#keyissalvation

It starts when Jonghyun reveals his idea to the rest of them for his solo - now potentially duet - stage for their concert. Jinki looks vaguely surprised and Kibum is more concerned with a single strand of stray hair that only he can see, but Minho. Minho is concerned. Because of the song Jonghyun has chosen, because he wants to do it with Taemin of all people. Because he’s convinced them all so easily, with the puppy eyes and bright smile that he only used for Minho. That smile made Minho feel like he was the center of Jonghyun’s universe.

Now…

Minho watches Taemin and Jonghyun discuss ideas for their stage; they’re entirely too close for Minho’s liking and they don’t pay him any attention at all. Taemin’s hand comes up to cover his laugh and then falls to Jonghyun’s thigh, and Jonghyun shifts closer. Or maybe Minho just imagined that.

Jonghyun doesn’t come back to their room until after 1am, and then it’s only to grab his glasses and toothbrush. The fact that he doesn’t bother to bring pajamas bothers Minho more than it should: he knows Jonghyun likes to sleep naked, they all do. He just.

He’s bothered.

Jonghyun is up the next morning when Minho wakes; he’s leaving the bathroom and Minho is waiting for it. He’s clearly more than half asleep and adorably so, hair messy and eyes sleepy. His lips are puffy and he yawns before giving Minho a tiny smile and a quick kiss.

“Morning…”

“Morning, babe.” Minho lets his hands rest on the curve of Jonghyun’s waist and he tries not to be bothered that Jonghyun is wearing Taemin’s sweatpants. They’re low on his hips and Minho wants nothing more than to drop to his knees and bite a mark onto his tanned skin.

And maybe suck his dick too.

“Sleep good?”

At this, Jonghyun brightens. “Nope,” he says cheerfully, “me and Tae stayed up all night.”

Minho smooths Jonghyun’s hair and nods before dropping a kiss to his upturned lips. “Come back to our room and sleep, you don’t have a schedule until the afternoon.”

“Can’t, me and Tae are going to start rehearsing.”

“Oh.”

And really, what does he have to be jealous of? Minho stabs his straw into his iced coffee and tries to smother his frown with his hand. Jonghyun is to his right, but Taemin is next to him, and it’s like Minho isn’t even there. Jonghyun only gives him a quick smile when Minho drops his hand to rub at his thigh - then Taemin says something and Jonghyun leans into him with his laughter.

It feels like this is a competition, and Minho is losing.

Except for nights like these, where Minho has Jonghyun laid out on his back, one hand gripping the sheets and the other fisted lazily in Minho’s hair. Minho presses his lips to Jonghyun’s hipbone, their gazes connected, and he makes Jonghyun watch as he trails kisses closer and closer, then stops. Jonghyun bites his lip and his hips shift, not pleading, just…tired.

“Minho…” Again, he doesn’t sound needy or pleading, he sounds tired. So, so tired.

“Do you not want to do this?”

“Just…not now.”

There’s a question boiling inside Minho, but he swallows it along with the bitterness in his throat. He sleeps in his own bed for the first time in months.

Jonghyun doesn’t stop him.

It continues like that, a vicious cycle of passive aggressive interactions in private, their usual silliness in public. It’s grating on Minho’s nerves, and he doesn’t even know how Jonghyun feels: the brunette is almost always in Taemin’s room. That, or they’re together somewhere else.

It doesn’t hurt as much as Minho thought it would, seeing Jonghyun happy with Taemin, because he trusts him. Jonghyun is…he’s silly and he plays around a lot and he definitely flirts even more (and enjoys when people flirt back) and he is all too obvious when he has a new object of affection, but that’s it. He wouldn’t do anything more than that. Minho trusts him.

And it all comes to a head the day of the concert; Minho watches their performance from backstage and honestly? He is just as shocked as the audience when Jonghyun grabs Taemin by the hair and yanks, when Taemin runs a hand down Jonghyun’s chest, when their hips grind into each other. The way they look at each other and growl their lyrics in each other’s faces.

