#justmymind

Like in a fallen loop

i feels the presence of the other person behind my back

But when I turn around, nobody is there

I feel this sight

This makes me a puppet

I run

From everything

I isolate myself

This controls me

Erases most of my memories

It steal my all strength to any concentration

But someone's smallest breath makes me want to smash someting

Makes me run away and wound everyone

This makes me scare of speaking

I put everything away for later, and over time it becomes so horrible and paralyzing that I just run away

I hide in solitude

But this thing is still there, this monster

He is in the back of the head

This monster is partly me

Love was my number one target. 

The nerve of you to love me...it was like a slap in the face.

I could use the language, but never in my defense or in my own direction really.

Love was a blessing when I was in company...derogatory when I was to myself.

I work overtime to make sure I don’t go back to that place, ever.

I feel the urge less often now...far less.

I let a lot of people believe that they knew me..

They loved what they knew. 

I was not who they loved.