#kakaofc

Akami laid awake for hours, it had been almost three weeks since she’d last seen Kakashi at the spring festival. Presumably he was on a mission, so she couldn’t hold it against him. She wanted to know where they stood. Forced time away gave her time to think, too much time. 

She tried to keep busy by fixing the house; painting, cleaning, unpacking. It’d been months since Sasuke first came to live with her. Months since he lost everything. He was getting used to their routine and started sleeping on his own for the most part. Sasuke spent most of the day at the Academy, did his homework and trained in the yard. She helped him when he accepted it. Akami could barely recall the last time she trained herself. She felt more like a housewife than a ninja, cooking and cleaning all day; she needed something to do. 

She didn’t trust the Hokage or Council enough to leave Sasuke alone in the Village, so returning to active duty was out of the question. She couldn’t see herself teaching brats or taking on genin. Sasuke was plenty enough on that front. And the thought of D-rank missions inside the Village disgusted her too, but she needed to figure something out before she lost her mind.

Akami sighed rolling on to her back, she just wanted to sleep and think about it all tomorrow. She squeezed her eyes shut in frustration and her thoughts lingered back to Kakashi. She didn’t want to think about him, but it was easier than trying to figure out every other aspect of her life. 

First and foremost he was her friend, her best friend and Akami didn’t want to do anything to lose that. She hoped that something as trivial as sex wouldn’t be enough to alter the nature of their friendship. But at first it was weird, though maybe that was because she kept playing that night over and over in her head. She couldn't stop thinking about it, about him.

God that insufferable prick just has to be good (so very good) at everything. She directed her next sigh at the ceiling, now free of paint chips. Yet somehow it still held that same sardonic cruelty...perhaps due to the aptly named shade of white. If she knew a paint color could be labeled something as ridiculous as 'on cloud nine’ she would have picked a different color entirely. 

Akami glared at the ceiling one last time before turning away in mild defeat. In regards to Kakashi she decided that she would do nothing, pretend as though nothing happened. If they hooked up again they hooked up again, if they didn't well then they didn't. What she needed right now was a friend.

**

A few hours after finally succumbing to sleep she was alerted by a noise, like the squeaking of a door.

She kept a kunai near her bed and she was staring right at its hidden presence. The noise she now registered more clearly as her window. She wanted to wait, see what the intruder would do but then she thought of Sasuke sleeping in the next room. Akami grabbed the kunai and whipped it at the intruder. The man dodged just in time, she threw herself across the room and made for the katana hanging on the wall. She turned to face him in the dark but was met with the single red glow of a sharingan. 

“Kakashi?” She whispered, lowering her blade. 

“Are you trying to kill me?” He asked nonchalantly, staring at the knife lodged in the wall where his head had been a moment ago. 

“What the fuck, I didn’t know you were back! Why didn’t you use the front door!” She yelled at him though it was more of a whisper. 

“Old habits,” he shrugged. Though the act hurt and he grunted. 

She sheathed the unnecessary blade and flicked on the light to find Kakashi was still dressed in his anbu gear, armor and all. Blood and dirt clinging to him like a second skin.

He pulled down his hitai-ate and clutched his side. ''I was hoping you could stitch me up. You still owe me for helping you move,” he said, straining to laugh. 

Akami woke one afternoon to find Danzo standing over her hospital bed, Boar by his side. 

“You were supposed to investigate, not engage.” Danzo spat.

“They engaged first, wherever you got your intel you were incorrect.” Akami said, wincing as she forced herself to sit up on her elbows. 

“You dare question my sources.”  

The question was rhetorical, his way of putting an end to their conversation. He wouldn’t give her more and frankly it didn’t matter, he didn’t trust her. Well that was fine she didn’t trust him either. 

“I am Anbu Commander, best you not forget that again, snake .” Danzo said, leaving the room. Boar lingered for a moment longer and she could hear the shit eating grin smeared across his face even beneath his Anbu mask.

Danzo should have known she’d slither her way back–Akami was more like her father than she would have liked. Always up for a challenge, she was far more intelligent than he wanted to give her credit for. Danzo gave her a small taste of power and it seemed authority suited her quite well, too well. Danzo didn’t like it when Akami requested to train the new recruits herself. Danzo didn’t like that she questioned him in front of others. She’d be a loss sure, but that phony title he dangled over her head was getting to her.

Danzo thought sending her to Kiri to assassinate one of their own would send a clear message.

He called the shots, his word was law. 

He could afford to lose a couple more if it meant neutralizing a threat. She knew too much. Danzo sent her with a team of four. He couldn’t believe that she returned and with another man taking up space in a hospital bed next door no less.

