#kakado

Kakado National Park

Will lose my Aniki in a month's time.

We fought two days ago (of course we did). our post-birthday honeymoon period is clearly over but we'll probably be friends again soon enough. He'll probably need to talk to me with the impending date looming. Probably needed advice on rings and things and being a nervous wreck. 

I hope to god he changes his mind but that sounds cruel. And I don't see it happening either. 

He plans to have the wedding in December. He asks if I'll go back home for the wedding and I said 'uhm..... do you want me to?' and he had a really disapproving look on his face. He said in Indonesian something amounting to 'of course i fucking do so you better be here' and threatens to cut any familial ties with me if I don't. I laughed it off. He has other brothers and sisters where he is though so I'm not too worried. 

A few years ago you were a long-haired, flannel-shirted, grunge band vocalist little fuck who smoked his way through law school but now look at you: suit and tie with the finest arrangement of facial hair I have ever seen on a man because you are and have always been one handsome tosser. 

its 1 AM on your timezone, so:

Happy birthday. 

You’re twenty four now yet you still make weird life choices, gets drunk too easily, have a combative tone of voice, bad grades, a messy room, dirty sneakers, a lousy sense of humour, spends too many hour playing games, and a shitty playlist. I’m so sorry for you. 

But I want you to know I’m also sorry we’re miles apart right now, and I’m sorry we’re almost always miles apart. 

I’m also really sorry I have never approved of your girlfriend (or your recent plan to marry her) even though I know you really love her and she means a lot to you. I really, really, am sorry about that. I know you haven’t quite forgiven me for that but you know… you have never approved of most of my life choices either, or my decision to leave. Lets find it in ourselves to be okay with that. 

I know we argue a lot but remember: we’re just two hippie aquarian monsters trying to find a little freedom and peace of mind. May both of us get better with age. May there be no more fires for us to fight alone. 

happy birthday once again my older brother…. kisses and hugs.  

and remember: my birthday is tomorrow. I demand presents. 

hearts