#just until

He would have just kept trudging along, keeping the tears on the inside where they belonged, but he’d gone to pick up his prescription the other day and was told his insurance no longer covered it. It was a mistake, some stupid paperwork misfiled or mislabeled or something, but regardless, he could not afford his meds without insurance and the mistake would not be fixed for another week. Then the college had contacted him and told him that he couldn’t actually have his emotional support animal because his forms were invalid or something that he couldn’t really remember now, and he hadn’t even brought back the snake he had picked out yet.

In short, it had been a fucking awful few days.

So here he was, bawling his eyes out and as quietly as he could, curled up on his bed. It was Friday, so it wasn’t likely that his roommates would be coming back until tomorrow or the next day; they were usually all out every weekend, and though two of them had made an attempt to include Virgil in whatever weekend activities they had going on, Virgil was pretty comfortable with having the dorm to himself for the weekend. And especially when he did things like cry his eyes out in his dorm.

So really, the less people there to witness it, the better.

Virgil really should have known it wasn’t going to go like that.

A few minutes into his well-deserved meltdown, a key turned in his lock. Oh shit, Virgil thought, but there was no time to even his breathing or hide his tear-stained face before someone loomed in his doorway and the only thing he could see of them was a pair of glasses glinting in the light. He shrank back, pulling the blanket up around his head. If he had to die today, he would at least do it without facing the world.

“Kiddo, is that you?” said the person. “Silly question. Sorry. Of course it’s you. Logan and Roman are both at Dee’s place. What are you up to?” The only person this could be was Patton, one of his three roommates, which somehow Virgil thinks may actually be worse than if either of their other roommates had walked in on this. Patton always wanted to talk about whatever was going on and he would tell Virgil about what they were doing and invite him along even though they had barely ever spoken and he didn’t even know who Dee was.

“Nothing,” Virgil gasped from under his blanket, chest hitching.

“Are you alright?” Patton asked, followed by a panicked, “Virgil, are you crying?”

“No. Fine,” Virgil spat even though that wasn’t vaguely true and they both knew it.

“What happened?” Patton sat down on Virgil’s bed and rested his hand gently on Virgil’s shoulder despite the layers and layers of blankets between them. Virgil hiccuped on a sob and clapped a hand to his mouth.

“Nothing,” he said again.

“Virge, you don’t just start crying for no reason,” Patton said gently. “What’s going on?”

“It’s stupid and it’s not important and it’s nothing, can you just leave me alone?”

“I would,” Patton said slowly, “if that’s what you really wanted. Is it, kiddo? You have to tell me.”

“I-I don’t-” Ever so softly, Patton removed the blanket from Virgil’s face.

“Oh, kiddo,” he said. Virgil was sure his face looked a mess, eyeliner and eyeshadow smeared like he’d spent the last few days without taking it off. Patton didn’t look disgusted though, despite the fact that it was disgusting. “What happened, sweetheart?”

“Everything’s fucked and I just-I can’t do this, I don’t even know what I’m doing.” Virgil pressed his hand back over his mouth and leaned into his knees. Patton made some soft noise and pulled Virgil into his arms.

“It’s okay,” Patton said. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to know what you’re doing right now. It’s okay.” He rubbed a hand so comfortingly over Virgil’s back, in a way that he had never experienced before, and he held Virgil so snuggly in his arms. It felt safe and Virgil rarely felt like that, like he could just be. They stayed that way until Virgil finished crying so hard he couldn’t speak.

Once he was finally breathing normally and didn’t feel like he was actively combusting, Patton started to get up.

“W-wait,” Virgil exclaimed, immediately feeling stupid for it. If Patton had taken all that he could of Virgil’s nonsense, he had every right to leave right now and they would never have to speak about this again. It would be less embarrassing for Virgil and less cumbersome for Patton. It would be better.

