God the urge to get back into grappling and juijitsu is so freaking strong. but im fat and horrified to go out in public so maybe i wont 😭 BUT THE VOICES
as a kid i did martial arts including brazilian juijitsu and i did a few comps (placed bronze every time ho!), ages 8-11 about, then dropped it. I didnt like my instructor (he felt fake and i have self esteem issues) and the only reason I started it in the first place was bc my abuser forced me into a sport (and i have no hand eye coordination, so martial arts it was.)
It's really unfortunate. I love grappling. I just have so many bad memories attached and have such bad self esteem. And yeah yeah, "you do sports to lose weight and gain confidence" i hear it all the time. being extremely insecure doesnt work like that though
anyways. too insecure to take my fat butt to a gym full of ripped guys and girls and get my belt. I need a fat lady to have a gym here and teach me so i'm comfy. :(
















