i hate splitting so much. what do you mean i have to hate this person that usually means the world to me just because their tone shifted a little, or maybe i had a thought that's not in their control but it affects my view of them anyway?? can't i just love them without sudden bitterness?

send asks, i feel like answering things right now :3

after 66 days, her location finally is back on >:3 i'm so excited to be able to remotely check in on her again <3333

my happiness relying on someone else's is so excruciating. if one thing seems even slightly off with them, i immediately want to die. their tone or behaviour doesn't have to actually shift either because merely thinking about it is enough to make me feel useless. if i can't always make them happy then what purpose do i serve? why would they still care about me if they realise i can't make everything perfect for them? what reason do i have to keep living after that?

going between "nothing is okay" and "everything is better again" like you wouldn't believe

finally figured out the identity of the person i have to kill ^_^ i still feel so much rage

i honestly wish i could just respond to people and not keep getting wrapped up in whatever this situation is. i'll isolate myself from everyone that isn't my love simply because i define myself by it. i don't want to be so reliant on the state of things with my darling but i am. it's disgusting. everything keeps going back and forth and i'm getting so sick of it. if anything is even slightly off i'll feel nauseous to the point that i can't bring myself to eat or do anything until i get some sign that things might start being okay again. it can't be just okay either, if things are too neutral i get so worried that it's on the verge of falling apart. not quite there but nearing. i have to be perfect, i have to make things perfect, i have to do everything i can so that she has no reason to leave me behind or hate me.

telling me this isn't my fault didn't do anything. i don't care if i could've stopped this or not, it's still happening. i'm going to slit my own throat and make you watch the blood gush out and stain all that we once knew. don't you ever forget what happened here.