She had to be alone, with no plans made for the next few days. If she had plans, people would get suspicious and he needed all of the time he could get without the police being involved. He had no intentions to hurt her or rape her, he just wanted to make her his. 

After months of planning, he decided that tonight was the night that he’d capture her. She had no plans for the next 3 days which was just enough time for him. He quickly checked her phone camera and saw that she was currently showering. He used her spare key she kept in the flowerpot outside to get in. 

As he walked inside, he was filled with excitement but had to concentrate. He peeked his head into her bedroom and could see that the bathroom door was open and her back was facing him. He could hear the water running and decided to look around. 

She turned off the water and stepped out of the shower and began to get dressed. He quickly grabbed a knife from her kitchen and hid around the corner. He didn’t want to attack too early so he waited patiently. She dried her hair and walked out of her room and into the living room. She took a seat on the sofa and he very slowly snuck up behind her. 

She had the tv turned on to the news and he crept up behind her and covered her mouth and held the knife against her throat. 

She screamed and went to pull his hand away, but as soon as she felt the knife, she froze in place. 

“Shh (Y/N). No need to scream.” Jinyoung whispered into her ear. 

She whimpered and quieted down, in fear that he’d hurt her.

“Now (Y/N), I’m going to remove my hand, if you scream I’ll slice your throat.”

She nodded and waited for him to remove his hand. As soon as he did, she said the first thing that came to mind. “Why are you doing this?”

Jinyoung laughed. “You see (Y/N), I’m going to make you mine because that’s what you are.”

Tons of questions popped into her head. Who is this man? What does he want from me? Is he going to kill me?

She didn’t know how to respond, so she sat there quietly and hoped that she would be able to see the sunlight tomorrow. 

“Come on (Y/N). Change your clothes and then we can leave.” 

She got up and walked into her bedroom with the knife pressed into her back. She didn’t care if he saw her while she changed, assuming that he already had plenty of times. She changed into jeans and a t-shirt and put a grey hoodie on over it. Jinyoung just watched her, completely unphased by seeing the girl he was obsessed with in her bra and panties.

When she had finished changing, he walked her out to his car and made her sit in the passenger’s seat. He got into the driver’s side and held the knife in one hand and drove with the other. 

“Where are we going?” She asked, worried she would never be able to come home again.

“To a place far far away baby.”

“You’re ignoring my question,” he stated firmly. He was clearly not happy, and you felt sick. Had he heard everything? Of course he did. The call had been going for a while.

“I don’t owe you an explanation.” Your voice was numb. Would he tell Jinyoung what he had heard? JB was Jinyoung’s closest friend, aside from you that was.

“No, you don’t owe me an explanation, but you owe Jinyoung one. Do you know how badly you hurt him? And it was just a lie.” JB’s voice was like ice in your heart.

You knew you had hurt Jinyoung. That was why he had been avoiding you for the past week, but actually hearing about it killed you. You never wanted Jinyoung to feel that way, but there was a reason you had lied to him, and Mark was right. You either had to live with your decision and move on or confess to Jinyoung. “Look, JB.” You sounded tired. “I care about Jinyoung.”

“Then why would you break his heart?”

“Will you let me finish?” You barked. You didn’t mean to snap, but JB had no right to judge you, not before he heard your side of the story. You listened for a moment, and there was silence, so you continued. “In case you didn’t realize it, I live in a completely different place, so it doesn’t matter if I love Jinyoung and he loves me, because it wouldn’t work out. Long distance always fails, so I decided that I’d let him off easy.” You took a deep breath, your heart pounding in your head.

“Since when is lying to him easy?”

You bit your lip, wishing it was easier to convince JB. “Because…” You took a deep breath. You had your reasons. You really did. “Because, it would be easier for him to move on if he didn’t know how I felt about him. Rejection hurts, but you deal with it. Knowing someone cares about you, but you aren’t together because of location leaves you wondering, ‘what if?’ and that drives you crazy, knowing that you were so close to being in love, that you were almost there, but it slipped through your fingers. I would know, because almost is never enough.” Tears were threatening your eyes, and you were just grateful your voice hadn’t given you away.

JB was silent for a moment, so you were pretty sure you had gotten to him. “But won’t that ‘what if?’ drive you crazy?”

Yes. “It’s something I’m willing to deal with, if it means that Jinyoungie could be happy.” Tears spilled over your eyes. You wouldn’t let yourself think about “what if” now because this was your decision, and you had to live with it.

JB sighed. “I’m not sure I agree with your logic, but I understand it at the same time.”

“Good. Then will you do me a favor and not tell Jinyoung what you heard?” You didn’t want to get anyone else involved in your little lie, but if JB told Jinyoung, then it would defeat the purpose of everything.

“I don’t like this, but I guess I can keep your stupid little secret.” JB sounded bitter, and you couldn’t blame him. You weren’t sure if this was the right thing to do, but it was too late now.

“Thank you.” Your voice was quiet now.

“Yeah, whatever. You owe big time, okay? I’ll let you get back to whatever it is you’re doing with that guy. Bye.” Click. And that was it.

Mark approached you, after you closed the phone and put it away. “Are you okay?”

You looked up at him and forced a smile. “Yeah. You were right. It’s time for me to move on.”

Mark placed an arm around you and started guiding you along the street. “Let’s get you home.”

JB paced back and forth in his living room. It had been almost a week since he discovered your little secret, and he hated you for it. He hated seeing Jinyoung go through the pain of rejection, but maybe you were right. Maybe it’d be easier for Jinyoung to get over you, if he thought you simply didn’t like him.

JB grunted, running his fingers through his hair. He didn’t believe that. Well, he did. It would be easier for Jinyoung to get over you, but JB didn’t think he should be getting over you; you should be getting under him. JB had always thought that you and Jinyoung would make the perfect couple. You already acted like it any way, but he didn’t want to push it, because he knew that you didn’t think of Jinyoung in that way, and it wasn’t your fault that you felt that way.

But now that JB knew your feelings had changed, so did his opinion. Just because you two were worlds apart, that didn’t mean you couldn’t work things out. Love was a powerful force.

He pulled out his phone and dialed Jinyoung, who now had your phone back. Jinyoung had insisted JB give your phone back before you found out JB had it, and JB couldn’t argue with that, without telling Jinyoung the secret. The phone rang for a moment.

“Hello?” Jinyoung sounded a bit peppier than usual.

“Hey, what are you up to tonight?” JB asked. He didn’t want to tell Jinyoung the secret exactly, but he wanted to push Jinyoung to talk to you again.

“I have plans.”

JB furrowed his eyebrows. “With who?”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” Jinyoung scolded. “I have a date.”

“What?” JB piped. “Why?”

“Weren’t you the one who told me I should move on?” Jinyoung sounded annoyed.

“Well, yes.” Crap. “You just weren’t supposed to move on so fast.”

“You’re crazy. Are you drunk right now?” JB could practically feel Jinyoung’s eyes rolling.

“No. You’re right. I’m not making any sense. Just, um, tell me about the date? Where are you going? When? With who?”

The date was going well enough. Jinyoung had been hesitant about it, but maybe JB was right. You didn’t like him, so he needed to move on and accept that. What better way to move on than get out there and start dating? It wasn’t like he needed time to get over a break up or anything. It was a simple rejection. That was it.

“So it was a great few months I spent in Europe,” the girl went on and on. “Really, I felt like I found a new me there.”

This girl could really talk a lot, and Jinyoung wasn’t sure what she was talking about half the time. It was pleasant and all, but it was no conversation with you. Jinyoung shook his head, forcing himself to listen to this girl.

“And there was this great little hut on top of the mountain…”

Jinyoung squinted his eyes at the door, recognizing the person there. Was that JB talking to the hostess? There was no way JB would actually come here, but he was asking for a lot of in depth questions about his date tonight. When the figure moved closer, Jinyoung’s mouth fell open. That was definitely JB, and he was heading straight for the table.

