#karoupdates

school: I am doing an "orientation" summer semester at a technical university (the same one I enrolled in). That means I will have math + some mandatory modules and I have to choose ~2 from extra modules like engineering mechanics, chemistry, biology, informatics, physics, etc. However, I still havent chosen :/ I am unfortunately avoiding thinking about it, because it always leads to me spiraling. It isn't that big of a deal technically, but somehow it stirs up worries and emotions in me. Goal: think about it and plan my semester.

I am contemplating writing a coherent version of my dilemma out, but it's either not gonna do it justice or it will be oversharing x1000. So rather no, but I still kind of want to

life: chat wft. who was gonna tell me that living life in general is so weird and ugly and beautiful and dumb. I am so desperately aware that the chemicals in my stupid 18yo brain are just trying to sort things out but why does it have to be so... ?huh?? Have I written about this? The times in my life I can recall a 'dark cloud' it always felt like it was looming over me. This (end of jan/feb) was the first time that I felt that darkness literally inside me ripping my very self to shreds. Running out of the house and crying on a bench far away for legit hours wishing it would all just end type shit. And I quickly learned a lot. And that statement cannot convey how much. I learned what's, how's, why's and just... you get it. It was hard but I dug myself out. Like holy shit what was that about. Anyways I am just learning. Every day there is something new. Can be shit but at least it's not boring right?

me ♦: But time goes on whatever is happening. the clock does not care. So time passes anyway, and the world doesn't stop and that's why I'm here. yay. I want to put a couple nice things/ thoughts at the end!

I love nature. I have been outside a LOT even if it's only early spring and I cannot wait for more outdoor activity. Especially home in Poland (grandparents) - I'm just in the woods half of the time. I might sound crazy but it does wonders for my nervous system. 30min in the sun/ outside even with rain can do more for me than anything else I could have done inside. idk man. I really liked the composition of the photo at the top, that's why it's there :)

I've climbed trees, ridden in (casual) horse carriages from strangers (no like the guy fully drove (??) me a good chunk of my way, shoutout to the horse), taken bunch of photos, ate ice cream sandwiches and then pickles for dinner, and did every single one of the newspaper crosswords. Living the dream life™ (What I'm trying to say easter break all in one was nice, I would have liked to be more present but this whole situation of mine just, yeah...)

I'm learning HTML. And CSS. I have the basics down.

I think the universe saw my struggle and decided to throw everything I llike at me: new season of ninjago dr, xikers comeback soon, xdinary heroes comeback soon, a bunch of extra media I like NEVER KILL YOURSELF!!! Also pierogi with a deadly amount of onions

(from a girl that cares too much about literal numbers written on a piece of paper)

We were getting our tests back and the teacher said "that´s a good score", as he handed me my exam back. When I tell you I froze when I saw a big fat 8 on the front. Now, subcounciously, I knew this can´t be true, so I didn´t start to cry immidiatly. Turns out he forgot to count some of the points on one page. I love him, truly, but shouldn´t a physics teacher be able to count properly? I understand that mistakes can happen, but this is literally 1/3 of my grade. And he already put it in the system. Luckily, we could still correct it. Now, I do feel a little bit offended about the fact, that he really thought I would write an 8. I love you man, but really?