were both out of the actual vomiting phase, but both kids were exhausted. He put a movie on the TV for them and they were content. His husband...or his third child rather, was getting on Kurtâs last nerve.
âWhat do you need Blaine?â Kurt asked from their bedroom doorway.
âCan I have some juice?â Blaine croaked before going into a coughing fit.
âYes.â Kurt sighed.
âKurt?â he called.
âWhat?â
âApple juice, please.â Kurt rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen and got the juice. When he returned Blaine was ready with another request.
âBlaine, you donât need tylenol.â Kurt replied.
âBut -â
âYou donât have a fever.â
âBut Iâm hot.â Blaine groaned.
âThatâs because youâre buried under three different blankets.â Kurt retorted.
âCan you fe-â Blaine began before Kurt cut him off.
âNo, I can not feel your head. I felt your head less than an hour ago. You do not have a fever.â
âPlease.â Blaine begged. Kurt groaned and placed his hand on Blaineâs forehead.
âNope, still donât have a fever.â he told his husband. âI know you feel like youâre going to die, but Iâm pretty sure youâre not. Iâll come back later and check on you and if you are dead, I will dig that grave myself.â
âKurt, thatâs not funny.â Blaine retorted. âIâm sick. I have the fluâ Kurt couldnât even take it anymore. He left and went to check on the kids. Both kids were watching the movie. He got each of them some pedialyte in a cup just to make sure they were hydrated. Not too long after, he head Blaine yelling for him again.
âWhat do you need?â Kurt asked again.
âCan you make me soup?â Blaine asked.
âAre you serious?â
âIâm hungry.â
âBlaine, you are full grown man with a cold. Not the flu. Go make your own soup. Itâs really not hard.â
âBut KurtâŚâ Blaine groaned. âCanât you please do it? I really donât feel well.â
âReally? You donât feel well.â Kurt said, his voice getting loud with the anger building inside of him. âAww poor you who got to sleep all of yesterday while I cleaned up our sonâs vomit all day. And at night, poor sick Blaine got to sleep all night while I stayed up and cleaned up our daughterâs vomit. And on top of that, my husband who just needed to cuddle last night got me sick with the same COLD that he has and I feel pretty awful too. But do I get to rest? No! Iâm doing laundry and making sure the kids are okay and making sure you donât die of a common cold!â At this point, Blaine was silent, his eyes wide in fear. Kurt however was not done. âSo, no Blaine. I canât get you soup! Iâm going to need you to suck it up, find your balls wherever they went and go make your own soup!â After that Kurt stormed out of the room leaving Blaine by himself.
Blaine never did emerge from their room, probably because he didnât know what to say after Kurtâs rant. The kids were okay for the rest of the day, neither one vomited again and both went to bed easily. Kurt who still could not look at his husband decided to sleep in the guest room that night. He settled in under the covers, his head still pounding and fell asleep praying that no one would need him during the night.
The next morning, Blaine got up out of bed and showered. He checked on the kids who were feeling much better and helped them get ready for school. He snuck quietly into the guest room and turned off Kurtâs alarm on his phone before taking the kids to school. Blaine realized that his husband must be exhausted and he definitely deserved this morning to sleep in.
Around eleven oâclock was when Kurt finally woke up. His nose was still congested, but his heading wasnât pounding anymore. He heard a knock at the door and groaned. God, he had been up for two minutes. Who wanted him? He pushed the covers off of himself and walked over to the door. He opened it and to his surprise no one was there. Instead, a bowl of still hot chicken noodle soup was sitting on a tray with a glass of water and a note that said âSorry I was such a pain. Thanks for taking care of me.â
Kurt picked up the tray and smiled. Though his husband might be the biggest baby when he was sick, he still had a good heart and that was what Kurt loved most about him. After all, their vows did say âin sickness and in healthâ so Kurt figured heâd just have to deal with Blaineâs neediness. He loved him too much not to.
In a world where Doms and subs depend on the symbiotic relationship their pheromones provide, it can be a matter of life and death to go too long without a claim. When one of the most powerful Doms in New York comes home for some much-needed family time, he stumbles upon a scene that throws his instincts into high alert as he witnesses a sub do something heâs never seen before. Will the bravery of one man change his life forever? Kurt Hummel knows thereâs only a one-in-a-million chance of finding his Soulsong, but what are the odds it could happen in a run-down mall in Lima, Ohio?
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In the small town where Kurt lives, there is a forest of trees his home is nestled right up against. In the backyard, there is an enchanting playhouse made of bricks and wood and has genuine glass windows with metal striped awnings and flower boxes. This is the tale of his adventures in the playhouse from age 3 to 33 and how everything changed when he met the boy next door.