#keys.headcanons

You moving in completely changes it

For the first few months, you'd always scare him

You weren't supposed to be here! That wasn't how it was for as long as he could remember

Eventually, he gets used to it, and starts making enough food for the both of you and is no longer flinching whenever you walk into a room

Very militant. He wakes up at 5 am and goes to bed at 9 pm

He gets very upset if his sleep schedule has to be adjusted in any way, like you get home slightly too late

He's a decent cook

He's in no way a "you should open a restaurant" cook, but he can make some meals pretty well

Sometimes cooking gets hard for him because he knows it's something that his mom made for him, but he doesn't remember if he's making it how she did

Gets upset you'll never get the full experience of dating/marrying, like meeting and becoming "one with" his family

Especially if your parents are in the picture

Has a set routine for cleaning the house

You are to sit and do nothing while he is

He considers it interfering and not helping

Gets upset if something is placed an atom away from its usual placement

He can tell

Has no skincare routine

Not even rubbing his face really hard with just water

He just takes the mask off and goes to bed

If you try to clean his face he'll lean away like a baby you're trying to feed something it doesn't like

One time he did this he leaned so far back he fell over

Rodion kept making suggestive comments at him because he was limping

He just bruised his tailbone but

Rodion knew Nikto wasn't lying, he just likes making fun of his teammates

Request page !!

BALE:

Most definitely adopted you. Does his best not to embarrass you by being overbearing, but he is very fussy over you to be transparent. He likes to check you over slightly, as secretly as possible. Also likes to invite you for food or bring you stuff so he knows that you're eating well, also makes sure you're packed up fully before leaving onto a mission.

MINOTAUR:

The fun dad! Kind of guy that loves throwing kids up in the air and catching them. Less possible when it comes to an adult who's an efficient killer and soldier. Still, invites you to stay with him whenever you have time off at the same time. Also very dad jokey, kind of guy who intentionally gets stuff wrong to irritate you or embarrass you in that "that's what dads do" kind of way. NIKTO:

THE example of grouchy man and his adopted child he slowly grows to care for. Definitely not openly affectionate, instead more of a shadow. He moves in his best attempt to not be noticed as a "softy" nor otherwise caring in any manner. Will leave Sputnik with you under the excuse of "babysitting" but the truth is YOU'RE the one being babysat. Shows affection through awkward pats on the upper back or shoulder when you come back from a mission/other form of separation.

RODION:

He's the youngest and the others often treat him like he's dramatically younger, so he's very young father-coded. Giving those photos from the early 2000s of those guys sitting on the couch playing a video game with his baby in his lap. Very jokey, knows the slang but still uses it awkwardly because English is his second language. Act first think later kind of guy, will punch someone for you. BONUS: NIKOLAI:

I know so many people agree that he is a very fatherly type of guy, especially in the context of NikPrice, but I think that he is very much a competitive kind of guy. Type of father that is at the sidelines of pretty much every event screaming the loudest. Also very physically affectionate, kind of guy to wrap you in a side hug and shake you when excited.

YEGOR:

I think he's a little stiff the first time or so

Also, I feel like with the mask on, the fabric part is rough and has little grooves in it

Once he gets used to kissing you, he chases it all of the time

Like, when you give him a peck and pull away he leans back in to get more

He's just so touch-starved and he wants you to give him some more

plays with your hair if you kiss him while sitting/lying with him

He likes it when you rub his shoulders when you're making out

Sometimes bonks his covered mouth into your cheek or temple and if you ask him about it he insists it was a kiss (his mouth was not moving)

I definitely see him with a torn lip, like a lot of people draw him with, so his kisses are a little lopsided

Prefers you stand on the side with the less mangled part of his mouth so when you kiss him he can kiss back

BALE:

Very much glad to reciprocate the affection. Will drop anything for a hug or forehead/temple/check kiss. Is very cautious with initating the affection in public/in front of your friends, so he doesn't upset you if you aren't in the mood this time, but he'll always make sure to very quickly hold you hand, press a kiss to your hair, or hug you tight if you want it.

Definitely has movie nights where you cuddle on the couch. He always falls asleep with his head ontop of yours.

MINOTAUR:

Definitely where you got it from. Loud, affectionate with everyone. He has a lot of kids, he has to make sure they all have enough affection and thus he does it loud and obviously. He only just holds your hand if it's thr whole family. If it's just you, he wraps an arm over your shoulder and pulls you in close. Always fixing your hair, rubbing and patting your shoulder, making sure you know he's there.

Lowkey still tucks you in at night probably. At least checks on you while you're sleeping.

RODION:

He's so happy, he's so lucky. Flexes it to everyone and all who can intake information through any manner. Forhead kisses diabolically cartoonishly dramatic. He's on the school's PTA just to flex that his kid loves him while everyone else's kids are going through the angst phase and their marriages are falling apart.

NIKTO:

Not as thrilled. He was hoping for the angst phase, to be honest - he hates being touched, and he already gave that up for the younger years. He doesn't tell anyone he's still waiting for the day you loudly complain when he leans in to press a kiss to your head and gently smooths your clothes. He wishes you well, and then goes home and lays in the dark, alone and untouched for however long he can get away with it.