JB took a seat in an empty chair, and the girl stopped talking, looking at JB like he was a weirdo. “Umm, can we help you with something?”

JB looked her up and down. “You can’t.” Then he turned to Jinyoung. “Why the hell are you on a date right now?”

Jinyoung squinted. “Seriously, do you not remember telling me to get laid?”

“Excuse me,” the girl said, “but can you leave. You’re interrupting our date.”

“Oh please, it’s not like Jinyoung was even having fun. I was bored of you in the first two seconds I heard you talking,” JB sassed. The girl scoffed, but JB ignored it, giving Jinyoung his attention again. “I thought you were madly in love with y/n. Why are you giving up on her so easily?”

“Because she doesn’t love me back. Where did JB go, because you’re clearly not him? Seriously, what has gotten into you? You have been telling me to move on, get over her, it’s never going to happen, and now that I’m trying to move on, you’re mad at me?”

“Well, things are different now.” JB bit his lip and looked down.

Jinyoung had never seen JB like this before, and it was weird. “How? Because unless you’ve become a sudden hopeless romantic, which is unlikely, I’d like to continue on my date.” Jinyoung wasn’t that into the date, but he was more annoyed with JB right now. JB couldn’t seem to make up his mind.

“Oh please, you don’t even like this girl. How could you?” JB pointed at her with his thumb. “Like, you could do way better.”

“Hey!” the girl whined. “Jinyoungie, how could you let your friend talk to me like that?”

Jinyoung’s chest tightened. No one called him that except you, and he especially didn’t like whiney girls saying it. “Jaebum,” Jinyoung said, exasperated.

“Y/n lied to you.” JB didn’t mean to blurt it out; it just happened. The table grew silent for a moment. “She lied to you, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung stared at JB, his heart racing. He had to be making assumptions. “What?”

“Who’s this y/n?” the girl asked, but both boys ignored her.

“She lied about loving you. She’s probably just as much of a love-sick puppy as you, but she was scared.” JB watched Jinyoung closely, waiting for some sort of reaction, but Jinyoung was frozen.

Then it was like someone hit play on Jinyoung, because he suddenly stood up, tossing his napkin on the table. “I have to go.”

You weren’t sure how you ended up back at your apartment with your boss. You two had been talking all week, and you found him so kind and nice, and you enjoyed it company. It was also nice saying you had made a friend, but the moment you had stepped into your apartment, the mood changed. It was just little touches here and there, on your shoulder, back, whatever. You hadn’t noticed it at first, but it kept happening, and you suddenly were very aware of how close Mark was to you.

You were sure the wine didn’t help either, but you grew nervous thinking about it. Was he expecting something to happen tonight, because you weren’t ready for a new relationship yet. You two sat on the couch, and even though you sat on one end of the couch, Mark ended up right next to you. You were talking and laughing, which was fun, but the moment he put his hand on your leg, you panicked.

You weren’t sure if you should stop him or not. It seemed like a more friendly gesture, but that could’ve easily turned into something more, and you didn’t want more. Not yet at least. Luckily, there was a knock on the door, giving to the perfect excuse to jump up and escape from Mark’s touch. “I’ll get it.”

You heart was still pounding. You had thought Mark just wanted to be your friend, or were you just that naïve? Grabbing the door handle, you wondered who it was. You never got visitors here, and it was too late for a package. You opened the door with a smile, but it quickly faded and you froze. Standing in front of you was Jinyoung, holding out your cell phone.

“I thought it was time for you to get your phone back.” He smiled meekly, waiting for you to grab your phone, but you were still in shock.

“Jinyoungie, what are you doing here?” This had to be a dream, right?

Jinyoung bit his lip, running his fingers through his hair, clearly nervous. “I don’t know. One moment I was back home, and the next thing I knew I was here. I just couldn’t… knowing that you… because I, um…”

You tilted your head, trying to figure out what he was saying. “I need full sentences.”

Jinyoung took a deep breath. “Knowing that you love me, I couldn’t just sit around, doing nothing. I don’t know. Maybe it was a mistake. There has to be a reason you lied. Maybe you don’t love me as much as JB thinks, or maybe you don’t want a relationship.” He paused, the door opening behind you.

Mark poked his head outside the door. “Is everything okay out here?”

Jinyoung took one look at Mark and said, “It was stupid of me to come here. I just thought… I wasn’t thinking actually.” He pushed your phone into your hand. “Here. Take this.” He turned to walk away.

You quickly chased after him without a thought. “Jinyoung!” you shouted, stopping him in his tracks. You waited until he looked at you. “You are an idiot for coming here.”

“I know,” he whispered, completely dejected.

“No, you don’t,” you corrected. “You’re an idiot, because now that you’re here, I can’t let you go. Do you think it was easy for me to lie to you? Do you think I wanted it to be this way? Because what I really want is you, and now that you’re here, in front of me, there’s no way I’m letting you go.”

Jinyoung looked confused for a moment, but that didn’t stop you from grabbing his shirt pulling him closer to you. You stopped inches away from his mouth.

“You’re an idiot,” you continued, “for not doing this sooner and for ever letting me go.”

He seemed to snap out of his daze as his hands ran through your hair, closing the distance between your mouths. His lips were so soft and delicate, and kissing him was better than tasting chocolate. You wrapped your arms around his neck, afraid to ever let him go, and in that moment, the only thing that mattered to you was that Jinyoung was here with you.

Finally, the kiss broke, but you two stayed close, gazing into each other’s eyes. “I know I should’ve said this a long time ago, but I love you.”

Tears started pouring out of your eyes, and it was like everything from the past couple of weeks was all coming out at once. You felt so stupid for crying, when everything you wanted was in front of you. “I love you, too.”

“Why are you crying?” Jinyoung whispered, wiping your tears away and kissing your forehead.

“Because I’ve missed you so much, and because I’m scared. What if things don’t work out between us? I don’t think I could stand to lose you.” You squeezed Jinyoung tighter, both terrified and thrilled for what the future held.

“Good thing I’m determined to make it work. I’ll do whatever it takes, even if that means moving here to be with you.” Jinyoung kissed your forehead again.

Mark cleared his throat, standing awkwardly in the hallway, and you and Jinyoung quickly parted. “I’m going to head out, y/n.” He then smiled. “I’m glad things worked out for you. I’ll see you on Monday, okay?”

“Thanks.” You smiled back at him, and once Mark was gone, you slipped your fingers in between Jinyoung’s, leading him into the apartment. There was a lot you needed to catch up on since moving, and even though you didn’t know how long he’d be here, you weren’t about to waste a second of it. It felt so right to finally be with Jinyoung, and you knew you’d do whatever it took to fight for the relationship, too, knowing he was worth it.

The last drink had been one too many, however, and Jinyoung’s mood crashed dramatically. A pretty girl had come up to him, clinging on him and was clearly willing to do lots of things with him, but that just set Jinyoung off.

“Sorry, not interested.” He stood up, pushing past the girl and out the doors, his mood completely sour.

“What the hell was that?” JB demanded after catching up with Jinyoung. He forced Jinyoung to stop walking and talk.

“I told you I didn’t want to have a random hookup tonight,” Jinyoung muttered. He was just done with the night and wanted to go to sleep.

“Yeah, but there’s a polite way to reject a drunk girl and a completely douchey way of doing it. Besides, maybe it would’ve been a good distraction.” JB didn’t want to force Jinyoung into anything, but he was tired of hearing all of Jinyoung’s whining about you for too long. It would’ve been great if things had worked out between Jinyoung and you, but JB was just trying to be a realist.

“I don’t want a distraction. I just want to talk to y/n.” Jinyoung pulled out his phone and started dialing.

