Jun 15, 2017
FATALITY!!!
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FATALITY!!!
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Now With Less Dust!
A few months ago I started writing for an East Coast startup*. I was writing mostly humor-driven creative content, sprinkled with some site development while we prepared for official launch. At first, I sort of felt like I hit the jackpot. I was one of the only female voices, I was able to inject my specific sense of humor into my work, and I would have it shot directly to a pretty large, previously established audience. I poured my heart into the shit. Staying up until 3am to work on rewrites was no big deal and working with a team of other ambitious young people in my age group was refreshing. As launch grew closer, the editors noticed the things people responded to most were slightly different than the topics I had been writing. The humor bar was set lower, and we were looking at a lot more dick and fart jokes placed side by side with cat... stuff. I'm all for dicks and farts and cats, man. Farting cats with dicks, even. But suddenly I was asked to dumb down the things I knew were funny and introspective, because they wouldn't receive as much traffic. Following that, I was also told to refrain from writing anything female-centric, because the audience wasn't there. Womp. I went from feeling like I had wiggled into an awesome internet hidey-hole to realizing my name was going to be attached to many articles including the word "poo". After 140 characters, the word "poo" loses its nutty luster, I think. I decided to end my participation in the project, and recently read in Business Insider that the startup is doing very well, and is landing over 20 million visitors a month. I don't feel like an asshole for not sticking it out to see if I could've had a little more court for my verbal balls to play in. I would have felt like an asshole for settling. Settling. ::shudder:: Settling is for people who decide drinking PBR because it's cool is worth losing 10 years of alcohol consumption to a shit beer. Never settle. I made the choice to stop working on katality.com when the startup approached me, and I realize now that writing to a few hundred people from my lady-heart is better than to millions from a Whoopie Cushion. I don't know if I'll stick to tumblr long, or re-launch katality, but I'm hoping you all hang with me while I figure out the right combination of food, gaming, and generally weird shit I'm pretty good at preachin' 'bout. *There's no point naming the startup or linking to the article in BI. I genuinely wish them success and admire the drive behind the small team making the thing happen. Just wasn't a good fit for me at the time.
My Buzzfeed article made the Community Front Page! I'm pumped! Go show some love.
The Best of Hilariously Awkward Nail Art
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Apple Pie Breakfast Muffins
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"One Short Laugh"
Coming unprepared was a mistake.
Had I left the oven on? Did I respond to the email from my Mother? I should’ve asked my Mother to check on that oven.
I have no clothes here, and no guide. I do not know where to go. So I’ll sit.
People here don’t say much, and their eyebrows all raise in the same pinched way when the door opens. I’m sorry, not your turn yet. Not mine either. We can wait.
I can’t figure out if these shoes are appropriate, and I know my pedicure is not. Because I haven’t had one in 26 years. Gosh. Am I that old? 26 years old, here I am, chipped-toed and waiting on that door to open with a bunch of other people less funny than me. I’ll trace the sole of my shoe along the cracks in the tile, pretending it passes the time.
Those squinched up clay faces eventually pass through the door, like worried insects. Everyone seems so nervous, which makes me self conscious because I am not. Should I be trying to coyly wipe the beads of sweat from my brow? There isn’t any sweat to wipe, and I’m stiff with boredom. There are no more cracks to trace and I wish it was my turn. Unprepared and bored. Just like her.
We were the only two left in the room, and she didn’t seem to be worried whether the door opened or not. She would just like to get out of here. Something about her was ragged, tired. There was an innocence left in her eyes, but the child in her was masked by the life she’d had. She was sweet. I could tell.
My name. About time. I should say Good Luck. Just as I was about to wish her well, her lips moved. My lips moved. Both lips moving were my own. Was that really me? How unprepared I looked! This stupid haircut. Time to go.
I slapped the top of the door frame for good luck. Just like a girl in school. No matter how many slaps, I was always the worst on the team, but it couldn’t hurt. A hand on the warm brass knob, and a turn. That damned light!
I stepped out into It with my shoes that weren’t good enough and my haircut I should have paid less for, and there it all was. The warmth a person gets when they find out the gender or the question is popped, or when they jump from a skyscraper. The warmth ran from my drug store toenail polish to the tips of my eyelashes. I was filled with it.
The light finally let my eyes open. Slowly I saw the field not made of water or dirt or flora. The field was infinite, and I could run forever. I let out one short laugh, and my breath went.
I was here, unprepared, death holding my hand.
Before writing this, I thought about all the laughs humans produce, fake, belly, snickers, giggles, and there are those that are just one short burst of pure emotion. Something like when a woman finds out she’s pregnant or when a child is accepted to their dream college. What happens after we die is curious, and I can’t imagine what it feels like. I think when we are finally able to understand, it will produce one of the short, full of emotion laughs.
Katality.com will be at LIVE! on the Plaza tomorrow in The Salvage Room with free sweets!
Very pleased to announce that I'll be representing Katality.com tomorrow night for LIVE! on the Plaza at The Salvage Room at 16th and Blackwelder. I'll be there serving up some special recipes to be featured on the blog, Mexican Hot Chocolate and Honey Vanilla Cake Truffles. Come shop, eat some delicious treats, and most importantly, say Hello!
Not too surprising, but very delicious.
I've transitioned to only posting recipes here while I truly spend a bunch of other time trying to figure out what my "purpose" is outside the realm of being a Mom and Wife. I made the choice at the beginning of the year to try a bunch of new things, and hopefully stick to most of them. Blogging has been one that I've been pretty damn good at. I have painted exactly 4 more paintings than the 0 I painted last year, and am churning them out rather quickly now. Although I have to fight from tearing the Xbox controller away from Tim to start playing Minecraft...
I'm trying to be a better friend, making the somewhat difficult trek through being more present when it's just me and Tim spending time together (goddamn iDevices), taking my kids on trips, and getting at least a little better at keeping up with the dishes. Maybe all of those things are my purpose, and I should stop looking so hard. Until I figure it out, here are some Cinnamon Sticky Muffins for the Paleo-Monster in you.