#jotus

‘’Anyways, it’s not like it’s anything too hard. It’s just coke. And he knows where to get it, right? I mean, what the fuck? Do you remember Jeff when we first met him? What a fucking scrawny loser, that guy was. Still is.’’

‘’Yeah, but you have a big crush on him now. Oh, wait… I guess things never change, do they?’’ Lotus chuckled again.

‘’Shut the fuck up’’ Franky waved his hand in the air, dismissing what Lotus had said. ‘’It’s not like you don’t have a crush on him.’’

‘’Sure I do.’’

‘’You’re fucked up, man. You have a girlfriend.’’

Lotus shrugged, taking a long drag. He then turned to Franky again, smiling.

‘’Everyone’s got a crush on Jeff. He doesn’t even know it. We’re all taken, but we all want a piece of that-’’

Suddenly, like he knew the moment was right, Jeff walked in, looking flustered as ever. The look on this guy. What an untouchable creature. He looked like someone you would see in your nightmares, but who could take you to your dreams. Rosy cheeks, but a deep, devilish stare.

‘’Sorry, I’m late.’’ The tall boy said, heading over to Franky as he took his coat off. ‘’It’s fucking freezing out there.’’

Franky held his hand out, looking up at him from the couch. ‘’It’s about fucking time, emo boy. Hand it over.’’

Jeff sat down and reached into his pocket, pinching his lips slightly. He looked at Franky, taking out the small bag of white powder. Before Franky could snatch it away, Jeff pulled back.

‘’Give me the money first, and promise me you won’t do it before hanging out with Gretch. Got it?’’ he said, raising his dark brows. Franky rolled his eyes and nodded, taking out the money. He handed it to the other boy, giving him a smirk. Jeff grinned back at him and took the money before shoving it into his coat pocket.

Lotus watched carefully, sucking on his blunt. His parents were out for the night, and Emma was at Fanny’s lake house, leaving the three boys and Gretchen, who had to work. Bummer for her. It’s nice that Franky is taking her out tonight. They’ve been working out really well, in his opinion. That’s if Franky’s in a good mood. He’s such a shit stirrer. He would never hurt her physically, that’s not what he meant at all. Franky would cry if he accidentally stepped on a snail, and so that wasn’t the problem. He just liked conflict. Confrontation. He was the ram, the fire, the typical Aries. And she was the shepherd would couldn’t tame him.

Jeff, on the other hand, was free. He was honest, untouched, unbothered, independant. He was a humanitarian. A real sweetheart who feared nothing but himself. Sometimes Lotus thought that Jeff wasn’t capable of being afraid. The guy was steel. He was creepy, and beautiful.

He loved his friends. Just, loved them. They were so different, so unique, and they loved him too. That was just great.

‘’So great...’’

‘’Lo… Lotus!’’

‘’Huh?’’ Lotus looked up, his eyes landing on Jeff and Franky, who were both looking at him. Jeff was smiling, Franky was rolling his eyes.

‘’You were on another planet for a second there. What’s so great?’’

Lotus smiled, his head rolling back. ‘’You and… You.’’ he pointed them out.

The two friends looked at each other, smiling mischievously. Franky suddenly got up from his place on the couch, wiping away imaginary dust on his pants. He always did that.

‘’Well, I gotta go. I’ll see you guys tomorrow or something. I’ll text you, whatever. You-’’ Franky nodded towards Jeff and then looked at Lotus. ‘’Take care of him. Don’t let him smoke more than 8, he gets sick after 4.’’ Jeff laughed and Franky soon joined in, stopping short. ‘’No, I’m serious.’’

‘’Okay, okay.’’ Jeff held his hands up in surrender, smiling like a kid.

‘’Alright, see ya.’’ Franky approached Lotus on the armchair and gave his forehead a kiss before ruffling his hair. ‘’Love ya, hon.’’ He smiled. Lotus chuckled, pushing his hand away.

‘’Yeah, same. Now, fuck off. Say bye to Jeff.’’