And then Jonghyun handcuffs Taemin to him, and after they have maintained their ending position for a long moment, they’re running offstage, Jonghyun dragging Taemin. Minho doesn’t miss the giddy smile on Taemin’s face, the all too clear bulge in Jonghyun’s too tight pants. Which is unsettling, but Jonghyun had probably been rushing so he could calm his boner down before they had to appear on stage again. And Taemin was just happy they’d done so well.

Minho sets off to find his boyfriend, congratulate him and Taemin for having done so well. And he does find them, Jonghyun sandwiched between Taemin and the wall, not unlike their previous performance. Except this time, there’s no audience, and Taemin’s hand is wiggling down the front of Jonghyun’s pants as he kisses him breathless. Minho doesn’t say anything at first, the blood is rushing in his ears and he can’t hear anything, can’t see for a moment because his boyfriend of three years is making out with his bandmate right in front of him

Minho turns around and leaves.

And that night, Jonghyun approaches Minho, shy and small and cute, and asks if Minho wants to go out. On a date, a walk and dinner (something cheap and fatty and totally unhealthy) to celebrate the day’s success.

And there are a thousand things Minho could do: lash out, reveal that he knows, tell Jonghyun off, but he just gives Jonghyun a tired smile and says yes, that he’ll pay. Because, and he doesn’t tell Jonghyun this, this will likely be their last date. Not that Jonghyun will care, because he’ll have

“Taemin.”

Minho looks up, frowning at the mention of the youngest, “What?”

“I said we should hurry, I promised I’d go out with Taemin. Like after this. To celebrate.”

Minho scoffs, waves Jonghyun away. “Just go with him. You’ll have more fun with him.”

Jonghyun steps forward and Minho’s legs automatically, instinctively part for Jonghyun to stand between them. He looks concerned, a hand coming up to rest on Minho’s cheek. “But-”

“Jonghyun, I’m not really in the mood for this.”

“But Minho-”

“I saw you and Taemin, after your performance.”

Jonghyun flinches away then; his hand drops and his mouth opens, then closes. Quietly, almost hesitantly, he says, “You know I’m poly-”

“That doesn’t mean you can just go and-” Minho can’t even say it, “three years, Jonghyun.”

“I wasn’t using it as an excuse!” Jonghyun looks frustrated now, “I didn’t mean for this to happen, he kissed me, and no, that’s not an excuse either-”

“Are you in love with him?”

Jonghyun looks surprised, but he nods. “I love both of you. I need both of you. Can you just let me talk?”

“Talk then.”

“I really didn’t mean for this to happen, really. I didn’t,” Jonghyun repeats. There’s desperation in the words because he already knows what this will lead to.

“Is he in love with you?”

“He didn’t realize until I told him I liked him. So don’t blame him.”

“I’m not.”

“Do you blame me then?” And he has the nerve to bite his lip, all small and sad.

“I blame us both. I trusted you. For three years. You just did what you wanted-”

“I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d act like this!”

“Maybe if you’d told me, it would’ve been different,” Minho isn’t mad, not anymore, “and I blame myself for thinking you could be something you’re not. And I blame Taemin because he knew we were together and he still-”

“That was my fault. I shouldn’t have told him how I felt.”

“He shouldn’t have kissed you.”

Jonghyun opens his mouth to reply, then closes it, shoulders dropping. “I’m sorry.”

“Break up with me then. This isn’t going to just…” Minho waves a hand carelessly, “you’re not going to change, and neither can I.”

“If you ever do change your mind, I’ll still love you-”

Taemin decides to wake Jinki up by jumping on his bed and rocking Jinki from side to side until he finally opens his eyes and mumbles with a sleep rough voice that he's awake, jeez. Taemin promptly flops all over Jinki, practically vibrating with excitement. Jinki takes another long minute for his body to catch up with his brain, then stretches the best he can with Taemin on top of him.

“What is it, Tae?” Jinki strokes Taemin's hair with a clumsy hand and can't help a tired snicker when Taemin wiggles impatiently, an exaggerated pout on their lips.