Jinyoung threw his feet over the side of the bed, moving slowly. He ached too much to move any faster. He wondered if he had actually called you or not. That part of the night was really fuzzy, so he wasn’t sure what happened. He tried really hard to remember if he had heard your voice or not, but that only made his head worse.

Dragging his feet, he gave his head a break as he went to get water. He knew that headache would never go away if he didn’t rehydrate. The cool water hit his lips and then slid down his throat, feeling quite refreshing after the previous night. He set down the glass and then searched for your phone, wondering if there was any evidence of what happened the previous night on it. When he pulled out an unfamiliar phone from his pocket, memories from the previous night hit him.

JB was quick to snatch the phone out of his hands. “Oh no you don’t. There’s no way I’m letting you call her, especially when you’re drunk. In fact, to keep this temptation from you, I’m going to keep this phone.”

“You can’t do that,” Jinyoung growled, trying to snatch the phone back from JB.

“Watch me.” JB shoved your phone into his pocket before Jinyoung could make a second attempt.

“How am I supposed to call anyone? It’s not like I have my own phone.” Jinyoung put his hands on his hips, irritated beyond belief with JB.

JB fished in his pocket and pulled out his own phone. “Take mine.”

“How is that helping in the least? It’s just making things more confusing. Besides, if I have your phone, it won’t stop me from calling her.” Jinyoung was worried you’d get mad with another phone swap, especially one that wasn’t necessary. Besides, by taking your phone, JB was taking Jinyoung’s excuse for calling you up.

JB rolled his eyes and hit a few buttons on his phone. “There. I deleted y/n’s number, so you can’t call her.”

Like that’d help. Jinyoung had had your number memorized for years. “I’m not a child. You don’t need to treat me this way.”

“I’ve watched you drone on and on about y/n for years now, and it’s time for you to move on. Think of this as my intervention.”

Now that it was the next day, Jinyoung really wished that JB hadn’t taken your phone from him. He wanted to call you right now, and even though he knew your number, it’d be weird for him to have to explain why he didn’t have your phone. Maybe JB was right. Maybe it was time to move on and keep some distance.

The week for you dragged on and on. You kept checking Jinyoung’s phone, wondering why he hadn’t called you back. He clearly hadn’t heard your voicemail, or else he would’ve called immediately, but maybe he wouldn’t have. Maybe Jinyoung needed his space from you. The week seemed to take forever, and between the stress of your new job and the disappearance of your best friend, you started to feel lonely, and you just wanted to go home.

It had almost been a week since you talked to Jinyoung, and it bugged you. You knew your friendship wouldn’t be perfect after your rejection, but you didn’t expect it to be this bad. Maybe Jinyoung needed more space than you realized, or maybe he was mad at you for this whole situation. Maybe he didn’t care about you as much as you thought.

You groaned and laid your head on your desk. You were in your head way too much this week, which made it hard to focus on work. You were pretty sure if you didn’t step things up, you were going to get fired and then everything would’ve been for nothing.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jump and squeak. When you looked up, Mr. Tuan was standing right above you, and you started to panic. “I promise I’m not slacking. I was just resting my head for a moment.”

Mr. Tuan chuckled, and you wondered if he found your anxiety amusing. “Don’t worry about it. I have those days, too. I was just going to ask you if you were free tonight.”

You cocked your head to the side. “Tonight? What’s going on tonight, sir?”

He leaned against your desk and smiled. “Nothing in particular. I was just hoping I could take you out tonight.”

You froze. Was your boss really asking you out right now? “Umm, I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not so sure that’s a great idea.” You looked down at your hands, too nervous to make eye contact.

Mr. Tuan only chuckled again. “Relax. I promise I don’t have bad intentions. I know you just moved here, so I know you probably don’t have a lot of friends, and you’ve clearly been stressed this week. It’ll be just two people hanging out and having a good time, so what do you say?”

You were still a little nervous about it. He was your boss after all, but at the same time, it would’ve been nice to get out of your ratty apartment. Finally, looking back up at him, you said, “Okay. Sure. Sounds great.”

You ended up meeting Mr. Tuan at a restaurant at seven o’clock sharp. You weren’t sure how you were supposed to dress. It wasn’t a date, so you didn’t think you should be super fancy, but at the same time you were going to a nice restaurant, so you didn’t want to look dreary. As you walked into the place with the simple dress you had decided to go with, your heart pounded in your head. You kept telling yourself it wasn’t a date, but you couldn’t deny the fact that you and your attractive boss were going to be spending the evening together, doing date-like stuff.

You wondered what Jinyoung was doing this night. He still hadn’t talked to you, so you wondered if he had already moved onto someone new. The thought made you frown.

“Don’t look so sad,” Mr. Tuan said, making you jump. He was surprisingly good at sneaking up on you when you were thinking about Jinyoung.

You forced a smile, but you were still feeling a bit uncomfortable. “Right. Fun.” You both took your seats and ordered after a decent amount of silence. Most of the dinner went by with quiet conversation about work stuff. It was hard for you to open up to Mr. Tuan, especially because even though this wasn’t a date, it had all of the elements of a date. Mr. Tuan even paid for the dinner. You naturally were keeping your distance from him, afraid to give him the wrong impression.

After dinner, the two of you walked along the street for a while. It was a gorgeous sight with strings of lights draped up above. On top of that, the moon was out, and it was nearly full. You could imagine yourself walking hand in hand with Jinyoung, resting your head on his shoulder as the two of you carelessly moved forward. There was even a perfect place to stop and kiss each other. The thought of all of this made you sad.

Instead of being with Jinyoung in his warm embrace, you were here with Mr. Tuan, hugging yourself uncomfortably. You could feel his eyes on you two, but you refused to look at him.

“So tell me a little about yourself, y/n,” Mr. Tuan said, breaking the silence.

“Uh, there’s not really much to tell.” You kept shifting back and forth because of your nerves. “I mean, you basically already know my story. I’m just a small town girl who got a job in the city, so she left everything behind to try to live the good life.”

“You don’t sound too happy about that,” he pointed out.

“Yeah, well, things just haven’t been going my way.” You laughed nervously. You were trying to hide how bad you really felt through laughter.

Mr. Tuan frowned. “Has the job been going okay? I know it’s not exactly what you expected, but I still want you to be as comfortable as possible. If you ever need anything, you can always step into my office.”

“Thank you, Mr. Tuan-”

“Please, outside of work call me Mark.” He flashed you a brilliant smile, making you smile in return.

“Ah, yeah, Mark. I appreciate your concern, but it hasn’t just been the job.” You usually kept your troubles to yourself, especially when it came to your coworkers, but everything had just been bubbling up recently. Plus, the one person you usually told everything to still wasn’t talking to you.

Mark placed a hand on your arm. “You can tell me about it, if you want.” His touch felt almost foreign, yet welcomed at the same time. It was just so comforting, which was something you desperately needed.

“Well, my apartment is nothing like I expected. There are bugs, it’s small, and no matter how much I clean, it still feels gross.” You sighed. Just thinking about the place made you grimace.

“And?” Mark coaxed. You two had stopped walking now, and you were leaning against a black railing that surrounded a small river flowing through town.

“How do you know there’s an ‘and?’” You raised your eyebrow at Mark.

“It just sounds like there’s an ‘and.’ I’m right, aren’t I?” Mark was surprisingly good at reading you.

“The ‘and’ is complicated.” You gripped the railing tight. Everything else would’ve been manageable but everything with Jinyoung had completely wrecked you.

“So who’s the guy?” Mark moved in a little closer, giving you his full attention.

You turned towards Mark, looking at him closely for the first time. A part of you was scared to tell him about everything; he was your boss after all, but at the same time, you were going crazy doing this by yourself. “His name’s Jinyoung.”

“And where is this Jinyoung?”

“Back home.” Hating me, you added in your head.

“Is he your boyfriend?” Mark’s voice was careful, and you could tell he was trying not to step over any boundaries.

