#kanan rebels

I have ideas! The Ghost is a speakeasy the crew runs and it is wildly successful because the one actually getting the illicit drinks there are the kids. No one suspects a thing.

I have the most thoughts for Sabine. She’s a wealthy heiress who ran from home and her family are still looking for her. I also couldn’t decide on one look in particular so I made a few options

Color Wheel wip~ Kanan still needs his scars (aka I still need to figure out how the heckie to do them with only yellow to work with I'm gonna start posting wips publically, instead of just to my patrons on discord and patreon. At the same time I'm gonna be working on creating a backlog of work for patreon + doing an overhaul of my banners and icons and shit. Until that's all squared away, my patreon will be on pause

Sabine was like his daughter, don’t even get me started on her reaction to his death

Here's a lil' fic for y'all!

~Time for some season one vibes~

“Again.”

Ezra once again tried to dodge or block each milk carton that flew his way.

He dodged about 25%, blocked about another 25%, and got hit by about 50%. He knew the kid couldn’t see it, but he was making good progress.

“Ugh, why am I so bad at this?”

“Hey-”

“And why do we have to do this with milk?” The kid’s clothes did have a few spots of the blue liquid here and there. They just…didn’t really have anything else expendable enough just lying around to use as “ammunition.”

“Yeah…sorry about that, kid. C’mon, let’s take a break.” Kanan sat down and patted the ground next to him. Ezra came and sat down beside him.

The tall grass of Lothal swayed in the wind as the two sat in comfortable silence. Kanan looked over at Ezra to find that he was already gazing back at him. The two smiled. There was just such a peaceful, loving, safe energy between them. And to Ezra—it was refreshing. He finally felt like he was at home. And not only did Kanan recognize that, but he was extremely grateful for it. He never thought he’d be able to make a kid who felt as lost and alone as he did at that age feel safe and secure, but he was so glad that he and Hera had somehow miraculously been able to do it…Although, the fact that Hera had been able to bring him that sense of warmth and security didn’t surprise him.

“Kanan, have you ever been in love?”

“What?” Kanan was abruptly taken out of his thoughts.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“Uh…kid, why are you asking me this?”

“Well…I don’t know what the Jedi teach about…that kind of stuff and…let’s just say I’m dealing with some of that stuff right now.”

With who? Kanan wanted to ask, but he already knew the answer.

The amount of things wrong with this. The fact that the kid had a crush on Sabine who—for various reasons—would never reciprocate, the fact that he was actually that oblivious to him and Hera, and the fact that Kanan would have to somehow formulate an answer to his question.

“Well,” Kanan started, “the…traditional Jedi teaching is that forming attachments, especially romantic ones, is dangerous because they can make you act irrationally and prevent you from focusing on the greater good for everybody.”

“Oh.”

“But,” Kanan continued, “just because you believe in most of what the Jedi teach, and call yourself a Jedi, doesn’t mean you have to agree with all of their teachings. Everybody makes mistakes and, due to my own experiences, I firmly believe that they were wrong about that.”

“Due to your own experiences?”

Kanan hesitated. After a moment he responded, “Yup.”

Another moment passed.

“So you have been in love.”

Kanan laughed. Then, took a moment to think about it.

She won’t mind, I mean, they are a family. And she probably thinks he’s already figured it out. I’ll just tell her after.

“I am in love, kid.”

“WHAT?! WITH WHO?!”

“Woah there, pal. Calm down.”

“Just tell me who!”

“Think about it for a minute. See if you can find the answer yourself.”

Ezra tried. Kanan could see him thinking long and hard.

“Uuuhhhh…I don’t know! I mean, who do we even see often enough that it would make sense for you to be in love with? I mean, there’s Hera, but you guys are best friends, so obviously that’s not the case–”

“Kid,” Kanan couldn’t believe he had to say this, “people can be best friends and something more at the same time.”

Ezra’s jaw dropped. It just stayed there for a solid ten seconds.

“You gonna be okay ki–”

“YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH HERA?!?!?!?”

Kanan couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh, “Yup.”

“AND HERA’S IN LOVE WITH YOU?”

Kanan laughed even more at that, “Thankfully, yeah.”

“Wow.”

“Yup.”

“Wow.”

“Mmhm.”

Another long pause.

“So that’s why you guys are so happy all the time?”

They both laughed this time, “Yeah, kid…She makes me really happy.” Kanan smiled warmly at that.

“Okay, okay. Enough sappy stuff–”

“Hey, you asked.”

“I did. I did.” Ezra said, relenting.

