40 "i want a baby" for jopper please!!
(angst and discusses pregnancy.)
Jopper - Nr. 40 I want a baby
They had been laughing when he said it. Laughing about some stupid joke that wasn't even funny, but they were laughing their heads off because they had had a few too many at Karen's birthday party. Joyce loved how she could have fun with him, now that they were a real couple. Laugh, and be serious, argue and make love - they could do it all. He really was what she had been looking for forever.
In retrospective, if he hadn't felt a little tipsy that moment, he would have most definetely lacked the courage for that particular sentence.
They were curled up next to each other in bed, Joyce's head spinning a little from all the Italian white wine Karen had offered her some hours ago. She moved closer towards him, resting her head on his chest. Her world stopped spinning, he was her rock.
"I want a baby, you know."
Joyce was still giggling though at his words her body suddenly stiffened. Was that still part of the joke?
She quickly realised it wasn't, indicated by Hopper's sudden silence heavily sucking the air out of the room. He seemed to be holding his breath.
"Hopper.", Joyce softly whispered, not knowing what else to say or do.
"No, no, forget about it. I'm drunk. It was just... stupid. Forget it.", he replied, giving her an insecure chuckle as his real response.
"No, Hopper... Jim, please talk to me.", she insisted softly, her hand tenderly caressing his under the comforter.
He sat up and switched on the small lamp on the bedside table. Suddenly, they were both sober again. He looked scared and Joyce felt bad about it. Why couldn't she just happily agree? Why couldn't she just make him happy if that was what he really wanted. She felt so different about this.
"I dunno,..", he continued as he looked down to her. She was on her side, her head propped up on her hand. She looked so beautiful, so beautiful and confused, and God, how often had he imagined to make her the mother of his child?
"Just been thinking about it, now that Jon's gone and the other two are growing up aswell. And... I just think we'd make a damn fine kid, you and I, I don't know, just been dreaming, Joyce.", he confessed. He felt as if this was going the wrong way, he should have kept his mouth shut, just for once.
"Hopper, I...", she stuttered but he did not let her finish her thought. "Just been dreaming 'bout another little girl, your hair, my eyes. Stupid, ain't I? With you, it's... we make love, Joyce, we don't just fuck. And ever so often I've thought in those moments that this was it — this is what it takes to make a baby, a real love kid.", he said, smiling a rather sad smile and his words broke her heart. She hadn't even considered it, or yes, she had, but she had never allowed herself to really consider it, to get lost in that dream. A love kid. Oh my.
"I understand you, I do.", she tried. "But Hopper —", he cut her off mid sentence.
"You don't want one, right?", he asked carefully. This wasn't a topic they should have a fight about, even if they weren't of the same opinion.
"I just think I'm not made to be a mother again. What if I fail? I can't provide for a child, not my mind nor my body can and certainly not my money.", Joyce said as she tried to take his hand back into hers. "Wouldn't get any award for best mom then, would I?"
"You're just talking about yourself, don't you realize that... I'd be there all the way? I would, Joyce. With my money and with all I can give, love and everything. It wouldn't be the way it was with Lonnie. I'd never get drunk the day you go into labour. I'd hold your hand. We'd share it all.", he answered. He had a feeling he knew what this was about. That her doubt wasn't about him but about what she had gone through with Lonnie, with her first pregnancies. That she was afraid. And she was.
"Oh, Hopper, you're... You'd make the best father. I believe that. I do, I truly do. It's just... There's one thing you can't help me carry and that's the pregnancy. Hopper, I'm not exactly twentyfive anymore. I'm.. old. And what if we try and try and it's just too late? How disappointing would that be? Or what if I get pregnant but... what if..? ", she was spilling her thoughts now, her voice sounding hoarse and filled with tears that were not yet rolling down her cheeks.
"I don't want to be the one that has you lose another daughter.", she finally claimed. She sounded rational and clear, but those words hurt so damn hard.
"Let me sleep it through.", she said and went back to cuddling him, her head on his thigh as he still sat up. He combed her hair with his fingers, making sure she felt comfortable and started to relax.
"Joyce, if we ever tried - and I say if - I'd never blame you for anything. Whatever happens, we'll go through it together. We try or we don't, it works or it doesn't. In the end it's your choice to make but everything's fine with me. And I love you.", Jim answered. His voice was softer now, he tried to see things from her perspective.
"As long as I've got you.", he mumbled and switched off the lamp.
Thanks to you, anon, for the ask.
Thanks to @hopbyers98 for helping me find writing inspo, haha.
Feel free to send more jopper pregnancy or baby asks, jopper baby fics seem to be a thing haha!
