Heartbroken Girl
The emptiness of your presence lingers as I tightened the grip on my blanket. Thoughts, useless hope takes over my mind leaving no trace of power. Weakness could be my middle name. Why am I obsessed with someone who wants nothing to do with me? Why do I dream of you by my side each night knowing that a dream, is all it will stay? Even though your photos, I can feel that warm smile of yours even if it's not for me. Are you making someone else laugh as hard as I did? Is she everything you could wish for? Why wasn´t I that person? Failure to make him fall in love was an endless storm of battles that had no victory. The hurt, the pain was the armor that was defeatless. It broke with a thousand pings silence by your hand. When I close my eyes, your haunting face is there glowing at the deepest part of my soul. I knew you were everything I wanted, needed, but never could have. You would take a step closer to me and emptiness is all you feel. In my chest, a zoo would be roaming on and my heart would be uncontrollable. The warmth slitters through every bone smiling at the sight of you. Mutual feelings were lost before it even begins. Shut my eyes, and cough in those tears because, in the end, it was useless for you. If I care, I hurt. If I choose to love you despite your invisible affections for me, I hold on to the part when you did care. When you smile at the sight of me long before I have ever even begun the thought of ever loving you. The beginning started with you. Why did it end? Was it because I left, I moved? Endless questions all answer by three words. He doesn´t care. He never will. Again. Dreams would be the only chance I could see you, feel you, be close to you. I can smell in that scent I so long to be by my side. Walking through on my way to school praying I would see you again. It´s been years, my boy, where have you been. What adventures have you gone? Who have you loved? I sighed in disapproval at the fact that I still cared.
Years passed. The emotions were still as strong as day one. It never grew legs and walk out. Was it destiny? Was this pain a part of a plan for us to be together again? One day. That hope consume my heart and my head. I cried myself to sleeping knowing this is what denied felt like. What heartbreak is? It´s real, I choke on my sobs knowing he´s laughing with another girl. I´m slowly drowning in what broken pieces of my heart scatter. My eyes sting as another tear rain, pouring down my dangerous eye. Young girls don´t know what love was, the elders said. Why didn´t we? Why couldn´t we? If we felt and endure pain, why wasn´t that the same for love?
I returned back to the place where it all begins. Those empty benches were once where we talked and smile upon each other for hours. The slides were where we ran tagging each other with a fool´s smile. The sun reflected on those perfect features of yours and a smile was born on my lips. For you, you only, my love. Reality strike and there you sat.
I couldn´t peel my eyes away and that pain suddenly erased. The memories of happiness returns as my tears were flowing around. It never fell because your chocolate eyes fell upon. A mistouch of pain flickered through my body as the warmth spread around. The love hurt as it rivers through my heart. I wanted you to run and put your arms around me as you missed me too. Like you did love me as you had said before. This wasn´t all a dream and my pain was not weakness. It was not wasted.
You kept staring, looking at me. The insecure thoughts came through my mind, I´m too ugly for him to miss. Not a special trait I had owned. I closed my eyes by my own disappointment and when they open you were gone.
You ran from me with that heart of yours I wanted to own. The same one that I needed your love from. Why did you love? Why won´t you return?
The answer was simple and as crystal as ice. He no longer loves you.
