Feb 15, 2013
okay let me tell y'all the plot of side effects real quick spoilers obvs
evil lesbians ruin everything
it is up to the upstanding white man to make sure they are properly institutionalized and incarcerated
this is 2013??
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okay let me tell y'all the plot of side effects real quick spoilers obvs
evil lesbians ruin everything
it is up to the upstanding white man to make sure they are properly institutionalized and incarcerated
this is 2013??
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do u ever get so mad that it's kind of like you just had three shots of espresso in a row and yr shaking and yr heart is racing and yr head is like a pressure cooker
in which I Have Some Feelings about the Globe and Mail
Feeling 1: "murder"
KILL RUSSELL SMITH and his male gaze and his terrible arriviste fashion advice and his gross fashion columns promoting pleated skirts and stockings and opaque white tights AS IF that's not your own personal schoolgirl fetish, RUSSELL, you're so transparent. I'm so grossed out that you have "constant crushes" on all those “gorgeous 32-year-olds with graduate degrees from McGill” you work with in the publishing industry and I'm so grossed out that you published a novel, probably you should just die already, that would be great
2. Feeling 2: "glee"
a few months ago the G&M hired a new celebrity & fashion photos caption-writer and mostly they were terrible/snarky in a boring way/unworthy of comment BUT they have completely redeemed themselves, via THIS. the transitions between 1 and 2, 10 and 11, and 12 and 13 are particularly great.
yell about stuff all the time never stop yelling
so I was at a party on Saturday and some dude pulled out a turkey baster and goes BASTER SHOTSSSS and stood on the counter with vodka in a turkey baster at dick-height and then other dudes started grabbing girls and pinning their arms back and holding their mouths open for "baster shots" at which point I just started SCREECHING about how this was THE WORST METAPHOR, THIS IS THE WORST I AM SO GROSSED OUT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
and people tried to be all "sarah come do a baster shot!!!!!!" but I have a really good death stare and everyone knew better than to try and grab my anything
(this was in the same house where I punched a dude)
(probably I should just stop going there)
one time I was on an island with a dude and we were the only two people on the island. so obviously we set up a tripod and photographed ourselves like we had killed all the other humans on the island. we had a shotgun and a shovel and OBVIOUSLY I was the one holding the shotgun, because, obviously.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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on punching
I have been reading a lot of internet punching-related misandry these days and I am LOVING IT.
because last halloween I PUNCHED A DUDE IN THE FACE. I was a deer for halloween (sort of bambi-styles, but not really because I kind of hate bambi). and this dude was hitting on me/touching my antlers and I was SO FURIOUS about it. and then somehow conversation turned to me punching him in the face (maybe he dared me?) and he was like "do it!" and I was like "SO YOU ARE GIVING ME EXPRESS PERMISSION AND CONSENT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE???" and he was like "YES" and so I PUNCHED HIM, OBVS. and ended up giving him a black eye even though I was wearing fluffy rabbit fur mittens. and he was all "OMFG I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY DO IT" and everyone else was like "OMG, you punched J??????? what!???" and I (at the time) thought I felt "remorse" so I apologized.
BUT ACTUALLY the feeling that I was having was a combination of 'adrenaline' and 'fury' and 'joy' and so now I am super mad that I apologized and if I ever see this dude again I will be like "I AM TAKING MY APOLOGY BACK, ASSHOLE"
FUCK ALL Y'ALL NOBODY TOUCHES MY FUCKING ANTLERS this is one of my favourite stories to tell strangers, also. because it immediately divides listeners into people who are all "VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE ANSWER" and people who are all "OMG FUCK YES. FUCKING YES" who are obviously potential new best friends. SUCH AN IMPORTANT STORY FOR ME. next steps: punching more dudes, punching dudes without their consent, improving my stomping/kicking game