LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BOILS AND GHOULS, TONIGHT I HAVE FOR YOU THE SINGLE WORST WAY TO COOK SWEET POTATOES
no but really After The Storm by @roach-works, @splickedylit, and @rollerskatinglizard has eaten my got dang brain, and I spent about 12 hours over the past two days inventing a recipe for blocks, aka a war crime against all root-kind.
My goal was to create a preserved food consisting only of ingredients that were food items in and of themselves, or in other words no nutritional supplements. At first I had nothing to go off of other than that each meal includes 2 blocks, they can be safely eaten on their own with no additional foods, and they are soy- and gluten-free, so my ingredients list was very arbitrary and consisted mainly tomato paste, Parmesan cheese, eggs, and rolled oats. I presented the preliminary idea on the ATS discord, where @onwardmotley pointed out some posts where the authors mentioned other clues which I had missed, most importantly that the main ingredients were sweet potatoes and fish, and Ammoth (doesn’t have a tumblr) worked out that the average baseline daily calorie intake in the Fleet would be around 3000 kcal.
And thus I present to you... blocks.
recipe for a day's worth of (non-vegetarian) blocks:
ingredients:
- 19 3/4 medium sweet potatoes
- 180 grams powdered dried cod
- 85 grams shellfish of choice
- 40 grams sunflower oil
- 27 grams powdered egg yolk
- 10 grams powdered UV-exposed mushrooms
- 6 grams salt
- 3 grams dried spinach flakes
1) bake sweet potatoes in their skins until the skin is able to be pricked without resistance.
2) peel, saving skins.
3) steam shellfish until done
4) in a separate bowl, sift together cod, egg yolk, mushrooms, salt, and spinach powders.
5) combine sweet potato skins, shellfish, powder mix, and oil in a blender and pulse until homogeneous.
6) mash sweet potatoes until no lumps remain
7) using a mixer because otherwise your arm will fall off, mix paste into sweet potatoes until homogeneous.
8) spread onto dehydrator sheets and dry until the mixture reaches roughly the consistency of play-dough.
9) shape into 6 cubes of equal size and weight.
10) continue dehydrating until completely solid.
11) may the gods have mercy on you, because this thing sure as hell won't.
each block has 506 calories and at minimum 1/6 the daily requirement of every essential vitamin and mineral, is soy, gluten, and peanut free, and can withstand at least three times as much pressure as can be created by your straight white cis abled evangelical christian aunt when its Christmas and you are desperately trying to find an excuse to not visit.
recipe for a day's worth of (vegetarian) blocks:
ingredients:
- 21 medium sweet potatoes
- 85 grams powdered whole egg
- 40 grams sunflower oil
- 10 grams powdered UV-exposed mushrooms
- 6 grams salt
- 3 grams dried spinach flakes
- 2 grams powdered eggshell
1) bake sweet potatoes in their skins until the skin is able to be pricked without resistance.
2) peel, saving skins.
3) in a separate bowl, sift together egg, mushrooms, salt, spinach, and eggshell powders.
4) combine sweet potato skins, powder mix, and oil in a blender and pulse until homogeneous.
5) mash sweet potatoes until no lumps remain
6) using a mixer because otherwise your hand will mutiny, mix paste into sweet potatoes until homogeneous.
7) spread onto dehydrator sheets and dry until the mixture reaches roughly the consistency of play dough.
8) shape into 6 cubes of equal size and weight.
9) continue dehydrating until completely solid.
10) gaze upon thy works, ye mighty, and despair.
each block has 504 calories and at minimum 1/6 the daily requirement of every essential vitamin and mineral, is soy, gluten, and peanut free, and can produce 4.7 times the amount of killing intent as the local horrifically racist hack psychic does when politely informed that her card tricks are less entertaining than the gay kid in the cafeteria who just learned how to do The Acme of Control.
