Top Posts Tagged with #keonarchives

“EVERGREEN, Please don’t come home to me.”

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- featuring : all cortis members, failedsituationship!seonghyeon x martinsyoungersister!reader x childhood bestfriend!keonho, moka and minju from illit as readers best friends, stella from h2h as seonghyeon’s new girl, ian from h2h as stellas bestfriend and y/ns cousin and more tba

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- synopsis : being in a situationship with eom seonghyeon is everything you could’ve dreamed of! (well.. so you thought…) you had planned to spend every minute and second of the entire summer together alongside your mutually shared friends which included your tall ass brother - martin edward’s- for some reason. oh! and not to mention your neighbour turned childhood bestfriend - more like the demon that haunted your entire childhood - ahn keonho. but when the summer breeze did come around, you didn’t hear a single word from seonghyeon nor did your brother and keonho either.

you wondered why? and well, let’s say that within the first week of summer break. you got your answer and like any typical person would feel, you felt heartbroken and worthless. however, your bestfriend wouldn’t let that ruin your entire summer. he would make sure you’d remember this summer as not the one where you got heartbroken but the summer in which you were shown all the love -platonic? or romantic?- you deserve.

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reminder: separate fiction from reality! whatever is written on here is not reflected onto the real identity of the said person.

status: ongoing

warnings: self doubt and hurtful, isolation, neglecting food, reader has depression and anxiety, sensitive topics, comfort

wordcount : 3737

(not proofread)

soundtrack : the soundtrack of limerence and yearning

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MASTERLIST || PREVIOUS NEXT

You dont remember when it started exactly.

It was 7th grade. You were thirteen. The girls at your middle school had started spreading rumours about you. They called you names, made fun of your clothes, your hair, the way you talked. They'd whisper whenever you walked past. They'd laugh when you sat down in the canteen holding the metal tray full of food.

You tried. You really did try to ignore it, tried telling yourself that it didnt matter. But it did. It mattered more than you could explain.

You started staying at home attempting to skip school. You'd tell your mom you felt sick, and at first? she believed you. But after a while, she stopped. She started asking questions you didnt have answers to.

So? What did you do? You stopped talking.

You found it hard to do simple everyday things, The only thing you could bring yourself to do was lie there and stare at the ceiling and just wait for the feeling to pass.

It didnt pass.

It stayed.

It clung to you like a second skin, whispering that you werent good enough, You'd never be good enough. That everyone was right about you.

You're weird.

You're ugly.

No one likes you.

You should just dissapear.

You believed it, For months, You believed every single word.

People tried to help. Mom made you soup you never ate, Martin tried to make you laugh. But nothing worked.

It was Keonho who finally got through.

He came to your house every single day, He'd sit there on your bedroom floor and help do the work that the teachers gave him to give you. He'd talk to you even when you didnt respond. He'd bring your favorite snacks and leave them on the nightstand. He'd tell you about his day, the game he was currently playing or anything. On some weekends, he even slept over at your house on the air matress your mom would prepare for him.

He just wanted to make you smile.

He never gave up, even when you had given up on yourself.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told you one night " I dont care how long it takes, I'm going to be here until you believe you're worth staying for."

You sobbed, "What if I'm not?"

"You are," he mumbled "You're the most important person in my life and I dont plan on letting you forget that."

It took him months of reassurance and took you months to see it in yourself. But eventually, you started believing him.

You moved schools. Keonho's mom even let him move with you after several nights of begging. You slowly started talking, eating and even started laughing again.

Your parents sent you to a therapist. Keonho would walk you to the place every week before an appointment and he'd wait for you while your session took place.

And slowly, the darkness started to lift.

You thought that it would be gone for good.

You were wrong.

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The second week of summer came around. You hung out with Keonho today. You were supposed to hang out with Seonghyeon but you assumed he was busy due to the no response from him.

You were off your phone the entire day when hanging out with Keonho. You only used it to take photos here and there.

It was a good day that day. You bought the vinyls that you've been wantng since forever. Well, Keonho bought them for you.

You were lying on your bed, scrolling through instagram, when you saw it.

Stella was pretty. The kind of pretty that made people do a double take, Long hair, perfect skin, effortless style. Everything you wished you were.

You knew that she was close with Seonghyeon but you realized that everything he said to you about her? It was more than that.

The photo showed Seonghyeon and Stella cuddled up. She was asleep in his arms. His lips pressed against her forehead- the same way he'd kiss your forehead.

You felt the entire world tilt.