“It's snowing, Jinki! Come outside with me!”

“Ask-” Jinki pauses because he doesn't know what gender his other partner is feeling today, “Key, I'm tired.”

“Kibum refuses to go outside with me in the snow, ever.”

“And why is that?”

Taemin pouts and makes their eyes big as they wiggle in Jinki's lap, the picture of innocence. Which obviously means they've done something. “I don't know...But you'll play with me, right?”

“I can't.”

“Why?”

“You're on top of me, Tae.”

Taemin blinks in realization, then looks down to see that indeed, they're on top of Jinki. “Oops,” they say, cheerful, as they slide off of him, “play with me now?”

“Fine, let me get dressed.”

Taemin beams at him and kisses his cheek before running out the room, cackling because they know Jinki hates kisses. Taemin is just lucky they're so cute, or else Jinki would've gotten even a long time ago. Jinki does, however, lay back down instead of getting ready, because he knows Taemin will throw a fit.

And Taemin does; even drags Kibum into it, which is completely unfair because what Kibum says, goes. So when Kibum says to get up and play with Taemin, Jinki gets up and gets dressed, grumbling under Kibum's scrutinizing eye.

“Why won't you go outside with them?

“They'll ruin my hair,” Kibum says, “it's cold out there, and not fun, and Taemin is competitive.”

“What does Taemin-”

“Tae! Jinki's ready!” Kibum calls out, and in a softer, amused tone, “have fun, and, well, good luck.”

Jinki doesn't get to ask what Kibum means because suddenly Taemin is there, with their infectious smile and their insistent pleas for Jinki to hurry up, I wanna make a snowman. Jinki lets himself be tugged outside and watches Taemin launch themself into the knee deep snow; the way they throw snow in the air and let it sprinkle down around (and on) them, the way they fall back into it and disappear before popping back up, a bright smile on their lips. There's white streaking their dark hair and Jinki wades out into the snow to brush Taemin off.

“Jinki, let's build a snowman, okay?”

“Okay, Tae.” Jinki finishes brushing off Taemin's hair and offers a spare set of gloves because Taemin never wears gloves, then complains about how cold their hands are and shove them against Kibum and Jinki’s faces.

As expected though, Taemin refuses the gloves and bounds off to make the first ball of their snowman. They call out for Jinki to make the middle and top layers and Jinki kneels where he is, gathering snow together. It's actually kind of peaceful like this: no one but the two of them are outside and Taemin is quiet now, and there's something about fresh snow that makes things seem even quieter, and

Jinki freezes when a small hand yanks on the back of his jacket and dumps a handful of snow in and cold cold cold-

“Taemin!” But Taemin is already running to the backyard, cackling madly, and Jinki shakes most of the snow from his jacket before stalking after them with a sloppily made snowball in hand. It's too quiet though, and Jinki doesn't notice until he turns the corner and there's Taemin, a pile of neat snowballs next to them.

“Do you surrender?” Taemin asks in between giggles. Their cheeks are blotchy red from exertion and the cold, and they're grinning madly, pleased their plan has worked.

Jinki drops his one snowball and raises his hands up, nodding. “Surrender. How about for a truce we go inside and-”

“Never!” Taemin's already got the first snowball in hand, and Jinki counts about ten before Taemin lets the first one fly.

From inside, Kibum watches Jinki get pummelled with snowballs and shakes his head. He remembers the first - and only - time he went out in the snow with Taemin: Taemin had tackled him in the snow and made him agree to play with them for as long as they wanted or else. Kibum had agreed, of course, and spent the next four hours in the snow with Taemin.

And now it's Jinki's turn. Kibum leaves his spot at the kitchen window to start making hot chocolate for the three of them, he warms up the leftover brownies as well and opens the window to call out that there's snacks waiting for them. Taemin immediately jumps up and Jinki follows more slowly, and Kibum makes them both shake off the snow outside because he is not cleaning up after them. Taemin offers their cheek and Kibum kisses it, then turns to Jinki.