You let out a sigh, tffing your hair in the process. “That’s the complicated part.”

“Ah, so you want him to be your boyfriend?” Mark was gently trying to tease more information out of you.

“Yes, well no. We’ve been best friends for as long as I can remember, and I love him, I do. I only started developing feeling feelings for him after I accept this job, though.” You’re chest tightened, thinking about all of it again.

“Does he know how you feel?” You could feel Mark inching closer to you, but you weren’t uncomfortable with the movements at the same time.

“Not exactly. In fact, when I found out how he felt, I was an idiot, and told him I didn’t think of him that way, and he hasn’t talked to me since, and I feel like I’m losing my best friend.” Tears filled the brim of your eyes, but you did your best to keep them at bay.

“You were afraid,” Mark said matter-of-factly.  

Your frown deepened. “It wouldn’t have worked out for us, not with me living here and him there. It wouldn’t have been fair for him to get his hopes up. At least this way we could save our friendship, or so I thought.” You grew quiet again, and it was even harder to swallow your tears.

Mark stroked under your chin, making you look at him again. “Look, the way I see it, you have two choices. You could either tell him how you feel and hope for the best, or continue with your decision and move on without regrets.”

“You make it sound so simple,” you half chuckled.

“I mean, I know emotions are tricky, but it comes down to this. Are you going to regret not telling him, or do you think it’ll be for the best.” Mark smiled at you sympathetically. “You don’t have to know this answer right now, but you should take some time to think about it.”

You nodded, thankful that Mark was there for you. “Yeah, yeah, I will. Thank you.” You actually smiled back at him, feeling a bit relieved now that everything wasn’t hanging on your chest. “I should probably get home soon,” you said, pulling out your phone out in the process. The second you saw the screen, your heart collapsed.

Mark saw the panic in your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

You didn’t answer. Instead, you kept looking at the screen. It said you were in the middle of a phone call with yourself. You must’ve butt dialed your number somehow, and the worst part had been that it had been going for fifteen minutes. Had Jinyoung been listening to your entire conversation? With dread, you held the phone up to your ear. “Hello?” Your heart pounded, waiting for a reply. You honestly hoped he had accidentally answered the phone, too, and didn’t hear a word.

“Why did you lie to Jinyoung?” The voice definitely didn’t belong to Jinyoung, but you were shocked to hear JB on the other side, especially an angry JB.

Despite shattering your chance to be with the man who you loved and was perfect for you, you smiled this morning because you were excited for your new job. When you had decided to pick work over love, you promised yourself that you wouldn’t be miserable because of it.  Jinyoung would always be your friend, but you were sure you could will your feelings away, especially with the distraction of work.

You got dressed in the perfect outfit that you had planned weeks ago and then planned again with Jinyoung’s help the night before the trip. You were sure he would get sick and annoyed with you putting on outfit after outfit in the middle of the night, but he had a smile on his lips the entire time. You supposed he wanted to help you out the first day in whatever way he could, seeing how he wouldn’t actually be there for your first day. Your face fell a little while thinking of Jinyoung. You wanted more than anything for him to be there with you.

You shook your head suddenly, refusing to let your thoughts to go there. What was done was done, and you needed to learn to have an adventure without Jinyoung now more than ever. You finished getting ready, thinking about all of the things you were looking forward to with your new job. They said you would get your very own desk. You imagined organizing it just the way you wanted, putting the little dancing flower Jinyoung had gotten you right next to your computer. No, those were dangerous thoughts. Think of something else.

You would finally be able to be in charge of your own work, write your own stories, and get recognized for your own work. That was something you had wanted for a long time. Good, good. Those thoughts were better. You took one last look in the mirror and smiled, promising yourself today would be wonderful.

After you finished packing up all of your stuff, you asked the hotel to call you a taxi and then dragged your stuff downstairs. Last night was the only night you were supposed to stay in a hotel. Your new job had helped you get a new apartment, and based off the pictures, it was stunning. That was just another thing to look forward to and keep your mind off you-know-who. It was just another piece to your grand story, and it would be nice going to your own place after getting off work. Apparently it was walking distance to your new job, too.

The taxi ride to building complex you worked in was longer than you anticipated, making you late for your first day. The actual distance from the hotel to the company building was fairly short, but you hadn’t taken the intense traffic as a factor, which led to you running into the lobby, dragging all of your suitcases with you. You got to the receptionist’s desk and dropped your belongings, trying to catch your breath. “Hi… my name is…. y/n. It’s my first day here.”

The receptionist glanced at you and then started typing in her computer. “Ah, yes. Y/n… We’ve been expecting you.” Her voice was dry, and she seemed annoyed. She picked up the phone and punched in a few numbers. “Hi, yes. Mr. Tuan, y/n is finally here. Yes, sir. I understand. I’ll send her right up.” She hung up the phone and then scribbled a note on a sticky note. “Mr. Tuan is waiting for you on the thirty-second floor. After you get out of the elevator, turn right and his office is number 36.” She shoved the piece of paper in your hand. “The elevator is right over there.”

“Wait, what room is it again?” you asked. She had been talking so fast, that you barely caught what she said, and you wanted to make sure you had all of the numbers right.

She rolled her eyes at you. “It’s all on that piece of paper.”

“Oh.” You could’ve told me that before, instead of just shoving it in my hands. “Thanks.” You picked up all of your belongings and trekked towards the elevator, taking a deep breath. You really hoped that not everyone was that cold to you. Taking a deep breath to clear your mind, you figured she was just busy, always directing calls and people everywhere, or maybe she was having a bad day. You had definitely had plenty before.

You managed to find the elevator, and you rode it up to floor thirty-two. When you stumbled out of the elevator with all your luggage, you noticed people who were quietly working now staring at you and your excessive amount of stuff. That was okay, though. You were sure you looked odd with all of your stuff bundled in your arms. When you got to Mr. Tuan’s office, you knocked softly on the door and heard a quiet, “Come in.”

You pushed into his office and set down all of your stuff. You were instantly shocked by how pretty Mr. Tuan looked, and his crisp suit definitely made him look even more attractive. “Hello, sir,” you greeted, trying to not sound frazzled. “Sorry for being late. The traffic was terrible.”

“The traffic’s always terrible here,” he said. At first you thought he was scolding you, but when you made eye contact, he smiled at you with his perfect teeth. “You’ll learn that quickly. If I’m not mistaken, it’s your first day in the city, right?”

You nodded quietly, relieved that you weren’t being scolded for being late. Mr. Tuan already seemed nicer than the first lady you met.

“And I’m assuming you’re not planning on living in this building, are you?” He chuckled, and you saw him eyeing your bags.

“No, no,” you laughed back, but more out of embarrassment. “I’m supposed to go to my new apartment after work today.”

“Of course,” Mr. Tuan said. “You can just leave that stuff in my office until it’s time to go home.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just put it in my own office,” you said. You didn’t want to inconvenience your boss on the first day.

Mr. Tuan looked at you carefully. “Your own office?”

“Yeah, I was told I was going to get my own place with a desk and everything.” Your voice was quiet with concern.

“Ah,” Mr. Tuan said, standing up from his desk. “I think there has been a slight misunderstanding.” He walked over to you and held out his hand. “By the way, I haven’t officially introduced myself. I’m Mark Tuan, but most people around here call me Mr. Tuan, as you probably guessed.”

You took his hand and shook it, unable to shake your own queasy feeling. “I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too. It’s nice to have another pretty face on board.” You felt yourself blushing. “If you would follow me right this way, we’ll get things sorted out for you.”

You nodded your head and followed Mr. Tuan out of his office, leaving most of your stuff in his office, just like he had said. He led you not too far away from him office to a desk. It wasn’t in an office, like you had thought. Instead, there was a small desk outside of his office in the middle of an open area. You didn’t even have a cubicle to mark your own space, like the other people.

