#kauri asks

Did Owen just want an interesting spelling? Does he even know that the name kauri was already spoken for? Did he perhaps film his first movie while standing on the roots of one of those trees?

I apologize 'cause you've most likely answered this question before, but honestly, I wouldn't know where to look.

P.S. As I write this, my cat is giving me a deranged, monstrous stare. I fear she may eat me. I will try to reason with her as best as I can when she decides to strike, but I think she will reign victorious. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore- just- I hope you have a lovely day.

Kauri's expression, usually animated, goes briefly still and a little empty. "If no one wants you, you don't exist," He says, voice slightly flat. "If no one wants you, you will stop existing. You aren't real, you're alone. So make sure someone wants you."

He pauses.

Allyn, how do you think your owner would feel about your relationship with Jameson?

Jake, when's the last time you did something just for yourself?

Kauri tenses, looking away. There's a flush of guilt there - maybe even shame. But he just shrugs. "Don't know. When I don't get migraines every time we talk on the phone, maybe? Or when I can look at pictures of them without it hurting? Or, fuck, I don't... I don't know. When I think they're ready to meet the clusterfuck that their dead son and brother turned into."

Allyn opens their mouth. Closes it again. Considers that. A flicker of real grief shows before the perfect emptiness smothers it again. "He wouldn't like Jameson at all," They admit, slowly. "No class, no education, not able to care for me or keep me in style. But... he doesn't have to like Jameson. Master is gone, but I am still alive. I'm still here." Their smile is gentle and secret and very much their own. "Only I have to like Jameson. And I do."

To Chris: I just bought some off brand converse-like shoes that have dinosaur skeletons on them! They are so perfect and make me so happy, I think of Chris every time I look down at them!

To Chris and Jameson: It really sucks that both of your (I hate to use this term but this is what was used throughout the stories so it’s what I’m sticking with) owners died! I mean obviously that sucks much more for Jameson than it does Chris but we saw how much the news of Oliver’s death hurt Chris. I more or less ruined my own day thinking of Chris confiding in Jameson his complicated emotions regarding his passing. Like Jake’s reaction was totally appropriate and I think Jameson would have a similar one at first but also considering his own feelings when his “him” died. So yeah, I’ll just be over here sobbing in the corner at my own imagination if anyone needs me🥲✌️

To Jameson/Johnathan: please tell me that his and Hank’s last fight was not about that girl. Also please don’t tell me that Johnathan had something to do with Hank losing her number. As the younger bi sibling, I have actually ended up with one of my older siblings dates, and even though it was amicable at the time, if it did become an issue, and it was one of our last conversations, I could never get over that.

To future late 30’s Kauri: ENJOY THAT BATH ROBE AND EARLY BED TIME! That and your loving husbands companies are so much more meaningful than anything a night out could offer! I’m so proud of how far he’s come!

That’s all I can think of now but I very well may be back with more later! 🤠🫶

Oh as a bonus, this is for you, Ash: Thank you so much for the dedication to your characters and storylines, and backgrounds and world building. You are truly an amazing writer and you got some stones on you for actually posting it. I’m a pretty good writer too but I get screen fright and never end up posting, so I appreciate your bravery that allows us as your readers to enjoy and participate in the awesome world you have created.

<3 thank you anonnnn I struggle with imposter syndrome, so I totally get the fear of posting! I hope you try it out in the future, as the feedback and conversation has been really invaluable to me over the past few years.

For the Chris bit about shoes - Chris has those, too! If they're the same. From TOMS, black with colorful skeletons? He has those. He also has black and white ones where the bones glow in the dark.

For the combined Chris and Jameson bit: I think that Jameson would understand Chris's mix of affection and loathing really well, but struggle to express it. He really did LOVE Nanda, especially towards the end, but he also hated him sometimes, and so I think he could get that. But he was never afraid of Nanda the way Chris was afraid of Oliver. But I also think it would be a hard conversation and Jameson would probably eventually get angry and upset Chris and then it would turn into a big old angsty mess.

For the Jameson bit:

It wasn't about that girl! Jameson would tell you it was stupider than that. It was genuinely just the two of them being drunk and arguing about going home. Hank wanted to leave right then, Jameson wanted to hit up another bar. They fought about it, went their separate ways, and never saw each other again. And no, Jameson didn't lose her number - Hank just misplaced it. They found the note folded into a small scrap in his wallet when his body was located.

9 for Anaya and Misae

4 for Jameson and Allyn

It was so hard choosing just a few of your awesome characters but I'm going with these six!!

Do they view their relationship as temporary or permanent?

That depends on when in the relationship and which one you ask. Jake always saw it as permanent. Once Kauri was willing and able to be with him, he never hesitated to believe that, because Kauri was always the Love of His Life, someone he had been pining after and in love with for years before they were ever able to really be together.

Kauri, on the other hand, wasn't as certain. He was sure it was temporary at first, because he was sure Jake would realize all the ways Owen had damaged him and not want him any longer. Kauri has never been wanted for KAURI, he was always meant to try and be someone else, a stand-in with Vince's face but with a sweeter obedience and neediness. So it took him a while to believe, even after they got together, that Jake could keep loving him for long after he moved in.

Now, he would believe it's permanent, but less strongly than Jake does. some part of him is still waiting for - and worried about - when Jake realizes Kauri isn't good enough for him.

What is one quality they have in common?

Misae and Anaya both have a kind of whimsicality and wonder in the world at heart. Anaya is a sweet, sardonic, and bright-eyed woman who can find beauty in just about anything, largely because she is determined to do so. Misae is a sweet kid who finds wonder in no small part because he just hasn't seen most things before.

Both of them are deeply kind in their natures, and compassionate. And both of them think Eden is the best man on earth. For very, very different reasons.

How would they describe each other if asked? Physically? In personality?

Allyn would tell you that Jameson is stubborn and strong, two things they deeply envy. They could never stand up against the misfortunes he has faced, they would have collapsed or cracked apart. They adore his wry, sarcastic dark humor and how wonderfully he takes commands in bed, letting them learn all about how good it feels to be the one giving the orders and enjoying just about anything they do. They find him wildly handsome, and love his dark hair that seems to be growing in softer now that it's all coming back.

Jameson would tell you that Allyn is incredible, and struggle to describe them to you because his awe doesn't really have words. When he says they are beautiful, he doesn't only mean on the outside, but he isn't sure how to elaborate. They're beautiful because they are soft, despite everything that has happened to them. He could never have survived with softness - he would have been drowned or lost hope. He loves that they are gentle and quiet and sweet but then turn wicked and pull his hair until it hurts. That they are a little indecisive everywhere but the bedroom, where they turn into a new person, someone he thinks is far closer to who they once were.