#khateeb

I went to Cuma today at my normal spot. I wore my best clean clothes, I put on perfume, I made Wudu and that extra effort to walk to the Masjid so that I may gain the benefits of doing such.

I came a bit early, prayed, and read quran. When the time came for the Khutbah, the Khateeb was someone I never saw before. He introduced himelf as a graduating senior and he said this:

"I spent a year abroad for my program learning about diplomacy, food, and French culture. During my year abroad in France, I got exposed to a very prominent Muslim community in the West. In Paris, I saw the biggest concentration of muslims that I have ever seen outside the Middle East or some big convention. And contrary to common belief, the city was particularly full of hijabis. I remember the mosques being so full that there was no space to sit cross-legged and you were touching every single brother around you. Mind you these mosques were 4 stories high, and ran 3 jummahs one after another.

Yet as dense as the muslim community is in Paris. I felt the most alone I have ever felt in my life. I was incredibly depressed, and I almost never smiled. I felt alone because I had no one to talk to, no one to connect to....If any sense of community existed it was on Friday and people came in just as quickly as they left. They gave salams, if ever, as an after thought; and I often found myself locking eyes with another brother who would just stare at me with a blank of serious expression. Discouraging me from any hope of saying asalamwalekum. If people shook hands after the prayer, they would already be looking at the door trying to find the quickest way to leave....There was also another brother, whom I'm sure was well intentioned. He smiled genuinely at me and bothered to sal salam when he saw me and learned my name. But our relationship was no more than him educating me on things I already knew mostly about....I didn't really need someone critiquing me on the minutia of the physical movements of my religion. I needed a brother, a spiritual friend, someone just to help me through the day. Someone who would get to know me for me; and not because I accidently missed my elbow during wudu....

Mind you that my experience could just have happened in any city here in the United States. The situation of the muslim communities inboth countries are much the same, at least from what I saw. How often have you felt rejected, alone, disregarded, in the mosques that are supposed to be the very center of our communities? Where was the Hadith that says "Muslims are like one person: if his eye hurts him then his whole body will sufferm and if his head hurts him then his whole body will suffer?" Who was feeling my suffering? Who even knew that I was suffering?...

There was one particular old man, on one cold winter Friday morning who saw me sitting alone in the back of the mosque. I had arrived early because I wanted so badly to pray in the front row, but a large group of old men beat me to it. There were enough to take up the first two rows. I felt a little distraught because it was my second or third attempt at getting to the masjid early just to be in the front row. So I gave up and sat out in the cold in a carpeted courtyard, ruminating over my continued misfortune. Now this man, saw me sitting in the cold alone, was about to continue walking when he took a second glance and came to me smiling. He said asalamwalekum and said in Arabic come with me. He took me by the hand, picked me up, and started walking at a fast pace; never letting go of my hand. As if he was afraid I'd run away. My initial reaction was fear...But then he just sat me next to him in the front row of an extremely crowded mosque. A position it seemed only reserved for the elderly or well known; and many of them made me know it with their wayward glances. Then he smiled. And I realized it was a gesture of kindness, he saw me alone and out of some bond he felt to me decided to take me in...

Have you ever felt alone and had someone just take you in? Just someone that made you feel at home and ease. We have all felt alone and don't know who to turn towards; perhaps some of us are going through it now. What ever took you out of that loneliness? People. What gets you of depression? People. What makes you comfortable and at home? People. At every step it's the love people show to one another for God's sake that help heal the wounds of tough times, erase the scars of horrible pasts, and encourage us to become the absolute best version of ourselves we can be..."

And that was only the beginning of the Khutbah that went on for another 20 minutes, asking us to say Salaam Alaykuum and show small acts of kindness for our brothers and sisters as guided by the Prophet peace and blessings be upon him. 

By the end of those mere 30 minutes I was a hot mess. Tears were streaming down my face, my nose was full of snot, my clothes wrinkled and wet from wiping. 

The Khateeb's words stirred something in me that had been settled as dust for a long time;

because as a revert, I remember every single person that ever reached out to me to bring me to Islam. 

As a revert, I remember every single person that ever welcomed me at the Masjid, that ever listened to my fears, every single person that ever said Salaam Alaykuum and greeted me in the love of Allah the most merciful, greeted me in their arms with a genuine embrace, when no one else ever would. When the whole word rejected me. When I gave my soul and very being to the same people that used me and tore me open again and again. 

Here was a man, a brother, that yearned for the same thing I yearned for. Here was a man that was not ashamed to share his story of depression and hardship in front of the community, to plead with us to show small acts of kindness to others, even a simple greeting of peace. And it just stirred something inside of me. I chased him down after services and asked if I might have a copy of his Khutbah to keep, so that I may share it with you. 

Please make dua for this brother. What I typed here is just a small bit. If you would like the entirety of the Khutbah, please message me and I will email it to you.

Allah razi olsun.