“This is where you’ll be working,” Mr. Tuan said, gesturing to the desk. It was surprisingly messy. “Sorry there’s so much stuff here. My last assistant quit unexpectedly do to a family emergency, and she was never able to come back and clean up her stuff.”

There was only one word you heard clearly in Mr. Tuan’s statement. “Assistant? I thought I was the Editorial Executive Associate?”

“You are,” Mr. Tuan said. “That’s just a glorified way of saying assistant here.”

“Oh.” Your face fell. You thought you would be doing great work here. The title had sounded so fancy, and the pay was so much better than your pay before. “Please excuse me for being so frank sir, but I don’t understand. If I’m just your assistant, then why are you paying me that much? If I’m doing no more work than I was back home, why would you want me.”

Mr. Tuan leaned on your desk. He didn’t seem annoyed or anything. In fact, he seemed more sympathetic. “Ah, I can definitely understand your confusion, if you’re not used to being in a big city. First things first, your work here is more important than the work you were doing. You’re the assistant to the Chief Editor, me. That’s a much bigger deal here, since this company is a lot bigger than the company you used to work for, and we wanted you because of your experience, and your boss couldn’t stop raving about you. As for the pay, I hope you don’t mind me being frank either; it may not be as much as you think it is. It is more than you used to make, but a lot of it is because of the drastic change in living expenses. It costs a lot to live in the city, so a lot of your check will be going to paying rent.”

You tried to process everything, but you couldn’t help wonder if you made a mistake with Jinyoung after all. This wasn’t the dream job you had thought it was, but now it was probably too late. You had rejected Jinyoung so quickly, thinking it was best for your career, and you weren’t sure if you’d be able to fix things with him.

“Look,” Mr. Tuan continued, touching your shoulder, “I’m sorry this isn’t exactly what you thought it would be, but I promise you one thing. This is a good job. It may not seem like it’s better than your last job, but it comes with one thing your other job didn’t: status and connections. Working here may not be your dream job, but it’ll lead you to your dream job. I hope you can adjust to this job well, too, because I can honestly say I’ve been looking forward to working with the honest, caring, and dedicated y/n.” He smiled at you, trying to show you he was being genuine. “I have to go now, but if you need anything at all, you know where my office is.” He touched your arm again before leaving.

Okay, maybe this wasn’t such a bad thing. It wasn’t what you thought it was, but it was still a step forward in your career, right? You forced yourself to smile. Things would get better. They just had to.

Jinyoung took another shot, almost choking as the unfamiliar burn of alcohol attacked his throat. He wasn’t the kind of guy to just take shots. Usually he and you would sip on fruity drinks all night. Those tasted a lot better, and he enjoyed the atmosphere of you and him drinking together much better than this, but he knew JB was just trying to make him feel better by distracting him.

JB slapped Jinyoung on the back, bringing his attention back to the current scene. “Why don’t you go talk to her? She’s pretty, and I’m sure she could get your mind off y/n.”

Jinyoung glanced in the direction of the girl. She was pretty, but she wasn’t you. “Look, I’m not here for a hook up. I’m just not ready okay.”

“Look Jinyoung, I get it. You’re disappointed that y/n doesn’t feel that way about you, but you have to move on from her. For the past five years I’ve watched you sabotage relationship after relationship because none of those girls held a candle to y/n. You can’t do that anymore. You have to realize that you and she were never meant to be together, and you need to give her up.”

“But I don’t want to,” Jinyoung pleaded. He knew JB was right, but he just wasn’t ready to let go. You weren’t someone he could easily get over. He had tried before, but you were everything he ever wanted. “Maybe if I had just done something different, maybe if I had had the guts to confess sooner, maybe just maybe she would be right here with me now.”

JB grabbed Jinyoung’s shoulders and forced Jinyoung to look at him. “Saying what if doesn’t do any good for your sanity. What matters is now, and I know it might be hard, but I think you need space from her so you can get your feelings straight.”

Just then, Jinyoung’s phone started ringing. He pulled it out and smiled, seeing that it was you calling. Ignoring JB’s advice, he went to answer it, but JB quickly snatched it out of his hands. “Hey!” Jinyoung growled.

“You need time, starting now,” JB said, silencing your call.

You listened as your own phone went to voicemail. You heard your own voice saying, “Hi, it’s y/n. Please leave a message after the beep, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.” You took a deep breath, calming your emotions. You almost spilled everything to Jinyoung right there, but you weren’t sure if you had that right anymore. Instead, your forced your tears back and said, “Hey Jinyoung, I um, just wanted to tell you about my first day. It was, um, fine. I guess we can talk about exchanging our phones later, too. Bye.” You ended the call, wondering if he would even hear the message. Did he know the password to your voicemail? He knew a lot of your passwords, but you were pretty sure that wasn’t one of them. It was probably for the best, because he would have heard the distress in your voice in an instant.

You stood in the middle of your crappy apartment in tears. Today hadn’t gone to plan at all, and your apartment had turned out to be nothing like the pictures. You screamed, jumping onto the couch as a bug crawled across your foot. This only made you cry more. All you wanted right now was to talk to Jinyoung and hear his soothing voice. You were surprised when he didn’t answer his phone, since he always had it on him, but maybe it was for the best.

If you had talked to him, you would’ve completely broken down and probably have admitted everything to him. It was best he didn’t know how miserable you were here, because he would just say all of the perfect things, making you want to come home that much more, but it was too late now, and you needed to stick through this now.

JB, on the other hand, was lying on the couch with his arm draped over his eyes, trying to block the light. “It’s way too early to be having this conversation. I was planning on going to bed after finding out whether or not you got the guts to confess to y/n.”

“That was before you accidently told her my secret. Come on. Can’t you tell her it was an April’s fool trick or something?” Jinyoung was desperate. He was terrified that you would stop talking to him now that you knew how he felt about you exactly.

“Like she’d believe that,” JB scoffed, closing his eyes. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but after Jinyoung showed up at his apartment, how was he supposed to ignore his friend in need? “Besides, it’s probably better that she knows. Now you can find out how she really feels, and then either you can work something out or finally move on. I mean come on, how long have you been in love with her? Five years?”

Jinyoung didn’t reply. Maybe JB was right. Maybe this was for the best. “So should I text her?”

JB groaned, rolling over on the couch. “Can’t we discuss this later? It’s not like she’d even be able to read the message for hours.”

Jinyoung bit the inside of his cheek. “But I don’t want her to get freaked out.”

“Just send her a normal message. Ask her about her flight or something. I don’t care.” JB stood up. “I’m going back to bed. You can stay here as long as you want. Just try not to wear out the carpet with all your pacing.” Before Jinyoung even answered, JB starting dragging his feet towards the bedroom, knowing Jinyoung was barely paying attention to him anyway.

“Okay,” Junior muttered. He pulled out his phone, and even though he knew you wouldn’t be able to see the message for a while, he needed to send something to give himself a peace of mind. He probably typed out a hundred different messages, trying to find the right one to send to you, and finally he decided to just go with something simple.

I hope you had a safe trip! You probably know this already, but we accidentally switched phones, so call me (you) when you get a chance, and we’ll figure out how to exchange our phones.

He hit send, and his heart was pounding. The message seemed normal, but he couldn’t stop thinking of how you would take it. He figured it was good, because it didn’t bring up the subject, but it encouraged more conversation. You had to get your phone back somehow, and then it also left the decision up to you. If you wanted to bring up the discovery of Jinyoung’s feelings, you could, but if you wanted to avoid it, you could also just ignore the message, too. For a moment he was satisfied, but then Jinyoung started wondering how you would take the whole thing, and his mind zoomed around his skull, but as a yawn interrupted his thoughts, he finally decided to get some rest.