“But yeah, all that’s to say, that my relationship with her makes me stronger, makes life better, and motivates me to care about the greater good more. And you, Sabine, and Zeb encourage me to keep fighting too.”

“So attachments aren’t bad?”

“Honestly kid, no, they aren’t. In fact they’re the best things that the Force can give us in this life.”

“Wow.”

“Yup. Wow.”

“Hey, boys,” a voice came from behind them. They looked up at the ramp of the Ghost. Hera stood there, leaning up against the door frame. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving. And unless you guys want me to try and make dinner again, and we all know how that went last time, I suggest that Kanan retires from Jedi master duties for the day and fulfills his role as our resident kitchen staff.”

Ezra and Kanan laughed. “Coming,” Kanan said.

“Hurry up, Kanan,” Ezra said, “I don’t want to spend another night feeling like I’m gonna barf out my insides.”

Kanan laughed. “It wasn’t that bad!” Hera retorted.

“Just go and tell Sabine and Zeb that I’m gonna be starting dinner soon,” Kanan said with a smile.

Ezra looked between Kanan and Hera, then gave a cheeky smile, “Okay,” he said and ran up the ramp, leaving the two of them alone on the ramp of the Ghost.

“What’s up with him?” Hera asked.

“Well…” Kanan said, sidling up to her.

“Well,” Hera said, eyebrows raised and an amused expression on her face.

Kanan held her elbows gently. With an amused smile he said, “He may or may not have finally, officially, figured out what’s going on here,” he gestured between the two of them.

“What?” Hera said with a laugh.

Kanan just smiled widely and nodded.

“Did you just straight up tell him? Like, was there a conversation that led into this? And did he really not suspect anything at all?”

“Woah, that’s a lot of questions,” Kanan laughed.

“Excuse me,” Hera said mock accusingly, lightly grabbing hold of his forearms, “But I’m allowed to have a lot of questions about this.”

“Fine, fine. Basically, the kid was like, ‘Have you ever been in love before, Master?’” Kanan clasped his hands wistfully mocking Ezra’s dramatic tone from earlier.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Why is he like this?” Hera laughed.

“I don’t know,” Kanan chuckled, “But I think he definitely gets his curious nature from you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Hera rolled her eyes and smiled, “So what exactly did you say?”

“I basically told him that the old Jedi weren’t supposed to have attachments, but that my attachments make me stronger and he understood that. He’s actually pretty smart, that kid.”

“He also gets that from me,” Hera replied.

“True,” Kanan smiled, moving his hands down to hold hers.

“Well, now I feel like I should talk to him too.”

“Valid point, but let’s at least have dinner first, okay?” He pressed his forehead to hers. The sun beaming on Lothal was beginning to set. Hera relaxed in his arms as he gently pressed a kiss to her lips.

When he broke away, she smiled and quietly responded, “Okay.”

~

Let me know if any of y'all want me to make the continuation of this where Hera talks to Ezra!

Hey queens! So this fic can also be found on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flying_kanery. But I didn't want to post the link to the actual fic on ao3 here on tumblr because I want to stay true to my tumblr roots lmao and I feel like if I just post the link here and the text of the fic under it, people will just immediately click the ao3 link (and I don't blame y'all haha, it's definitely what I would do😂) but I want it to be the reader's deliberate choice as to whether they want to read it on tumblr or ao3 lol. In other words, I want to give tumblr a fair chance lmao.

I really overcomplicate everything.

Anywho lol, I hope y'all enjoy some hurt/comfort! I also hope this serves as a reminder for you all that you are infinetely more than enough, but it's okay to need to be reminded of that sometimes. That is what space husbands are for, right? ;)

Here's the fic:

Inspired by this line from the amazing fic What’s Past is Prologue by IKnowWhatToSayNow (https://www.tumblr.com/iknowwhattosaynow):

“It terrifies her. It haunts her in her sleep. It tugs at her heart so heavily that Kanan can feel it as his own pain.”

~

“Ah!”

She was so cold.

Why couldn’t she find him?

He was there—but she couldn’t find him.

Something was surrounding her, clenching her body in its unrelenting fist. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath.

It was chasing her, but it somehow already had a hold on her. It always had a hold on her.

She started weeping.

Where was he?

Her cries got progressively louder and more strained.

It was inescapable. It was the feelings she denied herself when she was awake. It tore her apart, it was cathartic, and strangely, exhilarating.

She wanted it to stop—but she needed it to keep going.

It was an unyielding aching in her heart. A yearning, a longing, that could never be fulfilled. At least not in her dream—no matter how much, how far she kept on chasing it.

But it was chasing her. It was a cycle.

A never-ending, dizzying cycle that haunted her in her sleep and ruled her life when she woke.