One time Graves called her Mami and she punched him in the face

Will push/order anyone around no matter what their rank is relative to her

Has beef with almost every man on KorTac

I see her especially beefing with Makarov and Nolan for some reason

Proud mean lesbian stereotype

She, Roze, Horangi, and a few other members of the KorTac Gossip Girls have a meeting space where they talk shit about everyone else

I totally agree with the idea that she spoils her partner to death

If you're dating her you'll def have that experience of going to bed one night and laying your head down and ow there's something under your pillow and you look and it's designer jewelry

She has a chair for you in her office and you sit there

Nu huh there's nothing more important than sitting in that chair what do you mean?

She likes to nuzzle your cheek if she briefly passes you

If you really like any animal, Sputnik is going to love you back

He LOVES pets, I fully believe that

Nikto tries to keep him off the furniture, but Sputnik will see if you'll let that slide

Will definitely try to cuddle you

Does not smell that good if it's been a while since his last bath, so I wouldn't suggest burying your nose in any fur

Speaking of bathtime, Sputnik loves baths

And hoses, that damn hyena will chase the spray of a hose for literal hours

Now I would not suggest keeping a hyena with any other pets, especially not smaller animals, considering their hunting behaviors

but this is fictional so that doesn't matter - Because Hyenas are pack animals, I think Sputnik would like dogs that were around the same size

However, Sputnik might be a bit too playful for an older/grouchier dog

Sputnik is a puppy after all

If you don't have a dog the same size/bigger, a separate room for Sputnik is probably the best idea for everyone

Rodion, of course, insists on helping you and Nikto

He is a VERY involved uncle okay

This is what you're in for if you and Nikto have kids, Rodion will be helping you and that is a THREAT

If you listen to Rodion, the room looks more like a savannah/grassland-themed kid's bedroom

A twin-sized bed, yellow-orange and tree-painted walls, plushes and dog toys that look like lions and giraffes and everything else

If you're afraid of Sputnik, Nikto tries his best to be respectful of that

It probably takes a while to meet Sputnik, no matter what your reaction would be

Sputnik is important to him, and does a lot to help him when he's having a rough time with his mental health

So, he doesn't want to put the two best things to happen to him at odds

He, and Rodion, speak about Sputnik in a way that makes you think about him as a dog, maybe even a smaller one

So, when you're face to face with a nearly human-sized, probably man-eating, trained-to-kill animal known for its ruthlessness in the wild, it makes perfect sense that you'd be a little scared

If you really, really react, Nikto takes a couple of days with out talking to you

He's doing his best to find a compromise, one way that will work out for everyone

Nikto doesn't like to rock the boat in situations like this, where it risks parts of his stability he needs, so he is perfectly okay finding a way to keep you two separate

It's a little hard, though, Sputnik is excitable and used to getting attention when he demands it

That usually means that, even before you move in a Sputnik gets a separate room, Sputnik gets banished to another room for the night

Rodion still ends up burnt

Minotaur picks anyone he can hold up and throws them into the water

This will include you at least once

Bale gets it a lot more

That's what he gets for being a twin

Not even Nikto is safe from Minotaur's tossing

Most of the time Nikto plays fetch with Sputnik

Bale grills Shashlik for everyone

I see him being the best cook of the Spetznas so it slaps

Rodion has a speaker that's blasting hardbass

No one else is pleased with this

Sputnik won't walk near it when it's playing

If you're more up to stay on the beach to tan, Bale is there to have conversations with you

If you prefer to stay at the edge of the water, Minotaur is hanging out there and will probably splash you at least once

Rodion is out past the breaking point, bobbing through the waves

And Nikto is wherever Sputnik takes him, but probably somewhere further down the beach in ankle-deep water

He will not let you play fetch with Sputnik

He says it's because they're "training" but he just gets jealous when Sputnik gives affection to someone else

That's HIS hyena goddamn it

Sputnik does probably tackle Rodion once though

If it's an American beach Rodion keeps insisting that everyone plays volleyball

Nikto sits out so that you can play and it will be even

He has to hold Sputnik anyway

The end of the day is every one very tired piling into the car

Bale drives, Nikto sits in the passenger seat, and you sit with Minotaur and Rodion in the back

Sputnik sits in Rodion's lap

They play much slower, quieter Russian music in the car

Minotaur seems hyped still, and Bale is still very aware, but Nikto's head rests on the window and Rodion buries his face in Sputnik's fur

Bale is on aloe vera duty after

Rodion is pretty burned, Minotaur is burned the worst, and Nikto managed to make it out of there not burned at all

Nikto complains about not being able to hose Sputnik (and Rodion) down outside

Sputnik gets showered first, there is no argument to that

You get back to the place you're staying and Nikto just wanders into the bathroom and puts Sputnik into the tub

You may not help (see above)

He won't mind you watching, though

Rodion takes Sputnik out so that Nikto can shower next

You have a choice in what order you can shower now

But Sputnik going first is non-negotiable

He's a painter

He painted his mask himself

He can talk he's just avoiding people (Especially Graves)

Went through a phase where he'd bark at people as a teen/kid

Massive dog guy like he loves dogs more than life

Kind of guy to aggressively pat dogs on the chest/back instead of stroking them

Is the one that ends up watching the stove/grill whenever Graves cooks

Is the only reason Graves' food is even mildly edible

First date with him is to a sports bar (it had really good burgers)

He orders Shirley Temples anywhere he can and fucks them up

Bro drinks like three of them in an inordinate amount of time

Type of bitch to drink the grenadine out of the bottle

He prob does that with other things like chocolate/strawberry syrup

Brings his partner pretty/shiny things as gifts

He can see more reflective surfaces better when wearing the glasses

They're like 110% UV resistant