There was nothing he could do about the text now, and he really needed his rest anyway. He had been up half the night helping you do all of your last minute packing, and the other half of the night was spent in debate with himself. He had been trying to decide whether or not to confess, like Jaebum insisted, but in the end he thought it was best if he didn’t.

Your one hour layover had turned into a five hour layover, which delayed your entire trip. You were supposed to arrive in the new city around midday, but now you weren’t supposed to arrive until after dark, thanks to a snowstorm blocking your plane’s route. As you sat in the airport for those five hours, you could have easily turned on Jinyoung’s phone and called him to sort things out, but you didn’t really want to deal with it at the same time. Plus if you had turned on his phone, you would’ve been too tempted to look through his messages to JB, and you didn’t want to invade his privacy like that.

So instead, you sat in the airport, reading your book and pretending like you accidentally forgot to turn on your cell phone during the layover, at least that’s what you planed on telling anyone who asked. Besides, only JB, and now probably Jinyoung knew you had the wrong phone, so if anyone else contacted you, you were sure Jinyoung would answer and explain the situation to them. It had been hard to completely forget the phone, though. Your eyes kept wandering to your purse, and you kept wandering if you should call Jinyoung after all, but the biggest problem was that you still didn’t know what to say.

Eventually you got back on you flight, and in just a few hours you landed in your new city. The entire place felt completely foreign the moment you stepped out of the airport. It was extremely different from the friendly little town you had grown up in. Buildings toward above you, and even though it was late at night, the streets were still filled with bustling taxis and cars trying to race to their next destination.

You stood on the corner of the street and waved like an idiot, trying to capture the attention of a taxi driver. The yellow cars just kept on flying by you, though, and you couldn’t figure out what you were doing wrong. You had never had to take a cab before, because back in your hometown there was always someone to give you a ride, usually Jinyoung. Looking around, you tried to see what others were doing to catch a cab, but everyone seemed to be gone already.

When the next person walked by you, you quickly ran to get his attention by touching his arm. The person looked at you like you were crazy and then continued walking.

“So much for manners,” you muttered to yourself, getting a little stressed. You had been avoiding trying to use Jinyoung’s phone, but at this point you were getting desperate.

Turning on the small device, you heard the familiar little chime indicating it was powering up. After a moment, the phone beeped and a message came on the screen. “One new message from: Y/n.” Sighing, you opened the message.

I hope you had a safe trip! You probably know this already, but we accidentally switched phones, so call me (you) when you get a chance, and we’ll figure out how to exchange our phones.

After reading it, you knew Jinyoung knew you knew. Even though the message seemed normal, that was the problem. It was too well thought out. Besides, If Jinyoung didn’t know you knew, he probably would’ve sent you like ten million text messages worried about why you hadn’t responded yet. You’re plane should’ve arrived hours ago, and he would’ve expected you to text him during your layover. His strange amount of control showed you that he was trying to give you distance, because he was scared. You could only imagine how much he was internally freaking out right now, since he wasn’t showing it externally, at least not to you.

You knew you should’ve called him, or at least sent him a text message telling him you were all right, but you didn’t want to deal with it quite yet. You promised yourself you would call him once you made it to the hotel room. Hopefully you’d know what to say to him by then. Closing out of the message, you pulled up the internet and searched for a local taxi number.

After calling a taxi, you waited on the curve, wrapped in your arms. It was a lot colder in this city than you had realized, and you weren’t really prepared. Luckily Jinyoung had done research and insisted you pack a heavy coat, despite you telling him that you didn’t need it. He was always looking out for you like that. A part of you wish he was here with you right now, because then you wouldn’t feel cold or lonely.

As you waited, you felt a small splash on your face. Looking up, more little drops crashed onto you, and soon it was full out pouring out. You grabbed your bags and tried to take cover as best as you could, but it didn’t take long for your hair to start dripping. Finally the taxi showed up, and you stuffed your belongings into the back with no help from the driver, and then bundled yourself up in the back seat. Your teeth chattered as the taxi took you to your hotel.

It was a relief when you finally got to your room. You were wet and cold and you felt like you could cry. Ever since you left your hometown, left Jinyoung, things hadn’t gone the way you hoped. You took comfort thinking that tomorrow would be a better day. You started your new job then, and you were sure that would pick up your mood.

You changed into dry clothes and wrapped a towel around your head. You sat on the bed and sunk into the mattress, holding Jinyoung’s phone in your hand. It was late here, but because of the time difference, it was still relatively early for Jinyoung. With a sigh, you searched for his number, only to realize that you should be searching for your own. You pulled up your contact info and hit call. As the phone rang, your heart pounded in your chest. You still didn’t know what you were going to say to him, but you were sure that after hearing his voice, you’d know exactly what to say.

“Y/n?” Jinyoung answered, slightly out of breath.

“Hey,” you said, a small smile gracing your lips.

“Are you okay?” Yep, he was definitely panicking about you all day.

“I’m fine,” you said, but you had to choke back some tears. You didn’t want to worry him or anything. Besides, it was just a little rain, so you shouldn’t be upset, right? “Sorry I didn’t call sooner. I just got to my hotel. My plane was delayed, and I… I forgot to turn on your phone.”

That was a load of crap, and Jinyoung knew it. “I’m just glad you’re safe.” You imagined him pacing in his living, panicking about what you were going to say to him. You knew he was holding back from talking about it. His voice always quivered like that when he was resisting his own neurotic behaviors.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You dragged out the last word, which made it seem totally fake. It was, but it wasn’t your intention to make it seem like that.

There was a pause before Jinyoung spoke. “So how was your flight, other than getting delayed.” Great. Small talk. Just the perfectly painful way to avoid a serious topic.

“Um, it was all right.” It was spent mostly thinking about you and what I’d say right now, but I still don’t know what to say. “Long, you know?”

“Yeah.” More silence.

You mentally cursed at yourself. Jinyoung was your best friend, and you loved him and he loved you. Why was this so damn awkward? Maybe it was because you already knew what you were going to say before you said it. “Jinyoung?”

“Yeah?” His voice was too eager, and he knew the topic you were about to dive into.

“I know you know I know.” Yep, that was probably the most incoherent way to start the conversation.

“I know.” Jinyoung’s voice grew soft, but then he couldn’t seem to slow his voice down. “I never meant for you to find out that way. Really. I meant to tell you, but… but…”

“You were scared,” you finished. You were scared too. It was Jinyoung after all. The person who had always been there for you. If you got together and things went badly, you could lose the most important person in your life.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung almost continued. You could tell this by the way his breathing picked up pace, but he wanted you to say how you felt.

You took a deep breath. This shouldn’t be this hard. There was no reason to be scared. You already knew he loved you, so there was no harm in telling him you loved him too, except for the fact that you were on opposite sides of the country, your lives were heading in different directions, and it’d be more painful to be in love without being able to make the relationship work than to be just friends, but you were never just friends, were you?

You wanted him to say it. If he confessed right then and there, it would be so much easier. You wanted him to ask you to come home and be with him, and in that moment, you would’ve ran to the airport in the pouring rain just to be in his arms. Say it, damn it. Tell me you want me to come home. There was only silence.

“Look, Jinyoungie.” You paused, and Jinyoung stopped breathing. “I’m flattered, I really am, but I just don’t see you the same way. You’re my best friend, and you always will be, but…” Stop! Stop! Your brain screamed at you.

“But you don’t love me like that,” Jinyoung finished, feeling defeated.

“No, I don’t.” Lies! “I don’t want this to change our relationship, though. Promise me that won’t happen.” Tears streamed down your face, even though your voice sounded completely collected.

“Yeah.” Jinyoung’s voice was quiet. “Yeah, of course. Look, it’s probably late there. You should get some rest, and we’ll figure out what to do about our phone later.”

You’re hurting him. You’re lying to him, hurting him, and ruining your chances of happily ever after. Tell him that was all a joke. Tell him it was a lie. Tell him it’s not true and you want him more than you want your dream job. Tell him anything. Just don’t let him go. “Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. Night.”

