#kguys

I'm actually astonished I was able to dodge bullets today....... even under the circumstances that i was put into.....

mister masochist came up from 대구...... it was so random..... he told me yesterday that he wanted to come up, and of course me being a friend said sure i'd house him..... i just didn't expect it to be THIS soon =.=........ anyways i went to a gym 언니's nail salon to get my nails done after work since mister masochist said he was coming around midnight. after getting pampered, qtnj언니 and i decided to go to a sashimi place near our gym because we were hungry. i also wanted to buy her dinner since she didn't charge me to get my nails done =.= while having dinner, i basically confided into 언니 everything......... about mister masochist..... about hippo...... everything. it was so funny how even though we have a language barrier that she still understood me, and i her. all the while, hippo kept messaging me asking where i was and that he wanted to join us. I had to constantly reject him because I knew that if i told him where i was, he'd come, and then he'd sleep over, while mister masochist was over too!...... totally not down for that right now =.=

it broke my heart when hippo asked me why i kept rejected him..... i'm not sure why, but i just felt so bad :(

mister masochist finally joined us and informed me that he had driven all the way to seoul instead of taking the ktx. it was so weird because he would be leaving the next day at noon. i'm not going to lie though........ i know he came up for me....... but what worried me the most was if my feelings for hippo was going to change :( we spent the night drinking with 언니, and she even spilled everything about the stuff between mister masochist and i =.= i really wanted to strangle her then and there =.=

mister masochist and i did end up heading home...... and he did end up sleeping on my bed..... but the feel was definitely different from when i sleep with hippo..... mister masochist didn't pull anything serious. he did try to place his hand over me, but i quickly shoved it off. I unno.... maybe i'm being mean, but i've definitely friendzoned him because of how i feel with him. I didn't feel like myself..... I didn't feel safe and protected...... a bit of this feeling is also because hippo is bigger than mister masochist who's pretty scrawny.......

even heading to 이태원 with mister masochist for lunch the next day was weird...... i know he kept hinting about his feelings, but i just didn't want to think about it or even talk about it. the whole time all i could think about was hippo....... so i guess i've fallen for hippo badly eh?.......

I've seen the girls you've been with

I know how wonderful you are

And I'm never going to measure up because I'm

ugly

useless

annoying

fat

Supposed to be working on IP, but you know....

We cannot concentrate....