I have a whole unwritten post in my head about The Nightmare Jin / Akin Heart Rending Fest at the end of episode 6, and how Jin, who has been a magical unicorn of giving Akin what he needs all along, failed Akin.

I have A LOT of feelings. I wanted groveling. I wanted to see Jin feeling all the shock and horror of understanding what he did. Of how he stomped on Akin in his moment of greatest vulnerability, of how broken and wounded Akin was in the garage, and how Jin - the one person Akin NEEDED to love him and hold him and comfort him - shattered what was left of Akin. I wanted epic level groveling and amends making. I wanted Jin to metaphorically rip his own heart out of his chest and lay it at Akin's feet. After the opening of episode 7 I wanted blood to run in the streets for that man. I was ready to go vengeance demon for Akin.

But what I wanted, is the exact opposite of what Akin needed.

Jin's biggest failure in the series was how he got so caught up in his own feelings in episode 6, that he couldn't SEE Akin and therefor wasn't able to give Akin what he needed. In episode 7, he could have repeated that mistake. I do think Jin was remorseful. I think he -WOULD- have groveled, and would have spent the rest of his life trying to make it up to Akin. I think he would have delivered Johnny's (metaphorical) head on a platter. I think he would have burned down the theater and his career and raged in defense of Akin. That man has shown us, and Akin, repeatedly that he is in it for the long haul.

There is a great irony in that as much as I wanted a bigger and better apology, I think that Jin apologizing in that way would have been another way to fail Akin. Because the big apology would have been about Jin's feelings, about making himself feel better. But I think his true redemption is that he was able to step out of his own feelings, and once again see Akin and what Akin needed.

Jin apologized, but Akin didn't want it and couldn't tolerate it. Akin didn't need Johnny's head. Akin didn't need Jin to set the world on fire in anger and vengeance. Akin didn't need an apology. It causes me great pain that despite all MY anger and rage, that Akin wasn't angry. Akin didn't blame Jin. Akin wasn't mad. Akin was heartbroken. Akin blamed himself. Akin was full of shame.

Jin gave Akin everything he needed. Jin gave Akin his body back- by giving him the knowledge that he had not been violated in the way he feared most.* Jin gave Akin his innocence back- by giving him the knowledge that he hadn't done anything wrong. Jin gave Akin his heart back - by giving him the knowledge that he was loved and cherished.

I actually had to go back and rewatch the end of episode 6 because last week, I was not in an emotional place where I was able to really take in and appreciate the garage scene. I did better this time because I was able to really focus on this being Akin and Jin/Jun's story. Period.

For me, in those moments last week, Akin became everyone that has ever woken up with marks on their neck. And Jin/Jun was everyone that unintentionally/insensitively deepened those wounds with their words and actions. It shattered me.

If I had known, I think I could have put on enough emotional armor to have protected myself from the worst. But I love going in blind to a series and try not to even watch the teasers for the next episode. So even as I saw the train wreck coming, I was completely caught off guard and it was all too real and relatable in the worst way possible.

I was nervous going into this week. I really needed the story to resolve this well, in as healthy of a way as possible. Was it perfect for me? No. But it would be impossible since what each of us would need to make this perfect is probably different. But it was enough. And it was so well done. Akin pushing Jin/Jun (wtf is his name now?!?) away because he was falling apart was excellent. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ It hurt and felt real in all the right ways, but it also came with a necessary apology from Jin/Jun and Akin being told he didn't do anything wrong and having the space to start healing.

Am I going to ignore that they seem to be trying to soften us up to Johnny. Yes. Yes I am. I hope his character is gone from the series now and the story moves on and I can pretend he no longer exists. he is still a predator. I give ZERO fucks that he stopped when Akin called for Jin/Jun. Who cares? He already assaulted him and planned to fuck him while unconscious and still decided to let Akin believe he was raped. No redemption.