Franky turned to Jeff, who gave him a kissy face. Franky made a small ‘’ew’’ and said bye, smacking the side of Jeff’s head as he headed out the door.

‘’Glad that’s over.’’ Jeff said, his hands placed on his knees. He looked so poised just then. ‘’So, Lotus, what do you wanna do?’’

Lotus suddenly sat up, his brows furrowed. He looked at Jeff, trying to come up with something fun. They couldn’t really go outside, cause it was too cold, and watching movies all night would be boring, because they did that all the time.

‘’Hey, you know what we should do?’’

‘’What?’’ Lotus smiled, flicking his blunt away.

‘’Makeovers.’’

‘’Makeovers?’’

Jeff looked at him wickedly, nodding. ‘’Yeah, like, I give you a makeover, and you give me one. Can we use your mom’s make up?’’

Lotus looked down, thinking. How come Jeff was so blunt? How come he could almost read his mind? Of course he wanted to do makeovers, it sounds like so much fun, but it’s like… Jeff is the only one who can say those things out loud. Lotus totally would have suggested makeovers, but if it would have been him, it would have been weird, right?

Lotus looked up suddenly. Jeff had vanished. Standing up, he called out his name. If he was going to scare him, Lotus would fucking stab him, no doubt.

‘’Jeff? ... Please don’t scare me.’’

‘’I’m right here. I’m not gonna scare you, God. I’m just looking for the makeup.’’

‘’Oh...’’

Lotus walked into his parents’ dark room, his big blue eyes searching around for his friend. ‘’Jeff? Where are you?’’

The scream that erupted from his lungs tore at his throat as Jeff jumped on his back, popping up from behind the door. Lotus turned around, hitting his friend multiple times until he was backed into the corner. Jeff laughed, trying to push him away. He grabbed at Lotus’ wrists, spinning him around, before slamming him into the wall. Lotus growled, glaring at the taller boy, who had him pinned against the wall. Jeff chuckled, his pupils dilating. He looked wicked just then.

‘’Gotcha.’’

‘’Fuck you! Let go of me...’’ Lotus pouted. Jeff let him go, backing up slowly and blowing the hair out of his eyes. Lotus pretended to punch him as Jeff flicked the light on.

‘’Alright, where’s your mom’s makeup?’’

‘’Here.’’ Lotus walked up to the dresser before grabbing a box and pressing the button that popped it open, revealing several little shelves inside. The makeup was properly organized.

‘’Okay, but you can’t fuck up this order. My mom made it like this so that when she’s late for work in the morning, she knows exactly where everything is and doesn’t waste time on trying to find everything.’’

‘’Hey, Fanny does that too.’’

‘’Women are very much ahead of their game.’’ Lotus stated, heading for the bathroom. Jeff agreed and followed his friend into the neon lighting.

Both boys stood in front of the mirror, analyzing every bit of themselves. Jeff frowned, then squinted, trying to look as tough as he could while Lotus pulled his tongue out and stretched his cheeks.

‘’This lighting is horrible, you can see where I’ve shaved.’’ Jeff said, approaching his face towards his reflection. ‘’Of course, you wouldn’t know what that feels like.’’

Lotus hit his arm as Jeff laughed. But Lotus laughed too. He could laugh at himself really well. He didn’t give a shit.

‘’My Swedish roots won’t allow it.’’

‘’Yeah, yeah. You got any hair on that, too?’’ Jeff said, pointing at Lotus’ bulge. Lotus flushed crimson and laughed a nervous laugh, smacking Jeff’s hand away. He couldn’t take Jeff even glancing at that area. It was too much.

Why did he feel this way towards him? He wasn’t bisexual, last time he checked. Or maybe he was? I mean, it’s a spectrum, isn’t it? Like, it was vague. A vague sexuality. Well, not really. You like boys and girls. But… He liked girls. He liked vaginas and soft hair and soft everything. Not unshaved, tall, jewish boys.

When Lotus focused back on reality, Jeff was leaning over the sink and applying the eyeliner, his tongue sticking out slightly. Lotus snickered to himself and put the box down in the sink, watching his friend.

