#jongin;

I miss you.

‘When I say that I feel like I miss you more.’ his thoughts go back to her, the one who had managed to break through his harden shell the first time. Raised on Mount Olympus it was hard for him to partake in what the gods constantly deemed appropriate. He laid in a field of grass and stared up at the dark night. The stars glistened up above him, his hands laid at his side as he slowly closed his eyes. It was rare for the man to relax in such a setting. He was constantly working, constantly surrounded by people just this once he wanted to reminisce of a time when he was alone…

I wanted to hold your hand and run to the other side of the world.

It’s like he could hear her voice, her voice was something that always stuck with him. Watching interviews with her in them. His heart ache. His heart continues to ache. He should have done something, should have saved her life. Could have done something. The memories haunt him like it was yesterday that he had let go of her hand. He continues the habit she hates so much, smoking. He opens his eyes to see a shooting star in the distance; when will winter end? He never seemed to change. He covers his eyes, feeling his stomach turn again. Now with someone new in his life; he finds it harder to give in so easily. Almost like if he’s afraid, afraid of someone taking them from him.

I won’t ever erase you

It’s a thought that had and would always stay with him. He says things to her and feels like somehow he’s comparing them. He shakes his head, covering his face the best way he can with his hands and starts to cry. He feels ashamed, ashamed to have moved on. No matter how perfect she is, no matter how much he looks at her and she tells him….

“You know it all, you’re my best friend.”

Something inside him, maybe the pain he feels will never go away. The dark thoughts that flood his mind won’t ever stop. He wipes his wet eyes. Weak.

It’s what he is, he’s weak.Words he could never say to her, words he won’t ever bring himself to speak...

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry my sister…”

The pain he masks from the death of the one he loved is terrifying. His own sins flash before his eyes; all the many people he's killed. He deserves it. He deserves every bit of it. In his mind; he is broken. In his mind he is meant to live a life of torment. How many times did he wake up in a cold sweat reaching for the ceiling, feeling her hand in his? He forgets the times, and loses count with the sound of another woman’s voice. He’s afraid, afraid to give his heart to someone else. Afraid, maybe even terrified by the mere thought of falling for someone that will see the flaws he has. The sins he has committed. The blood that stains his mind and heart; hearing the fresh screams, down to the sound of gunshots and the smell of burned metal. It’s something he cannot change.

He's raised on Olympus with his fellow Olympians, raised under the warm welcome of Ares; god of war and Hestia; the virgin goddess of the hearth. Under the Warrior’s wings; he’s taught to hunt, to kill, to be a true warrior to fight on Olympus. His mother; Hestia; though he was not released from inside her.. She teaches him how to be good to women, to treat them with respect. Especially the woman he loves. Which she assures him that he will one day have. He denies her claims and tells her that the only woman he’d ever love is her, and he tries his best to stay true to his word even when he makes it to the human world. But he’s caught up in his feelings for a woman that slipped through his fingers. He realizes how fragile human life is, and regrets killing, regrets living such a life. He cries, and cries when he’s alone. His father figure would see him as weak.

“Tell me, who didn’t have the courage”

He didn’t have it, he didn’t have it in him to go to her funeral. He wanted to remember her how she was; happy, lively and his. He threw up that night, drowned himself in alcohol. Drowned himself in the sadness that he felt he could no longer hold back. He would never love again. This was his punishment from the Furies. They would bring divine judgement on him by taking the woman he loved, and make him pay for his past sins. Maybe years later happened and then… there she was. Once again, a woman to come into his life. To help him feel more human, but he wants to push her away. He’s scared of giving his heart to her, scared of loving the girl with the clothes of red. The one whose name means ‘Queen’ in his twin’s languages. He drowns himself in more alcohol. Drowns himself in more killings to get his mind off the young innocent woman that will only darken her life with him. No matter how much he fights; he’s drawn. Drawn to the woman with now red hair. Maybe giving his heart to her isn’t going to be so bad…

“I hide it, I cover it but I can’t erase it”

He’s scared, scared she’ll see him for who he is. He cries, he cries hoping he won’t lose her. His stomach acid bubbles in his stomach and one more time he’s a mess. He hopes… that she will never see him like this, or even then… leave him for someone better. She deserves better

“Let me receive the punishment

Let me atone my sins.”

He's honestly been down this road many times before, stationed in the exact same place as he wears the exact same leather jacket. But now, the boy is worn out. Dark circles border his eyes, chapped lips pursing as Kyungsoo enters the elevator. The old face makes him want to cry, but he can't. Those wide, owl-like eyes spare him a quick glance before the boy takes his place alongside him and selects a floor. "Hot. The weather, it's hot." Placing a cigarette into his mouth, Jongin quickly looks away and takes a lighter from the confinements of his pocket.