There was only one thing that made it all stop. One thing that made it all make sense. One thing that gave her peace and love and purpose.

And she knew he was there.

She couldn’t find him—

But she knew he was there.

And that was all that mattered.

This couldn’t last too much longer, right?

She just had to keep going.

He’d take care of the rest.

He’d be enough.

She just had to not give up and believe in him.

He’d make it all make sense.

He’d turn it all for good

…

She wouldn’t give up.

She never did.

And that’s all she had to do.

She rolled over in Kanan’s arms

~

Kanan’s eyes opened slowly. He immediately looked down to see the woman he loved beside him. The first thing he saw in the morning—and he wouldn’t want it any other way.

She looked so peaceful asleep. Her mind in another world, her body vaguely still aware that he was holding her—at peace, despite everything. Despite the fact that she might be having a bad dream, despite the fears that could very well be preying on her as she snores softly beside him.

He tried protecting her from it.

But he knew that sometimes the best thing he could do for her was just let her sleep—and be there for her when she woke up—to remind her that it was just a dream, and that this was her real life now. That she had him and he would do whatever it takes to be everything she needs.

That he could do.

~

The next night:

CRASH

“AGH!” Kanan screamed.

“Kanan!”

“Ah,” Hera cried in her sleep.

Kanan stirred, but didn’t quite wake.

He was being crushed by the giant piece of rubble on top of him.

“KANAN!”

“Kanan!” she moaned in agony.

She sobbed uncontrollably.

He woke at that.

“Hera?” Ridden with concern, he looked down at her to find her tossing and turning almost violently in his arms.

She was still completely asleep, but something about her pain just felt so real.

They were grasping her arms. They wouldn’t let her go. She used all the strength she had, pushed with her entire body to get them off of her—but it wasn’t enough.

She couldn’t get to him. They were keeping her from running to him.

They were forcing her to helplessly watch the man she loved suffer

“Kanan,” this time the second syllable is a choked sob, “Kanan.”

This tore at his heart. Feeling like he was going to start crying himself, he held her closer and gently stroked the side of her face. Desperately beckoning her to wake from her nightmare, he pressed his lips to her forehead and softly called, “Hera.”

“Hera!” He reached out to her from underneath the rubble, screaming for her to save him,

but it was too late.

“NO!” 

She screamed, louder than she thought she’d ever screamed before.

More rubble crumbled onto him and crushed his body completely.

“NO!” she sobbed even louder.

The rubble consumed him. The rubble got him. The rubble got her. The rubble would always get to her. The rubble would be what keeps her from him.

FEAR

That was the rubble. The unnecessary trash that took up so much space in her life. Seemingly, not a big deal—seemingly, harmless—her heart hoarded it until it filled her entire body, until it brimmed the outskirts of her very being.

How could he break through that much fear? He wasn’t sure how, but he would. He would find a way—for Hera.

“Hera, please,” he begged, “Please, wake up.” He ran his hand over the top of her lek, using all the will he had to help her escape from her awful dream. All of his energy—he focused it on trying to pull her out.

He’s gone.

“Hera,” he gently shook her.

Suddenly, she jerked awake.

She breathed heavily and looked straight ahead, as if her mind hadn’t even acknowledged that he was right there next to her. As she took in her surroundings and seemed to remember where she was, she turned to face him.

She looked into his eyes and uttered his name as if it was a miracle that he was there beside her.

“Kanan?”

“Hera,” he replied softly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. She started crying again and he just held her tighter.

He kissed the top of her head, “It’s okay, it’s okay. We’re together. No one could ever take me from you.”

She snuggled in closer to his chest. Sweet Hera. She deserves none of this.

“You’ll never lose me,” he nuzzled his face in between her lekku, “You’ll never lose me.”

“I just don’t want to be alone again,” she said in a quiet voice.

“I know–”

“And it was my fault, Kanan.”

“No, no never. Never think you’re not doing enough, Hera. Never think that you’re not enough to keep me with you—to keep anyone from taking me away.”

A silent moment, then, “But I couldn’t protect you.”

Another quiet moment passed as Kanan considered his response.

“If you need to protect me, you’ll be more than capable of doing so, Hera…but you just have to trust me when I say that no one can keep me from you, okay?”

Hera hesitated, then against his chest said, “I’ll try.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” he responded gently. “I’ll prove it to you. Every day.” He ran his hand up and down her back soothingly, “Okay?”

“Okay,” she said in a slightly happier voice than before. She nuzzled sweetly into his chest. He could tell she was drifting back to sleep.

“I love you,” he said against her forehead.

“I love you too,” she smiled sleepily.