#justpissed

(ﾉ◕-◕)ﾉ .・。.・゜✭・fuckery・✫・゜・。.

So, I know I don't update, like at all... I love to write, but I think I love the thought of writing more... Dusten and I found out that the baby is a boy, we named him Henry James. Then we found out that he is having the same problem my daughter had, low amniotic fluid with no other symptoms. I was transfered to the children's hospital in my area and they are doing testing to figure out what's wrong, but my doctor warned me at my first appointment that as soon as he's safer out then I will have a c section and he will be in the NICU. I am 22 weeks 1 day and I have to at least make it until 24 weeks before they will save him if something goes wrong. Now my mom and I have been planning my baby shower for Nov. 3, I want to do it early because I need the security that having the house ready for him will bring, tonight my mom thought she'd mention that because our family won't be able to get expensive things we shouldn't throw a baby shower at all. My family on my mom's side is all my great aunts and my great grandma basically, plus my mom and grandma. My dad's side which will be at the same shower is my sister, my aunt and my great grandma, plus I have Henry's godmother (my best friend) and one other friend that I only see during holidays and parties. So, my mom originally wanted to rent a hall for this party and now she thinks that none of her family will come because they will feel bad if they don't bring a gift and my dad's side may not even show up because I'm not on the best of terms with them and I only have two friends. So my mom told me that it would be easier if I had more friends, like thanks mom, I'm not already aware that I don't have friends and feel bad enough already. :/ So I may not even get a baby shower on my side and Dustens mom wants to wait until January to have hers, which Henry could be a couple months old at that point and in the NICU. I think that's way too late but idk how to talk to his mom, she's great but I'm just not comfortable with her yet I guess... My anxiety is a bitch. So, I feel stupid and embarrassed that I can't have a normal baby shower and I feel useless because I was relying on the baby showers to get baby stuff. My grandfather is buying my crib, carseat, stroller and playpen but thats probably all I'm gonna have now. I can't afford to buy this stuff myself, we can't even make rent half the time and we are renting a room from my mom, even though Dusten has a full time job it just doesn't cut it. We also just found out that dusten may have stomach cancer, we have to wait 2 weeks for the test results and he's on anti-inflammatory meds for the swelling until we get the results. I just wish that with everything we found out this week that I could have 1 nice thing to look forward to and now I don't. It sucks