“Night,” Jinyoung repeated and then clicked the phone.

What had you just done?

Jinyoung held you just as tightly back, so you knew he was going to miss you, too. You two had been best friends since high school, ever since you were the only two to show up for the reading club meeting. He was there with you through all your heart breaks, and you were there for his. You were always hanging out with each other, so there had been multiple times people mistook you as a couple. Even past girlfriends and boyfriends were constantly jealous of your close relationship.

“There’s nothing going on between us,” you had always insisted to Jinyoung’s girlfriends, which was true. Now if you had said, “I don’t have any feelings for him,” that would’ve been a big fat lie. You hadn’t always had feelings for him. In fact, you had thought of him as your best friend only for so long, it was weird to think you had even developed feelings for him.

Jinyoung loosened his grip on you, signaling the end of the hug, and even though you didn’t want to, you let go of him, knowing that you would have to board your plane soon. “Hey, are those tears I see?” Jinyoung asked, cupping your face.

“No,” you lied, but it wasn’t like you could actually hide the truth. “How are you not crying right now? You’re the king of crying.”

A sad smile filled Jinyoung’s face as he brushed your tears away with his thumbs. “Because I’ve already cried so much that I don’t think I have any tears left in me.”

This made you chuckle, especially because you wouldn’t doubt if that was true. “I’m just going to miss you so much.” More tears spilled from your eyes as you thought of your separation from your best friend.

“I’m going to miss you, too.” He pulled you into another hug, but you could feel his hot tears against your head.

“I thought you didn’t have any tears left,” you whispered into his chest, taking in his scent because you knew it’d be a while before you got the chance to hold him like that again.

“I guess I always have tears left for you.” Jinyoung pulled away. He wiped your cheeks, and you did the same for him.

“Hey, it’s not like we won’t talk. I’m sure we’ll be messaging each other every second we get.” You and Jinyoung were always texting, despite you spending most of your free time together.

“I know.” Jinyoung just looked at you for a moment, and it was the same look he had given you on the night you realized your feelings for him.

You two had been hanging out late out night, like most nights. A movie was playing while you two sat cuddled on the couch, and you had glanced over at him to see if he was still paying attention to the movie. There was a small smile on his face, but his eyes were all crinkled. He looked so happy, and your mood lifted just being around him. He was the only you wanted to spend your nights with, and that’s when you realized that he was the only one you wanted to spend your entire life with. He had been there for you when even your family had bailed, and you always were the happiest when you were around him. The only problem was that it was too late.

At that moment, you had already accepted your new job, and you knew you’d be leaving in a month. You decided that telling him how you felt would only do more damage at that point than good, you kept your mouth shut, trying to convince yourself that you were better off as just friends anyway. That logic didn’t go so well with your emotions though. Every little thing he did only convinced you that the two of you were meant to be.

“You’re going to miss your flight if you don’t leave now,” Jinyoung said. He handed you your small suitcase, and your heart ached.

You almost gave up everything to confess your feelings and stay here with Jinyoung to start a new life with him, but fear held you back. If you confessed and found out that he didn’t feel the same, it’d crush you. You’d rather live with the ignorance of not knowing than live with the pain of rejection.

“I’ll talk to you later, okay?” you said, prolonging the moment you had to leave.

Jinyoung reached forward and kissed the top of your head. “I love you, and be safe.”

“Love you, too,” you said with a smile, before grabbing your bag and hurrying off to your terminal. Those words were something that Jinyoung and you were always telling each other, so it was just a friend love. You were best friends after all. Besides, it wasn’t like he knew those words had double meaning for you.

As you walked away, you took multiple deep breaths to try to keep calm. The last thing you wanted was to be a crying mess on the airplane. Plus you were about to go on adventure of a lifetime, so you should’ve been more happy than sad, even though you were leaving your best friend behind.

Luckily you didn’t have much time to think, since you were running a little late, you had to focus all of your energy on getting through security and to your gate. In your tired state, the entire process felt like a blur. You hated getting up early for flights, but luckily everything went smoothly. By the time you found your plane, they had already started loading passengers. Hurrying to the ticket taker, you moved through the tunnel and were relieved when you finally sat in your seat.

Since it would still be a few moments before the plane took off, you leaned your head back, and thoughts started flooding your head again. This was it. There was going back now. You were actually looking forward to going somewhere new, especially because it included your dream job. Plus, if you were away from Jinyoung, maybe you could actually start to get over him and move on to someone who would like you back. You loved Jinyoung, and a part of you always would, but even you knew it was unhealthy to love someone so deeply in secret.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, making you jump. The person next to you glanced at you, making you feel self-conscious. Quickly, you pulled out your phone to turn it off. Even though there were a few minutes before the captain would request all electronic devices to be turned off, you wanted to just get it done with, so you could close your eyes and relax while ignoring the same safety procedures the flight attendants always went over before the plane left the ground.

When you went to turn off your phone, you were surprised to see that JB had texted you. JB was more of Jinyoung’s friend, and you only hung out with him when Jinyoung was there too. You didn’t even realize you had JB’s number, honestly. You opened the text message, and you were only more confused by the content.

So did you do it?

Do what? You replied. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had a one on one conversation with JB.

Are you kidding me? Everything we’ve been talking about ever since you found out that she was leaving. What was JB talking about?

Huh? You replied, but then suddenly it clicked. When you looked at your phone a little closer, you realized that it wasn’t your phone at all. In your tired state, you must’ve grabbed Jinyoung’s phone on accident. They weren’t the same model, but they were both black smart phones, so if you weren’t paying close attention, you could’ve easily grabbed his phone.

Do I have to spell things out for you, Jinyoung? I thought you were supposed to be the smart one. Did you tell her that you love her and then beg her to stay with you so you didn’t as you put it, “Lose the best thing in your life.”

You stared at the message, your heart beating a mile a minute. There was a sinking feeling in your stomach, and you felt like this was a mistake. You wanted to get off the plane, but it was too late. There doors were already closed, and the plane was starting to roll towards the run way. You didn’t have much time with your phone, so your fingers started typing a message.

…This isn’t Jinyoung. It’s y/n. I think I took his phone on accident this morning. You hit the send button, and for a moment you couldn’t breathe.

…

Crap…JB’s message basically said how you felt at the moment.

A flight attendant touched your arm. “Excuse me, miss. We’re going to have to ask you to put your phone away now.”

“Of course,” you said with a nod. You put the phone away and told yourself not to worry about it until you got to your destination, but of course that didn’t happen. You had half the day on a plane to think about how you would handle this new information, but you had no idea what you would do. If only you had known Jinyoung liked you in that way… You shook your head, unable to finish that thought.

Would you have really given up your dream job to stay with the man of your dreams? Even if he was everything you had wanted in your personal life, would you have ended up regretting giving up your job? Will you end up regretting not confessing to him sooner? These were the same thoughts that ran through your head over and over again.

Jinyoung sat in his car, leaning his head back and squeezing his eyes tight. He had almost confessed everything to you, begging you to stay behind with him, but he knew that was selfish. This was an amazing opportunity for you, and he knew he couldn’t ask you to stay. He had liked you for such a long time, and even when he was dating other girls, he always compared them to you, and none of them held a candle to you.

He had wanted to confess his feelings for you, but the timing never seemed right. Either you had been dating someone or were getting over a break up, but in reality those were just excuses. He was just afraid that he would ruin the friendship he loved so much by confessing, so he told himself that he would just suck it up and be happy that he had you in his life. He never could be fully happy, because he always thought of the what ifs, which brought him back to the idea of confessing. It was a vicious cycle, which ended in him telling himself he would confess one day when it felt right.

Then you told him you got that job, and you would be leaving. Suddenly he regretted not telling you how he felt sooner, because now he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to tell you. JB kept telling him to confess anyway, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. He couldn’t ask you to stay here for him, especially when he didn’t know if you felt the same or not.