‘’Hey, I’m pretty good at this.’’ Jeff said enthusiastically, leaning his head back to look at his perfectly, slightly crooked wing.

‘’It’s cause you’re an artist. It’s like… Painting a fine line with a sharpee.’’

‘’Yeah… Yeah, you’re right.’’ Jeff chuckled, shrugging as he leaned on the sink again and started on the other eye. ‘’You can do the rest of my makeup, I just wanted to try this by myself.’’

Lotus nodded, watching Jeff’’s agile fingers, curled around the eyeliner. How his lashes fell perfectly over his amber eyes, and how his mouth parted when he was concentrated. Oh, God. What the fucking fuck? Look away. You. Are. Straight. And. Taken.

‘’Okay, I’m done.’’ Jeff stood up straight, tall as ever. Lotus looked up and smiled as Jeff fluttered his eyelashes. ‘’Whaddya think? Pretty good, huh? How do I look, sugar tits?’’ Jeff posed and Lotus laughed, shaking his head.

‘’Ravishing. Radiant, just marvelous, darling!’’ Lotus said in an exaggerated french accent, looking through the makeup box. Grabbing the eyeshadow palette, he sat Jeff down on the toilet bowl.

‘’Okay… Well, my mom once told me that the best colors for hazel or brown eyes are usually purple, blue, green, orange and silver...’’

‘’Then put them all.’’

‘’No, Jeff. I want this to be nice… Hmmm… Okay, I got it. I’ll do like a gradient with blue and purple and… And silver. You like that?’’

‘’Yeah, that’s nice.’’ Jeff said, smiling as he closed his eyes.

Lotus looked down at him as he bit on his lip. He kinda… Wanted to kiss him. But only a quick peck… Just to see what it was like.

‘’I’m waiting...’’ Jeff grinned, his eyes still closed. He knew. He fucking knew he was irresistible.  

With shaky hands, Lotus kneeled down in front of him and started to apply the purple eyeshadow on top of his lash line. He was kneeling. In front of Jeff. Lotus’s eyes wandered over to his friend’s bulge for a split second, before he nervously looked up again, mentally smacking himself. He continued to apply the eyeshadow.

The first half was done, and the blue had smudged a little bit, but it still looked nice.

‘’Are you almost done?’’ Jeff smiled, opening his eyes slightly. Lotus told him to close them, shushing him.

‘’I gotta concentrate for this part. The gradient looks nice. I mean, it’s not high fashion or anything, but you’re gonna be the prettiest boy in town. Even though, you already are.’’

‘’Aww, thanks Lo. But I’m pretty sure it’s you. I mean, you got those big blue eyes and those puffy lips. You look like an angel, sort of.’’

Lotus blushed, still applying the silver on the top of his lid. ‘’Mhmm… Thank you.’’

‘’Sorry. Too much?’’

‘’No, it’s not that.’’ Lotus chuckled. ‘’Thanks.’’ He grinned to himself.

‘’No problem.’’

‘’And… There. Done. You may stand and admire.’’

Jeff stood up, opening his eyes. Fluttering his lashes again, he walked up to the mirror and looked at himself. He smiled.

‘’Wow, my eyes are fucking wicked right now. They’re like… Almost yellow. Fuck yeah. I look like a vampire.’’

‘’You always do. But, thanks. I tried.’’

‘’I should put on some lipstick though. Like, a dark shade.’’

‘’Yeah, totally...’’ Lotus said, looking through the makeup box. Jeff stood at his side, admiring himself. For once.

‘’Found one.’’

Jeff grabbed the lipstick and pulled off the cap before leaning on the sink and applying it with caution. Lotus watched, his mouth watering a little.

‘’You look nice.’’

Jeff looked at his friend through the mirror, his eyes crinkling behind a hidden smile. He then finished up and pressed his lips together, looking at the final result.

‘’Beautiful.’’ he said.