You zoomed in on the photo, his handle tagged next to him, There he was looking at her with those adoring eyes while she slept. The same eyes he'd have when hanging out with you.

You clicked on her profile, only to see there was a highlight. The highlight had a picture of them when they were kids hugging eachother. But what stood out to you was the name of the highlight. It read "eommine ꨄ︎"

It was cliche, a mix of his first name and a mix of claiming him as her's. It was unique but as you clicked on the highlight, you felt lik something shattered inside of you.

You saw more photos of them together- some from the beach, a party, and some from what looked like a date night- dating back from a while ago. He was in every photo, each and every single one.

But there was one that caught your eye the most, it was dated as the same day he left you on that beach. The same day you had asked for more than what you guys were. It was a photo of the two of them in his car with her in the passenger seat - the same one you were sat in merely hours before her - holding a bouquet of flowers and beside it had a huge piece of paper with some cliche writing with him asking to be her boyfriend.

And that's when everything inside of you shattered. Everything you had been holding together for the past god knows how long. Everything, you spent the last couple of years in therapy talking about and slowly getting over. Everything that made you think you were getting stronger.

It all shattered.

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You don't know how many day's it had been since you last left your room.

You didn't get out of bed.

You layed there, staring at the ceiling, your phone face down on the nightstand. You turned off your notifications not wanting to see anyone or talk to anyone.

All you wanted to do was disappear.

The memories were flooding back. 7th grade. The rumors. The whispers. The feeling of being completely, utterly alone.

You had thought that this version of you was gone, That, you escaped her and left her behind.

But she was back. It was back.

And she was going to be louder than ever.

You're never going to be enough.

He chose her. He always was going to choose her.

You were just a placeholder.

No one really wants you.

You pressed your palms against your eyes, trying with all your might to block out the voice. But it wouldn't stop.

It would never stop.

Seonghyeon's smile in that photo. The way Stella was laughing. The way they just looked so natural together.

All this time I was nothing.

It was her who was getting what I had asked for that day. It was her who mattered to him. It was her. It will always be her.

I'd never matter.

Not then, not now and perhaps maybe forever.

And like you always have done, you pulled the covers over your head and let the darkness swallow you.

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It had been over a week now. You stopped counting the hours.

Time didn't feel real anymore. It stretched and compressed and folded in on itself until I couldn't tell if it had been a minutes or days since I'd last move.

You were aware, distantly, that you should eat a proper meal other than the cold meals that pile up infront of your door left by your parents, brother or Keonho.

It took alot of effort for you to even just get up to open that door to get the said food. You had fallen into a routine of only opening the door to get the food when the house was quiet or it had felt like no one was outside.

So you stayed.

You stayed in bed, staring out the window and at the small trinkets that Seonghyeon had bought you once from the time you guys were studying and there was a small festival happening in the same street you guys were at.

He chose her.

He never really chose you.

You were never enough.

You reached for the said trinket before grabbing it and throwing it at the wall in anger and despair. You couldnt stand to look at it.

The noise of the trinket shattering against your hardwooded floors echoed in the room and down the hall.

Your phone buzzed and you read a notification from your brother asking if you're okay and if you had hurt yourself. You also saw the small bunchs of notification that had been piling up on your lockscreen from your friends and family everyday. But one notification stood out the most, It was Keonho's he had consistently updated you, showing you what he's doing , wondering if you've eaten and if you're okay. You didn't respond instead you just shut off your phone and moved your gaze to something else.

You had been here before, knew how this worked. People would try to reach me, try to pull me out of this but eventually, they'd give up.

Everyone gave up eventually.

That's what I'd learned in 7th grade.

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You had heard their voices, distantly, like they were underwater

Moka, Minju and Martin.

They were worried, it could be heard in their voices.

"Y/N? It's us, We're here. Please talk to us."

Moka's voice. High. Strained. She sounded like she was about to cry.

"Please, we're really worried. Please open the door."

Then Minju : "Y/N. I'm not leaving until you open this door. I don't care how long it takes."

Martin's voice chirped in from what sounded like behind them "We've tried. She won't come out"

You knew you shouldve opened the door and told them you were okay.

But it wasnt okay.

You weren't okay and you didn't know if you'd ever be again.

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It wasnt clear if you were awake or if you were dreaming.

You were back in 7th grade, lying in your bed, the same way you are right now. The same darkness. The same weight on your chest. The same voice whispering that you weren't good enough.

But there was a difference.

In the memory, Keonho was there.

He was just sitting on floor, cross-legged, a comic book in his hands. He wasn't looking at you. He was just... there."