“And now you know.” he says.

Jinki just glares at him. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“It's over now, come inside, there's hot chocolate and brownies. Taemin's picking a movie.”

“Let me change first then.”

Kibum shrugs and lets Jinki pass, then follows Taemin to the couch. Taemin almost immediately wiggles over to him and sets themself in Kibum's lap, and Kibum lets them kiss him, until he hears Jinki come downstairs.

“You two can continue,” Jinki says mildly, but Taemin is already out of Kibum's lap and into Jinki's as soon as he sits.

“Kiss,” Taemin demands, and Jinki obliges, kissing both of Taemin's cheeks, still blotchy red.

Taemin wiggles back into Kibum's lap and stretches out so their head is in Kibum's lap and their legs are in Jinki's, and they pout up at Kibum until he starts the movie and begins to run his fingers through Taemin's hair.

“You're so needy,” Jinki says, eyes on Taemin.

“And you're a butt.” Taemin fires back, already sounding sleepy.

“Whatever you say, Tae.”

Taemin doesn't give Jinki a verbal reply, just sticks their tongue out at him, and Kibum ends their fight with a well sized brownie for the both of them. Taemin doesn't eat theirs, just tugs Kibum down for a lazy kiss and doesn't let Kibum pull away until Jinki coughs.

“Sorry, Jinki!” Taemin sings, sounding anything but.

“I'll get you back tomorrow,”Jinki promises, “just wait.”

“You're on-”

“If you're going to fight, don't do it inside, unless you're planning on cleaning up. Because last time, Taemin, you spilled all the eggs on the floor and left them there-”

“I couldn't just give up and clean it up!”

“Taemin, outside or not at all. And don't laugh, Jinki, because I do remember what you did with all the bubble bath mixture.”

“Fine, Kibummie. But only if you'll join us.”

“Yeah, be on my team!”

“Not after what the both of you have put me through. You two are on your own.”

Taemin jumps up, grinning wickedly, and they run to their pile of snow clothes and start putting it on. “Starting now!”

Jinki and Kibum quickly follow, all of them spilling out into the snow and grabbing all the snow they can for snowballs.

It's kind of funny, Jinki thinks, how vastly different Taemin of Shinee is from Lee Taemin. Taemin is energetic, he's confident, he revels in all the attention given to him. They all say Minho is the one with the "flaming charisma", but whenever Jinki watches their performances, his eyes are automatically drawn to Taemin, to the curve of his smile and the elegant sharpness of his movements. He can hear the passion in his voice, can see it in his eyes, can feel it when they stand next to each other on stage. It's almost unsettling, the aura he has, the raw focus put into each action. He really does shine on stage, could easily outshine all the others if he tried.

Jinki wonders if Taemin knows that.

Taemin always has this haze around him when they finish a concert. It's in his eyes, on his lips, and it's always broken when he realizes that they're done. That haze is the switch between Shinee's Taemin and Lee Taemin. The stage is almost like Taemin's drug. The music, the stage - it's Taemin's reason for existing. His release.

But once they're back in the van, in the dorms, alone - that's when Lee Taemin resurfaces. He's softer somehow, less focused. They always joke that Taemin has magic hands, but Jinki thinks it extends further than that. Taemin is...

Taemin's kind of like smoke: he's hazy and forgetful and graceful and quiet and he's not always here, not mentally. He's in whole other worlds in his mind, and it's kind of beautiful. Taemin is quiet (not quite shy, but what other word is there for it?) and private, an enigma even to Jinki. No one but him knows of the most important things of himself, and he only ever lets people have a glimpse of himself on the rarest of occasions.

Like with Pretty Boy. It had been a show of his vulnerability, of his deepest thoughts and wishes, and Jinki knows Jonghyun has captured that side of Taemin perfectly, effortlessly. It's why Jinki always says Pretty Boy is his favorite song off the Ace album.