Jinyoung’s phone started buzzing, which surprised him. He pulled out the phone and saw an unknown number calling him. Who on earth would be calling him this early? He almost just let it go, but he wasn’t doing anything but sulking anyway.

“Hello?”

“Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung was surprised that he recognized the voice. “JB? What phone are you calling from?”

“My phone,” JB said.

“But I have your number saved…” Jinyoung was wondering if this was some practical joke.

“That’s not your phone. It’s y/n’s.” JB’s was slightly panicked.

Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat. If he had your phone, did that mean you had his? Would you see all of the messages sent between him and JB? Jinyoung shook his head, trying to reason with himself. You weren’t the kind of person to look through someone else’s phone, so when you realized you had his phone, it would be simple to just mail each other your phones or something, and then you would never discover his feelings. “Dang, we must’ve switched them on accident. Just don’t send her, well I guess me, any messages that make it obvious.”

“Yeah… about that…” JB paused. “It’s already too late. She probably knows about your feelings now, so uh, have fun with that!”

“What?” Jinyoung muttered. He started panicking. What if this ruined your friendship? “What did you say?”

“In my defense, I thought it was you,” JB said. “Besides, now she knows how you feel, so maybe things will work out between you two.”

“She’s on a plane on her way to a new life, JB. Even if she reciprocates my feelings, which is unlikely, there’s no way things could work out for us.” Jinyoung felt sick, and the worst part was he now had to wait hours to even be able to talk about this with you.

Author’s note: I really only planned on making this a one shot, but I have problems, and it ended up being much longer than I anticipated XD

You couldn’t help but grin at how good Jinyoung was with playing with the children. It was clear that he was meant to be a father, and he would be a good one at that. You, on the other hand, weren’t really sure if you wanted kids or not. You had been on the fence about it for a while now, and the subject hadn’t been brought up between you and Jinyoung before. When he had proposed, you were imaging you and him together forever, and you hadn’t even thought of the possibility of anyone else joining the family, but as you watched Jinyoung playing with those kids, you knew that was something you had to figure out.

A sinking feeling filled your stomach, and you knew your answer. Jinyoung needed to be a father, and tonight you needed to have that conversation with him. The rest of the party had been pleasant, and you and Jinyoung walked home hand in hand. You didn’t live that far away, and you just enjoyed the walk, not feeling the need to fill the silence. You rested your head on Jinyoung’s shoulder and hummed, enjoying this peaceful moment, knowing you may not have many more left.

You two got back into the house, and you put your stuff on the counter, and Jinyoung did the same. “That was fun,” he said.

“Yeah,” you said, but there was no feeling behind it.

Jinyoung instantly knew there was something on your mind. “You okay?”

You turned around and leaned on the counter with your arms crossed. “Do you want kids?”

Jinyoung seemed a little shocked by the sudden question, but the thought of having kids filled his mind, and a smile slid onto his face. “I would love to have kids. I can see it now. You, me, a little girl, and a little boy. On the weekends we could go to the park together, and they would jump into our bed and wake us up in the morning.” He moved towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “We would be there to take them to school on their first day, and you’ll comfort me after when I cry.”

That thought made you laugh. Jinyoung was definitely the crier between you two. But that was only a brief moment of relief.

“And then on Christmas we could have a morning celebration and open presents.” He stopped talking and just smiled. “So to answer your question, yes, I do want kids with you.”

“I don’t want kids.” You knew you were being a little blunt, but if you didn’t say it now, you weren’t sure it you’d ever be able to.

Jinyoung twisted his mouth. “I mean, I’m not trying to push you or anything. We don’t have to have kids now. We don’t have to have them for years, not until you’re ready.”

Your heart hurt as you looked at Jinyoung. “I’m not sure I’ll ever want kids.”

Jinyoung looked down at the ground and didn’t say anything for a moment. The silence was killing you, but you didn’t want to interrupt him in his thoughts. “Are you sure?” he finally said.

“Maybe we should sit down for the conversation.” You had a feeling this was going to take a while.

“Are you sure?” he repeated with urgency.

You sighed when he didn’t move. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and this isn’t a sudden decision.”

“How long?” He still refused to look at you, even though that’s all you wanted.

“For most of my life. At first I thought it was a phase. I love kids, but the idea of having my own just felt wrong. I thought that when I was older, maybe I would change my mind,” you explained. You wouldn’t have let the relationship get this far, if you had known.

“Maybe you’ll still change your mind.” He was desperate now, because he was afraid of what it would mean for you two if you truly didn’t want kids. “We’re still young. Like I said, we don’t have to rush anything.”

“Jinyoung…” You took a step forward and grabbed his hands, wishing he would look at you. “I promise I’m saying this with a heavy heart. This isn’t easy for me to say.” You paused, not wanting to continue. You wanted to pretend like everything would be okay, and that you and Jinyoung could be together forever, but it would just come back later with resentment. This was not a problem that would just go away. “I thought about that, but I realize now that I’m not going to change. I could force myself to have kids, but I wouldn’t be happy.”

He pulled away from you and ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t understand. You said you love kids, and you love me, so you don’t want kids with me?” His voice was slightly higher as his emotions took over.

“That’s not it.” You choked on your words. “I wish I wanted kids. I wish I wanted your kids, but I don’t. I don’t know how to describe this feeling, but I just know that deep down, if I had kids, I couldn’t handle it.”

“That’s why you’d have me. I could take care of the kids. I could be the stay at home dad.” He paced through the kitchen.

“Jinyoung, please,” you begged. You didn’t want him doing this to you, because you loved him so much you knew you would bend to his will. “That wouldn’t be fair to you.” Tears collected in your eyes as you thought about your next words. “You deserve someone who wants the same things as you.”

“Don’t say things like that!” Jinyoung snapped, a sob catching in his throat. He stopped pacing and stared at you. “I don’t want to hear it.”

“Well it needs to be said,” you cried. “If we go through with this marriage, and you found out later that I didn’t want kids, you’d feel trapped, but now, now you could leave me and find someone better.”

“There is no one better,” he said, tears falling from his eyes.

 You cried even harder now that he was crying. You loved him, and the last thing you wanted was to hurt him. “I can’t give you what you want.”

“I want you.” He strode towards you and grabbed your arms. “You’re all I want. You’re all I need, so please stop saying those things.”

“But I’m not!” you sob. “You want kids. You want a family. You want something I can’t give you.”

Jinyoung looked at you, unable to stop his tears. “But I love you.”

“I’m so sorry.” You were practically in hysterics at this point. Jinyoung was everything you wanted, and this was the hardest thing you had to do. In the end, you knew it would be for the best, but thinking about a life without Jinyoung almost killed you.

Jinyoung pulled you into his arms and held you tight. He stroked your hair as you sobbed into his shirt. He buried his face in your hair, crying with you. He knew you weren’t saying these things lightly. He could see how much it hurt you to admit your true feelings, but that’s one of the things he loved about you. He cared so much about you, and he couldn’t imagine a life without you.

When the crying subsided, Jinyoung pulled back a little, so he could see your face. He didn’t let go of you, though, almost afraid to. “I don’t need kids. I love you, y/n, and I don’t need kids to make me happy. I need you.”

You cupped his face, wiping his tears away with your thumbs. “You need kids,” you said simply. “You were meant to be a father, and I can’t be the one to deprive you of that.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered, on the verge of crying. “Please don’t go. I love you.”

“I love you more than you’ll ever know,” you said, barely audible. “And you’ll realize one day that this was for the best.” You twisted the ring off your finger and placed it in Jinyoung’s hand, forcing him to take it. “Take care of yourself, okay?” You pecked his cheek and hurried out the door without looking back, knowing that if you did, you would never be able to pull yourself away from him.