"I'm not going anywhere," he'd said.

"You should," I'd whispered.

"I'm not."

"I'm not going to talk."

"That's fine."

"I'm not going to get up."

"That's fine too."

"I'm not going to be okay."

He'd looked up at me then, his eyes fierce. "Then I'll be okay for you. Until you're ready to be okay again."

You cried. "Why do you care so much?"

He'd been quiet for a moment. "Because you're my best friend. Because you're the most important person in my life. Because I can't imagine a world without you in it."

"That's pathetic."

"Maybe. But it's true."

You'd stopped fighting after that.

I'd let him stay. Every day, he showed up. Every day, he sat on my floor and talked to me, even when you didn't respond. Every day, he reminded you that are worth something.

It took months.

But eventually, you had started to believe him.

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You heard his voice through the door.

It was muffled, but you recognized it. You spent so many years by his side to the point you'd be able recognize it anywhere.

Keonho.

He was talking to someone — probably Martin but you couldn't make out the words, but You heard the tone. His tone. It was worried with a mixture of determination to get you out of your room or to even see you.

He was worried.

About you.

Then a pang of guilt hit your heart but it was distant, like it belonged to someone else.

The voices kept whispering

Just leave me alone,

What is there to worry about?

I'm still the same right?

I'll always not be worth worrying about.

But you knew he wouldn't.

He never did.

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You heard the door open before you saw it.

You didn't move. You couldnt. The effort to even open my eyes felt impossible.

"Y/N, Look at me. Please."

Martin's voice. It was sharp, worried. The same voice he would use when he was scared. You knew the tone he was using. He used it every time he couldn't find you in hide and seek when you guys were younger.

You opened your eyes.

Martin was kneeling beside your bed, his face concerned, eyes full of worry. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

Behind him, Keonho was standing there.

He stood in the doorway, his jaw tight, fists clenched. He looked as if he was holding himself together by a thread.

They both have never seen your episodes get this bad. Even in 7th grade, it never reached a point like this.

"Y/N" Martin mumbled "We need you to talk to us. Please. Just say something, anything."

You tried opening your mouth, but nothing came out.

You hadn't said a word in days. Your voice gone from crying, your eyes severely swelled and red.

Martin pulled you into a hug so tight you could barely breathe. "I'm so worried", he whispered. "I've been so worried."

You didn't bring yourself to hug him back, you wanted to but you physically couldnt.

Keonho moved then. He walked towards the bed and sat down on the other side. He didn't touch me. He just looked at me with those eyes- the same one's you've known for the past 11 years.

"Y/N," he spoke softly. "I know you can hear the both of us, and I know that you're still in there. And I know you think you're alone right now, But you're not. You never have been alone."

You felt something crack inside your chest.

"You remember right? 7th grade." he continued. "You remember how you felt? You told me you felt like drowning and you felt so overwhelmed to the point you couldn't breathe?"

You nodded weakly.

"You remember what I told you right?"

You stayed quiet. You knew what he was talking about. Of course you did, its the only thing that you keep on thinking about other than this whole situation.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere. I told you I'd be here until you believed you were worth staying for." His voice broke. "And I meant it. I still mean it. I'm not going anywhere, Y/N. I don't care how long it takes. I'm going to be here."

You looked at him. Like really looked at him.

And for the first time in god knows how long, you felt something other than the weight you've been carrying on your own.

You felt hope.

"I'm sorry," You managed to whisper out, your voiced cracked, barely audible.

"Don't be sorry," Martin mumbled. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

"But I-"

"No, no buts," Keonho cut you off, "How many times do I have to tell you. You don't get to apologize for being hurt. You don't have to apologize for having feelings and being human. Thats not how this works."

You stared at his face.

"You remember what I told you in 7th grade?" he asked. "I told you that you were the strongest person I know. And I meant it. I still mean it."

"I don't feel strong," You whispered.

"You don't have to feel strong to be strong," he said. "You just have to keep going. And I'll be here to help you."

You started to cry.

And no, it wasn't the quiet, silent tears I'd been crying for days. It was ugly, messy, desperate sobs that shook my whole body.

Martin pulled me closer. Keonho reached out and took your hand.

You held on like he was the only thing keeping me above water.

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With the help of Keonho, you were sitting up now. You were wrapped up in your blanket that Martin had thrown over your shoulders. You were still crying, but the sobs had quieted down into shaky breaths.

You had explained the story to them. From how he ignored you that day you and Keonho hung out to how you saw her story. You mentioned the highlight, how you saw the story she had posted that day and how in the highlight it had gone from way before you guys started talking.