“I was just going to get you a water bottle, kiddo. You’re going to be feeling awfully dehydrated after that. I was going to come right back. What’s wrong?” Oh, Virgil thought, feeling almost faint. He wasn’t leaving.

“I just-do you mind if we stay like this for a little longer?” He spoke quickly, ripped it off like a bandaid so that at least the rejection would be quicker, there would be less waiting and uncertainty.

“Of course,” Patton said, and he settled right back into the bed, hugging Virgil to him. “Whatever you need.” He ran a hand through Virgil’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. It made Virgil melt. If he had been able to think more clearly, he would have been surprised it worked, surprised Patton had stayed for him. But he couldn’t really think that straight at the moment.

“Feel better?” Patton asked after a few more minutes. Virgil nodded. “Good. Do you want to talk about what’s wrong now?”

“Uh, I ran out of my meds and they aren’t refilled yet, and the university denied my request for a service animal, and there’s just so much to do, I’m-I’m just overwhelmed.” Virgil pulled away from Patton to sit on his own. He realized rather suddenly that Patton had somewhere else to be, someone he was meeting, and was not by any means required or even expected to deal with Virgil’s bullshit. He was just being a bother to his overly polite roommate. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to-”

“It’s okay, Virge.” Patton patted his hand before he could finish. “We’re friends. I like helping the people I care about. You’re not imposing on me at all.” He smiled. Virgil was confused. They were friends? They’d exchanged maybe four sentences the whole time they’d been rooming together. He didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all that,” Patton continued. “What were you going to get for a service animal?”

“A snake,” Virgil said. He felt obligated to answer Patton’s questions because he had listened to Virgil cry even when he had been busy, but he really just wanted Patton to get on with what he was doing before so that he wouldn’t end up resenting Virgil for being such a crybaby about something that should have been nothing. “I was going to name him Caspar. Seriously though, Patton, you don’t have to stay here and do this. Go meet up with your friends. I’ll be fine.”

“Well,” Patton said thoughtfully, squinting down at Virgil’s blankets. “You want me to meet my friends, but I don’t want to leave you here alone. I know!” He grabbed Virgil’s hand excitedly, a smile breaking out across his face. “You can come over to Dee’s apartment! We can all hang out together.”

“Oh, I don’t know-”

“Dee even has some pet snakes,” Patton wheedled. When Virgil still looked unsure, he aimed his best puppy dog eyes at him. “C’mon, Virge. It’ll be fun, and if you don’t like it, we can come right back here. I promise. Justy try? It might make you feel better if you’re not alone, you know.”

Virgil sighed. “Fine. But only because I want to see the snakes.”

“That’s great, kiddo.” Patton practically bounced off the bed after that. “I’ll go get you a water bottle, and we can go as soon as you’re ready!” He scampered off to the shared kitchen area, and Virgil pulled on his shoes before stopping in the bathroom to wash his face. With the tear tracks and smeared eye-liner washed away and a goal in mind, Virgil did feel a little better.

It still took more willpower than he would admit to force himself out of the bathroom to meet Patton and begin their trek over to Dee’s house. Whoever Dee was. His snakes better be pretty frickin’ cool, otherwise Virgil was going to bail at the first opportunity.

“Virge?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed.

“I think you’re going to be just fine.”

“Huh,” Virgil said. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. You’re more capable than you think. You’ll make it through.” Patton smiled, this time soft and comforting, and Virgil couldn’t deny that being out with Patton did feel better than being cooped up in that tiny room. So Virgil smirked back, as friendly as he could, and decided that he really would give this whole hanging-out-with-acquaintances thing a try.

Just until he got his snake, just until he didn’t feel like one more task would send him spiralling into an inky abyss, just until they were friends instead of acquaintances, and then Virgil would do something else he’d never done before: he’d give that whole hanging-out-with-friends thing a try. And he might just like it enough to keep doing it. And maybe, once the semester ended, he would have a pet snake and new friends and somewhere nice to spend his summer.