I almost tell her I love you every day. when she smiles or cracks a joke or sings a song with me that we both know by heart. and then I remember that it wouldn’t matter anyway. platonic. platonic. platonic. I still wish it wasn’t though.

how. I thought I was getting better. But here I am, cutting my lip with the jagged edge of my fingernail and staring in shame at the blood covering my finger

wow GREAT JOB J! You managed to stop yourself from picking your nails, but now they’re bloody because you’re picking your lip instead!

ah. new low. sobbing on my bedroom floor while the best friends I thought would dump me in an instant 3 hours ago try to reach me through discord

vodka cranberry by conan gray matched up with my toxic friendship I cut off a few months ago so well that today I heard the song and now I’m sure my new friends will do the same to me again.

please just get it over with and cut me off there’s no way you actually like me

I knew it. sure everything seems great for a moment and I have all my friends and I’m laughing but sooner or later they’ll get tired of me and wonder why they ever wanted to be friends with me in the first place. Maybe I’m too annoying to have friends. Or maybe I’m too self sabotaging to ever think that maybe for ONCE someone will continue to be my friend until we are forced to part ways. It hasn’t even happened yet but I KNOW that one day who I am won’t be enough and I’ll be left alone. Again.

it’s ok it’s ok it’s ok jvents calm down it’s fine just take a deep breath noise can’t hurt you noise can’t hurt you noise can’t hurt you it’s alright