Keonho's heart was aching seeing you in this state, hearing how his "friend" treated you. But most importantly, his heart was yearning for how he knew he could treat you better, how you wouldn't have to question yourself.

By the time you finished explaining the story, Martin's jaw had tightened and his face was as red as a tomato with anger.

"I'm going to kill him, I didn't know he was like this."

"Don't" You said weakly, "It doesn't matter."

God, if only you had known how much this was killing Keonho on the inside at seeing you being so empathetic towards Seonghyeon as he litterally just two timed you and toyed with your feelings.

"It matters," Keonho said quietly. "What he did matters, What he's doing matters. It's hurting you and you're letting it define you. But it doesnt define you."

"It feels like it does."

"I know." He squeezed your hand. "But it doesn't. You're so much more than what he did to you."

You looked at him, "How do you know?"

"Because I've known you for twelve years. I've seen you at your worst, and I've seen you at your best. And I know that you're not the kind of person who stays down. You get back up. Every single time."

"I don't want to get back up this time."

"I know." His voice was gentle. " But you will eventually and especially because i'm not gonna let you give up this easily."

You stared at him.

There was something in his eyes — something you had never really noticed before. Something that made my chest ache in a way that had nothing to do with Seonghyeon.

"What?" he asked, his voice softer.

"Nothing," you said. "I just... thank you. For always being here."

"Always," he said. "I made a promise, remember?"

You smiled — a small, fragile smile. "You remember that?"

"I remember everything."

You smiled at his words as you realized had never seen Keonho in this light. He's more mature now, not that he wasn't before, but he's different in a way. You didn't know what it was but eventually you would.

Martin cleared his throat on queue before your thoughts could linger elsewhere "Okay, I'm going to say something, and I need you both to listen."

You both turned to look at him.

"I know I'm not always great at this whole... emotions thing," Martin said. "But I need you to know that I love you, Y/N. You're my sister. You're the most annoying person I know, and I would do anything for you. So if you ever, ever feel like this again — I don't care what time it is, I don't care where I am — you call me. You text me. You bang on my door until I wake up. You don't shut me out again. Do you understand?"

Your eyes filled with tears again. "I understand"

"Good." He reached out and ruffled my hair. "Now, are you going to be okay?"

You hesitated. "I don't know."

"That's okay," Keonho said. "You don't have to be okay right now. You just have to try."

You nodded slowly.

"Can I get you anything?" Martin asked. "Food? Water? A shower?"

You laughed weakly. "A shower sounds nice."

"Good, You need one. I'll go start the water." He stood up, hesitated, then leaned down and kissed my forehead. "I love you, dumbass."

"I love you too," You whispered.

He left the room.

You looked at Keonho. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'll never have to find out."

"I know." You smiled. "That's what scares me."

He tilted his head. "Scares you?"

"Yeah. Because what if one day you're not here?"

He was quiet for a moment. "I'm always going to be here, Y/N. I made a promise when we were six, remember?"

You stared at him.

There was something in his eyes — something warm, something steady, something that made me feel like everything might be okay.

"Thank you," I said again.

"Always."

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You were alone now.

Martin was in the bathroom, starting the water. Keonho had gone to get you something to eat. You were still sitting up, my blanket wrapped around my shoulders, staring at the ceiling.

You felt empty.

But you also felt something else. Something you hadn't felt in however long you have been isolated in your room

You felt like you could breathe.

You picked up my phone — the first time in days — and looked at the screen.

There were dozens of messages. Moka, Minju, James and Juhoon. Even Martin and Keonho, from before they'd barged in.

As you scrolled through them, the smile on your face grew wider and wider

Y/N please answer me.

I'm so worried.

We love you.

You're not alone.

Tears pricked at your eyes again, but they weren't the desperate, ugly tears you'd been crying for days.

They were different.

They were relief.

You typed out a message — a simple one — and sent it to them

Y/N: I'm okay. I'm going to be okay.

The responses came flooding in.

James: OMG SHE'S ALIVE

Juhoon: Don't scare us like that

Moka: I'm coming over right now

Minju: I'm bringing snacks

You read all the updates that Keonho sent you while you were MIA and it brought a smile upon your face. You realized how much he was worried and how much he cares for you.

It was a small smile. Fragile. But it was real.

You didn't notice Keonho in the doorway, watching you smile at his texts that you finally read with the same smile you had whenever you were texting Seonghyeon. This smile was different from others and you were yet to realize that this smile would be reclaimed by him by the end of the summer.

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