Taemin doesn't have many friends like Minho and Kibum do. It's not he can't make friends, he just doesn't want to. Taemin's friends are thoughtfully chosen, they're close to him, almost like family. Taemin only shows his vulnerabilities to people he trusts, so it makes sense that he only has friends that understand him, that he trusts, that connect with him. It's kind of beautiful, that thought process.

It's also beautiful watching Taemin dance offstage, when it's just him and the music in his head, in his ears, flowing through him. Even when the others have slumped to the floor, exhausted, Taemin keeps dancing, eyes closed, completely drowning in his music. And he's free.

It’s times like these that Jinki can see another part of Taemin - the part he shows to the audience. Taemin shows his fans his strength and energy, his raw talent and all the work he’d put in to get to where he is. The sheen of sweat covering his forehead and the light in his eyes shows his passion for performing, for dancing, for being on the stage.

Taemin's persona is elegantly crafted, each wall put up a defense against every negative comment, against prying eyes. But he still hurts: it's clear when Jinki realizes what to look for (the too-practiced smile, the nervous hand movements, the bitten lip) and it hurts that Taemin won't let him help.

But still, Jinki kind of loves him even more for it.

It's during their promotions for Sherlock that Jinki notices it: Taemin never really touches him. Now, Jinki knows that it’s just not Taemin’s way to have the unnecessary physical interactions like Jonghyun, but...

Taemin at least touches the other members. But with Jinki, it's skittish, wary. Jinki is always the one to initiate any form of skinship, and it always takes Taemin a moment to reciprocate.

Now, Jinki can definitely see the way Taemin looks at him, with so much adoration and love and awe that Jinki sometimes wants to flinch away, to tell Taemin that he’s not worthy of that kind of look, to do or say something so stupid that Taemin would just stop. Looking at him like that.

Jinki kind of hates Taemin because of that look.

But - touch. Taemin is perfectly fine with touching Jonghyun, with Jonghyun’s (too) friendly hand to his thigh, his hip. Taemin is perfectly fine with Minho draping himself over him, with Kibum’s nagging and showers of affection, so why-

But during the Why So Serious era, something changed that.

Jinki always assumed it was the car crash that Jonghyun had been involved in - Taemin had been closest to Jonghyun and had been hit the hardest. Jinki can still perfectly remember how Taemin had reacted: Kibum had just told him a joke and Taemin was laughing, but at the news that Jonghyun had been hit, his face had frozen and Jinki could practically see Taemin’s mind flitting through all the worst conclusions; loss of voice, paralysis, coma, death. Even when they were told it wasn’t that serious, Taemin was still visibly upset, especially when he found out the accident would affect Jonghyun’s voice.

He’d worked the hardest after that, trying to hit all the notes Jonghyun would have, trying to get his voice to sound like Jonghyun’s because what if Jonghyun wasn’t coming back-

If Jinki had a dollar every time he had to drag Taemin from the practice rooms just so he’d get some sleep and not wreck his voice, he’d be rich.

They grew closer during that time though, with all of Jinki’s careful protection of Taemin's voice, his body, his everything. It felt like a victory every time Taemin would absently rest his hand on Jinki's thigh during interviews, every time their eyes would meet and Taemin would give Jinki the most beautiful smile- 

But then they found out Jonghyun wouldn't be able to film with them, and Taemin...got worse. Of course, he filmed his part perfectly, with lots of wide smiles and laughter, but as soon as they were back in the dorms, Taemin. Broke. He'd go to the studio and dance until he could barely walk, would sing until his throat was scratched raw.

And he still managed to put on a smile for the fans.

Jinki really admired Taemin for that.

And now, two years later, with lavender fresh in Taemin's hair and all their choreo gone from Jinki's mind, Jinki worries. He worries that their song won't be well received, he worries that their fans will be disappointed with the choreo, the video, the song, the album. Jinki worries that their album won't sell and that they won't be nominated or win at all, Jinki worries that he isn't a good enough leader.

Taemin eases all of that with a single touch to Jinki's thigh, a soft smile and a promise that they'll do well, like they always do. It'll always be the five of them on that stage, regardless of how much they sell or how many awards they win. They'll always be Shinee.