This was the first time that Lotus had seen Jeff in this state. Actually admiring himself, his features, what popped out, what he could work on (which was nothing because he was perfect). He genuinely looked mesmerized by his own self, like he had never seen himself before. Like he never really looked into his reflection.

Jeff turned to him slowly, grinning. It was a humble look, a friendly one. Lotus looked up at him, his lips parting. He sighed a little, swallowing hard afterwards. Jeff looked him up and down, taking a step forward.

‘’Jeff, you… You look, um… Do you want to-’’

Without a warning, Jeff took a step forward, cupping Lotus’ face as his lips met his in a hungry kiss. Lotus’ hands flew up to Jeff’s hips, wanting to push him off, but wanting also to pull him closer. It was happening, oh my God, it was happening.

Jeff pushed him up against the wall, his slender fingers tangling themselves into Lotus’ hair as they made out in the hall, lipstick smearing and fingers fumbling. Wanting more, Lotus grabbed at his friend’s shirt, pulling him into the bedroom that was facing the bathroom. Jeff sighed against his mouth, almost in protest, but gave in, pushing him into the room, his mouth never leaving his. They fell onto the bed at some point, between the blouse unbuttoning and the butt grabbing. Jeff was on top, grinding into Lotus, who was a moaning mess at this point. They made out like that for a while, shirtless and too nervous to do anything else.

Being the braver one, Jeff began to attack Lotus’ neck with his mouth, sucking and nipping at the skin as his hand travelled down the other boy’s body, from his chest, down to his thigh, and to his bulge. As soon as he grabbed at it, Lotus gave into a loud whimper, his own hand clamping down on Jeff’s.

‘’Oh my God, Jeff...’’

Jeff smiled against his neck, trying to unzip Lotus’ jeans. Lotus moaned again, but this time, he seemed tense. Jeff decided to pull away a little, bringing his hand back up to the other boy’s hip. Lotus grabbed Jeff’s head, turning him towards his face and kissing him again.

Jeff pulled away quickly, grabbing Lotus’ wrist and pinning it down onto the bed as he looked into his eyes.

‘’Lotus… Let’s not do this.’’ he said, breathless.

‘’No, no… I w-want to. It’s okay.’’

‘’No, Lotus, you don’t. Don’t fucking lie to me. If you don’t want to do it, tell me now.’’

Lotus looked up at him, his eyes wide with incertitude. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t. They shouldn’t be doing it and they couldn’t do it either. They loved other people. This was so wrong.

But, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to. He just wasn’t going to.

Lotus sighed, shaking his head as he looked away. He was a little ashamed now that he had done that with Jeff, his ultimate crush. Now, they were going to have to act ‘’normal’’. Like Fanny and Franky did. He could never tell Jeff that.

Jeff smiled genuinely, heaving himself off of Lotus’ half naked body. He lay down next to him, looking up at the ceiling. They lay in silence for a few minutes.

‘’I… I don’t know what to tell you, Lo.’’

‘’I liked it.’’

Jeff turned to him in surprise, his eyes wide and curious. ‘’You… You liked it?’’

Lotus smirked, shaking his head. ‘’I’ve, um… I’ve kinda always wanted to do that with you, if you don’t mind me being that honest. Fuck it. I would have fucked you if it weren’t for me loving someone else… To death. I really love her to death, and I can’t, well, you know. I just can’t.’’

‘’I understand.’’

Jeff lay back down on his back. ‘’It’s hard for us bisexuals.’’

Lotus’ shoulders tensed up.

He was bisexual indeed.

‘’It’s hard to explain. I’ve tried to before, remember? I was pretty stoned though.’’ Jeff chuckled to himself. ‘’It’s a play on gender and sexuality. I don’t experience gender and sexuality the way straight people do, I mean, pretty much like most of the queer community.’’

‘’Yeah, you’re right. I feel like that too.’’

‘’So…?’’

‘’So, I’m bi.’’

Another silence.

‘’Hmm… Guess you are. Your first big gay experiment. Plenty more to come. Except… Not with me.’’

‘’We’ll see.’’ Lotus chuckled.

Jeff looked at him, smirking.