Both she and Orochimaru were more like a couple of cockroaches. They just wouldn’t die.

Akami was this broken damaged person (like many other operatives) but her will to live was too strong. Danzo valued strength and what it could do for him. What he didn’t need was for someone to be stronger than him. He had helped to make her powerful; had she grown up under his control alone with no other influences than perhaps it wouldn’t have been a problem. She existed too much. He would never be able to completely isolate her. Minato had made sure of that. 

Yes! That was the problem–why Akami was so defiant. He didn’t build her alone. He wasn’t the one to break her. 

He needed to start them younger. He needed to find lonely, empty children, and war had left so many orphans. He needed to dispel their individuality earlier. Akami had seen too much of the world, she had people looking out for her. People knew who she was, her sudden disappearance would not go unnoticed. Orochimaru's daughter missing. 

He needed no-name children with no families, no place to belong. He needed to be the one to break them, and piece them back together just as he pleased. 

At first he had considered this all to be a waste but in fact she had inspired him to strengthen Root–she was just the start; he needed to build his own foundations. 

“I’ll take the first watch..it’s the least I can do.” Kakashi suggested once her shoulder was bandaged and placed in a proper sling. No one objected, they were all exhausted. Kakashi only picked at his rations and offered the rest to Akami, she didn’t like handouts but she couldn’t bring herself to ever turn down food.

--

Akami’s shoulder ached no matter how she positioned herself. Her bed roll did nothing to soften the hard ground. When she finally accepted her fate she figured she would trade out with Kakashi. She got to her feet and looked around their campsite, only she didn’t see him. She looked up to the canopy of trees overhead, he wasn’t there either. She contemplated waking the others but then she heard his voice. 

“What the fuck is wrong with him? He’s supposed to be on watch?!” She grumbled to herself as she followed the sound. 

His body was curled in on itself where he kneeled by the water’s edge. 

“It won’t come off…It won’t come off…” He whimpered to the water. 

Akami was stupid not to have seen it sooner.

She read the report, Rin died at Kakashi’s hand–quite literally. Just like her he was forced to take the life of a friend. She knew what he saw when lightning flashed in his hand. Friend killer.  

The only difference was he was forced to wear that title like a scarlet letter, Rin’s blood branding him forever. Akami wanted to say something, to let him know that she was the same, that he wasn’t alone. She didn’t see him desperately scouring his hands, she saw herself huddled in bed, vehemently refusing to accept what she had done. Trying to drown herself in the sea of guilt and confusion. But no words could take it back.

Akami kneeled beside him at the river bank. If he noticed her presence he didn’t show it.

“It won’t come off.” The words spewed from his mouth in quick succession. Like he was speaking in tongues; possessed by her ghost. A fleeting look of panic and fear consumed his face, his whole being. Hands trembling as he scrubbed his skin raw with so much fervor as if this act alone could prevent the world from splitting in two to swallow him whole. 

Akami looked on with ravaged horror drawn to his destruction. As repulsed as she was, she was engulfed by an overwhelming sense of dread in the familiarity of it all.

She pulled her arm from its sling to plunge her hands into the frigid water. 

Kakashi flinched at the sudden contact as she cleaned his hands, pretending as best she could to rid him of his sins. The hands of a Shinobi would never be clean. 

“Rin'' he whispered, too quiet and broken to reach her ears. 

Why would someone want to touch these hands?   

His eyes bore into her as she pulled his hands from the water, safe within her grasp. 

His heart pounded erratically, echoing against his skull. He focused on the movement of her lips, forcing himself to take a ragged breath. 

“It’s gone. It’s all gone. See, look, nothing. It’s fine now.”  

The tone of her voice was one he’d heard only once before, when they spoke at Obito's grave. 

He hesitantly looked down at his hands, cradled inside hers and... there was no more blood. It was gone. It was really gone. 

Kakashi stared back up at Akami the devotion and disbelief in his eyes stung. As though she were incapable of being kind. Even if most people thought that, it hurt coming from someone she considered a friend. She pulled away from him and stood to return to camp. Kakashi desperately reached for her hand again and refused to let go. 

She looked down at him, still kneeling by the water’s edge. And for a second it was as though she were looking at herself, pleading for her friend to come back to her. Despair and regret reflected in her eyes through that sickly green tank. He must have seen it too as he gave her hand a grounding squeeze. 

A soft splash disrupted the calm river, they both snapped to attention. Akami drew a kunai and Kakashi was on his feet. 

It was only a pair of cranes gliding through the water.