#jameson asks

Allyn, what's the luxury you miss most from your old life?

Chris, if you could play one final game with your Sir, would you?

Jameson stares at you with a look that can only be described as both skeptical and angry. "Is that a bondage joke?"

Allyn smiles, a little dreamily, top teeth just pressing into their bottom lip. "The pool," The say after a pause. "I miss being able to swim every single day, I miss being able to swim naked."

Jameson's eyebrows raise. "Wait, was that an option?"

Allyn grins. "It was with my master."

Anon, it is my most fervent hope that you continue to receive only the best pain meds forever and always! Sorry for not having responded to this when you originally sent it. I had planned to do a lil write but then, um, the empire is collapsing and my brain has Not Been Well. So.

don’t blame him for making such a rash decision, even though I know he was put through hell. I would be a wreck if my siblings or someone close to me suffered a horrible fate, too.

You can get a look at the backstory here in Jameson's intake paperwork, but in short:

Jameson - then Jonathan - had a fight with his older brother while they were out at a bar. It was a stupid small sibling fight, the kind you have a hundred thousand times and nothing comes of it but some sulking. Hank stalked off to walk home alone, while Jonathan didn't go with him.

Hank was never seen alive again.

He was murdered that night, and his body was found significantly later.

Jonathan blamed himself, as he was the one to instigate the fight and he let his brother go off by himself. He went to WRU to have it all taken away because he wasn't able to grieve well, and spent all his time either crying or trying to get high enough to feel better.

To Jameson: has there ever been a time that Nanda took it too far in a scene situation?

To both: what are your favorite and least favorite parts of your dynamic?

To Ash: thank you for answering ALL of my questions! You have so genuinely fascinating characters and I LOVE learning more about them😁

Nanda hums, tapping a finger as he considers. "No," He says, finally. "He has never been less than perfect for me."

Jameson, on the other hand, narrows his eyes. "He told me he was going to shoot me and had me run through the woods like a fucking moron once, does that count?"

"Oh, hush, you showed yourself very capable then-"

"I thought you were going to murder me, you goddamn asshole ghost!"

Nanda's smile doesn't fade. "There is my regret. Our dynamic meant that he did not know me well enough to understand that I would never do him harm with these hands that I could not nurse him through the healing of."

Jameson... blushes, deeply red, scowling at the ground. "Whatever. The worst part of our dynamic is that he fucking died. And I wasn't even a person who could miss him. If I didn't run, they'd have taken him out of my head and sold me to somebody else, and whoever the fuck it was, it wasn't going to be him. So I had to run, so I could keep him."

Nanda blinks, this apparently catching him off guard. "What?"

"Fuck you, you knew it as well as I did even if you never said it, you asshole." Jameson blinks a little too rapidly. His eyes might glimmer a little, seem wet in the light. "I know you did. The worst part about losing you was knowing that if they caught me, I couldn't even keep the last of you in my head. Fucking dumbass. Should've seen a goddamn cardiologist when you had that fucking twinge thing, but no, you had to go and die on me-"

"I-... pet, I-"

"I was yours, yeah." Jameson's jaw trembles. "But you were mine, too."

Nanda pauses. He has the pet stretched out over his lap, now. The young man watches you with an expression that suggests he would murder you if he could. Nanda's fingers gently play through the let's soft dark hair.

Jameson, baby, don’t forget to say thank you😊

It's Nanda's turn to look distinctly uncomfortable with the question. His easy, arrogant smile fades a little. "A time he-... ah. Well. I suppose-... no, let's be honest today. When I opened the box. He sat up, and once I pulled the gag out of his mouth, he looked at me and said something like, where the fuck am I? And what can I say? I was in-... I was absolutely struck by him, then."

<3

Nanda is honestly so fun to write, he always was. I like getting to tread that very thin line where he is fully and very much a villain in Jameson's story, but Jameson doesn't see or remember him that way... not really, not entirely.

Only as he heals and finds a more balanced future and finds love with Allyn does he start to realize how thoroughly Nanda could move between cruelty and affection in a way that kept Jameson's unnamed former self off-balance and never able to hold his own.

Hell, he is struggling a little with the understanding that everyone else in the house was named by their captors/owners, but he wasn't. Nanda didn't ever even bother to give him a name.

That had to be a purposeful sign of how little he mattered, right?