2025
This year was a doozy for me so I wanted to take a second to remember what all happened this year. If for no other reason than Dissociative Mental Disorder, I'd like to actually remember what happened to me.
- My mental health has been at both an all time high and an all time low at different points this year. Before moving I was having near constant panic attacks especially at night. I was feeling depressed, hopeless, and existential. I was struggling with religious OCD almost every single day. After moving the panic attacks have almost completely stopped, the depression has its days but those days are maybe 1 in 14 instead of 1 in 2. The religious OCD I doubt will ever fully go away but now im able to pray, talk to Her, get Her water every day, and offer Her baked goods with 0 issue 90% of the time.
- The Big Move occurred this year. Me and my fiance moved 1000+ miles away from my hometown to somewhere neither of us had even visited before. And the best part? We fucking love it here. We are surrounded by historic homes, trees, queer community, and snow on the ground. We get to wear our cute sweaters and dont have to bake in the sun 8 months out of the year. I never have to see Kurtis or King or Alex or my mother ever again if I dont want to.
- We got involved in our local community more than we ever did in my hometown. Our local library has classes we plan on attending. Our kink community has a variety of events that are worth attending and not full of swingers and assholes. My fiance might even start teaching art classes to the local queer community because of course he would be incredible at that.
- I upped my T dose and finally addressed my own dysphoria that I had been avoiding for years. I now plan on getting both top and bottom surgery. My insurance might even pay for it.
- We watched more amazing films than I've ever seen in a year. I made a letterboxd so I could actually remember the things I love. Sinners, The Shape of Water, and Wake Up Dead Man are the top 3 btw. I feel like thats just a symptom of being able to take up so much more space in a one bedroom apartment than I ever did in a five bedroom house. I've been so much more myself here. I've also listened to a ton of new music, honorable mentions there are the Hotel Bleu album by Broadside and the NeverAfter album by The Band CAMINO.
- I started DMing for 2 different DND 5e games. Its so much fucking fun and its also a challenge to myself. I've had to do a ton of research and practice creating compelling stories and characters. Every session I play makes me better.
- I got divorced this year. I love my ex-wife very much but this year was the year that we learned how incompatible we are as partners. We're still best friends, I dont think I can even conceive of a version of me without them, but living together was absolutely killing us both. Being able to be honest with each other and ourselves about what we want, our values, and how we want to live finally paved the way for us to move forward. It was scary as fuck and I think we both thought we were gonna lose each other but we didnt.
- "I" rehomed both my dogs. Very similar to the last point, I love my dogs but I didnt like having dogs at all. It was stressing and overwhelming me on the daily. My ex wife kept my smaller dog and they managed to rehome my larger dog to a friend that loves her so much. She's finally getting the walks, socialization, and playtime that she needs and I'm not waking up every morning angry because of the noise and mess.
- I finally formed a healthy relationship with substances and am able to use legal weed to improve my symptoms instead of to escape my life.
- I went out of my way to leave my house and socialize. I can now consistently make plans with friends and actually follow through on them without panicking.
- I fell even deeper in love with my fiance. He has helped me through so much bullshit, before, during, and after moving. I've had a metric ton of trauma come up over the past year and he has been by my side doing everything in his power to make my life easier every step of the way. Finally having a place that is Ours has been incredible. It feels like we're finally free. I look around at the home we've made, the love that made it, and im just in awe of him and of myself. We've both learned and grown so much together and im so proud of us.













